“He Who Seeks Revenge Digs Two Graves”

— Chinese Proverb

Most people are familiar with the expression Revenge is a meal best served cold, but Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves.

Most of us, when wronged, hurt, or feel betrayed, want to avenge the wrong, to make it right in our eyes. But is revenge worth it? The desire for revenge creates pent up anger which:

• Causes you to lose yourself and prevent you from focusing on where you are and where you need to go.
• Causes you to live in that moment until released and prevents forward momentum.
• Can make you physically and emotionally sick.
• Clouds your judgement and can cause you to do something you wouldn’t normally do, say, or act like.
• Can make you bitter.
• Won’t make you feel better and could make you feel worse.

Merriam-Webster defines revenge as:

revenge verb

1: to avenge (oneself or another) usually by retaliating in kind or degree

2: to inflict injury in return for[1]

“Revenge… is like a rolling stone, which, when a man hath forced up a hill, will return upon him with greater violence, and break those bones whose sinews that gave it motion,”

— Jeremy Taylor, author[3]

If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.

I knew a person who disliked the fact that his girlfriend was “a big flirt”. This centered on his insecurity, but he didn’t see it that way.

One night, he and his girlfriend were at a party and she was being her social self. Annoyed with her, the man started flirting with a young woman to “get back at her” and in his mind wanted her to see how it felt.

The woman followed him into an empty room where she enticed him into having sex with her, which he did using the excuse he was drunk to justify his terrible choice. When they finished the woman walked up to the man’s girlfriend and told her what had just happened.

The girlfriend had enticed another man from that woman in the past and she was exacting her form of payback on the girlfriend and had used the man to get it. The man and his girlfriend are no longer together.

So how do we just forgo the need to exact revenge on another? Know that your thoughts “attract” things, situations, and people into your life daily. They will either move you towards where you need to be, or away from it. The choice is yours.

When you let go the need for revenge in your life, you allow better things to take its place. Not allowing the pent-up anger to fester in the first place can satisfy you and liberate you.

I have a friend who once told me to that it is okay to forgive someone who did not ask for it, for my benefit, but to mark them in the back of your brain. When pressed for a definition of that he said “to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs”.

I wrote an article about forgiveness that might help which you can read here:

Forgiveness Not for the Other Person

Forgiving people will prevent the need for revenge. It releases you for the chains that hold and bind you, which is not how you were created to be.

Possibly you have been someone who exacted revenge on another for something. Did it help you with whatever triggered the need for revenge?

Did it make things any better for longer than a short while?

Did it make you a better person because of it?

If so, you can start over. That’s the best thing about life, each day is a new day, and we can hit restart and start over. Never be afraid to start over because each time you do you won’t be starting from scratch; you will start from experience. Use that experience and make today better than yesterday.

I wrote an article about starting over that might help, which you can read here:

YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Revenge verb/Merriam-Webster.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/revenge

[2] Sinew noun/Dictionary.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/sinew

[3] Jeremy Taylor Quotes/allauthor.com/accessed 11 https://allauthor.com/quotes/75994/ /

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In the End All That Matters Is What You Do

Life has a funny way about it. Sometimes were up, sometimes were down. One thing is sure, we all go through stuff, but in the end all that matters is what you do with it that counts.

“A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”

— Hugh Downs American TV Producer

 

I always say happiness is a choice that leads to an action. External circumstances cannot provide lasting happiness. The shiny new car will bring temporary happiness until your neighbor drives up with a newer one. That new outfit will bring temporary happiness until you see someone else wearing the same outfit. That new toy will bring about temporary happiness until it breaks.

For some, happiness can be very elusive. They just can’t seem to find it, but they keep looking everywhere and everyplace. To no avail. I was like that, always looking for something to make me happy. But it never lasted. Until I figured out the happiness is an internal choice and has nothing to do with external circumstances.

Lasting happiness will never materialize in your life until you stop looking for it. Yes, that is correct, until you stop looking for it. Something will always come up that puts a damper on it. It rains on your wedding day, and you planned it outside. That new car gets a scratch in it, ouch! The new outfit fades, etc. etc., etc.

