Learn How to Live a Happy Life & Approach Each Day with a Positive Attitude.

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You Matter, even if you don’t think so

From: Joseph Binning
Subject: Happiness Is A Choice

Dear Friend,

Happiness is something we all strive for. Nobody wants to be miserable. Yet, we oftentimes get in our own way when it comes to being happy.

Did you know there is a difference between feeling happy and being truly happy? It’s true. There are things that can make you feel happy, temporarily. An alcoholic drink, a shopping trip and so forth. But to be truly happy, you must feel it from within, without those instant gratification items.

If you are not feeling true happiness. If you’re relying on someone else to make you happy, you need to grab my book.

Inside you’ll learn:

•  How we make our lives hard by not choosing happiness

•  Techniques for being more positive

•  How to take responsibility for your own happiness

•  How to stop relying on others to make you happy

•  How to love without attachment

• ….and More!

BUY IT TODAY:

You Matter, even if you don’t think so

Simply follow the link and start the journey today!

Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

If you are tired of being miserable and want more happiness in your life, get started right now. Just follow the link and get started living the life you were meant to live. Your new life starts today!

Here’s to Your Success,
Joseph Binning

Happiness Is A Choice

Copyright © JosephBinning.com. All Rights Reserved.

The post You Matter appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

 

Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.

Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions.

 Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.

Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values.

Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.

— Mahatma Gandhi[1]

Our feelings, thoughts, and responses to life have a great deal to do with the conditions in which we were raised, the locations in which we grew up, the channels of knowledge we received, and the beliefs of the people who raised us.

From before you can even remember, you have been making thousands of decisions and choices, many of which you were not aware of making, but following, or doing out of habit, or by not thinking, or choosing by lack of a specific desire. Every one of your decisions—both those you were aware of making, and those you were not aware of making—come into play every day of your existence. From birth, you they indoctrinate you with decisions and choices based primarily on someone else’s direction, opinion, desire, belief, need, or pressure.

Most mammals emerge from the womb like glazed earthenware emerging from a kiln—

any attempt at remolding will only a scratch or break them.

Humans emerge from the womb like molten glass from a furnace.

Humans can be molded and shaped with surprising freedom.

 

—Yuval Harari, Author, Sapiens[2]

Through education, politics, religion, culture, and other institutions, from childhood, they mold us into Christians or Buddhists, Capitalists or Socialists, Revolutionaries or Peace Seekers—and so on. Without realizing it, we are products of our conditioning.  What we perceive to be normal or true is a product of our history and upbringing, and these perceptions influence our decisions and actions every day.

Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

— Wayne Dyer[3]

I like to rephrase Mr. Dyer’s quote:

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

An online survey asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about someone you see for the first time, when seeing them from a distance?”  The overwhelming response was, “appearance.”  When asked what the second thing is, the majority answered, “the way they carried themselves and if they seemed approachable, or not, from a personal safety standpoint.”

A man entered a subway with his two children and sat staring ahead in a daze, as if lost in deep thought. His two children were running everywhere, loud, and unruly.  After some time, an annoyed passenger approached the man and said, “Excuse me, could you please tend to your children? They are disturbing the other passengers.”  The man looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, they just lost their mother.  Cancer.  They don’t know how to deal with it.”

We see people from the viewpoint of our perceptions of them, which are based on everything they have taught us, without knowing that we are not seeing them in their complete, true beingness.  Most times, that which we perceive is not the reality. Based on experiences, the passenger thought the children were unruly and the man was a bad parent. They base perceived reality on the limited, incomplete, and/or false knowledge, beliefs, and data.  Our perceptions of everyone and everything outside of us are all based on our reality—our learned beliefs, experiences, and expectations from them—though we believe we are being aimed to see factual reality.  Our perceived reality is the frame through which we see and explain the world.

We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

― Anaïs Nin[4]

One of the biggest thoughts that block our growth, peace, and happiness is the reasoning that, “It’s always been this way, so we need not change it.”

We need to change. We need to ask ourselves: “Why?  Why do I see things this way? Why do I react this way? Why do I act this way?” “Why do I say these things?”

Here is a simple exercise to help you:

Answer as honestly as you can.

Did you choose your profession based on your own perception of it?  Was it because you thought it would provide stability, or esteem, or some quality that you believed would be necessary or valuable?  Or was your decision a result of discussions with one or more parents, counselors, experts, or friends, and their perceptions of it?  Did you decide based on other’s perceptions, wishes, or offers?  Or did you choose it purely from your own thoughts and desires?

