As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

 

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

  • Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

  • Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

  • Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

  • Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

  • Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

  • Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

  • Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

  • Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

  • Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

  • Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

  • Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

 

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

 

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

  1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

 

  1. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

 

  1. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

 

  1. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

 

  1. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

 

  1. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

 

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

You might also like this article.

RELATIONSHIPS✵Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

 

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

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The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself

The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself

 

We were all born to  Love. It’s our destiny to give ourselves to another. To be so connected with each other, that where we begin and the other stops is hard to determine. But The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself.

 

You cannot give that which you do not have to another. So, in order to fully Love another, you must fully Love yourself first.

 

Growing up for me was hard. I didn’t feel Loved. I didn’t feel needed. I didn’t feel wanted. Fact is, I was abandoned at a very vulnerable age. So, as I grew older, I needed to be Loved. I needed someone to Love me. This differs from needing someone because you Love them.

 

When you need to be Loved you will allow yourself to endure things which you shouldn’t. Abusive relationships, conditional or one-way relationships, Loveless relationships, the list goes on and on.

 

You identify yourself with the relationship because you have no self-identity. You just don’t know who you are as a person or as an individual. There is only We because you don’t see any value in Me.

 

So, you base your self-esteem on the We of the relationship. You lean on the other person just a little more than you should, and they eventually see you as weak, which you are.

 

You surrender your power over yourself to them and if they are not the right person for you, which they usually are not, they can use you at their will. Their opinion of you is what you believe to be true since you have such a low opinion of yourself.

 

You give them the power to destroy your entire day by merely saying mean, nasty, or negative things about you to you and you choose to believe it. Even though the words might not be true.

 

I have a saying that I use often. In order to be Loved, you must be Lovable. And in order to be Loveable, you must Love yourself first.

 

Self-Love is more important than just Love, because if you have no reference of what is good for you, how can you provide that which is good for someone else.

 

The Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Love You Give Yourself
Self-Love is more important than just Love

 

So, what is Self-Love?

 

  • Self-Love is being your own best friend and not needing any other.

 

  • Self-Love is taking care of your own needs first, then another’s.

 

  • Self-Love is not settling for less than you deserve, ever.

 

  • Self-Love is setting healthy boundaries for yourself and others.

 

  • Self-Love is allowing yourself to not be perfect, simply perfect for you.

 

  • Self-Love is only allowing healthy relationships to enter and stay in your life.

 

  • Self-Love is never settling for a life of mediocrity, only the excellence you deserve.

 

  • Self-Love is forgiving yourself for your mistakes and knowing the mistakes only make you wiser.

 

  • Self-Love is always being thankful for everything, knowing you deserve the best.

 

 

“The heart that gives thanks is happy, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”

— Douglas Wood

 

The Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Love You Give Yourself
 Know that You Matter

So how do we live a life of Self-Love?

  • Know that You Matter. You have a voice and it deserves to be listened to, both by you and others.
  • Know that sometimes doors close on purpose. Life will sometimes close a door and yet open a window. Look for the window, then see what it’s showing you.
  • Don’t pretend to be okay when you are not. Be honest with yourself and others, always.
  • Live in a state of appreciation for yourself. Realize there is only one of you. You are unique on purpose.
  • Know that life was designed not to be a spectator sport. Life requires participation, so jump in.
  • Realize that nothing grows in your comfort zone, it only stays stagnant. Step outside of it and see what the world has in store for you.
  • Live intentionally. Stop reacting to life and be proactive. With purpose and on purpose.

Living a life of Self-Love will allow you to give yourself permission to receive what you want out of life. Getting what you want may take longer with Self-Love, but it will be worth the wait.

 

Life is a journey and you are the captain, you are in charge. You have the power to take it wherever you want and the ability to make it avoid wherever you don’t want to go. Set your course wisely and always remember The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself.

 

You might also like this: A THANKFUL HEART CREATES A GRATEFUL HEART

And this one: THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE, IS TO LOVE YOURSELF

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

You Matter, even if you don't think so by Joseph Binning
You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning
The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More
The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More

The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More

 

It’s that time of the season again when we all rush about to get that perfect present for the ones we love, the perfect gift, the perfect ingredient for the perfect meal, or the perfect outfit. But the Spirit of Christmas doesn’t come from a store, the Spirit of Christmas means so much more.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

 

It’s easy to get caught up in the logistics of the Christmas season. But we cannot buy the true Spirit of the season, we must give it.

The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More
But we cannot buy the true Spirit of the season, we must give it.

One of my favorite Christmas stories is of a mother and her young daughter who were racing about doing the last-minute shopping before Christmas.

Frazzled, tired, and with a lack of patience from a long day of crowds and parking lots, the mother and daughter embarked on one last store for one last gift.

