In the End All That Matters Is What You Do

Life has a funny way about it. Sometimes were up, sometimes were down. One thing is sure, we all go through stuff, but in the end all that matters is what you do with it that counts.

 

“A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”

— Hugh Downs American TV Producer

 

I always say happiness is a choice that leads to an action. External circumstances cannot provide lasting happiness. The shiny new car will bring temporary happiness until your neighbor drives up with a newer one. That new outfit will bring temporary happiness until you see someone else wearing the same outfit. That new toy will bring about temporary happiness until it breaks.

For some, happiness can be very elusive. They just can’t seem to find it, but they keep looking everywhere and everyplace. To no avail. I was like that, always looking for something to make me happy. But it never lasted. Until I figured out the happiness is an internal choice and has nothing to do with external circumstances.

Lasting happiness will never materialize in your life until you stop looking for it. Yes, that is correct, until you stop looking for it. Something will always come up that puts a damper on it. It rains on your wedding day, and you planned it outside. That new car gets a scratch in it, ouch! The new outfit fades, etc. etc., etc.

 

The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

One way to maintain happiness is to realize that we will all go through stuff in life, that’s guaranteed. The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

I play golf every week with a set of friends for years now. It’s our way of keeping in touch with each other and getting outside to exercise. The beauty of playing golf is typically what you talk about is how well you hit your last shot, or how badly you missed it.

This week we have a 30% chance of rain on the day we are scheduled to play. Out came the message from one guy questioning if we should play or not. He sends out a message the there is a 30% chance of rain so should we take a chance and show up or cancel the game?

Back came a reply from one guy, “yes there is a 30% chance of rain but there is also a 70% chance of sunshine”. In the end all that matters is what you do. We’re showing up to play.

 

 

Far too many times people over think things. They play the what if game over and over and over until they talk themselves out of what they were thinking about doing? While analyzing your options is a smart thing to do before you do something, over analyzing something has the opposite effect that we desire for the outcome. It stops us from ever starting.

We have a choice in life, let it beat you up and make you bitter, or accept it and not allow it to damper your happiness. The choice is ours, and only we have the power to decide what the outcome will be.

So how do we choose to be happy? Im glad you asked.

• Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.
  • Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.

We all make mistakes in life, it’s designed that way. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, failed 10,000 times before his idea worked. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times, his response was “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” [1]Had he chosen to believe that his failures made him a failure, we would all be in the dark.

Do not allow past failures (lessons) to stand in the way from you seeking your happiness. Just because it didn’t work the last time does not mean won’t.

 

 

 

  • Live with no regrets

Failure is never final because we will always fail in one way or another throughout our lives. Never regret decisions and or their outcomes. Failures are ways that did not work on your way to finding what does. When life blesses you with a lesson, never regret it.

Regrets prevent our happiness from manifesting in our daily lives. They do the opposite of being happy; they make you bitter. Trust me, bitter does not look good on you.

  • Change your perceptions of how you see things

Edison knew that failure was part of the process and understood that. He knew, just like when he learned to walk that he would fall (fail) before he walked. A lot. Just like you did. By changing the way you look at things, you can drastically improve your life.

Stop looking for an external source for your happiness. Happiness is a choice that leads to and action, that leads to a feeling. Be happy.

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• Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy
  • Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy

Far too many times people make mistakes and hang on to them. We keep them in baggage that we carry around with us from circumstance to circumstance, never letting go. We tell ourselves that we keep them around to remind us not to do something again, but it only reminds us of what won’t work.

By carrying these memories around each day, we focus on them because they are in the front of our mind. What you focus on, you get. By addressing the issue and allowing yourself to be human, forgiving yourself for the issue is easier, and liberating.

I remember a friend who counseled me on an issue that I was holding over my head and could not seem to forgive myself over. His advice was “you make a lousy god because only a god has that much power’. Forgiving yourself is the first step to allowing your happiness back into your life.

 

 

You can read my other article about forgiveness here: FORGIVENESS Is Not for the Other Person

It’s what you do with what life throws at you that matters.

