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Suicide Prevention Handbook

Published: 23 September 2021
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Blog, Health

Suicide Prevention Handbook

Approximately 800,000 people die by suicide every year, one person dies every 40 seconds. The World Health Organization’s (WHO) first report on suicide prevention, Preventing Suicide: A Global Imperative, states that suicide is a global phenomenon occurring in all regions of the world. Suicide was the second leading cause of death among the 15-29 age group globally in 2016. But, behind these alarming numbers, remember that suicide is preventable! This article will hopefully help you and the family and friends around you recognize the signs of suicide and the methods that can help.

Suicide Prevention Handbook

Image Source: Sandaki.com

 

What you need to know about suicide

  • Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year.

 

  • The number of attempted suicides is many times greater than the number of deaths by suicide each year.

 

  • Every year more men than women die by suicide. In wealthy countries, men die by suicide three times as often as women, and men aged 50 and older are more vulnerable.

 

  • In low- and middle-income countries, suicide rates are higher among young adults and older women than among their counterparts in high-income countries, and women over age 70 are more than twice as likely to die by suicide as women aged 15-29.

 

  • In 2016, low- and middle-income countries accounted for over 79% of global suicides.

 

 

Misunderstandings about suicide

1. If I ask someone around me if they have any suicidal thoughts, will it trigger them to commit suicide?

This is a very important issue and one of the biggest misconceptions the public has about suicide prevention. If you don’t have time to read this article all the way through, just remember one thing: no research proves that discussing suicide will trigger suicide. Asking the person if they have suicidal thoughts and discussing them further is one of the best things you can do to prevent suicide.

 

2. Some people say that suicide is just lip service and that they will not actually commit suicide.

Most people who commit suicide have hinted to a friend or loved one that they are going to kill themselves before they do so. So don’t take any sign of suicide lightly. Whether it sounds like a joke or a casual remark, it’s a sign to ask for help.

 

3. Suicide is a sign of cowardice and selfishness, lack of respect for life, and lack of consideration for family members.

Such an idea is a misconception about suicide at a societal level. Different people have different reasons for committing suicide, but in most cases, they can no longer bear the pain of life and believe that suicide is the only way to stop hurting at the moment.

 

The process of suicide torments even the most desperate and depressed people, whether to choose life or death? Sometimes it’s a matter of thought, and this tangled process provides the window for intervention. Who has not experienced a certain stage of darkness and helplessness in their lives?

 

4. People who want to commit suicide cannot be stopped?

An article, Why must we stop people who want to commit suicide, trended on social media. Written by a netizen who once tried to commit suicide and fortunately was prevented by his brother, who came home early.

 

She is 5’7” tall, has been practicing tennis for ten years, is a national-level athlete, and has a privileged and smooth life. Unfortunately, a car accident killed her boyfriend and left her with a lifelong disability in her left arm (she is left-handed), so she had to practice again to dress and eat. She was so despondent that she thought of suicide.

 

“The moment I drank the pesticide, I regretted it, and luckily, my brother, who had originally planned to take the train, flew home early.”

 

“When you want to kill yourself, no matter what way you use, at the moment you put it into action, you will regret it. It’s at that moment you understand we can solve any problem, but by then it is too late.” She uses her personal experience to tell people they must stop suicide because the moment they commit suicide, they will all regret it.

 

How to identify suicide signals

As we mentioned in this article, in most cases, a person who plans to commit suicide will release suicide signals before committing suicide. Then, how to recognize these suicide signals also becomes the most important step in suicide prevention.

We have summarized the following ten signs of suicide from the American Psychological Association and the Help Guide organization.

 

  1. Verbal or written expressions of intent to commit suicide. For example, I wish I had never been born; I don’t want to live; I want to disappear; I want to jump from some high place, etc.

 

  1. Collect or think about suicide tools, such as guns, pills, knives, etc.

 

  1. A sudden personality change: for example, a calm personality suddenly becomes tyrannical, a lively one suddenly becomes silent, etc.

 

  1. Stay away from family and friends and close themselves off.

 

  1. Start writing their last wishes, give away their precious things, and make other arrangements for their family.

 

  1. Increased self-injurious behavior. Although self-harm is not the same as suicide, increased self-harm behaviors, such as car racing, excessive alcohol consumption, and reckless and impulsive behavior without regard to risk, are sometimes signs of suicide.

 

  1. Suddenly becoming unusually calm. A sudden calm after a long period of depression is sometimes a final decision to commit suicide after already struggling.