Did you marry or enter a relationship with someone of the same religious affiliation?  If so, did you choose that person?  Or were you following the family’s tradition, desires, or direction?  Or was your choice not influenced by religion at all?

Are you living in a location, dwelling, city, state, or country that you chose?  Or are you living in a location out of financial or other necessity?  Or are you living somewhere out of someone else’s desire, influence or requirement, or to be in proximity to a person, family, or group of people?  Are you living in a location for the pure and simple reason that you liked it and desired to live there?

Have you attended a college, university, or educational institution?  Whether yes, or no—is it because you chose to, or chose not to?  Was the choice yours, or was it made under the request or influence of someone else, or to make someone happy?

Are you deciding based on someone else’s opinion, request, need, or demand?  Or are you deciding based on your own desires, knowledge, or preferences?

Three men were building a wall at a beautiful church.  When asked what he was doing, the first replied, “I’m stacking these stones.”  The second man answered, “I’m building a wall.”  The third man declared, “I’m helping to create a magnificent place for people to find comfort and peace.”  Three different men doing the same task have three different perceptions of what they were doing.  Only one knew why.

Which one is most like you?  Why?

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming? In what way?

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.

When people see more things as good, other things become bad.

— Tao de Chang

Chapter 2 Verse 12[5]

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] AZ Quotes.com/Quotes/Authors/M/ Mahatma Gandhi/ https://www.azquotes.com/quote/453692

[2] Dreamflesg.com/reviews/Sapiens A Brief History of Mankind/ https://dreamflesh.com/review/book/sapiens/#:~:text=Most%20mammals%20emerge%20from%20the%20womb%20like%20glazed,much%20or%20more%20by%20culture%20as%20by%20nature.

[3] BraineyQoutes.com/Wayne Dyer Quotes/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/wayne_dyer_384143

[4] www.goodreads/Quotes/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=We+don%27t+see+things+as+they+are%3B+we+see+them+as+we+are.++%E2%80%95+Ana%C3%AFs+Nin&commit=Search

[5] Goodreads.com/Lao Tzu > Quotes > Quotable Quote/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/582339-when-people-see-some-things-as-beautiful-other-things-become

The post PERCEPTIONS & CHOICES Why You See and Choose What You Do appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Change. People fear it. It’s frightening. We can’t control it. We know it’s coming. It always comes. It’s inevitable. When the winds of change come, we have two choices. We can build a wall and hunker down and hope it passes. Or we can build a windmill to bring a newfound energy into our lives.

People gravitate to what’s familiar to them. What they know. It doesn’t matter that what they know might or could be bad or wrong or bad for them, it’s what they know. People can carry bad habits and/or mindsets for years and become comfortable with them. They get used to things a certain way in our lives. It’s familiar.

Definition of winds of change

: forces that have the power to change things — used generally to mean change is going to happen.

The winds of change have begun to blow.[1]

This is the major reason we don’t like change. Familiar has an outcome we know. Change does not. This is the principal reason people fear it.

Change means uncertainty, something unknown. Something registers in people’s brains that triggers that uncomfortable feeling of the unknown. They imagine many outcomes, and none of them are good.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw

The problem is that the one thing in life that is certain is that it will change. We have no control of it, ever. Never have, and never will have. If you think you do, ask the rain to stop in the middle of the storm. Won’t happen. You’ll just have to wait it out like the rest of us.

We can do our best to project a positive outcome in our lives in our minds, but unless your compass has been calibrated and maintained there is a strong chance that when you set sail of that small island in the middle of nowhere you will get lost.

You have two choices when the winds of change blow:

1. Build a wall and wait out the winds of change.
2. Build a windmill and use the energy of the storm to your benefit.

When confronted with change, most people prefer to hunker down and try to wait it out. “We have never done it this way in the past.” “I just don’t like it that way.” “I won’t do it that way, so I quit.”

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy

I have a friend who faced severe health issues because of certain life choices. After being diagnosed, they were given the information of what needed to change in their lives to correct the problem along with surgery.

The person agreed to change habits in order to receive the surgery and did for a while. But it wasn’t long before the old habits crept in and they were right back where they started, only now in debt.

Rather than resist the changes needed and dictated by life, build a windmill. The windmill uses the surrounding force to convert otherwise useless energies around it into a positive energy force that can be converted into positive and useful energy.

Really, it’s all about our perspective and how we look at things in these situations. How we perceive problems is how we decide on what action to take to fix it. If what we perceive to be true is actually not true, then we are making critical decisions based on inaccurate perceptions.