One way to maintain happiness is to realize that we will all go through stuff in life, that’s guaranteed. The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

I play golf every week with a set of friends for years now. It’s our way of keeping in touch with each other and getting outside to exercise. The beauty of playing golf is typically what you talk about is how well you hit your last shot, or how badly you missed it.

This week we have a 30% chance of rain on the day we are scheduled to play. Out came the message from one guy questioning if we should play or not. He sends out a message the there is a 30% chance of rain so should we take a chance and show up or cancel the game?

Back came a reply from one guy, “yes there is a 30% chance of rain but there is also a 70% chance of sunshine”. In the end all that matters is what you do. We’re showing up to play.

Far too many times people over think things. They play the what if game over and over and over until they talk themselves out of what they were thinking about doing? While analyzing your options is a smart thing to do before you do something, over analyzing something has the opposite effect that we desire for the outcome. It stops us from ever starting.

We have a choice in life, let it beat you up and make you bitter, or accept it and not allow it to damper your happiness. The choice is ours, and only we have the power to decide what the outcome will be.

So how do we choose to be happy? Im glad you asked.

• Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.

We all make mistakes in life, it’s designed that way. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, failed 10,000 times before his idea worked. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times, his response was “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” [1]Had he chosen to believe that his failures made him a failure, we would all be in the dark.

Do not allow past failures (lessons) to stand in the way from you seeking your happiness. Just because it didn’t work the last time does not mean won’t.

• Live with no regrets

Failure is never final because we will always fail in one way or another throughout our lives. Never regret decisions and or their outcomes. Failures are ways that did not work on your way to finding what does. When life blesses you with a lesson, never regret it.

Regrets prevent our happiness from manifesting in our daily lives. They do the opposite of being happy; they make you bitter. Trust me, bitter does not look good on you.

• Change your perceptions of how you see things

Edison knew that failure was part of the process and understood that. He knew, just like when he learned to walk that he would fall (fail) before he walked. A lot. Just like you did. By changing the way you look at things, you can drastically improve your life.

Stop looking for an external source for your happiness. Happiness is a choice that leads to and action, that leads to a feeling. Be happy.

• Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy

Far too many times people make mistakes and hang on to them. We keep them in baggage that we carry around with us from circumstance to circumstance, never letting go. We tell ourselves that we keep them around to remind us not to do something again, but it only reminds us of what won’t work.

By carrying these memories around each day, we focus on them because they are in the front of our mind. What you focus on, you get. By addressing the issue and allowing yourself to be human, forgiving yourself for the issue is easier, and liberating.

I remember a friend who counseled me on an issue that I was holding over my head and could not seem to forgive myself over. His advice was “you make a lousy god because only a god has that much power’. Forgiving yourself is the first step to allowing your happiness back into your life.

You can read my other article about forgiveness here: FORGIVENESS Is Not for the Other Person

It’s what you do with what life throws at you that matters.

Here is another article about Happiness that will help you: How to Find Happiness in Hard Times

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Goodreads.com/ Thomas A. Edison > Quotes/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3091287.Thomas_A_Edison#:~:text=Thomas%20A.%20Edison%20quotes%20Showing%201-30%20of%2057,it%27s%20dressed%20in%20overalls%20and%20looks%20like%20work%E2%80%9D

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Relationships are a normal part of life. We all have them. Might be with your soulmate, might be with your cat, but With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities. that’s because while the human connection to people, places, and things appears to be innate, the ability to form healthy relationships we learn by what we experience in our early developmental years.

We have all heard of the parent who could not outwardly express their love to their children. Never spoke an encouraging word to them. Never consoled them when they were feeling down. Never encouraged them to chase their dreams. Struggled to show public displays of affection. Never said out loud “I Love You”.

So, it’s not surprising that as we grow, we might struggle with relationships. That we might not know that With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities.

Dictionary.com lists the definition of relationship as:

Relationship

noun

1. a connection, association, or involvement.
2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
3. an emotional or other connection between people:
4. A sexual involvement; affair.[1]

They also list the definition of responsibility as:

Responsibility

noun

1. the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management.
2. an instance of being responsible:
3. a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible:
4. a person or thing for which one is responsible:
5. reliability or dependability, especially in meeting debts or payments.[2]

“We all have the right to be in a relationship, and a responsibility to protect it,

especially from ourselves”

— Joseph Binning

Read my article Five Things the Buddha taught me about Relationships here: Five Things the Buddha taught me about Relationships

In any relationship, whether or not you know it, you have rights.