 

  1. Changes in diet and sleep.

 

  1. A sense of helplessness and lack of hope for the future are one of the biggest signs of suicide.

 

  1. Increased loneliness on important holidays or anniversaries (death anniversary of a loved one, etc.). For example, in the United States, major holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas increase loneliness, which may trigger suicide.

 

How to communicate with suicidal people?

Ideally, it is most effective and reliable to seek professional help if you are suicidal. Some studies show that 70% of suicides occur at home. What is the first step we can take as friends or family members?

 

A reader who has experienced suicidal tendencies with a close friend or family member may have wondered: What if my judgment is wrong? Maybe I’m overthinking it and he or she may not be trying to kill himself or herself? What if he or she is angry with me if I ask? These are, of course, all very natural tangles and worries.

 

However, the most important rule of suicide intervention is the sooner, the better! You need to keep in mind that your concern and questioning will not lead to suicide, but is a valuable opportunity for you to show your concern and help the person. We suggest you might begin your inquiry by asking the following questions:

 

“I’ve been concerned about you lately. Are you okay?”

 

“You seem to have changed a bit lately, and I wanted to ask you how you are doing?”

 

“You don’t look much like yourself. Can we talk?”

 

Next, you can ask further questions like this:

 

“When did you first notice these changes in yourself?”

 

“Can you let me help you? Tell me, what do you need my help with?”

 

Some language has proven to be comforting to suicidal friends, for example:

 

“I’ll be there when you need me. You’re not alone!”

 

“I may not fully understand what you’re going through. But I care about you, and I want to help you!”

 

We recommend you listen more and remember that even if you have experienced no training in counseling, your concern for a person is the most helpful thing you can do. We do not recommend doing the following things:

 

  • Arguing with a suicidal person.

 

  • Not to act too surprised. Such an attitude may prevent the person from sharing further.

 

  • Not rushing to help with specific problems.

 

We can prevent suicide. Scientific knowledge and the right attitude are important forces in preventing suicide.

 

Author’s Bio: My name is Carl Lee, and I have a Master’s degree in Psychology. I have been working in the mental health field since I graduated. Our company website, www.sandaki.com, is also a platform for people to share their stories about depression and anxiety.

This article was published with the permission and cooperation of JosephBinning.com.

Carl Lee is a guest contributor to JosephBining.com.

Because we strongly believe that all life matters and is important we thought it appropriate to share this important message.

In The End. That’s All There Is

Published: 21 September 2021
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Health

In The End. That’s All There Is

 

The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

 

For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny.

 

I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain’t pretty what happens the next day.

 

I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons.

 

I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt.

 

The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is:

 

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

 

Arthur Ashe[1]

 

The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female.

 

It’s my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost.

 

blank

The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome.

 

Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I.

 

The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose.

 

Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life.

 

 

Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason.

In The End. That’s All There Is The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny. I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain't pretty what happens the next day. I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons. I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt. The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is: Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance. Arthur Ashe The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female. It's my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost. The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome. Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I. The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose. Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life. Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason. It's in our daily decisions we create our lives. It's in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world's greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things. Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you. Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do. The truth is: I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been broke. I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did. But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life. John Maxwell The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It's only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it's what happens during the journey that creates the person. It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become. It's what you learn along the way that counts. Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have. Margaret Mead In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here: IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

It’s in our daily decisions we create our lives. It’s in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts.

 

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw[2]

 

What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world’s greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain.

 

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy[3]

 

I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things.

 

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis[4]

 

Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you.

 

Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do.

In The End. That’s All There Is The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny. I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain't pretty what happens the next day. I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons. I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt. The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is: Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance. Arthur Ashe The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female. It's my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost. The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome. Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I. The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose. Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life. Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason. It's in our daily decisions we create our lives. It's in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world's greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things. Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you. Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do. The truth is: I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been broke. I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did. But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life. John Maxwell The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It's only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it's what happens during the journey that creates the person. It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become. It's what you learn along the way that counts. Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have. Margaret Mead In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here: IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

The truth is:

I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice.

I’ve been homeless.

I’ve been broke.

I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did.

But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no.

 

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life.

John Maxwell[5]

 

The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It’s only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it’s what happens during the journey that creates the person.

 

It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become.

 

It’s what you learn along the way that counts.

