There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

• Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

• Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

• Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

• Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

• Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

• Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

• Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

• Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

• Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

• Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

• Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

2. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

3. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

4. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

5. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

6. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

You might also like this article.

RELATIONSHIPS✵Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The post What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life

Routine. It’s both a blessing and a curse. Routine can assure us we will be in the same place at the right time and not realize we are living the same day for 75 years and call it a life. Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life.

Most of us know what routine is. Dictionary.com lists routine this way:

routine

noun

1. A customary or regular course of procedure.
2. Commonplace tasks, chores, or duties as done regularly or at specified intervals, typical or everyday activity: the routine of an office.
3. Regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.
4. An unvarying and constantly repeated formula, as of speech or action; convenient or predictable response: Don’t give me that brotherly love routine!

Pay particular attention to number 3 regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.

Mind numbing behavior that lulls us into a mindless stage that allows life to pass us by without us even knowing it.

I wrote an article titled Avoiding the Hole. You can access it here: AVOIDING THE HOLE

It tells of the dangers of routine. Routine in our daily lives is not bad. We just can’t live the same day, then call it good and check out.

The story is about a person who walks the same path every day (routine) and does not even know they are. They notice the birds singing and the sun shining and are blind to the dangers associated with it.

It’s a beautiful day and they are happy, or so they think (routine=comfort zone). One day a hole appears in front of them (a challenge) and they fall into the hole (struggle). What ensues next is what frightening. When we are forced out of our routines we can feel alone, scared, confused, and even fearful.

The next day when they are walking to work, things seem different. Things seem just a little off. Walking down the same street (routine) and what appears? You guessed it, the hole. In they fall and the emotions of being trapped and out of a comfort zone (routine) create anxiety, stress, and fear, again.

The next day, while walking to work, everything is different. The sun isn’t shining, and the birds are not singing. Low and behold, what do they see? The hole. This time they walk around it (change to the routine).

The next day they walk down a different street (eliminate the routine).

“You don’t drown by falling in a river but by staying submerged in it”

-Paulo Coelho

Like I said, routine can be useful. We just need to pay attention that we don’t get stuck in a pattern of living a planned and bland life. Not paying attention can cause us to struggle (falling into a hole) which leads to anxiety, which leads to stress.

Living a routine life can lead to unhappiness in one’s life because we all need excitement sometimes. We need to see unfamiliar landscapes, hear different music, dance to the beat of a different drummer. It keeps us fresh. It keeps us feeling alive inside.

So here are some helpful tips for changing the routines in your life:

1. Wake up at different times each day.
2. Change your exercise routines regularly.
3. Watch different television shows or don’t watch any some nights.
4. Read a different type of book.
5. Change your look, clothes can sometimes make the person a new person.
6. Get your coffee at a different place every day.
7. Drive or walk a different route to work each day.
8. Listen to a different radio station or choose a different play list.
9. Eat new foods, preferably healthy foods.
10. Choose a new restaurant for date night. If you don’t have a regularly scheduled date night, make one.
11. Trade turns picking out the restaurant and agree to go to different ones each time.
12. Turn off the television and play a board game.
13. Put off the chores and go outside to a park or the mountains or better yet, the beach.

Walk down a different street to avoid the hole. And while you are at it, wear something new when you do.

That’s why I say Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life.

You might also like this: CHANGE✵WHY IT’S NECESSARY ~ AND HOW TO DO IT WELL

And this one: MEDIOCRITY✵NOT THE LIFE YOU’RE HERE TO LIVE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

This writing is in memory of my Father, who—without knowing it — helped make me the man I am today.

When I was a young boy, my father seemed bigger than life, like most fathers seem to young sons. I looked at him in the same way that I imagine my son Jeremiah looked at me at that age—the Superhero—the towering giant who can fix anything, do anything, and make anything seem better than it is.  We see what we want to see until we don’t. Little did I know that he would teach me an important life lesson. What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen.

Life took him away from me incredibly early in my life, so we never got to have the kinds of deep conversations that my son and I have had. We never shared a beer together. We never ran a half marathon together, never traveled the world together, never went camping, never attended baseball or football games together.  My memories of him are very few, but I have one that will never fade.  