You Have the Right to Be Safe

When I was younger and less aware, I Loved you because I Needed you. The correct way of being in any relationship is to Need someone because you Love them. When we Love someone because we Need them, we place our well being in their hands. We give them control of how we feel about ourselves. We put ourselves second, which is last.

When we give anyone that much power over us, we allow them to hurt us mentally, and possibly physically, which no person has the right to do to another.

In non-emotional relationships, ie: friendships, employee relationships, associations, or acquaintances we also have the right to be safe and any relationship that does not honor that should not be a part of your life.

You Have the Right to Feel Validated

Validation is one way that we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. In every relationship you have a voice. You have an opinion that matters because you matter.

When we are in any relationship and our opinion, thoughts, feelings, mental health, or person are not respected, honored, considered, appreciated, or recognized we cannot feel validation. It is just not possible.

When we allow ourselves to be in any relationship where we are not recognized, respected, and validated, we place ourselves in a position to allow another person to develop an opinion of us we believe by allowing it to happen. We also tell ourselves we do not matter, when in fact we do.

Read my article The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, is Trust here: The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, is Trust

You Have the Right to Have Your Needs Met

I know what it’s like to put everyone first and place yourself last. Imagine a person standing in front of eight thin poles about shoulder high. One at a time they attempt to spin a dinner plate on each pole to have all eight plates spinning all at once.

Now imaging the plates slowing down and becoming wobbly and falling before all eight plates are spinning and the person scrambling to add another plate on to that pole. They spend the entire time adding new plates, keeping them spinning. By the time they are done, and all the plates are spinning, they all fall and break on the ground and they are exhausted.

This is what it’s like putting everyone first. I tried to make everyone happy, and I was miserable. I felt like I was always putting another plate on a stick and trying to keep it spinning, only to have them all break.

To be healthy, you MUST see to your own needs first. You must be your own best friend. Your own champion. First. If you are in any relationship that does not allow you to meet your own needs first, to take care of you first, including your relationship with your children, it’s your own fault and you must change it.

Read my article Relationship Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: Relationship Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

“If you are not good to yourself, how do you expect to be good to or for anyone else?”

— Joseph Binning

You Have the Right to Feel Valued

In every relationship you, as a person, have the right to be the person who you are, not what you are. You have the right to be valued as a person. You have the right to be valued for your uniqueness. You have the right to be valued just as you are.

Lack of a positive self-image will prevent us sometimes from leaving a terrible relationship. We think this is all we deserve. That we might not get anything better. That this is the best it can get. You are wrong.

Imagine this: look around you and see the beauty surrounding you wherever you are. The beauty of a sunset. The beauty of a flower growing. The beauty of a mountain reaching up to the heavens as if it were reaching for the stars. The beauty of the full moon on a clear night surrounded by a galaxy of stars.

Know this: even if you were the only person on this Earth, the Universe would have created all of this in all its wonder, just for you. You and just you. If you are that important to your creator how important does that make you? You are the most important person in this Universe.

If you are in any relationship where you do not feel valued as a person, leave.

Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, is Communication here: The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, is Communication

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.,

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Dictonary.com/Definitions/Relationship/Accessed 10/20/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/relationship

[2] Dictonary.com/Definitions/Responsibility/Accessed 10/20/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/responsibility

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Boundaries, we all know what they are. As children, they teach us what a boundary is. How far we can go before we get in trouble. Where the line is that we just can’t cross. They have taught us this for our own protection. To keep us safe.

We sometimes even put up with things that annoy us, bother us, concern us, or even scare us and completely ignore the lesson of boundaries. As we grow and learn to spread our wings, we, as humans, forget the lesson of boundaries. We can be more forgiving, possibly even be more tolerant in some situations to be a good person.

According to IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program: “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin, and the other person ends… The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is to protect and take good care of you” (n. d.).[1]

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

— Joseph Binning

When we don’t have a strong sense of self value or identity, it may show that we have not set proper healthy boundaries in our lives. Boundaries, what you will or will not tolerate, protect you. Words lead to actions. Actions lead to results. Results lead to consequences. Sometimes terrible consequences.

