Learn How to Live a Happy Life & Approach Each Day with a Positive Attitude.
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You Matter, even if you don’t think so
From: Joseph Binning Subject: Happiness Is A Choice
Dear Friend,
Happiness is something we all strive for. Nobody wants to be miserable. Yet, we oftentimes get in our own way when it comes to being happy.
Did you know there is a difference between feeling happy and being truly happy? It’s true. There are things that can make you feel happy, temporarily. An alcoholic drink, a shopping trip and so forth. But to be truly happy, you must feel it from within, without those instant gratification items.
If you are not feeling true happiness. If you’re relying on someone else to make you happy, you need to grab my book.
Inside you’ll learn:
How we make our lives hard by not choosing happiness
Techniques for being more positive
How to take responsibility for your own happiness
How to stop relying on others to make you happy
How to love without attachment
….and More!
BUY IT TODAY:
You Matter, even if you don’t think so
Simply follow the link and start the journey today!
If you are tired of being miserable and want more happiness in your life, get started right now. Just follow the link and get started living the life you were meant to live. Your new life starts today!
Reflections of Yesterday Can Create A Better Tomorrow
Reflections of Yesterday Can Create A Better Tomorrow
Everyone has a past, some good, some bad. We call it the past because it is behind us, in the distance. History teaches us that if we cannot reflect on our past, it destines us to repeat it. As we enter this new season of our lives, it is always good to take a moment and reflect on it because Reflections of Yesterday Can Create A Better Tomorrow.
“Time never tires of running,”
-Amad (The great Egyptian poet)
With a new year comes new opportunities. Opportunities to grow. Opportunities to serve others. Opportunities to create a better existence for ourselves, our Loved ones, and the world.
With a new year come new challenges. Challenges to us personally. Challenges to our families. Challenges to our tribe. Challenges to our world as we know it.
But we, as people of humanity, can face these challenges and overcome them. We have the power within us collectively and individually to overcome any obstacle that life puts in front of us, no matter the circumstance.
As long as people of humanity have existed, wrongs have happened. We have carried injustices out. Some in the name of progress, some in the name of greed, and some in seek of power.
In order to overcome our past and prevent from making the same mistakes, we, as people of humanity, must reflect and take an honest look at ourselves individually in order to prevent the past from reoccurring in our future.
Reflecting on the past does not mean standing in it, it means standing on it.
Merriam-Webster defines reflection as:
Reflection noun
: a thought, idea, or opinion formed, or a remark made because of meditation[1]
“Study the past if you would define the future.”
-Confucius
Reflecting on the past does not mean standing in it, it means standing on it. Your past does not make you who you are, it merely makes you where you are. Reflecting on it is how we do not repeat it. We all have made mistakes; we all know that. But if we are to move forward into a bright new era, we must reflect on what did not serve us and change it.
In the definition above, we should take special not to the instructions given:
In order to change the way life has been will require humanity, starting with ourselves, to think different thoughts. Thoughts lead to emotions. Emotions lead to ideas. Ideas lead to action. Action leads to change.
Reflection should start with ourselves first. In this fast-paced society, we now live in a time where spending time alone without distractions is exceedingly difficult for us. We have grown accustomed to the distractions. Some would say addicted to them.
Timothy Wilson, a social psychologist at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville and colleagues, conducted a test and recruited hundreds of undergraduates and community volunteers to take part in “thinking periods.”
The results were shocking. When given the choice of being shocked by pushing a button while being left alone by themselves or not, 67% of males, and 25% of women shocked themselves because they could not entertain themselves with cell phones and outside distractions removed for the environment there were in.[2]
Arabic Proverbs: Mafish Halawa Min Gheir Nar:
Translation: There is no sweetness without fire.
Meaning: Nothing good comes easy.
Self-reflection is difficult, especially with outside distractions. My suggestion is to start slowly. Go for a small walk and do not look at your phone. Extend the time until you get comfortable without it for a short while.
When you are ready, start reflecting. Reflecting on the past should be constructive, with no judgements or guilt attached.
Your past does not make you who you are, only where you are.
-Joseph Binning, author
Reflecting on the past should be constructive, with no judgements or guilt attached.