After entering the store, the mother turned to her young daughter and said, “did you see the look that woman gave me?”. The young daughter replied with all the wisdom of her youth and replied “oh, she didn’t give you that look mommy, you’ve had it all day”.

It’s easy to get caught up in the trappings of the season and remember that the true Spirit of the Christmas season is in the giving of one’s self to another. We cannot purchase this in any store.

“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”
― Calvin Coolidge

Christmas is more than a day to receive, it’s a day to BELIEVE. Believe in peace on Earth, just for one day. Belief in Joy to the World, just for one day. Belief in the birth of a Savior. Belief in a jolly old fat man with a sleigh pulled by reindeer delivering presents to all the good children around the world.

Every child has two eyes and no two see the same view. But the joy seen threw the eyes of a child never disappears in its memories of Christmas. That’s the Spirit of Christmas. Wonder. Excitement. Joy. Sharing. Giving of one’s self to another. Caring. Joy. We can purchase none of which.

That’s why I say The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More.

The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

You might also like this:  IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

“In any relationship, the leader must convince those following him to follow him by being a leader worth following”.

−Joseph Binning

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.blank

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

 

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (I’m not giving up on you so keep going).

JosephBinning.comListen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your partner or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your partner or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Don’t offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared. If you don’t she will go somewhere else and that is the beginning of the end.

Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak last. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t just tell her,  show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, or big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

blank

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

 

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

  1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

 

  1. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

 

  1. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

 

  1. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. I’m not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

 

  1. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

 

  1. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

 

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

JosephBinning.com

 

 

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

JosephBinning.com

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”–Gloria Steinem.

As humans, we all desire and seek Love. We were, in fact, created to find, fall into, and be in Love. Finding it is easier than keeping it. For Love to last and remain passionate, warm, safe, and trustworthy, intimacy is the key. Intimacy brings you close. Intimacy creates trust. Intimacy builds the bond that will keep you together when the storms of life befall you. The key to creating intimacy, in any relationship, is communication.

For men (and I know because I am one of them) the subject of intimacy is confusing. I have heard it said from a trusted friend of mine that in relationships you will either misunderstand or be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is.

When a woman tells a man, she wants an intimate relationship with him she means she wants to feel close to him, trust him, and have the relationship where she could bare her soul and share all of her secrets to and be able to trust that all will be safe.

When a man hears a woman tell him she wants an intimate relationship with him, he sees her naked, in bed.

Intimacy, as a subject, is a difficult thing to understand. Especially for men. Dictionary.com defines intimacy as “a feeling of being intimate”. (A lot of help that does to help me understand it.) “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.” There it is again, sex (at least in a man’s mind).

Last, “sexual intercourse”. And there it is in black and white.[1]

It’s no wonder that men and women struggle with intimacy in relationships. We confuse the sex with closeness, a bond, a spiritual connection. But it’s just sex. Eventually that all slows down or stops. Mix two jobs into the equation, throw in two kids, add some outside pressures from community or possibly family, and suddenly your roommates who only connect when you brush by each other in the hallway going opposite directions.

After the beginning stage of a relationship is over, lovingly nicknamed the Honeymoon Stage, and the relationship feels “familiar or comfortable”, for a woman to stay closer to her partner she needs a deep connection to them. She needs to feel safe. She needs to feel she is seen, heard, appreciated, cherished, and adored. If you give her these things, she will faithfully follow you anywhere and be supportive of you. But she will only do that with intimacy. Once that disappears, so will she.

Intimacy is not sex. Sex results from intimacy. Every woman will desire her partner passionately if you are intimate with her. It’s simple, basic chemistry. Get a woman to desire you and she won’t want to take her hands off you.

We only create intimacy with communication. Words spoken. A conversation between two people.

 

According to speech mastery.com, in an article titled Words Spoken, How Many Do You Use in a Day? They report that men speak on an average 10,000 words per day and women speak on an average 25,000.[2]

For men, and remember I am one, the fundamental problem is that we speak most of our words BEFORE we come home.

In my upcoming book What Every Man Needs to Know About Women, or how to have my wife WANT to have sex with me again, I speak to men on how to create intimacy with your partner. The fact is you chose her. Her, not someone else. Finding her was tough. You had countless other attempts to find “Your Person” but they didn’t cut it. She is “The One”.

To protect this blessed gift you have, and it is a gift, will require you give her what she needs to feed her soul in this relationship, otherwise she will find it somewhere else. This is not to complete her. She doesn’t need you for that since she is complete and capable without you already. Don’t believe me? Don’t give her what she needs and watch her take care of herself without you.

But if you give her what she needs, you have a life of bliss.