Boundaries can be emotional, physical, or mental, depending on the situation we need them for. Boundaries are self-care. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/why-the-message-you-matter-even-if-you-dont-think-so-is-so-important-now/

Setting up healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people decide based on what’s best for them, not just the people or circumstances around them.

So, what are Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

Boundaries are the separation you keep between yourself and another person or a particular circumstance for your own wellbeing. When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter. We tell ourselves the other person is more important, or worthy, than we are. We send ourselves the wrong message.

At work, for example, always keep your personal life separate from your work life. That means when others gossip about someone you might know, politely, but firmly, inform them you do not wish to hear such things. Will this cause you tension with co-workers, possibly.

In the workplace, people forget that we should always strive to set a professional standard. These things backfire, especially when someone finds out from someone else that someone has been gossiping about them and you are in the middle of it. If this happens you will have wished, you would have set a boundary.

In a relationship, be it friendship or romantic, always set boundaries of what you will not accept.
If for example you do not appreciate being spoken to in a loud voice, politely, yet firmly, inform the other party that that is not acceptable with you and be willing to draw a line in the sand on the issue.

You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/relationships%e2%9c%b5are-not-about-sex-theyre-about-you/

People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect.

 — Joseph Binning

People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect, especially if it’s you that you respect. By communicating your boundaries to the other person, you will prevent resentment and or possibly anger from arising in either of you.

Stand firm in your boundaries. When you set a boundary with someone you do not need to over-explain the reason why you set it with them. Briefly, say why it is not acceptable to you and expect them to honor it. By drawing a line in the sand and saying to the other person “you can go this far before we have a problem” you are communicating your boundaries. This is Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

If they know where the line is that they cannot cross with you, they cannot hurt you. It’s when we fudge the line, when we erase it and draw another trying to be “flexible” that we lose sight of why we set the boundaries. We dishonor ourselves and the peace we deserve in our lives when we do not honor our boundaries. With all boundary violations must come a consequence if we are to honor ourselves.

“When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom” (Cloud & Townsend, 2002).[2]

As parents, we set boundaries for our children. It’s for their protection. “No Johnny, you can’t play catch on the freeway”. Sounds silly saying it, but it’s a good example of a healthy boundary. Johnny really wants to play catch, but you as a parent do not want to see the consequences of what might happen should a car speeding should hit him.

For the same reason we need to set similar boundaries for ourselves, to prevent the consequences of what might happen if there were no boundary set. When we set boundaries for ourselves, we become more secure. Secure that we are honoring ourselves, possibly for the first time in our lives, because we matter. Because we will not tolerate what we do not wish to have manifest in our lives.

“What we don’t tolerate, cannot manifest in our lives.”

— Joseph Binning

Boundaries work both ways. We need to set personal boundaries within our own lives to maintain a level of peace within ourselves. Knowing we re-think a boundary, or re-shape it, or just plain old forget it entirely negatively affects our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth. When we do not honor ourselves, first, we cannot be honorable or be worth honoring by others.

In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so I discuss Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things.

— Joseph Binning

 

You can read more about change and why you need to do it here:https://www.josephbinning.com/change%e2%9c%b5why-its-necessary-and-how-to-do-it-well-2/

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Nelson, D. (2016, December 8). Self-Care 101: Setting Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from http://www.dananelsoncounseling.com/blog/self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

[2] Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries in Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

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Into every life rain will fall, of that it guarantees us. Some will have sprinkles; some will have torrential rain. In either case, If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain. To endure the storm, we must remember that it will eventually pass. Nothing will last forever in your life. Except the memory of the rainbow at the end.

It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

Julius Caesar[1]

Pain is a reminder to us we are alive. That we can still feel. That there is still blood flowing through our veins. It tells us something went wrong. It tells us something did not work. It is our greatest enemy, yet it is our greatest teacher.

When we first learned to walk, we fell. A lot. I remember watching my son fall for the first time when he discovered that he had the ability to stand on his wobbly legs. He hung onto the coffee table, pulled himself up, turned around and looked at me, and fell. Oh, how he cried.