As an example of this, we can be heard saying that the sun is setting over the horizon as if it is moving in a circular path around us. Yet isn’t it actually true that it is standing still while the Earth rotates around the sun?

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis

Being open to change allows for the positive forces in our lives to manifest and work to our benefit. Remember, the winds of change will blow whether we like it, so why not use them to our advantage rather than hunker down and get our roofs blown off?

I will leave you with this thought. Change is an attitude. If you say yes to change, you are opening yourself up to a new beginning with new and exciting outcomes. If you say you can’t change, you are really saying you won’t change. And that’s another article.

That why I say When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

Margaret Mead

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] “Winds of change.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/winds%20of%20change. Accessed 25 Jan. 2021.

The post When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Sometimes we forget to recognize the richness in our lives. We forget that a thankful heart creates a grateful heart. This is mainly from the messages we encounter every day, telling us to focus on what we don’t have instead of the abundance we do have.

This creates a conflict in our innate nature, our inner self, our sense of gratitude. Rather than focusing on what we do not have, what we have not achieved, where we did not go, or who we do not have in our lives, we should focus on the many blessing we have that we take for granted.

“Be thinkful in order to be thankful,”

— John Maxwell author

If we take a moment and take an inventory of our blessings, I call it thinking on them, we will gain a new appreciation for how well we live, no matter our circumstances.

If for example you walk in another man’s shoes, figuratively, you will gain a newfound appreciation and a true understanding of how blessed you are.

You will see:

• How easily you can feed your body.
• How easily you can feed your mind.
• How easily you can move from place to place.
• How easily you can attend to daily tasks.

For most of us we are used to walking up to a light switch, turning it on, and having light. Yet 940 million (13% of the world) do not have access to electricity. [1]

For most of us, we are used to turning on the stove and cooking dinner. Yet 3 billion (40% of the world) do not have access to clean fuels for cooking.[2]

Focusing on what we do have, and being grateful for it, brings about a spirit of thankfulness. Gratitude is the least expressed but most important virtue in any person’s life. It’s when we realize it we grow toward thankfulness.

“The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”

— Douglas Wood

There is a term called compassionate gratitude that we all should be aware of. It’s a combination of compassion and gratitude.

Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, they define it as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.[3]

Gratitude expresses appreciation for what one has. It is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth. Spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth.[4]

When we combine the two terms and understand the meaning of the combined definitions, we can come to realize our true abundance and can awaken feelings of guilt in your heart. Guilt coming from not fully appreciating how well you live verses the mixed messages you receive in your daily life.

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”

— Brené Brown

When we establish the mindset of “there will always be a place for you at our table for you and your loved ones”, we begin to fully appreciate the rich and plentiful bounty we can all have and can all share with others in our individual lives.

In this time of thanks lets all remember that A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart.

I’ve written another article you might like that addresses this topic. You can access it here:

JOY✵HOW TO FIND, AND KEEP IT.

And don’t forget life is a miracle. You just need to know where to look in order to see them. You can read about it here: MIRACLES ✵ HOW TO SEE THEM EVERY DAY

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Access to Energy/Our World Data.org/by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser/accessed 11/26/2020/https://ourworldindata.org/energy-access#:~:text=940%20million%20%2813%25%20of%20the%20world%29%20do%20not,a%20high%20health%20cost%20for%20indoor%20air%20pollution.

[2] Access to Energy/Our World Data.org/by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser/accessed 11/26/2020/https://ourworldindata.org/energy-access#:~:text=940%20million%20%2813%25%20of%20the%20world%29%20do%20not,a%20high%20health%20cost%20for%20indoor%20air%20pollution.

[3] Compassion defined/what is compassion/ Greater Good Magazine/accessed 11/26/2020/ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition

[4] Gratitude/PsycologyToday.com/accessed 11/26/2020/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gratitude

The post A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Fear is an emotional response we are all born with designed to protect ourselves from danger, be it real or imagined. Fear, if allowed, can take over a person’s life preventing them from becoming the person they were born to be and preventing your Dreams from coming true.

Here is what the Buddha taught me about Fear, and how I overcome it.

Dictionary.com defines fear as:

fear

noun

A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.[1]

What we need to focus on in this definition is the words whether the threat is real or imagined. Fear comes from the unknowing of the future outcome, thus the imagined part of the definition.