I was about seven years old, and we were returning home from somewhere.  We were laughing when he pulled into the driveway. He was good at making me laugh. As we got out, and I looked at him over the roof of the car, all I could see was his head. My superhero dad seemed so small, with only a head and no body.  As I chuckled, I slammed the car door shut with my thumb still in the door. Screaming at the top of my lungs, crying for him to fix it, I stood frozen, unable to move. What he did next remains forever etched in my mind.

Calmly and gently, but firmly, my father said, “JOSEPH — OPEN THE DOOR.”

At that point in my seven-year life, I had fallen, bumped, smashed, crashed, and broken quite a few objects and body parts.  On those occasions when I’d hurt myself, I’d had seen the alarm in his eyes, sometimes panic.  This time it was different.  His eyes were still quiet and wise, as if he knew he was passing down an important lesson, from a father to his son.

Life guarantees things will go wrong, and we’ll get hurt. Sometimes in those moments, we freeze or panic. The lesson that my father taught me is, when those things happen, get calm, breathe—and OPEN THE DOOR.  My dad reminded me I have the knowledge, the ability, and the strength to handle the situation.

So, I did, I opened the door, and I was free. Afterward, he walked me in the house, put my thumb on ice, and did what a wonderful dad does, gave me a bowl of ice cream.  Then, we went to the doctor. 

The thumb nail eventually fell off and, to this day, a small section on my left thumbnail doesn’t grow.  That’s just fine with me. When I feel stuck, it’s my reminder to get calm, breathe, and OPEN THE DOOR.

Thanks Dad. 

I was born to two people who Loved each other enough to deliver my brother and me into the world and create a family.  Out of his sons, I was my father’s favorite.  He and my mother discovered they weren’t right for each other and chose separate paths.  It’s an awfully familiar story.

Some in my family have suggested my father did not have the proper tools to be a father, not in the state of mind, to be the best example for me. I’ll never know. He took the divorce extremely hard and could not see us after they separated.  My last memories of him were watching him sit in his car crying outside of our house.  Without my superhero father, I felt alone.  

We moved every year.  My mother struggled alone on a secretary’s salary to raise two boys in Los Angeles, California.  Most landlords wouldn’t allow us to renew the lease, since most months we were late with rent. My brother and I never knew about that—her way of protecting us.  

Being the new kid meant they bullied you—unless the other kids thought you were crazy—in which case, they’d leave you alone. I learned early on to pick a fight with the biggest kid on the playground on the first day of school, even if I’d get pulverized, which was the case a fair amount of the time, and the other kids would leave you alone.  

I ran away from home a few times. I thought If I could just find my dad then everything would be alright. I hadn’t yet been told that he was dead. 

The cause listed on his death certificate I would later find was suicide.

Alcohol and sleeping pills were apparently somewhat common during that era.  I found out three years after he died, when I was in ninth grade—again, my mother’s way of protecting us.  

Although I was a decent student—passing my freshman year with a B+ average—I didn’t feel good enough, ever.  When I was fifteen, my mother dropped me off at the local police station.  From there, they sent me to juvenile hall and sent to live at a boy’s home for troubled youth, called at the time The Pacific Lodge Boys Home.  

Woodland Hills, California, was a strange place for a boy’s home.  We attended the local public high school for some sense of normal life.  That worked in theory, but kids can be very cruel. We were referred to as “the Lodge Boys” by the other kids and reminded daily that we were not “normal” kids.

Friends were hard to come by, unless they were from the Lodge.  So, most of us just hung out with each other, it created a bond between us.  If someone from school messed with a Lodge Boy-and they usually did—we all came running.  We called ourselves The Band of Wayward Brothers.

They designed the daily schedule at the lodge around individual counseling and occasional family group counseling sessions, with the eventual goal of reuniting each boy into his family unit. I knew in the back of my mind I’d never return home, that I’d live at the Lodge until I turned eighteen, alone, with no family, no tribe, and no one to belong to—a throwaway child no one wanted. 

One minute you belonged to something—be it healthy or dysfunctional, it was your tribe, your family—and the next minute, it’s taken away.  You’re suddenly, unexpectedly, bewilderedly alone.  After losing my dad as a child, I felt alone.  Now I truly was alone and lost.