It hurt trying something and failing. With an assuring tone in my voice and an encouraging gesture, he tried again. And fell again. Until he didn’t. each time he cried less. Each time he learned that with each attempt he learned something new. A different way to hang on, a different way to place his feet, a different way to stand. And then he stood. Proudly. As if he had accomplished the greatest feat known to man.

A hero is an ordinary individual

who finds the strength to persevere

and endure despite overwhelming obstacles.

– Christopher Reeve[2]

 

In those first steps, life taught my son that If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain. We forget that sometimes. It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is surviving. It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is the pain. It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is……… Fill in the blank.

In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so I discuss If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain.

I discuss how where you are now is not based on where you have been. It’s where you choose to be now. Right now, you feel pain. Pain from a choice or decision either you made, or someone else made for you. In your pain, it’s easy to play the blame game and beat yourself up. If only I had not…… If only I did not…… If only.

Life doom’s those who do not study history to repeat it, however studying the past does not mean you park there for any length of time. You visit. You do not move in and camp on the couch. You have your own place to be and it is not in the past.

Choose to be in the present, not in the past. Read my article Avoiding the Hole here:https://www.josephbinning.com/avoiding-the-hole/

If you find something wrong with your life, fix it.

— Joseph Binning

 

In your pain, it is easy to feel like a failure. Peoples biggest fear, in every age group, is either failure, or a direct result of the feeling of failure.[3] Yet every time you failed when you learned how to stand up made you smarter, stronger, and better.

In my chapter titled Regrets: Why They Are Harmful, I go over how we should live a life with no regrets. Living a life with no regrets has great responsibility attached to it. To live a life of no regrets means that you must contemplate every action you make in your life BEFORE you commit it. You can read more about Regrets here:https://www.josephbinning.com/regrets%e2%9c%b5why-theyre-harmful/

We, as people, make rash decisions without thinking of the potential consequences until after we have decided. This is a recipe for disaster. Think first, act second. Ask yourself if your action will serve your highest good. If the answer is no, don’t do it.

If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain means that you must change your perceptions of how you look at things.

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things.

— Joseph Binning

 

When you experienced the first pain of falling as you learned to walk you did not stop, you kept going. From it you learned. You became better. Lost money can be re-made. We can find love again. Just because your situation has brought you pain does not mean that it will not end. It will, in the end, make you smarter, stronger, and better.

This too shall end.

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Top 10 Endure Quotes/BrainyQoute.com/accessed 10/07/2020/ https://www.brainyquote.com/lists/topics/top-10-endure-quotes#:~:text=Top%2010%20Endure%20Quotes%201%20I%20will%20love,of%20more%20than%20you%20know.%20More%20items…%20

[2] Quotes/inspirational.com/accessed 10/05/2020/ https:// http://www.quotes-inspirational.com/quotes/endure/

[3] 70 People Reveal Their Deepest Fears/odyssey.com/accessed 10/07/2020/ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/70-people-reveal-their-deepest-fears

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As we enter the year 2020, in a world moving exponentially faster, we struggle more than ever to be seen, relevant, and valuable, to quiet the voices in our heads that make us want to give in—to stay alive long enough to make it to the finish line.  Yet, we live in an unlimited Universe.  Why do we press ourselves into such small boxes?  We need a truth powerful enough to lift us up and out of our darkness.

YOU MATTER author Joseph Binning takes our hand, guiding us to find our path, the path within where we discover the answers.   Who am I?  Am I worthy of the kind of love I desire?  Do I have the ability to do work that fulfills and inspires me?  Is there a deeper meaning for my life?  How can I serve?  With a vision even clearer than 2020, Joseph teaches us how to step out of our past and into our truth.  Shining the light on our greatness, Joseph is the voice cheering us on to our finish line, “Don’t give up, because YOU MATTER!…even if you don’t think so.”