 

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How to Create Intimacy with Communication

Here are some suggestions of how to create Intimacy with Communication in your relationship.

  1. Make eye contact

Whenever someone speaks to me and refuses to make eye contact with it me makes me feel they are being untruthful or disrespectful. When you speak with her, look her in the eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul. You will, if you try, be able to “see” her feelings. You will know how she feels and how important to her what she is saying is to her.

  1. Be Present

The easiest way of making someone feel alone in a room, and this goes for both men and women, is to be somewhere else instead of being with them. When you are with her, BE WITH HER. Work will always be there. Who scored the winning goal doesn’t matter. What your friend on the other side of the world you have never met posted to social media doesn’t matter. The moment you are in is all that matters. Time is the only resource we cannot get back. Don’t waste it.

  1. Be A Good Listener

Men are rational creatures, and women are emotional creatures. That’s just how we were created. If a woman trusts that you will listen, she will come to you. Most of the time she doesn’t need your help, she just wants you to listen. Don’t confuse the two. It’s easy to say, “well just do so and so and it solves your problem”. That’s not what she needs unless she asks for a suggestion. Women talk out problems, usually with other women because men do not listen. When she comes to you, she sometimes just needs to vent. Let her. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s just how she feels. Give her that.

4. It’s Not All About You

As men, we get offended when a woman shares her feelings with us. It’s as if she is attacking us, so we go on the defense. That’s the easiest way for her to shut down, withdraw, and learn you cannot be trusted with her feelings. She needs to learn I can trust you to listen. You are not in charge of her feelings; she is.

  1. Protect Her from Her Enemies

Her biggest enemy is your ego. As men we all have one, some bigger than others, and sometimes it gets in the way. When in doubt, put her first. Put her feelings first. Put her welfare first. Put her trust first. She will return the favor if we do it without expectations.

6.No Expectations

Conditional Love is the worst. I have had it, I didn’t like it, and I left it specifically for that reason. When you do something kind, gentle, loving, or as an act of Love, don’t keep a scorecard. And a gift, and we should look at these as gifts, are no longer gifts if you expect to be repaid or rewarded for them. They become bribes. When you give, and I hope you give freely and often, give out of a place of Love for that person “just because”. Not because of….

  1. Choose to be Kind, Instead of Being Right

When you have a choice, and you will choose kindness. Women respond to kindness better than being informed how wrong something is. They remember it both ways.

  1. You Are Responsible to Her, Not for Her

Women cannot embarrass you for their action because it is their actions. They can only embarrass themselves around you when you believe you are her parent instead of her partner. If she makes a mistake, and she will, just as you will, cut her the same slack you cut yourself. We all make mistakes. When you discuss it, speak kindly, so when the shoe is on the other foot she will remember and do in kind.

  1. Make Her Feel Like She Is the Only One in The Room

When you are with her, pay attention to her. Notice her. Tell her she is Beautiful, every time. All the time. Say it looking into her eyes. Gently hold her head and kiss her on the forehead, for no reason at all, and tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life. Not only will this fill her emotional bank account, but you will feel more connected to her.

  1. Appreciate Her for Who She Is

In relationships we give ourselves roles to fill, responsibilities to take, tasks we assign to ourselves. We share the duties of life. Show her you appreciate her by sharing her load. Do something without being asked. Buy or pick flowers for no reason. Write her a note telling her how much you value her and appreciate her. Any act of random kindness creates lasting appreciation and gratitude.

WOMEN LOOKING OUT TO SEA

Last, tell her you Love her by actions and words. I’m not saying buying her Love by showering her with gifts and trips. Gifts and trips have a place in every relationship, but they are not the glue that holds them together. They are the benefits of. It’s the little things that you do every day that will mean more to her that have a lasting value to her, and ultimately you. So, do them well.

[1] Intimacy/Dictionary.com/accessed 08/17/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/intimacy

[2] Speechmastery.com/ Words Spoken How Many Do You Use in a Day? /accessed 08/17/2020/ https://www.speechmastery.com/words-spoken.html

You might also like this: A THANKFUL HEART CREATES A GRATEFUL HEART

And this one: THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE, IS TO LOVE YOURSELF

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Joseph Binning

 “I trust you” is a better compliment than “I love you” because you may not always trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust…

-Joseph Binning

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. Lasting, fulfilling Love. But to give yourself to another, fully and freely give them all of you, the most important ingredient in Love, is Trust.

Trust is one of the most crucial building blocks of becoming emotionally intimate with another person. It is fundamental for a healthy, close relationship. The building of trust takes time, patience, and work to establish it.

Merriam-Webster defines trust, the verb, as;

  1. to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of
  2. to place confidence in: rely on.

