There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

• Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

• Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

• Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

• Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

• Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

• Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

• Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

• Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

• Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

• Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

• Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

2. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

3. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

4. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

5. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

6. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

You might also like this article.

RELATIONSHIPS✵Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The post What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

YOUR BELIEFS–Where Did They Come From and Are They Really Yours?

If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be,

you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be.

 

— Dale Carnegie

Belief:

1. “the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case, with or without empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty;”
2. “a mental representation of an attitude positively oriented toward the likelihood of something being true.”

YOUR BELIEFS–Where Did They Come From and Are They Really Yours?

Ancient Greek thought identifies belief as being related to: pistis, meaning trust and confidence; and doxa, meaning “orthodoxy,” referring to opinion and acceptance.  

In his book, What Beliefs Are Made From, author Jonathan Leicester writes: “… belief has the purpose of guiding action rather than indicating truth.”

Ready for some cold hard truth?   Beliefs are just thoughts, and most are not ours.

Beliefs are funny.  We don’t believe the sun will come up—we expect it to come up—and it does, every day.

Who chose the religion or spiritual affiliation that you identify as yours?  Was it handed down to you by your family who lives by that religion?  Or maybe your friends?  Your sorority, fraternity, or school?  Were you born into it?  Were you baptized in it?  Married into it?  Pressured into it?  Was it the religion of our community?  Your culture?  Your country?  Your history?  A movement?  A revolution? 

If you were raised in a certain religion, it is likely that you still follow that religion, or identify it as your roots—even if you don’t practice it, attend services, or even know all its principles. Just by its familiarity to you or your family, you identify it as yours. Yet, most likely, it was not you who intentionally, thoughtfully, actively, or passionately chose it. You just followed the familiar path.  Have you ever wondered which religion or spiritual belief you would choose if you could study and understand all the belief systems in the world?  Have you asked yourself why we even choose a religion?

Going astray—a common phrase used to describe what many children do as a result of being raised in religious households—has troubled parents for generations.  Dismayed, confused, or angry, the parent’s mindset is, we taught our children better. Yet, they haven’t considered that their children would eventually make religious, moral, and other decisions for themselves, based on their individual preferences, desires, and needs.

Who chose your political affiliation?  Did you follow your family’s affiliation?  Are your choices a result of following the party of the region you live in?  Is it the same affiliation as that of your friends?  Is it out of a desire to fit in with a majority? Is it peer pressure?  Do you find yourself choosing words, actions and lifestyles, in order to appear politically correct?  Have you done enough research to feel and know, with absolute confidence, that your affiliation is aligned with who you are inside and all you believe in? Have you asked why you choose one at all?

About the time I first began writing this book, America had just experienced an extremely divisive political election like never before. The world-wide-web posted a clip of a very young boy who, in a mock election at school, had voted for the candidate opposite the one his parents voted for.  Upon arriving home, his mother videotaped him being escorted out of the house with a suitcase she had packed for him and carrying a sign that said he was kicked out of the house for voting for the wrong person.  Rather than praising her child for using his personal choice and critical thinking, and even using the circumstance to create an open discussion with him, she humiliated him, further deepening his familial and social conditioning, and, quite possibly, emotionally and mentally scarring him for years, if not life.

A daughter asked her mother why the family meatloaf recipe that they all Loved needed to be baked in a tiny six-inch pan. It was never big enough to feed the entire family. The mother answered that the recipe was passed down from her mother, and she didn’t want to alter it in any way, even to make a larger size, for fear of changing the result.  She suggested that the daughter ask her mother (the grandmother) about it.  The grandmother gave the same answer that the girl’s mother did and suggested that her granddaughter ask her mother (the great grandmother) about it. When the girl asked her great grandmother, she was informed, “It’s the only size pan that would fit in my oven. Ovens were much smaller back then.”  Until the daughter persisted in seeking the real reason for something she perceived as illogical, the familial conditioned habit and response would have continued, creating more generations of followers, like sheep.