The multiple dorm residential facility had several counselors who worked and slept there during their shifts.  One of my counselors, Cane, was a social worker. He was a warm, laid-back surfer guy, and was always nice, Cane genuinely cared and never judged us.  I was horrible to him. We all were. We were a group of angry, hurt boys, deposited in a home for troubled youth, who felt alone in the world.  

Out of the hundred, or so, kids at the Lodge that Christmas, only two of us were not going home to be with our family for the holiday. My friend Patrick and I wouldn’t be going home, which meant that our counselor Cane, whose shift was that night, had to stay at the dorm with just the two of us, instead being of home for Christmas with his family.

Little did we know, Cane had asked, and received permission, to take Patrick and I off campus for Christmas.  We didn’t know what we were getting into, but it was better than being at the Lodge for Christmas. 

Cane picked us up on Christmas Eve and off we went on what he called

“Cane’s Christmas Present Run”, visiting friends of his to exchange presents and Christmas wishes.  Not once did any of them make us feel awkward for being there, even though they knew where we were from.  The day ended at his mother’s house with homemade Christmas dinner and all the fixings.  It was a real family dinner with lots of food and lots of people, none of whom made either of us feel left out or unwelcome.

Cane and his mother gave presents to Patrick and me—no ugly sweaters or generic or cheap items—genuine gifts they put thought into selecting just for us. I had never known that kind of generosity.  I didn’t understand it.  I’ll never forget that day for as long as I live.  

When he brought us back the next day, I asked him why he was being so nice to me.  He said,

“My job, Joe, is to Love you enough, until the day comes when you can Love yourself that much.”

I have never forgotten his words, though I didn’t know what that meant. 

My life changed that day. I have had my ups and my downs.

I’ve been homeless to a homeowner. Not a simple task in California.

Unemployable to a nationally recognized business owner.

Poor and broke, to not having to worry about being evicted.

A 15-year-old throw away child to a sitting Board Member of the San Diego Center for Children I affectionately call The Pacific Lodge Boys Home South.

A lost boy, to world traveler, knowing now that not all those who wander are lost.

Multiple Ironman triathlon series finisher.

And now new author of a book titled “You Matter, even if you don’t think so”.

To the next generation of Wayward Brothers and Sisters, or anybody who thinks they are stuck and frozen, here is what I have learned along the way. I hope it helps you.

1. Good people make bad decisions sometimes, that doesn’t make them bad people, it just makes it a bad decision.

2. Forgive easily and often. Others and especially yourself. Remember, there is only one perfect, and we aren’t it.

3. You are not broken, and therefore do not need “fixing”. You are perfect, just the way you are.

4. Life rewards the brave, so be brave. Take a chance on yourself and others.

5. Knowledge is only potential, but action is power. Knowing what to do is only half the equation. Take that leap of faith.

6. Be the best for you, just for you. You deserve it.

7. Love yourself first with all your heart. Those around you will benefit more.

8. Be your own best friend first. And don’t let him or her down or cut them any slack.

9. Just because someone says it doesn’t mean it’s true. They have the right to an opinion, but you also may choose to not believe it.

     10.  Happiness is a choice, not a place, thing, moment, or a person. Only you can make you happy.

    11.  Everything in life is a precious gift. Treat it as such and don’t disregard it or you will lose it.

    12.  Everything happens for a reason, figure out why. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.

Last, and most importantly,

OPEN THE DOOR!

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If this helped you, spoke to you, or made you think of someone who needs to read this, please leave your comments, and share it.

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

The post What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

 On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home

Its Christmas day. Family has gathered together. We have exchanged gifts. We have created memories. It’s the one time of the year when all bad roads can be forgotten or forgiven. Because on Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.

“Blessed is the season which engages the entire world in a conspiracy of love.”

― Hamilton Wright Mabie

Christmas is a time of family. We gather possibly only once a year and exchange memories, there’s always that one Aunt who pinches your cheek even though you’re too old for that. But you let it slide because it’s Christmas.

Christmas is a time for Love. Love of family is the greatest bond known to man. We can test it, even wound it. But it always survives. Because there is no greater Love for a person than the Love, they have in their heart for another.