 

 

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

Margaret Mead[6]

 

In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

 

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Joseph Binning
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning

[1] Brainy Quote/Arthur Ashe Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/arthur_ashe_119072

[2] Philosiblog/the character of a man/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://philosiblog.com/2013/11/14/progress-is-impossible-without-change-and-those-who-cannot-change-their-minds-cannot-change-anything/

[3] Brainy Quotes/Leo Tolstoy Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/leo_tolstoy_105644

[4] Brainy Quotes/Nikos Kazantzakis Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/nikos_kazantzakis_176142

[5] Optimize.me/Quotes John Maxwell/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.optimize.me/quotes/john-c-maxwell/you-will-never-change-your-life-until-you-change-something-3

[6] Brainy Quotes/Margret Mead Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/margaret_mead_101283

What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship?

Published: 8 July 2021
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Leadership, Personal Growth, Relationships

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.blank

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

 

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

  • Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

  • Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

  • Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

  • Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

  • Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

  • Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

  • Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

  • Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

  • Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

  • Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

  • Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

 

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

 

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

  1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

 

  1. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

 

  1. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

 

  1. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

 

  1. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

 

  1. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

 

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

You might also like this article.

RELATIONSHIPS✵Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

 

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

PERCEPTIONS & CHOICES Why You See and Choose What You Do

Published: 15 February 2021
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Change

 

Why You See and Choose What You Do
Why You See and Choose What You Do

 

 

 

Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.

Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions.

 Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.

Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values.

Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.

— Mahatma Gandhi[1]

 

 

Our feelings, thoughts, and responses to life have a great deal to do with the conditions in which we were raised, the locations in which we grew up, the channels of knowledge we received, and the beliefs of the people who raised us.

 

From before you can even remember, you have been making thousands of decisions and choices, many of which you were not aware of making, but following, or doing out of habit, or by not thinking, or choosing by lack of a specific desire. Every one of your decisions—both those you were aware of making, and those you were not aware of making—come into play every day of your existence. From birth, you they indoctrinate you with decisions and choices based primarily on someone else’s direction, opinion, desire, belief, need, or pressure.

 

 

Most mammals emerge from the womb like glazed earthenware emerging from a kiln—

any attempt at remolding will only a scratch or break them.

Humans emerge from the womb like molten glass from a furnace.

Humans can be molded and shaped with surprising freedom.

 

—Yuval Harari, Author, Sapiens[2]

 

Through education, politics, religion, culture, and other institutions, from childhood, they mold us into Christians or Buddhists, Capitalists or Socialists, Revolutionaries or Peace Seekers—and so on. Without realizing it, we are products of our conditioning.  What we perceive to be normal or true is a product of our history and upbringing, and these perceptions influence our decisions and actions every day.

 

 

Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

— Wayne Dyer[3]

 

I like to rephrase Mr. Dyer’s quote:

 

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.
If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

 

An online survey asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about someone you see for the first time, when seeing them from a distance?”  The overwhelming response was, “appearance.”  When asked what the second thing is, the majority answered, “the way they carried themselves and if they seemed approachable, or not, from a personal safety standpoint.”

 

A man entered a subway with his two children and sat staring ahead in a daze, as if lost in deep thought. His two children were running everywhere, loud, and unruly.  After some time, an annoyed passenger approached the man and said, “Excuse me, could you please tend to your children? They are disturbing the other passengers.”  The man looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, they just lost their mother.  Cancer.  They don’t know how to deal with it.”

 

We see people from the viewpoint of our perceptions of them, which are based on everything they have taught us, without knowing that we are not seeing them in their complete, true beingness.  Most times, that which we perceive is not the reality. Based on experiences, the passenger thought the children were unruly and the man was a bad parent. They base perceived reality on the limited, incomplete, and/or false knowledge, beliefs, and data.  Our perceptions of everyone and everything outside of us are all based on our reality—our learned beliefs, experiences, and expectations from them—though we believe we are being aimed to see factual reality.  Our perceived reality is the frame through which we see and explain the world.

 

We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

― Anaïs Nin[4]

 

One of the biggest thoughts that block our growth, peace, and happiness is the reasoning that, “It’s always been this way, so we need not change it.”

 

We need to change. We need to ask ourselves: “Why?  Why do I see things this way? Why do I react this way? Why do I act this way?” “Why do I say these things?”

 

? Why do I see things this way?
? Why do I see things this way?

Here is a simple exercise to help you:

 

Answer as honestly as you can.

 

Did you choose your profession based on your own perception of it?  Was it because you thought it would provide stability, or esteem, or some quality that you believed would be necessary or valuable?  Or was your decision a result of discussions with one or more parents, counselors, experts, or friends, and their perceptions of it?  Did you decide based on other’s perceptions, wishes, or offers?  Or did you choose it purely from your own thoughts and desires?