Most of us will live out our lives, never being able to see the future, so we need to take risks. Some might even call it a gamble. Many of us will refuse to take the risk out of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of looking dumb. Fear of rejection. The list goes on and on. For some of us, myself included, fear no longer stops us from taking a chance on ourselves.

Getting what you want in life will require at some point taking a risk. If you want to be with that girl, ask her out. If you want a raise, ask your boss. If you want more than what a job can provide you, take a chance on yourself, like I did, and go against the grain and start a business.

It’s hard to be fearless when everyone around you is fearful. They will dampen your dreams to “protect you”, but the truth is they don’t want to see you succeed where they failed.

Here are 5 pitfalls that caused my fear:

1. Putting things above people

“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”

Buddha

One of our greatest fears is the fear of losing things. We do not own these things. They are temporary. Everything in life is temporary. When we realize we cannot lose that which we do not own, the fear of losing it disappears..

2. Waiting

“One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, and one life can change the world.”

Buddha

Many of us wait for “the right moment” to do something or say something. Life does not wait for us. It has its own time frame, and it is not dependent on you. We wait out of fear if we are honest with ourselves. We convince ourselves that it just wasn’t the right time for me, but that’s a lie. We were just afraid.

3. Settling

“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.”

Buddha

Far too often we settle in life. We settle not for what we deserve or our destiny, but for what life gives us. Life rewards the brave, and the brave do not settle. Life rewards us when we act, especially when we are afraid.

4. Avoiding pain

“Greater in battle than the man who would conquer a thousand-thousand men, is he who would conquer just one–himself. Better to conquer yourself than others.”

Buddha

Far too many times in life we try to avoid the pain we foresee as the outcome, so we don’t even try. Your greatest enemy is yourself. Pain teaches us. It teaches us what works, and what does not. We avoid the pain because we are afraid. Afraid of an outcome we do not know, so we never try.

5. Negative self-talk

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”

Buddha

Far too many times we listen to that voice in the back of our heads that warn us of potential doom when it’s really us just being afraid. We never “always” do anything. We do not “always” screw things up in any situation, except in our minds. This is just fear taking over us.

In the time I have been on this Earth, I have experienced everything listed above and have overcome them all.

Even though I was afraid of not having security, but I started a business. That was 12 years ago.

I feared heights, so I jumped out of a plane.

I had a message to get out but thought no one would listen, so I wrote a book and started a website.

You can train yourself to overcome your fears if you are willing.

Here are some suggestions that helped me to overcome my fears and how I stopped telling life “no”.

1. You are not your past

“To insist on a spiritual practice that served you in the past is to carry the raft on your back after you have crossed the river.”

Buddha

Just because you have made a mistake in the past does not mean you will automatically do it again, accept this. Far too many times we think we are our past, but we are not. Your past does not make you “who” you are, it only makes you “where” you are. Put down the raft.

2. Every mistake is a lesson, not a failure

“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing. The goal is to find it.”

Buddha

Thomas Edison invented the light bulb we all now know and use. When asked in an interview how it felt to fail 10,000 times. He replied, “I did not fail 10,000 time. I found 10,000 ways it would not work”. Learn from your mistakes and do your best to not repeat them.

3. Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy it.

“In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.”

Buddha

Far too many times in life we get so caught up in in the logistics, the accomplishing, the gaining, and the holding on to things and we forget to enjoy it. Life isn’t about stuff, it’s about moments. Take a minute, stop, and enjoy them.

4. Change your thoughts and change your trajectory

“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.”

Buddha

If you say you can, or can’t, you are correct. Embrace the mantra of “Why Not!”. Can’t really means won’t because there is nothing you can’t do if you believe you can. Start imagining your victory, however large or small BEFORE you start, then finish the job.

5. Use your imagination

“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”

Buddha

Far too many times in life we get lost in the problems and cannot see the solution because we are too close to the situation. Get creative to overcome your fears. You are more resourceful than you give yourself credit for.

6. Stop giving yourself a pass

“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.”

Buddha

We need to be tougher on ourselves when we falter. We all have moments when we aren’t 100% so we slack off. This leads to feelings of failure, doubt, and allows our fears to fester. In these moments, be the adult in the situation and tell the child in you to move forward.

7. Eliminate all distractions

“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

Buddha

Your journey, wherever it may take you, begins with the first step. Distractions prevent that. Eliminate any distraction, aka excuse that prevents you from accomplishing what you set out to do. Distractions can also be self sabotage. Fear of achieving can be just as strong as fear of failure.

8. Be your own savior

“Be a lamp unto yourself. Work out your liberation with diligence.”