Christmas is a time to be safe. As we grow, we venture into the world to make our mark. Sometimes that mark leaves scars. Sometimes deep scars. Coming Home for Christmas is our sanctuary. Possibly we visit so it can remind us of times past that we associate with joy to help us heal.

Coming home for Christmas is a way to come back into the fold again. Knowing we always have a place to return to where those who care for us are and allow us to stay connected or to allow us to reconnect.

Coming home for Christmas adds to the healthy moments we keep locked in our minds that we can draw from when we feel isolated or disconnected with family.

“Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.”

― Joan Mills

 Coming home for Christmas is for friends. That warm connection with those who are closest to us. Close enough that we call them friend. A time to catch up and remember why you are friends.

Coming home for Christmas is not about the tree or the presents.

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall”

― Larry Wilde

Coming home for Christmas is about sharing. Sharing memories. Sharing Love. Sharing moments.

Coming home for Christmas is about caring. Caring about each other. Caring how they are doing. Caring how they show up in the moment.

Coming home for Christmas is about giving giving of ourselves to another. Sharing our strength if they need. Sharing their burdens if needed. Sharing the Love you have for them when they need it the most.

And last, coming home for Christmas is about receiving. Receiving the Love given you by others. Receiving the blessing of being family. Receiving the gift of the Spirit of Christmas.

As we greet each other and share the moment with each other, lets remember that Christmas is about family and home.  Home can be wherever you are, so don’t think you need to travel many miles to return there.

Therefore I say On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More

It’s that time of the season again when we all rush about to get that perfect present for the ones we love, the perfect gift, the perfect ingredient for the perfect meal, or the perfect outfit. But the Spirit of Christmas doesn’t come from a store, the Spirit of Christmas means so much more.

“Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

― Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas!

It’s easy to get caught up in the logistics of the Christmas season. But we cannot buy the true Spirit of the season, we must give it.

One of my favorite Christmas stories is of a mother and her young daughter who were racing about doing the last-minute shopping before Christmas.

Frazzled, tired, and with a lack of patience from a long day of crowds and parking lots, the mother and daughter embarked on one last store for one last gift.

After entering the store, the mother turned to her young daughter and said, “did you see the look that woman gave me?”. The young daughter replied with all the wisdom of her youth and replied “oh, she didn’t give you that look mommy, you’ve had it all day”.

It’s easy to get caught up in the trappings of the season and remember that the true Spirit of the Christmas season is in the giving of one’s self to another. We cannot purchase this in any store.

“Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”
― Calvin Coolidge

Christmas is more than a day to receive, it’s a day to BELIEVE. Believe in peace on Earth, just for one day. Belief in Joy to the World, just for one day. Belief in the birth of a Savior. Belief in a jolly old fat man with a sleigh pulled by reindeer delivering presents to all the good children around the world.

Every child has two eyes and no two see the same view. But the joy seen threw the eyes of a child never disappears in its memories of Christmas. That’s the Spirit of Christmas. Wonder. Excitement. Joy. Sharing. Giving of one’s self to another. Caring. Joy. We can purchase none of which.

That’s why I say The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More.

You might also like this:  IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post The Spirit of Christmas Doesn’t Come from A Store, The Spirit of Christmas Means So Much More appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

If It’s Broken, Fix It

We live in a world now where when something breaks; we throw it away. It becomes disposable to us, including relationships. Being in a relationship that feels broken can make you feel stuck, but the Love you share with another is worth fixing.

As someone who has had many relationships that did not work, I am an expert on what does not work in a relationship. Here are some helpful suggestions that I hope will help you.

Fix it BEFORE it is Broken

Ultimately, the best time to fix something before it’s broken. There is the story that was shared with me by a mentor, of which I have had many, of two hurt people make eye contact with each other from across the room and have a relationship. What follows is no surprise, more hurt.

The best fix in any relationship starts with yourself. Take whatever amount of time you need to recover from the sadness and hurt for any past relationships which varies from person to person according to Janet Zinn, LCSW, a New York City–based couple’s therapist before you start another relationship..