Here is another article about Happiness that will help you: How to Find Happiness in Hard Times

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Goodreads.com/ Thomas A. Edison > Quotes/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3091287.Thomas_A_Edison#:~:text=Thomas%20A.%20Edison%20quotes%20Showing%201-30%20of%2057,it%27s%20dressed%20in%20overalls%20and%20looks%20like%20work%E2%80%9D

 

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You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

Develop success from failures.

Discouragement and failure are two of the surest steppingstones to success.

— Dale Carnegie

 

Unless we maintain a forward-directed focus and a strong belief in our “Self”, it will always be easy to allow our failures to block our progress.

 

Failures do not identify who we are.  Failures are lessons that teach us what did not work.  

— Joseph Binning

 

Realizing that there are no mistakes in life without lessons is the first key to seeing that our mistakes, or—as you may refer to it — failure, is an opportunity to learn or experience something new. There are no mistakes without lessons.  Everything happens for a reason, for our learning.

 

You probably don’t remember learning to walk. But can you imagine what your life would be like if, after your first fall, you had said, “Well, that was a major mistake. I failed.  I guess I’m not meant to walk.  I give up.”  You’d be crawling through life.  Not a pretty picture.  Sounds ridiculous; yet, that’s exactly what you do when you call yourself a failure at something and carry that around in that expanding sack on your back. You know the one I mean. It’s the one you pull out so you can see all the examples of past failures when you tell yourself, “I just knew I’d fail. ”

 

All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me…

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

 

— Walt Disney

 

Most of you have either been to, or heard of, Walt Disney and the famous Disneyland theme parks throughout the world. Walt Disney started as a cartoonist with a great vision. A vision so great most people of his time era couldn’t grasp the concept of. He had created a character and called him Mickey Mouse. He found great success with that character, so great most would have stopped with that accomplishment. He saw a vision he called Disneyland.
They rejected Walt Disney over three hundred times, bankers who thought his idea was absurd. The city of Anaheim rejected his original idea for his theme park, fearing it would only attract riffraff.  But Walt was a man with a strong sense of self. He realized that failure was not the end, just an opportunity to learn what didn’t work and try again. So he did, over three hundred times until he perfected the vision enough for a banker to see it.

 

In his article “Thomas Edison and Michael Jordan Were Failures” (Under30CEO.com), Scott Cowley writes:

 

“they considered Michael Jordan one of the greatest basketball players of all time, he ‘single-handedly redefined the NBA superstar’ and yet, to get there, he openly admits to failing more than most. In a famous ad campaign launched by Nike, Michael said that he has, ‘lost almost 300 games’ (that’s more games than many NBA players have court time in)’,  ‘missed over 9000 shots at goal’ (again more shots than an average NBA player even takes), missed 26 times he had the ball passed to him to take the game-winning shot.’

 

Jordan said that the reason he has succeeded boils down to his constant failure and his use of failure as motivation to shoot for success. Jordan viewed failures as stepping-stones towards success.  His shooting average was just below fifty percent.  So, to score, he would have to take two shots, one to fail and the other two score.”

 

We considered Thomas Edison the greatest inventor of his time, a man responsible for over one thousand different patents, some of which were refinements of previous inventions, but many were new ideas. Edison is famous not only for his inventions but also for his attitude toward failure. To him, failure was another stepping-stone on the road to success. Unlike Michael Jordan’s rate of one failure for every one success, Edison’s rate of success was significantly lower. Unlike most of us, Edison continued to try again. The famous story tells that Edison failed to perfect the light bulb, despite having made 9,999 attempts. Rather than accepting failure, he said, “I have not failed. I have just found 9,999 ways that do not work.”  His 10,000th attempt was successful.

  

Can we heed the learning of these two great men and others like them?  Could we use our failed attempts, not to define us or create despair, but as outcomes that showed us what didn’t work, so we could discover a different time or method that does? Can we learn from our mistakes, knowing they are just stepping stones to our successes?