 

Did you marry or enter a relationship with someone of the same religious affiliation?  If so, did you choose that person?  Or were you following the family’s tradition, desires, or direction?  Or was your choice not influenced by religion at all?

 

Are you living in a location, dwelling, city, state, or country that you chose?  Or are you living in a location out of financial or other necessity?  Or are you living somewhere out of someone else’s desire, influence or requirement, or to be in proximity to a person, family, or group of people?  Are you living in a location for the pure and simple reason that you liked it and desired to live there?

 

Have you attended a college, university, or educational institution?  Whether yes, or no—is it because you chose to, or chose not to?  Was the choice yours, or was it made under the request or influence of someone else, or to make someone happy?

 

Are you deciding based on someone else’s opinion, request, need, or demand?  Or are you deciding based on your own desires, knowledge, or preferences?

 

 

Three men were building a wall at a beautiful church.  When asked what he was doing, the first replied, “I’m stacking these stones.”  The second man answered, “I’m building a wall.”  The third man declared, “I’m helping to create a magnificent place for people to find comfort and peace.”  Three different men doing the same task have three different perceptions of what they were doing.  Only one knew why.

 

Which one is most like you?  Why?

 

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming? In what way?

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming?
Which one is like the “You” you are becoming?

 

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.

When people see more things as good, other things become bad.

— Tao de Chang

Chapter 2 Verse 12[5]

 

 

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

Joseph Binning
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning

 

 

[1] AZ Quotes.com/Quotes/Authors/M/ Mahatma Gandhi/ https://www.azquotes.com/quote/453692

[2] Dreamflesg.com/reviews/Sapiens A Brief History of Mankind/ https://dreamflesh.com/review/book/sapiens/#:~:text=Most%20mammals%20emerge%20from%20the%20womb%20like%20glazed,much%20or%20more%20by%20culture%20as%20by%20nature.

[3] BraineyQoutes.com/Wayne Dyer Quotes/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/wayne_dyer_384143

[4] www.goodreads/Quotes/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=We+don%27t+see+things+as+they+are%3B+we+see+them+as+we+are.++%E2%80%95+Ana%C3%AFs+Nin&commit=Search

[5] Goodreads.com/Lao Tzu > Quotes > Quotable Quote/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/582339-when-people-see-some-things-as-beautiful-other-things-become

When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill

Published: 8 February 2021
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Change

When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill

When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill
When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill

Change. People fear it. It’s frightening. We can’t control it. We know it’s coming. It always comes. It’s inevitable. When the winds of change come, we have two choices. We can build a wall and hunker down and hope it passes. Or we can build a windmill to bring a newfound energy into our lives.

 

People gravitate to what’s familiar to them. What they know. It doesn’t matter that what they know might or could be bad or wrong or bad for them, it’s what they know. People can carry bad habits and/or mindsets for years and become comfortable with them. They get used to things a certain way in our lives. It’s familiar.

 

Definition of winds of change

: forces that have the power to change things — used generally to mean change is going to happen.

The winds of change have begun to blow.[1]

 

This is the major reason we don’t like change. Familiar has an outcome we know. Change does not. This is the principal reason people fear it.

 

Change means uncertainty, something unknown. Something registers in people’s brains that triggers that uncomfortable feeling of the unknown. They imagine many outcomes, and none of them are good.

 

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw

 

The problem is that the one thing in life that is certain is that it will change. We have no control of it, ever. Never have, and never will have. If you think you do, ask the rain to stop in the middle of the storm. Won’t happen. You’ll just have to wait it out like the rest of us.

 

We can do our best to project a positive outcome in our lives in our minds, but unless your compass has been calibrated and maintained there is a strong chance that when you set sail of that small island in the middle of nowhere you will get lost.

 

You have two choices when the winds of change blow:

  1. Build a wall and wait out the winds of change.
  2. Build a windmill and use the energy of the storm to your benefit.

 

When confronted with change, most people prefer to hunker down and try to wait it out. “We have never done it this way in the past.” “I just don’t like it that way.” “I won’t do it that way, so I quit.”

 

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy

 

I have a friend who faced severe health issues because of certain life choices. After being diagnosed, they were given the information of what needed to change in their lives to correct the problem along with surgery.

 

The person agreed to change habits in order to receive the surgery and did for a while. But it wasn’t long before the old habits crept in and they were right back where they started, only now in debt.

 

Rather than resist the changes needed and dictated by life, build a windmill. The windmill uses the surrounding force to convert otherwise useless energies around it into a positive energy force that can be converted into positive and useful energy.