“It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship, so you’ve grown,” Zinn says. Once you’ve figured out a lesson or two — what you want in your next relationship, what you don’t, etc. — go ahead and get back out there.[1]

The second-best piece of advice is to be more selective in who you choose to be with. Thinking rationally can be exceedingly difficult when the emotional mind is in charge. The emotional mind is that section of the mind that takes over our decision-making capabilities during certain circumstances. This is an example of the two hurt people making eye contact scenario I mentioned earlier.

These scenarios may carry an emotional weight with them that triggers various responses: dread, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. For this reason, it’s difficult to maintain an impartial, reasonable mindset when in this state.[2]

The emotional mind will tell you everything is fine, and you will want to listen to it, while the rational mind will tell you that something is wrong.

The Rational Mind bases its decisions on facts, evidence, and what worked in the past. These activities are more likely to foster a straightforward, logical kind of thinking.[3]

We cannot be certain that we won’t be able to control our emotional mind when the time comes, so the best policy is to know what you want before you need it and to seek that which you desire BEFORE you start.

“If you don’t like something in your life-Fix it”

— Joseph Binning

Here are some things to look for in the person you want to give your heart to.

They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You

Communication is possibly the most important key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Communicating is more than good morning and how was your day. Communication is “im feeling bad because….” And being able to complete the sentence without someone getting defensive. To foster good communication, you must follow a few simple rules.

1. Always be truthful. Don’t hide how you feel. Not wanting conflict is a terrible reason to keep things bottled up inside of you. Being honest with yourself and your partner is the best way to be true to your truth, and to them. It’s not fair, or wise, to make someone guess what’s wrong.

2. Don’t blast them with the truth. Your truth might differ from their truth, so keep that in mind. A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.

“A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.”

— Joseph Binning

3. Speak honestly, but always with the other person’s best interest in mind. Discussing tough issues can be hard enough. Don’t just tell what’s on your mind so you can make yourself feel better. Relationships die from a thousand cuts, so wield your sword carefully.

Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication here: Communication

There MUST be Balance in any Relationship

When two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment.

Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:

1. Make an agreement that we will not discuss any decision that only effects the individual, but we must discuss any decision that directly effects the couple first. Don’t blindside your partner on anything.
2. Discuss the workload BEFORE you start. There is no written rule that only one person must clean or do laundry. Common chores are a joint responsibility. Discuss this in a fair and balanced way. Overloading one person is a sure way of causing resentment.
3. Discuss your financial responsibilities and commitments weekly. Carve out a day each week to discuss what you owe, who you owe, and how you plan to pay for it. Plan for emergencies and long-term goals. Finance is NOT the responsibility of only one person and doing so leads to resentment and doubt.
4. Take turns setting up date night. When only one person is responsible to arrange everything, it leaves room for resentment and feelings of nonappreciation. Remember, date night is essential, especially after kids.
5. Take care of yourself, first. Keeping your own identity is the best way of keeping yourself balanced. Taking care of what you need for you, ensures that resentment for never being able to do what you need to do for you will ever come up. Carve out YOU time and honor it.

Read my article RELATIONSHIPS-Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: RELATIONSHIPS

You MUST Maintain your Connection to Each Other

Relationships have a way of becoming “comfortable”. This is a sign that they are getting stagnant and could implode before your eyes. Maintain you Connection to each other is remembering the Why in why you are together. The reason you are together.

Getting “comfortable” in a relationship can lead to a lack of putting in the effort and phoning it in. This can lead to resentment from your partner, which if left unchecked can lead to the end of the relationship.

Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:

1. Never assume. People appreciate being asked their opinion. It shows them you value it and them. The easiest way to start a fight is to assume you know how someone feels or thinks about any subject. Checking in shows you care, so check in.
2. Tell your partner how you feel about them every day. As people, we need to hear that we are loved. Don’t assume that actions dictate to another person you love them. We NEED to hear it. It feeds our souls so say it but mean it.
3. Always think of the other person and how your actions will affect them BEFORE it happens. The easiest way to end a relationship is to think about you and only you. The “what about me” attitude is selfish. You will get what you give.
4. Protect them, especially from yourself. We can be our own worst enemies in a relationship, its part of being human. Be Aware of that. If you have the choice of being kind or right, be kind.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1]

13 Experts Reveal The Best Time To Date After A Breakup/ Bibi Deitz/Bustle.com/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.bustle.com/life/178909-when-is-the-best-time-to-date-after-a-breakup-13-experts-weigh-in#:~:text=Many%20times%2C%20people%20are%20ready%20to%20start%20seriously,White%2C%20an%20author%20and%20relationship%20expert%2C%20tells%20Bustle.

