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In The End. That’s All There Is

Published: 21 September 2021
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Health

In The End. That’s All There Is

 

The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

 

For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny.

 

I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain’t pretty what happens the next day.

 

I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons.

 

I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt.

 

The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is:

 

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

 

Arthur Ashe[1]

 

The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female.

 

It’s my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost.

 

The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome.

 

Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I.

 

The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose.

 

Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life.

 

 

Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason.

In The End. That’s All There Is The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny. I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain't pretty what happens the next day. I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons. I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt. The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is: Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance. Arthur Ashe The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female. It's my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost. The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome. Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I. The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose. Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life. Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason. It's in our daily decisions we create our lives. It's in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world's greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things. Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you. Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do. The truth is: I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been broke. I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did. But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life. John Maxwell The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It's only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it's what happens during the journey that creates the person. It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become. It's what you learn along the way that counts. Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have. Margaret Mead In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here: IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

It’s in our daily decisions we create our lives. It’s in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts.

 

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw[2]

 

What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world’s greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain.

 

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy[3]

 

I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things.

 

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis[4]

 

Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you.

 

Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do.

In The End. That’s All There Is The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny. I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain't pretty what happens the next day. I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons. I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt. The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is: Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance. Arthur Ashe The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female. It's my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost. The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome. Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I. The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose. Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life. Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason. It's in our daily decisions we create our lives. It's in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world's greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things. Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you. Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do. The truth is: I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been broke. I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did. But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life. John Maxwell The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It's only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it's what happens during the journey that creates the person. It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become. It's what you learn along the way that counts. Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have. Margaret Mead In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here: IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

The truth is:

I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice.

I’ve been homeless.

I’ve been broke.

I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did.

But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no.

 

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life.

John Maxwell[5]

 

The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It’s only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it’s what happens during the journey that creates the person.

 

It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become.

 

It’s what you learn along the way that counts.

 

 

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

Margaret Mead[6]

 

In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

 

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Joseph Binning
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning

[1] Brainy Quote/Arthur Ashe Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/arthur_ashe_119072

[2] Philosiblog/the character of a man/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://philosiblog.com/2013/11/14/progress-is-impossible-without-change-and-those-who-cannot-change-their-minds-cannot-change-anything/

[3] Brainy Quotes/Leo Tolstoy Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/leo_tolstoy_105644

[4] Brainy Quotes/Nikos Kazantzakis Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/nikos_kazantzakis_176142

[5] Optimize.me/Quotes John Maxwell/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.optimize.me/quotes/john-c-maxwell/you-will-never-change-your-life-until-you-change-something-3

[6] Brainy Quotes/Margret Mead Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/margaret_mead_101283

The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication

Published: 17 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Relationships

JosephBinning.com

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”–Gloria Steinem.

As humans, we all desire and seek Love. We were, in fact, created to find, fall into, and be in Love. Finding it is easier than keeping it. For Love to last and remain passionate, warm, safe, and trustworthy, intimacy is the key. Intimacy brings you close. Intimacy creates trust. Intimacy builds the bond that will keep you together when the storms of life befall you. The key to creating intimacy, in any relationship, is communication.

For men (and I know because I am one of them) the subject of intimacy is confusing. I have heard it said from a trusted friend of mine that in relationships you will either misunderstand or be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is.

When a woman tells a man, she wants an intimate relationship with him she means she wants to feel close to him, trust him, and have the relationship where she could bare her soul and share all of her secrets to and be able to trust that all will be safe.

When a man hears a woman tell him she wants an intimate relationship with him, he sees her naked, in bed.

Intimacy, as a subject, is a difficult thing to understand. Especially for men. Dictionary.com defines intimacy as “a feeling of being intimate”. (A lot of help that does to help me understand it.) “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.” There it is again, sex (at least in a man’s mind).

Last, “sexual intercourse”. And there it is in black and white.[1]

It’s no wonder that men and women struggle with intimacy in relationships. We confuse the sex with closeness, a bond, a spiritual connection. But it’s just sex. Eventually that all slows down or stops. Mix two jobs into the equation, throw in two kids, add some outside pressures from community or possibly family, and suddenly your roommates who only connect when you brush by each other in the hallway going opposite directions.

After the beginning stage of a relationship is over, lovingly nicknamed the Honeymoon Stage, and the relationship feels “familiar or comfortable”, for a woman to stay closer to her partner she needs a deep connection to them. She needs to feel safe. She needs to feel she is seen, heard, appreciated, cherished, and adored. If you give her these things, she will faithfully follow you anywhere and be supportive of you. But she will only do that with intimacy. Once that disappears, so will she.

Intimacy is not sex. Sex results from intimacy. Every woman will desire her partner passionately if you are intimate with her. It’s simple, basic chemistry. Get a woman to desire you and she won’t want to take her hands off you.

We only create intimacy with communication. Words spoken. A conversation between two people.