I remember being 18, broke, and alone, with no job, and no place to live, no one to help me. It would have been easy to quit on life, to just give in and give up. But I didn’t. I found thick a field of bamboo that had the perfect clearing in it, just big enough for me to lie down in. Next to the field was a yard full of construction equipment. In it was a cement mixer covered in a tarp. I climbed the fence and stole the tarp and made a tent out of it in the bamboo field. This is where I lived for the next few weeks.

I found a job as a dishwasher in a local department store restaurant. The pay was three dollars per hour. Part of my pay was one meal a day. That was my only meal each day. I would show up early to work so I could wash myself in the sink in the bathroom every day. I kept to myself and didn’t socialize with my coworkers. I told myself, and remind myself to this day, that you have to do what you have to do, to do what you want to do.

Today, I am the founder and CEO of a nationally recognized company. I have traveled the world. Ive been to the top of the Swiss Alps, ate dinner in Paris in the wintertime, walked the streets of Rome, ate in a fishing village in Portugal, and relaxed on the sandy white beaches of the Caribbean, to name a few of the many places I have been. None of this would have been possible if I had listened to my critics, or myself, and decided that I was a failure, even though by many people’s standards, and many people’s eyes, I was.

I had a choice to believe them when they all said I was a failure, or to CHOOSE to not listen to them, and do what I had to do, so I could eventually do what I wanted to do. Making this choice, to not listen to the critics, allowed me to find my way forward to the place I am now. Sharing my story worldwide, to you hoping this will help you find your way forward.

Where in your life can you use your failures to find your way forward?  

I leave you with this quote I am very fond of. I hope it helps.  Now find your way forward.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.

 

― J.K. Rowling

Stop repeating what never worked.

Stand back and ask for a new solution.

— Deepak Chopra

 

CHANGE—why is it so hard?  Why do we dread it?  Why do we put it off until we can’t bear the pain of not changing?  If change were easy, you wouldn’t be reading this book, and I wouldn’t have written it.  If it were easy, we would all be doing it willingly and frequently.  Complacency is a dream killer.  We feel its effects in our lives, which is a good thing. It creates a realization in us that there is a need to change.  Change causes us to develop, expand, become more us, grow into our best selves, and become happier.  Change causes us to become our own thought leaders, the internal force that inspires and drives us.

 

So, how do we know whether we need to change and when?  By asking ourselves what we desire and why we desire it. Finding our why can be as simple or as difficult as we make it. For a minute, or a few, focus deeply on what you don’t like about that thing you don’t want, that thing you want to change.  What is it that makes you sick or disgusted, angry or bored, ashamed or afraid, frustrated or over it?  What makes you lose sleep at night?

 

Here’s where discernment comes in.  If your why is that you want to approval, then you want to change yourself for someone else.  But someone else’s doesn’t matter, remember?  We just learned that in the previous chapters.  If you’re to like yourself more, you must reach a point where you Love yourself, with no conditions needed.  With that said, wanting change for awakening, actualizing your potential, healing, letting go of what doesn’t serve you, or integrating self-discoveries is the best reason and motivator to change. And with these kinds of changes, all our future experiences in life will shift for the better.  Along those lines, if your why is to be healthier or feel more vitality or happiness, there is no better motivation for change.

 

Most take better care of their cars than they do their mind-body-spirit selves.  Although everything in life is temporary, including life itself, you’re here for a stretch, and you want that stretch to feel the best and easiest it can feel.  You’re the only you, the only you that will ever exist.  You’re one of a kind.  Changing for yourself is your right and your responsibility. Make sure that the change you are making is for you and only for you, to be the best YOU for you.   An added benefit of that is that when you change for yourself, your change will automatically, naturally, and positively affect those around you.

 

So, how do we begin the change?  The easiest way to begin, especially the change we’ve been putting off or debating, is the same method we used to determine whether we need to change.  Ask yourself why you want to make the changeAre your why’s  rooted in desires?  What are you desiring that you think this change will satisfy?  Find out all your why’s, and go to the heart of them, the core desire underneath the why, and write them down on a card, note, or whiteboard or bulletin board.  Then, you’re ready to do the next step—make them stick.

 

How do you make changes stick? Here are a few steps and methods to create change that works.