How often do we assume that our actions and beliefs are based on information that we understand and agree with?

Pause to write.

What are some of your beliefs that you assume are yours because you have heard them so much, or believed them for a long time?  Here are a few examples:

Health: “All the men in our family eventually get diabetes.”

Happiness: “No one is capable of staying truly happy.”

Relationships: “Relationships usually bring pain.”

Creativity: “Some people are creative.  I didn’t get that gene.”

Success: “Success is having a house, a couple cars, recreational toys, two plus vacations a year, and a triple digit income.”

Appearance: “I’m not attractive enough for (fill in the blank).”

Intelligence: “I never score well on tests, because I don’t have a high enough IQ.”

Self-Worth: “I can’t start my own business.  I’m not skilled, experienced, gifted, or licensed in anything.”

Destiny-Fate-Karma: “My mother had a hard life, and her mother had a hard life. Women have hard lives in our family.”

Depending on our age and level of self-discovery, most of our beliefs are beliefs that have been handed down to us, expected of us, or programmed into us.  Are you living authentically by your personal beliefs and desires?  Or, are you living by the beliefs and desires of others? 

Be honest with yourself.  Write a list of five or more beliefs about the topics above, or about money, Love, God, religion, sex, power, life, family, work, happiness, freedom, or any other beliefs that come to mind.  Leave some space between each belief. In the space between each belief you listed, write your response to each of the following three questions.  Respond from a place of openness, willingness, self-inquiry, discovery, and curiosity.  Imagine that anything is possible.

Your Belief___________________________________________________________________

Where does that belief come from? (Where, or from whom, do you remember first hearing it, or continually hearing it?)

Is it real, factual, true, as far as you, know?  Or is it an expectation, or assumption, but not necessarily true?

Is it something you truly, completely, and always believe, agree with, and value?  Or was it handed down to you, or expected of you, or programmed into you (from parent, friend, teacher, mentor, religious leader, political leader, society, culture)?

After writing your responses to each of the beliefs you wrote, look at what you wrote.  Then, write your responses to these questions:

How do you feel? 

What beliefs do you have that don’t feel good to you?

What beliefs do you have because someone close to you has that belief?

Each belief that you discovered did not come from you is not your belief, yet you have been carrying it in that sack on your back.  You do not need to carry beliefs that are not true to you.  If they are not true to you, they are defeating you, weighing you down, undermining your power to live authentically, energetically, happily, and freely.  It is time to let these go and release their weight on your thoughts.

Write your responses:

What beliefs do you have that don’t make you feel energized, empowered, joyful, healthy, strong, capable, hopeful, or excited about life?

Are you afraid to change any of these beliefs?  If so, which beliefs?  Why?  Write any thoughts, fears, or concerns that come to you about what might happen if you changed the belief you are hesitant to change.  If any thoughts or feelings come up for you, like failure, regret, self-identity, loyalty, letting someone down, where you’ve been, or your past, go back and review one of the previous posts that calls to you.

What the mouth says, the mind hears.

What the mind hears, the heart believes.

What the heart believes, the body does.

— Joseph Binning

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From and Are They Really Yours? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

 

Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.

Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions.

 Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.

Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values.

Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.

— Mahatma Gandhi[1]

Our feelings, thoughts, and responses to life have a great deal to do with the conditions in which we were raised, the locations in which we grew up, the channels of knowledge we received, and the beliefs of the people who raised us.

From before you can even remember, you have been making thousands of decisions and choices, many of which you were not aware of making, but following, or doing out of habit, or by not thinking, or choosing by lack of a specific desire. Every one of your decisions—both those you were aware of making, and those you were not aware of making—come into play every day of your existence. From birth, you they indoctrinate you with decisions and choices based primarily on someone else’s direction, opinion, desire, belief, need, or pressure.

Most mammals emerge from the womb like glazed earthenware emerging from a kiln—

any attempt at remolding will only a scratch or break them.