Start with the old self. Reflect on:
Mistakes and patterns from the past and how they served you or didn’t.
Your attitude towards life and those around you.
Your spirt and how you nurtured it or didn’t.
Your strengths and victories and how they served you or didn’t.
Your weakness and defeats and what can be learned from them.
Your attitude overall and how it served you or didn’t.
Next reflect on your Spirit. Reflect on:
Your belief system. Did it serve you or not?
Your open mindedness or lack of. Did it serve you or not?
Did you feel centered and connected to your source or not?
Did you test all things or take it on faith they were your truth?
Were you kind and did you protect them from yourself or not?
Did you put them first or not?
Did you serve them or not?
Next reflect on your new self. Reflect on:
What can you change to make yourself a better person for you?
How can you show yourself more self-Love in order to Love better?
How can you empower yourself in order to empower others better?
How can you be humbler in order to show others more humility?
Next reflect on the future. Reflect on:
Reflect on learning to leave the past behind you in order to protect today.
Reflect and envision the feats and memories you want to create in your future.
Reflect on how you can help more people outside of your tribe.
Reflect on the legacy you want to leave behind.
“The more man meditates upon good thoughts, the better will be his world and the world at large.”
-Confucius
History will repeat itself unless we acknowledge our past. We need not stand in it, but on it. Stand on your story, not in it. By learning to be still long enough for your inner voice to speak to you, so you might hear what it has to say that will make your tomorrow a brighter day. Therefore Reflections of Yesterday Can Create A Better Tomorrow.
History will repeat itself unless we acknowledge our past.
Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.
-Babe Ruth
I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:
[2] People would rather be electrically shocked than left alone with their thoughts/ Nadia Whitehead/ Jul. 3, 2014, 2:00 PM/accessed 11/AAAS.com/ https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2014/07/people-would-rather-be-electrically-shocked-left-alone-their-thoughts
Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves
Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves
Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves
“He Who Seeks Revenge Digs Two Graves”
— Chinese Proverb
Most people are familiar with the expression Revenge is a meal best served cold, but Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves.
Most of us, when wronged, hurt, or feel betrayed, want to avenge the wrong, to make it right in our eyes. But is revenge worth it? The desire for revenge creates pent up anger which:
Causes you to lose yourself and prevent you from focusing on where you are and where you need to go.
Causes you to live in that moment until released and prevents forward momentum.
Can make you physically and emotionally sick.
Clouds your judgement and can cause you to do something you wouldn’t normally do, say, or act like.
Can make you bitter.
Won’t make you feel better and could make you feel worse.
Merriam-Webster defines revenge as:
revenge verb
1: to avenge (oneself or another) usually by retaliating in kind or degree
“Revenge… is like a rolling stone, which, when a man hath forced up a hill, will return upon him with greater violence, and break those bones whose sinews that gave it motion,”
If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.
I knew a person who disliked the fact that his girlfriend was “a big flirt”. This centered on his insecurity, but he didn’t see it that way.
One night, he and his girlfriend were at a party and she was being her social self. Annoyed with her, the man started flirting with a young woman to “get back at her” and in his mind wanted her to see how it felt.
If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.
The woman followed him into an empty room where she enticed him into having sex with her, which he did using the excuse he was drunk to justify his terrible choice. When they finished the woman walked up to the man’s girlfriend and told her what had just happened.
The girlfriend had enticed another man from that woman in the past and she was exacting her form of payback on the girlfriend and had used the man to get it. The man and his girlfriend are no longer together.
So how do we just forgo the need to exact revenge on another? Know that your thoughts “attract” things, situations, and people into your life daily. They will either move you towards where you need to be, or away from it. The choice is yours.
When you let go the need for revenge in your life, you allow better things to take its place. Not allowing the pent-up anger to fester in the first place can satisfy you and liberate you.
I have a friend who once told me to that it is okay to forgive someone who did not ask for it, for my benefit, but to mark them in the back of your brain. When pressed for a definition of that he said “to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs”.
to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs
I wrote an article about forgiveness that might help which you can read here:
Forgiving people will prevent the need for revenge. It releases you for the chains that hold and bind you, which is not how you were created to be.