Buddha

Don’t rely on others to get started on your journey. They might be just as afraid as you and might not start. Make your journey about you, and only you, regardless of the company.

9. Set your course

“Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”

Buddha

You know where you want to end up because you’ve seen it in your mind. Failure to plan is planning to fail. Set a course to where you desire to end up and follow it. If you want to take the island, burn the boats. Make there no way to turnback.

10. Don’t quit

“If you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep on walking.”

Buddha

Fear will keep you from starting. It will also make you quit. Far too many times people quit right before the miracle happens. Find your why, write on your brain, and remember it. Then race for the finish. You’ll be glad you did.

The Buddha taught me about relationships as well. You can read that article here:

FIVE THINGS THE BUDDHA TAUGHT ME ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Fear Definition/Dictionary.com/accessed 11/16/2020/https://www.dictionary.com/browse/fear

The post What the Buddha Taught Me About Fear, And How I Overcome It appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

All That Matters Is What We Do in The End

Selfishness, we all suffer from it, have suffered from it, or will suffer from it. We were born that way. In our early years we learn “Mine”. As adults, it’s easy to continue with that thought. But All That Matters Is What We Do in The End.

Most of us are hard-wired to be selfish in some sort. In many situations selfishness is common. We want to take care of our children first, for example. Assuring that our children are safe and well provided for is a high level of concern.

Assuring that our family members are safe and well provided for is similar. Many people sacrifice for their children and family with no complaints. Some do not.

“Thus, most of us are hard-wired to conform to a core morality that includes protecting our children, dealing more or less fairly with other people, and placing limits on our selfishness,”.

— Christopher R. Beha

Merriam-Webster defines selfishness as:

selfishness noun

1: the quality or state of being selfish: a concern for one’s own welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others: excessive interest in oneself[1]

Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others.

The Bible says “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others,” (Philippians 2:3-4, NASB).

Buddha taught that “you” are not an integral, autonomous entity. The individual self, or what we might call the ego, is more correctly thought of as a by-product.

Confucius teaches, “What you do not want done to you, do not do to others,”.

The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 33 To know others is to be clever, to know yourself is to be enlightened.

Most of us know deep down inside when we are being self-serving and selfish. Sometimes it’s an honest mistake, sometimes it isn’t. The trick is to know when we are, and what to do about it.

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

— Buddha

When I think of selfishness, I see a hand with its fist clenched tight, facing upwards. We try to hold on to all that we feel and believe is ours with all our might, fist clenched tightly. What we cannot see is that while clenching tightly to what we believe is ours, what we believe we are entitled to, cannot be added to.

When I think of selflessness, I see a hand opened wide, facing upwards. The symbolism of this exercise is to remind you that all we have, all we are, all we can be is not ours to keep, it is ours to share. By living life with palms extended up, more can be added.

“You only lose what you cling to.”

— Buddha

By realizing that we deserve nothing, we gain freedom. Freedom from the fear of loss. Freedom from the fear of lack. Freedom from the fear of not being good enough.

The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 46, “Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.”

 “If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your way,”

 Nichiren Daishonin

(Gosho Zenshu, p. 1898)

Gratitude and gratefulness are the answer to selfishness.

There is a story of a woman returning home from a long trip, and they delay her flight. Frustrated and tired, she visits the gift shop. While there, she buys a magazine and a bag of cookies. She proceeds to the waiting area, finds a section of the wall she can sit against because all the seats are full, and reads her magazine.

Soon a man sits next to her. They do not exchange pleasantries but ignore each other. Soon the woman notices the man reach down and he takes a cookie from the bag on the ground between them.

She was shocked. She thought to herself, “did he really just do what I think he did?” Soon, he grabbed another one, and then another until there was only one left. With a smile, he offers her the last cookie. Upset, she grabs the last cookie and eats it.

Her plane arrives, and they finally allow her to board. Angrily, she storms off, cursing him in her mind and thinking of him as the rudest person she could have ever encountered.

As she sits down in her seat on the airplane, she reaches into her purse, only to find her bag of cookies, unopened, in her purse where she put them after buying them.

Sometimes selfishness can overtake us, especially when we are tired, in an airport, and just wanting to be home. When you find yourself sitting next to someone in the same situation as you, share your cookies. You never know when they might not be yours.

Here is another article you might like. You can read it here:

THE EMPEROR AND THE BUILDER: HOW TO BUILD A SIGNIFICANT LIFE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report  

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Selfishness noun/Merrian-Weber.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfishness

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“He Who Seeks Revenge Digs Two Graves”

— Chinese Proverb

Most people are familiar with the expression Revenge is a meal best served cold, but Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves.