[2] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20

[3] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20

The post If It’s Broken, Fix It appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“In any relationship, the leader must convince those following him to follow him by being a leader worth following”.

−Joseph Binning

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (I’m not giving up on you so keep going).

Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your partner or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your partner or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Don’t offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared. If you don’t she will go somewhere else and that is the beginning of the end.

Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak last. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t just tell her,  show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, or big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

2. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

3. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

4. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. I’m not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

5. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

6. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The post What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Depending on who you check with, they estimate that the average human being makes between six hundred to thirty-five hundred decisions each day. From what we wear, to what and where we eat, to who we call or do not call back, to what we watch or listen to, and on and on and on.

We decide what kind of car to purchase, what college to attend, what neighborhood to live in or whether to buy the blue shirt or blouse or the gray one. We determine whom to marry, what kind of entertainment to enjoy and what to have for lunch. We decide in our life every day.

Annie Dillard said it this way, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

When I reflected on this question before I penned this, it reminded me of the age-old question: is the zebra black with white stripes, or white with black stripes? There is only one answer it is both black and white.

People will spend their entire lives doing something because of a random suggestion by a friend, relative, or an influencer in their lives, or it was just possibly convenient. Perhaps they knew someone who would recommend them for the position. Next thing they know they wake up and it’s forty years later, and they have done nothing they had hopes and dreams of doing as a youth. Whatever notions of ambition they had as a kid were mere random scratches on the blackboard of life.

• The average person will spend one third of their life at work. Ninety thousand hours at work over a lifetime according to a report by Gettysburg College.
• As reported in a Business Insider article, according to the Deloitte’s Shift Index survey, 80% of workers are dissatisfied with their jobs.
• According to the American Journal of Family Therapy, those married to workaholics said in a study that they feel more estranged from their partners, and that they feel less control of their relationship.
• One third of managers in the UK are losing their sense of humor because of work according to the Quality of Working Life report from Chartered Management Institute and Workplace Health Connect.
• Nearly sixty percent of working people are becoming insomniacs because of their jobs according to the Quality of Working Life report from Chartered Management Institute and Workplace Health Connect.
• The average person spends over one hundred hours commuting to work in the US according to the US Census Bureau.
• One quarter of Americans say work is their number one source of stress according to The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health.

• It is estimated that stress is the fifth-biggest cause of death as reported by The Baltimore Sun.
• In Japan, hundreds of Japanese workers die every year from “karoshi,” or death by overwork. That might involve suicide or dropping dead at their desks as reported by the Associated Press.
• Nearly half of America has gained weight at their current job; 26% have gained over 10 pounds, 11% have gained over 20 according to Career Builders.
• That might not be changing for the better soon, as 40% of millennials say they “feel guilty” for using all their vacation days as reported by Randstad.
• And even when employees go on vacation, 42% of them say they feel the pressure to check in with their offices while gone, also reported by Randstad.

I have a saying that I tell people all the time, typically when they tell me about how unsatisfied they are with their work situation:

Do, what you have to do, in order to do what you want to do.

Most of you are not doing what you intended to be doing in your youth. Life happened, and WHAM, you are working a job you don’t like, that stresses you out (I’ve seen your emails at 9:00 PM because you were still working), for a company that will fire you in a minute (one oh crap will ruin one hundred Atta boy or girl’s), working with people you may or may not like but have no say so in the matter, possibly doing something you care less about, all so you can just scrape by for forty years, retire, and die. Never living up to the potential you were born for, life destined you to live.

A recent study by The Federal Reserve Bank of New York shows that 41% of Recent Grads Work in Jobs Not Requiring a Degree.