Possibly you have been someone who exacted revenge on another for something. Did it help you with whatever triggered the need for revenge?
Did it make things any better for longer than a short while?
Did it make you a better person because of it?
If so, you can start over. That’s the best thing about life, each day is a new day, and we can hit restart and start over. Never be afraid to start over because each time you do you won’t be starting from scratch; you will start from experience. Use that experience and make today better than yesterday.
I wrote an article about starting over that might help, which you can read here:
We live in a world now where when something breaks; we throw it away. It becomes disposable to us, including relationships. Being in a relationship that feels broken can make you feel stuck, but the Love you share with another is worth fixing.
As someone who has had many relationships that did not work, I am an expert on what does not work in a relationship. Here are some helpful suggestions that I hope will help you.
Fix it BEFORE it is Broken
Fix it BEFORE it is Broken
Ultimately, the best time to fix something before it’s broken. There is the story that was shared with me by a mentor, of which I have had many, of two hurt people make eye contact with each other from across the room and have a relationship. What follows is no surprise, more hurt.
The best fix in any relationship starts with yourself. Take whatever amount of time you need to recover from the sadness and hurt for any past relationships which varies from person to person according to Janet Zinn, LCSW, a New York City–based couple’s therapist before you start another relationship..
“It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship, so you’ve grown,” Zinn says. Once you’ve figured out a lesson or two — what you want in your next relationship, what you don’t, etc. — go ahead and get back out there.[1]
The second-best piece of advice is to be more selective in who you choose to be with. Thinking rationally can be exceedingly difficult when the emotional mind is in charge. The emotional mind is that section of the mind that takes over our decision-making capabilities during certain circumstances. This is an example of the two hurt people making eye contact scenario I mentioned earlier.
These scenarios may carry an emotional weight with them that triggers various responses: dread, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. For this reason, it’s difficult to maintain an impartial, reasonable mindset when in this state.[2]
The emotional mind will tell you everything is fine, and you will want to listen to it, while the rational mind will tell you that something is wrong.
The Rational Mind bases its decisions on facts, evidence, and what worked in the past. These activities are more likely to foster a straightforward, logical kind of thinking.[3]
We cannot be certain that we won’t be able to control our emotional mind when the time comes, so the best policy is to know what you want before you need it and to seek that which you desire BEFORE you start.
“If you don’t like something in your life-Fix it”
— Joseph Binning
Here are some things to look for in the person you want to give your heart to.
They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You
They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You
Communication is possibly the most important key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Communicating is more than good morning and how was your day. Communication is “im feeling bad because….” And being able to complete the sentence without someone getting defensive. To foster good communication, you must follow a few simple rules.
Always be truthful. Don’t hide how you feel. Not wanting conflict is a terrible reason to keep things bottled up inside of you. Being honest with yourself and your partner is the best way to be true to your truth, and to them. It’s not fair, or wise, to make someone guess what’s wrong.
Don’t blast them with the truth. Your truth might differ from their truth, so keep that in mind. A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.
“A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.”
— Joseph Binning
Speak honestly, but always with the other person’s best interest in mind. Discussing tough issues can be hard enough. Don’t just tell what’s on your mind so you can make yourself feel better. Relationships die from a thousand cuts, so wield your sword carefully.
Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication here: Communication
There MUST be Balance in any Relationship
When two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment.
Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:
Make an agreement that we will not discuss any decision that only effects the individual, but we must discuss any decision that directly effects the couple first. Don’t blindside your partner on anything.
Discuss the workload BEFORE you start. There is no written rule that only one person must clean or do laundry. Common chores are a joint responsibility. Discuss this in a fair and balanced way. Overloading one person is a sure way of causing resentment.
Discuss your financial responsibilities and commitments weekly. Carve out a day each week to discuss what you owe, who you owe, and how you plan to pay for it. Plan for emergencies and long-term goals. Finance is NOT the responsibility of only one person and doing so leads to resentment and doubt.
Take turns setting up date night. When only one person is responsible to arrange everything, it leaves room for resentment and feelings of nonappreciation. Remember, date night is essential, especially after kids.
Take care of yourself, first. Keeping your own identity is the best way of keeping yourself balanced. Taking care of what you need for you, ensures that resentment for never being able to do what you need to do for you will ever come up. Carve out YOU time and honor it.