 

According to speech mastery.com, in an article titled Words Spoken, How Many Do You Use in a Day? They report that men speak on an average 10,000 words per day and women speak on an average 25,000.[2]

For men, and remember I am one, the fundamental problem is that we speak most of our words BEFORE we come home.

In my upcoming book What Every Man Needs to Know About Women, or how to have my wife WANT to have sex with me again, I speak to men on how to create intimacy with your partner. The fact is you chose her. Her, not someone else. Finding her was tough. You had countless other attempts to find “Your Person” but they didn’t cut it. She is “The One”.

To protect this blessed gift you have, and it is a gift, will require you give her what she needs to feed her soul in this relationship, otherwise she will find it somewhere else. This is not to complete her. She doesn’t need you for that since she is complete and capable without you already. Don’t believe me? Don’t give her what she needs and watch her take care of herself without you.

But if you give her what she needs, you have a life of bliss.

 

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How to Create Intimacy with Communication

Here are some suggestions of how to create Intimacy with Communication in your relationship.

  1. Make eye contact

Whenever someone speaks to me and refuses to make eye contact with it me makes me feel they are being untruthful or disrespectful. When you speak with her, look her in the eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul. You will, if you try, be able to “see” her feelings. You will know how she feels and how important to her what she is saying is to her.

  1. Be Present

The easiest way of making someone feel alone in a room, and this goes for both men and women, is to be somewhere else instead of being with them. When you are with her, BE WITH HER. Work will always be there. Who scored the winning goal doesn’t matter. What your friend on the other side of the world you have never met posted to social media doesn’t matter. The moment you are in is all that matters. Time is the only resource we cannot get back. Don’t waste it.

  1. Be A Good Listener

Men are rational creatures, and women are emotional creatures. That’s just how we were created. If a woman trusts that you will listen, she will come to you. Most of the time she doesn’t need your help, she just wants you to listen. Don’t confuse the two. It’s easy to say, “well just do so and so and it solves your problem”. That’s not what she needs unless she asks for a suggestion. Women talk out problems, usually with other women because men do not listen. When she comes to you, she sometimes just needs to vent. Let her. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s just how she feels. Give her that.

4. It’s Not All About You

As men, we get offended when a woman shares her feelings with us. It’s as if she is attacking us, so we go on the defense. That’s the easiest way for her to shut down, withdraw, and learn you cannot be trusted with her feelings. She needs to learn I can trust you to listen. You are not in charge of her feelings; she is.

  1. Protect Her from Her Enemies

Her biggest enemy is your ego. As men we all have one, some bigger than others, and sometimes it gets in the way. When in doubt, put her first. Put her feelings first. Put her welfare first. Put her trust first. She will return the favor if we do it without expectations.

6.No Expectations

Conditional Love is the worst. I have had it, I didn’t like it, and I left it specifically for that reason. When you do something kind, gentle, loving, or as an act of Love, don’t keep a scorecard. And a gift, and we should look at these as gifts, are no longer gifts if you expect to be repaid or rewarded for them. They become bribes. When you give, and I hope you give freely and often, give out of a place of Love for that person “just because”. Not because of….

  1. Choose to be Kind, Instead of Being Right

When you have a choice, and you will choose kindness. Women respond to kindness better than being informed how wrong something is. They remember it both ways.

  1. You Are Responsible to Her, Not for Her

Women cannot embarrass you for their action because it is their actions. They can only embarrass themselves around you when you believe you are her parent instead of her partner. If she makes a mistake, and she will, just as you will, cut her the same slack you cut yourself. We all make mistakes. When you discuss it, speak kindly, so when the shoe is on the other foot she will remember and do in kind.

  1. Make Her Feel Like She Is the Only One in The Room

When you are with her, pay attention to her. Notice her. Tell her she is Beautiful, every time. All the time. Say it looking into her eyes. Gently hold her head and kiss her on the forehead, for no reason at all, and tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life. Not only will this fill her emotional bank account, but you will feel more connected to her.

  1. Appreciate Her for Who She Is

In relationships we give ourselves roles to fill, responsibilities to take, tasks we assign to ourselves. We share the duties of life. Show her you appreciate her by sharing her load. Do something without being asked. Buy or pick flowers for no reason. Write her a note telling her how much you value her and appreciate her. Any act of random kindness creates lasting appreciation and gratitude.

WOMEN LOOKING OUT TO SEA

Last, tell her you Love her by actions and words. I’m not saying buying her Love by showering her with gifts and trips. Gifts and trips have a place in every relationship, but they are not the glue that holds them together. They are the benefits of. It’s the little things that you do every day that will mean more to her that have a lasting value to her, and ultimately you. So, do them well.

[1] Intimacy/Dictionary.com/accessed 08/17/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/intimacy

[2] Speechmastery.com/ Words Spoken How Many Do You Use in a Day? /accessed 08/17/2020/ https://www.speechmastery.com/words-spoken.html

You might also like this: A THANKFUL HEART CREATES A GRATEFUL HEART

And this one: THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE, IS TO LOVE YOURSELF

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Joseph Binning