 

Envision yourself and your life without that thing you do not want anymore, or with that thing you want. What would your life look like then?  How would you feel then?  What would you be able to do, be express, have, or experience then?  What else would change from that change being completed? Take notes on your vision. Write the details of what your situation will look like after the change and what it feels like.  This step really helps you see yourself as if the change already happened and supplies the content for the next step in making the change effective.

 

Divide the change or goal into mini changes. When people are serious about wanting to change something, they often set the bar too high: I will lose 100 pounds in six months.  When they don’t reach their lofty goal, the conditioned response of mental shame and self-critical tapes begin again: I’m a loser; She was right; I shouldn’t have tried this; I’m just no good at this.  Don’t set yourself up for disappointment.  Be kind to yourself.  Divide your big goal or change into smaller, reachable pieces and start simple until you find the pace that feels reachable. It doesn’t matter how long it takes.  You’re not in a race.  You’re not competing with anyone.  This is your life.  You design it to feel good and right to you.  When something feels good, we stick with it.  When we find our rhythm, we know it.  You can always adjust your pace as you get more confident in and inspired by your stride and abilities.  You will feel good about yourself, and that is the goal, besides aligning with your desired intention. 

 

An intention is a statement or declaration of what you will do, say, think, believe, be, or experience.  Thousands of years ago, the sages of India came to observe that we shape our ultimate destinies with our deepest intentions and desires.  Everything that happens in the universe begins with a desire, followed by an intention. Whether I’m buying a birthday present, working on a project, or calling a friend, I start with a desire and then set an intention that will satisfy that desire.  When you clarity and set an intention, write it down on the same note or card that you wrote the desire that created the intention, and keep that card or note somewhere that you will see every day.

 

In his article, “5 Steps to Setting Powerful Intentions,” Deepak Chopra, M.D., founder of The Chopra Center for Wellbeing, explained:

 

“Intention is the starting point of every dream. It is the creative power that fulfills all our needs, whether for money, relationships, spiritual awakening, or Love. An intention is a directed impulse of consciousness that contains the seed form of that which you aim to create. Like real seeds, intentions can’t grow if you hold on to them. Only when you release your intentions into the fertile depths of your consciousness can they grow and flourish. My book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, the Law of Intention and Desire, lays out the five steps for harnessing the power of intention to create anything you desire.

 

  1.  Slip into the Gap

 

Most of the time, your mind is caught up in thoughts, emotions, and memories. Beyond this noisy internal dialogue is a state of pure awareness that is the place called the gap. One of the most effective tools we have for entering the gap is meditation. Meditation takes you beyond the ego-mind into the silence and stillness of pure consciousness. This is the ideal state in which to plant your seeds of intention.

 

  1.  Release Your Intentions and Desires

 

Once you’re established in a state of restful awareness, release your intentions and desires. The best time to plant your intentions is during the period after meditation, while your awareness remains centered in the quiet field of all possibilities. After you set an intention, let it go — stop thinking about it. Continue this process for a few minutes after your meditation period each day.

 

  1.  Remain Centered, in a State of Restful Awareness

 

Intention is much more powerful when it comes from a place of contentment than if it arises from a sense of lack or need. Stay centered and refuse the influence of other people’s doubts or criticisms. Your higher self knows that everything is all right and will be all right, even without knowing the timing or the details of what will happen.

 

  1.  Detach from the Outcome

 

Relinquish your rigid attachment to a specific result and live in the wisdom of uncertainty. We base attachment on fear and insecurity, while I base detachment on the unquestioning belief in the power of your true Self. Intend for everything to work out as it should; Then allow opportunities and openings to come your way.

 

  1.  Let the Universe Handle the Details

 

Our focused intentions set the infinite organizing power of the universe in motion. Trust that infinite organizing power to orchestrate the complete fulfillment of your desires. Don’t listen to the voice that says you have to be in charge, that obsessive vigilance is the only way to get anything done. The outcome you try so hard to force may not be as good for you as the one that comes naturally. You have released your intentions into the fertile ground of pure potentiality, and they will bloom when the season is right.”