Trust means trusting yourself, your own judgments, and trusting others. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Without it, the relationship will not last. Lack of trust is the main reason relationships fall apart.

Why?

Because, if you don’t have trust, it means you won’t feel secure with your partner. Trust means you can rely on your partner, can confide in them, and feel safe with them.

When mistrust comes in, loves goes out.

 -Irish proverb

But we must earn trust. It takes time. It’s not automatic. It is essential to a lasting love. The good news–with effort, we can build trust.  Even if there have been issues with trust in your relationship, you can change and build a trusting, secure connection. The first step is to recognizes if you have trust issues in your relationship and then work to build trust and improve your relationship.

We fill the beginning with long, laughter-filled dates and passionate first kisses. Afterwards might bring moments filled with doubt—maybe even fear—about your budding romance and where it is going might creep in. People bring all kinds of baggage with them when they enter a new relationship, and a lack of trust can weigh the union down before it even gets started.

We’re all carrying our pasts around with us: Whether we’re scarred by an unfaithful partner from a previous relationship or we’re working through a childhood trauma, learning to trust a new partner and/or moving past old trust issues can be tough. And getting your partner to trust you is no simple task.

Why Trust is vital in a relationship

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.

 -Joseph Binning

In a relationship you cannot give all of yourself to someone you cannot trust.

In a lasting relationship you place your heart in someone else’s hands, freely, without hesitation, and you give all of it. It is a scared rite of passage. Without trust, this is not possible.

Trust promotes healing

I have always said that in a relationship you will either someone will misunderstand you or you will be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is. In either case, someone stands the chance of getting hurt. Lack of trust will prevent the other person from seeking relief from the pain, either from causing the pain, or receiving the pain. If you can trust that the other person will listen to you, and receive what you said, trust will flourish.

Trust breeds hope

Hope is a powerful thing. If your partner trusts you, there is always hope that your relationship can survive the storms of life. Trust that you won’t leave. Trust that you will listen, intending to hear what you have to say. Trust that they will stand beside you.

Trust keeps your emotions in check

Healthy trust in a relationship will prevent those thoughts in your head of unfaithfulness if your partner doesn’t answer the phone. Trust will prevent the mind from racing out of control when you are not with your partner. Trust will allow you to be honest and open with your partner when you have an issue to discuss.

Trust sets you free

Trusting your partner and being trusted by your partner gives you the freedom to not need to explain your actions and decisions to your partner. It allows you to have personal space without having to worry and allows you to be fully present wherever you are.

For trust to flourish, you must first be trustable

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

–Ernest Hemingway

 

For trust to flourish, we must consistently earn trust.

Each time you earn your partner’s trust by showing them you are trustworthy, you put reserves in your emotional savings account. We draw from this account when situations arise that might otherwise cause doubt. Earning your partner’s trust will create security in your partner, which brings trust to the relationship.

Live with a high level of integrity.

Integrity creates a high level of trust in your partner because they can come to expect how you will act or react in certain situations. When your partner knows that you will do the right thing even when no one is around creates a powerful level of trust in any relationship, but especially with your partner.

Look them in the eyes

Make eye contact. When you speak to your partner, fix your eyes on them, and them only. Avoid the distractions. Make them feel as if they were/are the only ones in the room, no matter where you are. Direct eye contact tells them they matter to you in that moment. Teaching them how important they are to you will build a powerful bond and create a powerful level of trust.

Always be honest

Be yourself always. Never try to be someone or something else, especially when you are together. If something offends you, say so. If your mad, say so lovingly. If something makes you happy, say so. Don’t hide your feeling for any reason. Allow them to trust that they know the real you.

Always show respect

Respect goes a long way. Showing someone the respect they do or don’t deserve makes you the better person and builds trust that you will always act with honor. Honor the relationship and respect the person.

TRUST IS THE OIL THAT KEEPS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BURNING

I’m not upset that you lied to me; I’m upset from now on, I can’t believe you.

–Friedrich Nietzsche

We can liken trust to oil in a lamp. Without it, the fire in your relationship won’t remain burning. And just as oil helps keep a machine working efficiently, trust helps make sure your relationship keeps on working and moving in the right direction. Trust, like oil, should be clean and free of debris. To replenish trust in your relationship, like oil, you need to keep it free from debris which leads to doubt. You can do it by choosing to trust and be trustworthy daily. As soon as you wake up, make a conscious decision to trust and not doubt. Eventually, trusting will become part of your system and one that you won’t have to force yourself into doing.

Trust is the key component of every relationship and should be an intricate part of your relationship. Value it, enjoy it, but protect it, and your relationship will be as strong as a fortress built on a hill.

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You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here: Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

You Matter, even if you don't think so