Read my article RELATIONSHIPS-Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: RELATIONSHIPS
You MUST Maintain your Connection to Each Other
Relationships have a way of becoming “comfortable”. This is a sign that they are getting stagnant and could implode before your eyes. Maintain you Connection to each other is remembering the Why in why you are together. The reason you are together.
Getting “comfortable” in a relationship can lead to a lack of putting in the effort and phoning it in. This can lead to resentment from your partner, which if left unchecked can lead to the end of the relationship.
Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:
Never assume. People appreciate being asked their opinion. It shows them you value it and them. The easiest way to start a fight is to assume you know how someone feels or thinks about any subject. Checking in shows you care, so check in.
Tell your partner how you feel about them every day. As people, we need to hear that we are loved. Don’t assume that actions dictate to another person you love them. We NEED to hear it. It feeds our souls so say it but mean it.
Always think of the other person and how your actions will affect them BEFORE it happens. The easiest way to end a relationship is to think about you and only you. The “what about me” attitude is selfish. You will get what you give.
Protect them, especially from yourself. We can be our own worst enemies in a relationship, its part of being human. Be Aware of that. If you have the choice of being kind or right, be kind.
13 Experts Reveal The Best Time To Date After A Breakup/ Bibi Deitz/Bustle.com/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.bustle.com/life/178909-when-is-the-best-time-to-date-after-a-breakup-13-experts-weigh-in#:~:text=Many%20times%2C%20people%20are%20ready%20to%20start%20seriously,White%2C%20an%20author%20and%20relationship%20expert%2C%20tells%20Bustle.
[2] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20
[3] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20
Life has a funny way about it. Sometimes were up, sometimes were down. One thing is sure, we all go through stuff, but in the end all that matters is what you do with it that counts.
“A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”
— Hugh Downs American TV Producer
I always say happiness is a choice that leads to an action. External circumstances cannot provide lasting happiness. The shiny new car will bring temporary happiness until your neighbor drives up with a newer one. That new outfit will bring temporary happiness until you see someone else wearing the same outfit. That new toy will bring about temporary happiness until it breaks.
For some, happiness can be very elusive. They just can’t seem to find it, but they keep looking everywhere and everyplace. To no avail. I was like that, always looking for something to make me happy. But it never lasted. Until I figured out the happiness is an internal choice and has nothing to do with external circumstances.
Lasting happiness will never materialize in your life until you stop looking for it. Yes, that is correct, until you stop looking for it. Something will always come up that puts a damper on it. It rains on your wedding day, and you planned it outside. That new car gets a scratch in it, ouch! The new outfit fades, etc. etc., etc.
The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.
One way to maintain happiness is to realize that we will all go through stuff in life, that’s guaranteed. The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.
I play golf every week with a set of friends for years now. It’s our way of keeping in touch with each other and getting outside to exercise. The beauty of playing golf is typically what you talk about is how well you hit your last shot, or how badly you missed it.
This week we have a 30% chance of rain on the day we are scheduled to play. Out came the message from one guy questioning if we should play or not. He sends out a message the there is a 30% chance of rain so should we take a chance and show up or cancel the game?
Back came a reply from one guy, “yes there is a 30% chance of rain but there is also a 70% chance of sunshine”. In the end all that matters is what you do. We’re showing up to play.
Far too many times people over think things. They play the what if game over and over and over until they talk themselves out of what they were thinking about doing? While analyzing your options is a smart thing to do before you do something, over analyzing something has the opposite effect that we desire for the outcome. It stops us from ever starting.
We have a choice in life, let it beat you up and make you bitter, or accept it and not allow it to damper your happiness. The choice is ours, and only we have the power to decide what the outcome will be.
So how do we choose to be happy? Im glad you asked.
• Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.
Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.
We all make mistakes in life, it’s designed that way. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, failed 10,000 times before his idea worked. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times, his response was “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” [1]Had he chosen to believe that his failures made him a failure, we would all be in the dark.
Do not allow past failures (lessons) to stand in the way from you seeking your happiness. Just because it didn’t work the last time does not mean won’t.