 

 

The more you see yourself as what you’d like to become,

and act as if what you want is already there,

the more you’ll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate

to transform your dream into your reality.

— Wayne Dyer

 

Writing is one of the most powerful and rapid methods to manifest what we want. Don’t type your desires, why’s, visions, and intentions.  Write them.  There is a different, more integrative energy and sensory process that affects our mind-body-heart connection when we pick up a pen or pencil and write, which does not happen when we type on a computer.  When you write each of these desires with intentions, make a few copies.  Don’t photocopywrite the copies.  The more we write it, the more deeply we plant the energy of our intention and form the new belief that will take us there.

 

Place these writings in clear sight of you in your daily actions.

The more we see something, the more it reminds us, the more it roots in our awareness, and the deeper it goes into our subconscious.  Keep a copy of your intention (s) in your wallet or purse, in a place where it will be visible by you each time you open your wallet or purse. When you feel weak, sad, shamed, fearful, or doubtful, pull it out to remind yourself why you are doing it.  Put another copy in a place you will see first thing in the morning, on the bathroom mirror, and last thing at night, next to your bed.  Put a copy in the kitchen, in the car, on the TV, on your computer frame, as a screensaver, and anywhere you can see it.

 

Read them aloud.

As you see each one throughout the day and night, read it out loud.  The energy of the voice resonates inside the heart.  When the mind hears you speak the intention you desire, the body feels it, and the heart will believe that it is.  Don’t worry about what others might think.  Just do it.  The positive change resulting from your readings will be powerful.

 

Get an accountability partner.

Being accountable is a great support resource for many people who need help to stay on track to accomplish any goal or change. If you’re being accountable only to yourself, and you don’t enjoy staying on track, who will know if you cheat or give up?  Who will encourage you to keep going?  Who will remember your why when you have temporarily forgotten or lost your way?  Choose an accountability partner who will commit to holding you accountable and reminding you of your why’s, your vision, and how deeply you desire the change. Make sure your accountability partner is someone you respect, someone who respects you, and someone who will always be honest with you.

 

Track Your Victories. 

Note and celebrate your victories, both large and small.  Create a journal—a Victory Journal. Write every victory, no matter how small. When you feel as if you’re pushing a heavy boulder up a steep mountain, you will need inspiration. Pull out the journal and read it out loud. When you hear yourself saying it, it registers on a subconscious level, and you will begin believing it. Reward yourself for the large victories. Count the small wins as steps toward the reward for the big one. Buy yourself a new something, treat yourself to a meal out, or celebrate in a way that’s meaningful to you.

 

Just be careful not to reward yourself with old habits or self-defeating, weakening rewards, like chocolate, gambling, a night out drinking, a shopping spree, or a whole day off from work when you have deadlines and commitments. You must face a whole new bushel of shaming self-talk and end up lower down the ladder.

 

Know that you can always push reset. 

What happens if you fall lower on the ladder and don’t stay on track in your efforts to change?  What happens if you give up before you reach your goal?  What happens if you make a mistake or you cheat?  Remember from Chapter 3 that everything happens for a reason.  Failures are lessons that teach us what did not work or something about ourselves or our desire that will help us get clearer and more certain. Failures never identify who we are.

 

Realizing that life offers learning with each slip, miss, or shift gives us an opportunity to experience and awaken to something new. Remember imagining when you first learned to walk and saying, after your first fall, “Well, that was a major mistake. I failed.  I guess I’m not meant to walk.” Failure is not the end.  It’s an opportunity to see what worked and what didn’t, try something new, and strengthen your walking muscles.  It’s a new starting point, a chance to re-calibrate and reset your feet.

 

You are in a constant state of change, even if you can’t feel it.  Your job is to create the changes you want ahead of time, by knowing what you want and why you want it and setting the wheels in motion with your intention.  You create your destiny.  You have the power to do so because; You are Great!

 

You are what your deepest desire is. As your desire is, so is your intention.

As your intention is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed.

As your deed is, so is your destiny.

— The Upanishads, Vedic text