Most of us, when wronged, hurt, or feel betrayed, want to avenge the wrong, to make it right in our eyes. But is revenge worth it? The desire for revenge creates pent up anger which:

• Causes you to lose yourself and prevent you from focusing on where you are and where you need to go.
• Causes you to live in that moment until released and prevents forward momentum.
• Can make you physically and emotionally sick.
• Clouds your judgement and can cause you to do something you wouldn’t normally do, say, or act like.
• Can make you bitter.
• Won’t make you feel better and could make you feel worse.

Merriam-Webster defines revenge as:

revenge verb

1: to avenge (oneself or another) usually by retaliating in kind or degree

2: to inflict injury in return for[1]

“Revenge… is like a rolling stone, which, when a man hath forced up a hill, will return upon him with greater violence, and break those bones whose sinews that gave it motion,”

— Jeremy Taylor, author[3]

If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.

I knew a person who disliked the fact that his girlfriend was “a big flirt”. This centered on his insecurity, but he didn’t see it that way.

One night, he and his girlfriend were at a party and she was being her social self. Annoyed with her, the man started flirting with a young woman to “get back at her” and in his mind wanted her to see how it felt.

The woman followed him into an empty room where she enticed him into having sex with her, which he did using the excuse he was drunk to justify his terrible choice. When they finished the woman walked up to the man’s girlfriend and told her what had just happened.

The girlfriend had enticed another man from that woman in the past and she was exacting her form of payback on the girlfriend and had used the man to get it. The man and his girlfriend are no longer together.

So how do we just forgo the need to exact revenge on another? Know that your thoughts “attract” things, situations, and people into your life daily. They will either move you towards where you need to be, or away from it. The choice is yours.

When you let go the need for revenge in your life, you allow better things to take its place. Not allowing the pent-up anger to fester in the first place can satisfy you and liberate you.

I have a friend who once told me to that it is okay to forgive someone who did not ask for it, for my benefit, but to mark them in the back of your brain. When pressed for a definition of that he said “to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs”.

I wrote an article about forgiveness that might help which you can read here:

Forgiveness Not for the Other Person

Forgiving people will prevent the need for revenge. It releases you for the chains that hold and bind you, which is not how you were created to be.

Possibly you have been someone who exacted revenge on another for something. Did it help you with whatever triggered the need for revenge?

Did it make things any better for longer than a short while?

Did it make you a better person because of it?

If so, you can start over. That’s the best thing about life, each day is a new day, and we can hit restart and start over. Never be afraid to start over because each time you do you won’t be starting from scratch; you will start from experience. Use that experience and make today better than yesterday.

I wrote an article about starting over that might help, which you can read here:

YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Revenge verb/Merriam-Webster.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/revenge

[2] Sinew noun/Dictionary.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/sinew

[3] Jeremy Taylor Quotes/allauthor.com/accessed 11 https://allauthor.com/quotes/75994/ /

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Building a bright future requires us to move on from the past. We must change our way of thinking. We must change our way of looking at things. We must change the way we react to things. Therefore, there is no right way to do the wrong thing.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves.

— Leo Tolstoy

We think thoughts don’t count; only what we do matters. But the Buddha said in the Dhammapada that our thoughts are the forerunner of our actions (Max Muller translation):

“All that we are results from what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts; it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”[1]

Change starts with a thought, a notion, an inkling, or a feeling we get when we know something just isn’t right. Most of us are aware of it when these thoughts come to us. We were born with a fight-or-flight response embedded into our DNA.

Britannica defines fight-or-flight response as:

Fight-or-flight response, response to an acute threat to survival that is marked by physical changes, including nervous and endocrine changes, that prepare a human or an animal to react or to retreat. The functions of this response were first described in the early 1900s by American neurologist and physiologist Walter Bradford Cannon.[2]

This natural built in response lets us know when we are in danger and when we need to change. But change, lasting, meaningful, genuine change only happens when we stop expecting those around us to change for us, but when we change for us, to benefit them.

The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the axe. The axe was cleaver and convinced the trees he was one of them because it made its handle from wood.

— Turkish Proverb

My statement that there is no right way to do the wrong thing, simply stated, is that when we expect others to change their behavior, lifestyles, ideologies, or way of thinking to satisfy our own sense of self superiority for our own selfish reasons we are not provoking change. We are provoking control over another by demanding them to change to accommodate us. To fit into our picture of what we believe they should look like.