Buy now on Amazon

The post You Matter, even if you don’t think so book campaign appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

1. Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

2. Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

3. Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

4. Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

5. Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

6. Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good.  Praise,  recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

7. Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

8. Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

9. Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

10. Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

11. Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

12. Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post In Order to Love Someone Well, You Must Love Yourself, First * 12 Easy Steps to Learn How appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Like preparing for a mega-marathon, it requires more than just knowledge. You need the right equipment, and you need to know how to take care of that equipment to serve you and in case of emergency. You need the right people around you, people who are knowledgeable and willing to train you. And you need to be ready and willing to train, learn, and change. You can only learn when you are willing and ready. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Most of all, you need a reason to get to the finish line without quitting—a reason strong enough to quiet the voices in your head that make you want to give in.

In this vast world that moves so fast, we struggle to be relevant, influential, important, respected, loved, and—sometimes—just to be seen. I am the voice who shouts, “You Matter!” because you do, more than you might know. Sometimes you just need a little help to point you in the right direction.

The Tao Te Ching says, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” (emphasis added). I encourage you to be open to new ideas as you read this. I encourage you to let go of your past self and start anew.

I have a saying: “If you don’t like something, change it.” And remember, you are worth every ounce of effort and concentration that you put into yourself because You matter, even if you do not think so.

The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes. 

—Marcel Proust

You are born. You grow. You mature. You become an adult. You go to work. You may have children. You may have grandchildren. You may grow old. You may retire, or you may work until you die. You die. Is that about right?

You are not dead, or you would not be reading this. Yet, how alive are you?

It is so easy to settle in, follow the rules, pay your dues, and then wait for the end in the process of this thing called life—have you become numb? Or maybe you have not noticed. When you were young, you probably had dreams and visions, and maybe a few lofty goals. If you were like most, though, as you grew into adulthood, you abandoned your dreams and lofty goals one by one. Did you do that? Or did circumstances dictate your path? Do you have a suspicion, even a tiny one, that you might have missed out on an original life?

Do people have a hard time “seeing” who you really are? Do you secretly feel as if no one knows the real you or gets who you are deep inside? Is that because you have not let them? Have you created and nourished a wonderful sense of yourself? Or have you camouflaged yourself with habits, behaviors, compromises, possessions, money, or fear- or ego-driven behaviors? Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know who you are?

Following your death, you will have a tombstone or marker, on which will appear your name, a concise epitaph written by someone, and the date of your birth and death separated by a dash. The dash between your birth and death stands for your life. The dash stands for who you were and what others will remember you for. The dash symbolizes your entire life, the mark you left on people and this world, the meaning of your existence.

Life is not merely being alive, but being well

—Marcus Valerius Latin poet/author

If I were to ask you what your dash will stand for, beyond the loving words of your immediate family, what would you say? What significant event, purpose, effect, or deed would your lasting impression on the world represent? If you were on trial in a court of law and needed to justify your right to stay in your chosen country of residence by providing evidence of your good deeds and contributions, would you have enough evidence? Or would we find you lacking? What significance or purpose is there to your being on this earth?

You probably have a family and love your family that you love. But your family is not why you are here. Bearing children is the minimum requirement for ensuring the future existence of our species. It is not what keeps you from wondering if this is all there is, or if there is some deeper meaning in your life. Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know why you are here?

When you settled into your current job, relationship, home, marriage, routine, or lifestyle, did you gain weight? Over 60 percent of couples gain at least thirty pounds after settling into marriage and family life. Did you reason that your weight gain was from bearing children, the stress of work, the pressure of a mortgage, two car payments, dental bills, or a health condition?

Were you designed for a greater life, but are too busy to have one? Do you think greatness is only for the talented, the chosen, the lucky few? Do you sometimes wonder what if? What if I had gone to school instead of getting pregnant? What if I had married that girl? What if I had moved to that other state? What if I had started a business? What if I had traveled more before settling down? What if I had never had kids? What if I had stayed in school instead of dropping out?

If you were to introduce yourself to me for the first time, you would likely tell me your name, your age, your status in your family, the number of children you have and their ages and genders, the city you live in, something about your pets or hobbies, and what you do for a living.

News flash! None of these are who you are!

Each one of us must find his peace from within, and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.

—Mahatma Gandhi leader of the Indian Independence Movement

Identifying yourself with your age, what you do for a living, or with the members of your family is a response that comes from a lack of knowing yourself. Until you know who and what you are, and why you are here, the dash on your gravestone will have no meaning beyond your job and your family status and sentiments. Your dash needs to stand for something.