One of my favorite authors, Jim Rohn, has written, “if you don’t design your own life plan to be a success, chances are you will fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what someone else has planned for your success? Not much.”

So how do we design our lives to reflect who we are with what we are (GREAT)? I’m glad you finally asked.

Get a DREAM.

Most of you have a dream, or at least you think you do. But it’s really a wish. My definition of a Dream is something you live, breathe, eat, sleep, that is so big it is scary. A Dream will make you lose sleep to finish up a project you are working on at night so you can say goodbye to your day job. It is something that will keep you home at night to make it happen instead of hanging out with your friends who are not going anywhere either. It will force itself upon you and make you shut off the television, force you to do things that scare the heck out of you that you do, anyway.

So how do you discover your Dream? You must know what it is.

I have an acronym for Dream:

D- Discover it

R- Realize it

E- Envision it

A-Attain it

M- Motivate others with it

Your Dream is something you cannot stop thinking about, it’s always on your mind, front and back. Life, and fear, stop you from believing that it is possible, along with life’s Nay Sayers. Those helpful influencers in your life who are trying to protect you. Truth is they just want company.

Get the right people on the bus, and the wrong ones off it.

Humans will follow the path of least resistance. Change is scary. It is hard. But it is essential to living an authentic life, following your Dream, and being true to your purpose.

“anybody can have butterflies in their stomach. The trick is to get them to fly in formation”.

Dale Carnegie

Discover it

To discover your Dream, you must select a Dream that will align with your Purpose without bending to make it fit. Your Purpose is why you are here. Your Dream is what you will do with the life it has blessed you with. For help discovering your Purpose download my Seven Days to Discovering Your Purpose here:https://www.josephbinning.com/product-category/lessons/

You already know what your Dream is, you just need to ask yourself why you have it and what am I going to do with it?

Realize it

Many are called, yet few will answer. Realize that there is more to life than working someplace for someone who does not care for, or about you. Making a product that you can care less about, with people you may or may not like, for people you do not even know.

Job stands for “Just Over Broke” which is all it will keep you. You can do better. Realize you were born for something greater than what you have accepted as normal and believe it.

Envision it

It sounds simple but seeing in your mind how you want your life to be, and the surrounding life around you, is an enormously powerful tool. Too many times we can lose sight of our vision by taking our focus off our Dream and focus on the “noise” around us. That is why in the working force only 3% do not rely on someone else for a paycheck. 97% of the working force have a wish. Only 3% have a Dream.

Attain it

Always focus on the Dream and not the person. It’s not about you, it’s about the Dream. Having a Dream is not a spectator sport, it requires participation. You can tell the size of a persons Dream, by how little it takes to take it away. Live the Dream. Understand the Dream and its larger purpose. Let the world see your Dream threw you.

Julius Caesar once said, “If you want to take the island, burn the boats”. Do whatever it takes to make your Dream possible and do not give up. Not only will you be giving up on your Dream, but you will also give up on yourself.

Motivate others with it

Make the Dream “feel” special to others. They will not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. What makes your dream different and why would people want to be a part of yours?

Is it a rite of passage, or a tribal identity?

Energize your commitment to the Dream by staying true to the purpose of the Dream.

Remember, the center of gravity is found by moving forward, not standing still.

Last, live the Dream.

Understand it, believe in it, articulate it, and sell the Dream.

The larger purpose of the dream and the specific tasks of the Dream need to fulfill the larger purpose of the Dream.

Ensure the purpose of the Dream align with your behavior, values, decisions, and language.

I have always known my life’s Purpose was to tell people all people, that You Matter. In my upcoming book You Matter, even if you do not think so I do just that. Why? Because it is my Dream to live in a world where we no longer look at skin color, station in life, or popularity. Where every voice is heard, especially those who think theirs do not because they have been told so by so many for so long. Where we all can stop and quiet the noise, be still, and see the genuine beauty around us. Where every child can know that they can be anything they will work at in life and that they are not victims, but warriors. Warriors for good.

Won’t you join me? The world needs you and your Dream. Now take a chance and jump in the water. We are all waiting for you.

I wrote another article that you might like. You can access it here:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FINISHING AND FINISHING WELL IS IN THE TIMING

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

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