For change to happen in your surroundings you must convince those who you wish to effect that your way is a better way. To do that one must “show” them, not tell them. Show them a better way by example. Do not do what you ask them not to do. Do not say what you ask them not to say. Do not act like you do not want them to act. Do not justify your actions and yet hold them accountable for the same.

“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

— Teddy Roosevelt

One of my favorite stories is of a mother and her child rushing about getting that last holiday season shopping done. After a long day of crowds, lines, rudeness, and loud noise, they had one last item to get.

After entering the store, the mother said to her child, “did you see the look that woman gave me?” The child, in all its innocence, said to the mother “she didn’t give you that look mommy, you’ve had it when you came in”.

Sometimes in life we think its others that are making our world unlivable, when in fact it is us who are doing so. Leave it to the innocence of a child to remind us of that life lesson.

You are the drivers of your own life. As you journey through it you have a choice of which paths to take, which actions to take, or not take. The people you meet along the way will influence your life and your decisions. Just remember that you remain in control and that there is no right way to do the wrong thing.

I wrote another article about change that you can read here: CHANGE WHY IT’S NECESSARY ~ AND HOW TO DO IT WELL

And here: YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Learn Religions/Buddhism: Origins and Developments/Barbara O’Brian/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.learnreligions.com/right-intention-450069

[2] Britannica.com/Fight-or-flight response/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.britannica.com/science/fight-or-flight-response

The post There Is No Right Way to Do the Wrong Thing appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Boundaries, we all know what they are. As children, they teach us what a boundary is. How far we can go before we get in trouble. Where the line is that we just can’t cross. They have taught us this for our own protection. To keep us safe.

We sometimes even put up with things that annoy us, bother us, concern us, or even scare us and completely ignore the lesson of boundaries. As we grow and learn to spread our wings, we, as humans, forget the lesson of boundaries. We can be more forgiving, possibly even be more tolerant in some situations to be a good person.

According to IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program: “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin, and the other person ends… The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is to protect and take good care of you” (n. d.).[1]

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

— Joseph Binning

When we don’t have a strong sense of self value or identity, it may show that we have not set proper healthy boundaries in our lives. Boundaries, what you will or will not tolerate, protect you. Words lead to actions. Actions lead to results. Results lead to consequences. Sometimes terrible consequences.

Boundaries can be emotional, physical, or mental, depending on the situation we need them for. Boundaries are self-care. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/why-the-message-you-matter-even-if-you-dont-think-so-is-so-important-now/

Setting up healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people decide based on what’s best for them, not just the people or circumstances around them.

So, what are Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

Boundaries are the separation you keep between yourself and another person or a particular circumstance for your own wellbeing. When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter. We tell ourselves the other person is more important, or worthy, than we are. We send ourselves the wrong message.

At work, for example, always keep your personal life separate from your work life. That means when others gossip about someone you might know, politely, but firmly, inform them you do not wish to hear such things. Will this cause you tension with co-workers, possibly.

In the workplace, people forget that we should always strive to set a professional standard. These things backfire, especially when someone finds out from someone else that someone has been gossiping about them and you are in the middle of it. If this happens you will have wished, you would have set a boundary.

In a relationship, be it friendship or romantic, always set boundaries of what you will not accept.
If for example you do not appreciate being spoken to in a loud voice, politely, yet firmly, inform the other party that that is not acceptable with you and be willing to draw a line in the sand on the issue.

You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/relationships%e2%9c%b5are-not-about-sex-theyre-about-you/

People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect.

 — Joseph Binning

People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect, especially if it’s you that you respect. By communicating your boundaries to the other person, you will prevent resentment and or possibly anger from arising in either of you.

Stand firm in your boundaries. When you set a boundary with someone you do not need to over-explain the reason why you set it with them. Briefly, say why it is not acceptable to you and expect them to honor it. By drawing a line in the sand and saying to the other person “you can go this far before we have a problem” you are communicating your boundaries. This is Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

If they know where the line is that they cannot cross with you, they cannot hurt you. It’s when we fudge the line, when we erase it and draw another trying to be “flexible” that we lose sight of why we set the boundaries. We dishonor ourselves and the peace we deserve in our lives when we do not honor our boundaries. With all boundary violations must come a consequence if we are to honor ourselves.

“When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom” (Cloud & Townsend, 2002).[2]

As parents, we set boundaries for our children. It’s for their protection. “No Johnny, you can’t play catch on the freeway”. Sounds silly saying it, but it’s a good example of a healthy boundary. Johnny really wants to play catch, but you as a parent do not want to see the consequences of what might happen should a car speeding should hit him.