Live with no regrets
Failure is never final because we will always fail in one way or another throughout our lives. Never regret decisions and or their outcomes. Failures are ways that did not work on your way to finding what does. When life blesses you with a lesson, never regret it.
Regrets prevent our happiness from manifesting in our daily lives. They do the opposite of being happy; they make you bitter. Trust me, bitter does not look good on you.
Change your perceptions of how you see things
Edison knew that failure was part of the process and understood that. He knew, just like when he learned to walk that he would fall (fail) before he walked. A lot. Just like you did. By changing the way you look at things, you can drastically improve your life.
Stop looking for an external source for your happiness. Happiness is a choice that leads to and action, that leads to a feeling. Be happy.
• Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy
Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy
Far too many times people make mistakes and hang on to them. We keep them in baggage that we carry around with us from circumstance to circumstance, never letting go. We tell ourselves that we keep them around to remind us not to do something again, but it only reminds us of what won’t work.
By carrying these memories around each day, we focus on them because they are in the front of our mind. What you focus on, you get. By addressing the issue and allowing yourself to be human, forgiving yourself for the issue is easier, and liberating.
I remember a friend who counseled me on an issue that I was holding over my head and could not seem to forgive myself over. His advice was “you make a lousy god because only a god has that much power’. Forgiving yourself is the first step to allowing your happiness back into your life.
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.
[1] Goodreads.com/ Thomas A. Edison > Quotes/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3091287.Thomas_A_Edison#:~:text=Thomas%20A.%20Edison%20quotes%20Showing%201-30%20of%2057,it%27s%20dressed%20in%20overalls%20and%20looks%20like%20work%E2%80%9D
You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning
Building a bright future requires us to move on from the past. We must change our way of thinking. We must change our way of looking at things. We must change the way we react to things. Therefore, there is no right way to do the wrong thing.
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves.
— Leo Tolstoy
We think thoughts don’t count; only what we do matters. But the Buddha said in the Dhammapada that our thoughts are the forerunner of our actions (Max Muller translation):
“All that we are results from what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts; it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”[1]
Change starts with a thought, a notion, an inkling, or a feeling we get when we know something just isn’t right. Most of us are aware of it when these thoughts come to us. We were born with a fight-or-flight response embedded into our DNA.
Britannica defines fight-or-flight response as:
Fight-or-flight response, response to an acute threat to survival that is marked by physical changes, including nervous and endocrine changes, that prepare a human or an animal to react or to retreat. The functions of this response were first described in the early 1900s by American neurologist and physiologist Walter Bradford Cannon.[2]
This natural built in response lets us know when we are in danger and when we need to change. But change, lasting, meaningful, genuine change only happens when we stop expecting those around us to change for us, but when we change for us, to benefit them.
The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the axe. The axe was cleaver and convinced the trees he was one of them because it made its handle from wood.
— Turkish Proverb
My statement that there is no right way to do the wrong thing, simply stated, is that when we expect others to change their behavior, lifestyles, ideologies, or way of thinking to satisfy our own sense of self superiority for our own selfish reasons we are not provoking change. We are provoking control over another by demanding them to change to accommodate us. To fit into our picture of what we believe they should look like.
For change to happen in your surroundings you must convince those who you wish to effect that your way is a better way. To do that one must “show” them, not tell them. Show them a better way by example. Do not do what you ask them not to do. Do not say what you ask them not to say. Do not act like you do not want them to act. Do not justify your actions and yet hold them accountable for the same.
“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”
— Teddy Roosevelt
One of my favorite stories is of a mother and her child rushing about getting that last holiday season shopping done. After a long day of crowds, lines, rudeness, and loud noise, they had one last item to get.
After entering the store, the mother said to her child, “did you see the look that woman gave me?” The child, in all its innocence, said to the mother “she didn’t give you that look mommy, you’ve had it when you came in”.
Sometimes in life we think its others that are making our world unlivable, when in fact it is us who are doing so. Leave it to the innocence of a child to remind us of that life lesson.
You are the drivers of your own life. As you journey through it you have a choice of which paths to take, which actions to take, or not take. The people you meet along the way will influence your life and your decisions. Just remember that you remain in control and that there is no right way to do the wrong thing.