Humans emerge from the womb like molten glass from a furnace.

Humans can be molded and shaped with surprising freedom.

 

—Yuval Harari, Author, Sapiens[2]

Through education, politics, religion, culture, and other institutions, from childhood, they mold us into Christians or Buddhists, Capitalists or Socialists, Revolutionaries or Peace Seekers—and so on. Without realizing it, we are products of our conditioning.  What we perceive to be normal or true is a product of our history and upbringing, and these perceptions influence our decisions and actions every day.

Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

— Wayne Dyer[3]

I like to rephrase Mr. Dyer’s quote:

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

An online survey asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about someone you see for the first time, when seeing them from a distance?”  The overwhelming response was, “appearance.”  When asked what the second thing is, the majority answered, “the way they carried themselves and if they seemed approachable, or not, from a personal safety standpoint.”

A man entered a subway with his two children and sat staring ahead in a daze, as if lost in deep thought. His two children were running everywhere, loud, and unruly.  After some time, an annoyed passenger approached the man and said, “Excuse me, could you please tend to your children? They are disturbing the other passengers.”  The man looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, they just lost their mother.  Cancer.  They don’t know how to deal with it.”

We see people from the viewpoint of our perceptions of them, which are based on everything they have taught us, without knowing that we are not seeing them in their complete, true beingness.  Most times, that which we perceive is not the reality. Based on experiences, the passenger thought the children were unruly and the man was a bad parent. They base perceived reality on the limited, incomplete, and/or false knowledge, beliefs, and data.  Our perceptions of everyone and everything outside of us are all based on our reality—our learned beliefs, experiences, and expectations from them—though we believe we are being aimed to see factual reality.  Our perceived reality is the frame through which we see and explain the world.

We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

― Anaïs Nin[4]

One of the biggest thoughts that block our growth, peace, and happiness is the reasoning that, “It’s always been this way, so we need not change it.”

We need to change. We need to ask ourselves: “Why?  Why do I see things this way? Why do I react this way? Why do I act this way?” “Why do I say these things?”

Here is a simple exercise to help you:

Answer as honestly as you can.

Did you choose your profession based on your own perception of it?  Was it because you thought it would provide stability, or esteem, or some quality that you believed would be necessary or valuable?  Or was your decision a result of discussions with one or more parents, counselors, experts, or friends, and their perceptions of it?  Did you decide based on other’s perceptions, wishes, or offers?  Or did you choose it purely from your own thoughts and desires?

Did you marry or enter a relationship with someone of the same religious affiliation?  If so, did you choose that person?  Or were you following the family’s tradition, desires, or direction?  Or was your choice not influenced by religion at all?

Are you living in a location, dwelling, city, state, or country that you chose?  Or are you living in a location out of financial or other necessity?  Or are you living somewhere out of someone else’s desire, influence or requirement, or to be in proximity to a person, family, or group of people?  Are you living in a location for the pure and simple reason that you liked it and desired to live there?

Have you attended a college, university, or educational institution?  Whether yes, or no—is it because you chose to, or chose not to?  Was the choice yours, or was it made under the request or influence of someone else, or to make someone happy?

Are you deciding based on someone else’s opinion, request, need, or demand?  Or are you deciding based on your own desires, knowledge, or preferences?

Three men were building a wall at a beautiful church.  When asked what he was doing, the first replied, “I’m stacking these stones.”  The second man answered, “I’m building a wall.”  The third man declared, “I’m helping to create a magnificent place for people to find comfort and peace.”  Three different men doing the same task have three different perceptions of what they were doing.  Only one knew why.

Which one is most like you?  Why?

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming? In what way?

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.

When people see more things as good, other things become bad.

— Tao de Chang

Chapter 2 Verse 12[5]

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] AZ Quotes.com/Quotes/Authors/M/ Mahatma Gandhi/ https://www.azquotes.com/quote/453692

[2] Dreamflesg.com/reviews/Sapiens A Brief History of Mankind/ https://dreamflesh.com/review/book/sapiens/#:~:text=Most%20mammals%20emerge%20from%20the%20womb%20like%20glazed,much%20or%20more%20by%20culture%20as%20by%20nature.