For the same reason we need to set similar boundaries for ourselves, to prevent the consequences of what might happen if there were no boundary set. When we set boundaries for ourselves, we become more secure. Secure that we are honoring ourselves, possibly for the first time in our lives, because we matter. Because we will not tolerate what we do not wish to have manifest in our lives.

“What we don’t tolerate, cannot manifest in our lives.”

— Joseph Binning

Boundaries work both ways. We need to set personal boundaries within our own lives to maintain a level of peace within ourselves. Knowing we re-think a boundary, or re-shape it, or just plain old forget it entirely negatively affects our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth. When we do not honor ourselves, first, we cannot be honorable or be worth honoring by others.

In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so I discuss Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things.

— Joseph Binning

 

You can read more about change and why you need to do it here:https://www.josephbinning.com/change%e2%9c%b5why-its-necessary-and-how-to-do-it-well-2/

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Nelson, D. (2016, December 8). Self-Care 101: Setting Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from http://www.dananelsoncounseling.com/blog/self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

[2] Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries in Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

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“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. We cannot change it without changing our thinking.”

― Albert Einstein[1]

The past, we all have one. It’s a good place to visit occasionally, just don’t park there. Contrary to popular belief, your past is not who you are, it’s just where you have been. You cannot Change your Past, but you can Change your Future. Here’s how.

The Oxford Dictionary defines past as: Gone by in time and no longer existing.[2] Yet some of us treat it as still in the present, still existing.

The past can leave scars, some deeper than others. The past might create bad habits. The past can create trust issues. The past can create forgiveness issues. The past can create all these things if we give it the power to do so.

I have a past. I have scars. I have had trust issues, bad habits, even forgiveness issues, until I didn’t.

When we give in to the power of the past, we are no longer in control of our own future. It takes control of our lives, our relationships, our friendships, and even our interaction with our fellow humans. You cannot Change your Past, but you can Change your Future.

When we associate ourselves with our past, we will experience feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety, regret, bitterness, resentment, low self-esteem, and even anger. But why do we hang on to these negative feelings? We hold on to these negative feelings out of fear. Fear of feeling pain which allows a comfort in our lives without feeling vulnerable.

When we encounter triggers that bring up our issues from the past we act on automatic out of self-preservation, or so we think. We hear those thoughts in our heads saying “see, it’s happening AGAIN”. It is easy to sabotage a simple situation when we act based on past experiences.

A man entered the subway car with his three children where he sat down and stared down at the floor while his children went about being unruly, disturbing the fellow passengers unnoticed by their father.

One passenger firmly asked the man to “control his children”. As if in a daze, the man lifted his head and looked at the passenger and said, “my apologies. They just lost their mother, cancer, and I guess this is how they are responding to it.”

The past, while valid, clouds our judgement in our present and future decisions unless we release ourselves from it. Not all men or women cheat, so thinking they do now won’t help you stay in a healthy relationship. Not all children are wild, so judging them without fully knowing the circumstances can backfire.

Creating a bright future requires us to move on from the past. We must change our way of thinking. We must change our way of looking at things. We must change the way we react to things.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

― Leo Tolstoy[3]

You cannot change your Past, but you can Change your Future. In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so I discuss how to be free from our past. How to live free from our past and not allow it to block the forward momentum of our future.https://www.josephbinning.com/failure%e2%9c%b5your-past-is-not-who-you-are-so-dont-give-up/

I discuss how our perceptions shape our thought process of how we see things and react to them in our daily life. When we perceive things as black and white because we are viewing life without the proper filters to allow us to see things as they really are, we decide based on bad data, thus we make yet another poor decision.

Unless we maintain a forward-directed focus and a firm belief in our “Self”, it will always be easy to allow our failures to block our progress.

Failures do not identify who we are.  Failures are lessons that teach us what did not work.

— Joseph Binning

Realizing that there are no mistakes in life without lessons is the first key to seeing that our past, or—as some may refer to it — failures, is an opportunity to learn or experience something new. There are no mistakes without lessons.  Everything happens for a reason, for our learning.

If you have enjoyed this article please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Change Quotes/Goodreads.com/accessed 10/05/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/change

[2] Oxford Dictionary/Past Definition/accessed 10/05/2020/https:// https://www.lexico.com/definition/past

[3] Change Quotes/Goodreads.com/accessed 10/05/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/change

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