So, who are you? Why are you here? Why now? Why this place? What benefit to humanity do you bring to the table and how will the world be a better place because you are in it?

Say out loud with me right now: “humanity.” Like the ripple effect of a stone skipping across a pond, it means we design the meaning of our life to create multiple waves of momentum, radiating outward from your life and into our world, making lasting change for the betterment of humanity. Unless you have no clue why you are here. Don’t feel bad. Most people have no clue either.

In the world, we place much emphasis on our station in life. What we have or possess. Where we live, what we drive, what we wear, who we associate with, where we go. The list goes on and on. It’s easy to think because we have not that we don’t matter. That our lives are insignificant. That we have wasted space. That we don’t count.

Some will or have trained you to believe that life is fair. They are wrong; life is not fair. Why would we have sickness and death? Why do we have floods? Famine? Earthquakes? If they meant it to be fair, we would have none of these. But we do.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

—Muhammad Ali Heavy Weight Champion

When you first learned how to walk, do you remember falling? Do you remember how many times you fell? Most likely not. What you do possibly remember was the feeling of standing strong with a newfound independence, a world opened to alternative possibilities. That was not the teaching moment. It was when you got back up. When you came close to something stable, leaned into it, and pulled yourself up. That was life teaching you how you looked at it.

The teaching moment is in the moment of pulling yourself up, time and time again, until you get what you decided on, not because you deserved it, because you earned it. In life, we deserve nothing. It does not promise us anything. Everything we receive is a gift and we need to look at it that way. When you appreciate everything in your world, it becomes beautiful.

Joy happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.

—Marianne Williamson, author/ lecturer

Too many of you feel as if you are insignificant today. That you don’t matter. You have no voice that anyone listens to and possibly you don’t deserve to one. Some of you shout, possibly out of frustration, demanding to be heard. Some of you just fade into the background and don’t get back up.

Some of you feel you are not being seen. That you are not being noticed in life. That it is passing you by. You attract attention to yourself, shouting to the world “Look at me!”.

Some of you don’t feel respected and demand it from the world around you, yet the actions taken to gain respect are not respectful to others. I world will naturally give respect when you are respectful to others.

Here’s the truth. You Matter, even if you don’t think so. You Matter ESPECIALY if you don’t think so.

Take a moment and look at any sunrise. Watch as the sun gently and faithfully rises each morning. Watch as colors slowly engulf the sky, putting on a heavenly light show for you.

Watch as it sets below the horizon at night. Watch as it sets, and the moon rises. Notice the stars as they dance for you, just for you.

Notice the hummingbird as it hovers, passing pollen from place to place so life may grow.

Listen to the wind as it gently brushes against your ears, pushing the leaves from here to there.

Watch the power of the ocean as the waves crash into the shores forever, keeping it in motion.

Know that the sunrise and sunset dictate the tides and seasons perfectly and with the sole purpose to sustain you.

Now know this. Your creator, whoever you worship, believe in, pray to, meditate to, give an offering to, or hold deep in your heart, would still have created this, even if you were the only person on this planet. That’s how valuable you are. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, all of it. Just for you.

The lack of or approval of others, the lack of or acceptance of others, the lack of or respect of others, can never change that fact. When you feel alone, when you feel oppressed, when you do not feel valued, when you do not feel seen or heard, remember that fact. You Matter! You Matter to me. You Matter to us as a community. You Matter to the world. This world would not be the same without you. We need you, all of us, and we need each other, every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year.

It’s when we forget that there is only one race, humanity, that we feel alone. When we forget, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You are NOT broken; you are NOT a mistake. We cannot do this without you. You are an intricate piece of the puzzle of life we are all a part of the puzzle is incomplete without you.

That’s why I say and believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post Why I Believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

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There was something formless and perfect

before the universe was born.

It is serene. Empty.

Solitary. Unchanging.

Infinite. Eternally present.

It is the mother of the universe.

For lack of a better name,

I call it the Tao.

It flows through all things,

inside and outside, and returns

to the origin of all things.

The Tao is great.

The Universe is great.

The Earth is great.

Man is great.

These are the four great powers.

Man follows the earth.