 

Really, it’s all about our perspective and how we look at things in these situations. How we perceive problems is how we decide on what action to take to fix it. If what we perceive to be true is actually not true, then we are making critical decisions based on inaccurate perceptions.

 

As an example of this, we can be heard saying that the sun is setting over the horizon as if it is moving in a circular path around us. Yet isn’t it actually true that it is standing still while the Earth rotates around the sun?

 

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis

 

Being open to change allows for the positive forces in our lives to manifest and work to our benefit. Remember, the winds of change will blow whether we like it, so why not use them to our advantage rather than hunker down and get our roofs blown off?

 

I will leave you with this thought. Change is an attitude. If you say yes to change, you are opening yourself up to a new beginning with new and exciting outcomes. If you say you can’t change, you are really saying you won’t change. And that’s another article.

When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.
When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.

That why I say When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.

 

 

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

Margaret Mead

 

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

Joseph Binning
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning

[1] “Winds of change.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/winds%20of%20change. Accessed 25 Jan. 2021.

The Greatest Gift You Can Give, Is to Love Yourself

Published: 24 December 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Self Image
The Greatest Gift You Can Get, Is to Love Yourself, First
The Greatest Gift You Can Get, Is to Love Yourself, First

The Greatest Gift You Can Give, Is to Love Yourself

We all chase the likes, shares, right swipes, and positive comments. We treat it like it’s a gift. But the greatest gift we can give is to Love ourselves.

Life conditions us, through bad teachings, that love is external. That our love for ourselves relates to the opinions of those who we revere or love in our daily lives. It might be a supervisor or boss. It might be a coach or a teacher. It could be a neighbor, friend, relative, or loved one.

We hear about social media influencers with lots of followers with no actual friends who commit suicide. We wonder why they did it? We ration that they had problems no one could see. No one looked.

Society today tells us we need to be thin, wealthy, fashionable, dating beautiful people, that we need to be seen in all the right places spending time with all the right people. Yet the best person you can spend time with is yourself, alone.

I see it everywhere today. People rushing here and there, constantly looking down at a phone. I’ve been at dinner parties and have seen others focused on someone in another place and were only interested in what they were doing somewhere else, rather than bond with someone directly in front or next to them.

I have a saying I use often, to be Loved, you must be Lovable. In order to be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

So, what happens when I Love myself first? Here are a few examples:

  • I don’t get offended easily
  • I Love for the right reasons
  • I can refuse to be with anyone who doesn’t respect me
  • I attract those who Love themselves into my life
  • Other’s opinion of me cannot devastate me

Loving yourself requires you to nurture yourself. Be the adult to your inner child. Teach it how valuable it is. Most of all, you need to teach it YOUR values, not someone else’s. Only you can determine your value.

The Greatest Gift You Can Get, Is to Love Yourself, First
Only you can determine your value.

Many people today do not know how to learn to Love themselves, how to appreciate their own beauty, their glory.

Here are a few suggestions:

  • Learn to be still. We have two selves, an outer self that feeds on external stimulus and an inner self. We connect our inner self to our source and it will tell us what we need to hear. But you have to be still to hear it.
  • Talk less and listen more. Stop telling yourself what you need or don’t need. Be still and listen to your inner self. Connect with your source, whatever that might be.
  • Stop chasing people. When you chase after anything, it will repel away from you. It’s the natural order. When you stop chasing things, you allow what you need to be attracted to you.
  • Remind yourself you are not a god. You will make mistakes, it’s natural. This is how we learn. You were never expected to be perfect, so when you make a mistake, remember it, and learn from it.
  • Know You Are Enough. You are complete as you are. You do not need the perfect friend, outfit, car, or lover to be complete. These things are only an addition to what already complete. If you lose one, you won’t be devastated.

Sometimes I get down, we all do. Sometimes it seems like the sun won’t ever shine in my world. I know it won’t last because everything in life, including dark times, is temporary, but sometimes in the moment it seems like it will never end.

That’s when I remind myself of how valuable I am. I remind myself that I am so valuable that even if I were the only person on the planet, my source would have created all of this just for me. Everything I could see, touch, smell, or hear.

We need to remember that we need to be our own best friends first.

That’s why I say, The Greatest Gift You Can Give, Is to Love Yourself

 

You might also like this: AVOIDING THE SIGNS WARNING OF THE HOLE WE CALL THE PITFALLS OF LIFE

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The Greatest Gift You Can Get, Is to Love Yourself, First
The Greatest Gift You Can Get, Is to Love Yourself, First