Earth follows the universe.

The Universe follows the Tao.

The Tao follows only itself.

— Lao-Tzu

Verse 25, Tao Te Ching

All religions of the world agree on one thing. We start out as energy, formless, and without matter, in what some call Heaven, or the Universe, Nirvana, Paradise, or Olam Ha-Ba, to name a few.  We then come into human form for a brief time. There are various belief systems about whether, when, and where we return to formless energy. But that’s a discussion for another time. Let’s take one step at a time.

You came from spirit to experience a human reality.

You did not appear as human to experience spirituality.

— Joseph Binning

Re-read the verse.  “Man-Woman is great”—not average, not mediocre, not so-so.  Great! When you were in the womb, did you have low self-esteem?  Did you have self-doubt?  Did you feel insignificant?  Did you need to be liked, accepted, approved of, Loved?  No. You were Perfect.  You were Whole.  You were Complete.  You are perfect, whole, complete.  You ARE one of the four great powers. Nothing has changed this truth of who you were—and who you ARE.

We all originate from the same source.  We all come from spirit and become human. We all are connected in this way. We all exist to be of service to the expansion and goodness of humanity. We all are given this purpose.  We all are connected in this purpose.  We all return when we are finished with our purpose, and we all will remain connected, always.

If we all were perfect, how did we become so flawed, unworthy, wrong, incomplete, and lacking?  Why have we become required to prove our worthiness and goodness?  Why are we continually suppressing and doubting ourselves, our worthiness, our greatness?

Here’s why.  After we were born, we interfered with our state of perfection. We created dual realities, opposite realities, comparative realities: beauty versus ugliness; tall versus short; smart versus stupid; my race versus your race; my religion versus your religion; my country versus your country; my God versus your God.

Why did we begin comparing ourselves to others?  Does our station in life make us feel better than, or less valuable than someone from another station? Does our location make us better than, or not as good as another? Does our color, religion, or political affiliation make us feel better or less than?

In creating and adhering to these dual realities, we lost our sensory awareness—our knowing—of our greatness. By drifting away from our innate knowing, we lost our selves. We forgot who we are, as soon as we began identifying ourselves by our religion, our external appearance, our job or career, our children, our relationship, our friends, our educational status, our possessions, our social status, our financial status.

What most of us do for a living is only the means of income to pay our living expenses. If we identify ourselves with our jobs or business, what happens if that disappears?  What happens if, suddenly, you’re not the vice president of your company, and you have to look for a different job?  You experience one or more of these feelings: loss; humiliation; failure; confusion; anger; resentment; depression; anxiety; self-pity; vulnerability; illness; grief; lack of purpose; or loss of self.

When we focus on the outer appearances of our individual existences, it’s easy to fall prey to these feelings. So, how do we not fall prey to them?  Remember, when we were created, we were great.  We are one of the four great powers.  We came from Greatness. We are Greatness.  We are destined for Greatness—Our Greatness—not someone else’s.  We were born with it.  Our greatness does not depend on anyone’s opinion, permission, or approval.  Our greatness does not shrink or dissolve.   It only becomes less visible to us, because we are looking outside of ourselves, not seeing our true selves.

Right now, begin living by two Creeds:

1. Live with No Regrets: Put careful thought into everything you do, think, focus on, and choose– Own all of your decisions—and all of your outcomes—because you are going to be the sole chooser and creator of your life.  Commit to your choices. Commit to your life.  Commit to YOU.

2. Others’ opinions are none of your business: This is the most important creed to live by. You are no longer going to base your self-worth or self-Love on others’ opinions of you. The only opinion that matters is that of the person you see in the mirror each morning. And that person is Great!

Take a moment now to write ten things you do, outside of your work.  Here are a few examples: cooking; scuba diving; meditating; running; reading; volunteering, attending a Meet Up, etc.  If you are on a roll and want to write more than ten, don’t stop the flow.  Write as many as come up for you.

After completing this simple exercise, you will discover that when someone asks what you do, you’ll have quite a lot to tell them. And that might lead to helping them identify what they do, as well!

People cannot hurt you without your permission.

— Mahatma Gandhi

If you have enjoyed this article please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

The post The Age Old Question;Who Are You? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.