[3] BraineyQoutes.com/Wayne Dyer Quotes/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/wayne_dyer_384143

[4] www.goodreads/Quotes/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=We+don%27t+see+things+as+they+are%3B+we+see+them+as+we+are.++%E2%80%95+Ana%C3%AFs+Nin&commit=Search

[5] Goodreads.com/Lao Tzu > Quotes > Quotable Quote/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/582339-when-people-see-some-things-as-beautiful-other-things-become

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In Order to Quench Your Thirst for Life You Must First Drink from The Well of Passion

We all thirst for the bounty of a well-lived life. It’s what drives us. But we cannot achieve a well-lived life without passion. Which is why I say In Order to Quench Your Thirst for Life You Must First Drink from The Well of Passion.

When we think of passion, two different forms come to mind, sex, and a calling. Sex will fade, but a calling will last a lifetime. Passion fuels a calling. Passion gives you the ability to follow your dreams despite the fear, indecision, and procrastination in times of uncertainty.

A passionless life lived is a wasted life. Settling in to the nine to five routine and living it up on the weekends is not a passionate life. Michelangelo once said, “The great tragedy of life is not that people set their sights too high and cannot achieve their goals, but they set their sights too low—and do.”[1]

Your passion is your vision for life. We base it on our core values, strengths, skills, interests, and talents. We can derive our passion from both pain and suffering, which can create a desire for justice in a certain situation or area.

Mother Mary Teresa Bojaxhiu, commonly known as Mother Teresa, knew at age 18 that she had a calling to follow God. During her life she cared for the poorest of poor in India and throughout the world.

Mother Teresa took a vow of poverty and choose to live in the poorest regions in order to help those who needed her. What drove her to become who she was, was her passion for what she felt God called her to do. Her passion drove her to break boundaries previously thought to be impossible.

Passion is a natural human force that will inspire a call to action. It fuels you to make changes for the better. In your life and in others. But we cannot find passion while sitting on a couch. We find passion outside of your comfort zone.

We discover our passion by taking risks and choosing a purposeful action in the hopes of a positive result.
We realize our passion by making mistakes, mistakes that create the “Ah Ha” moment born from experience and fostered out of endurance.

Passion creates clarity in life knowing that you are living your best life with no fear or anxiety. Not that you won’t be afraid or anxious. It’s your passion and you’re knowing your life’s purpose that brings clarity to life and self-confidence to your life.

Clarity is having the sink or swim feeling in your stomach and choosing to swim.  

Passion is a life skill that we must be proactively pursue. You must confront anything that blocks it or stands in the way of you achieving it. Resisting the thought of quitting makes life more satisfying.

“The fish don’t come to the boat. The fisherman must go to the fish. “

―Joseph Binning

So how do we discover our passions so we can live our best lives? Here are a few suggestions:

• Start a passion journal. Write down what excites you. Anything that you can’t stop thinking about. Things that automatically make you smile when they come to mind. Don’t think, just write.
• Ask your friends, with no expectations, what you are good at. It will surprise you at what you will hear. Write it down.
• Ask yourself what you are good at, what drives you and does not seem like work. Write it down again, don’t think, just wright.
• Ask yourself what makes you feel good, both about yourself and life. Doing what you Love will never seem like work. Especially when you are working hard. Write it down.
• Ask yourself the question “if I could have any job in the world that I Love doing without the risk of failing at it, what would it be,”? Chances are that’s what you should be doing. Write down the answers.
• Make a list of small steps that will lead you into action and review it daily. Watching one less television show is a good start. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Not a gigantic leap, one small step followed by another and another and another.
• Do an assessment of who you associate with. Are they asleep or are they actively working towards their passion in life? Show me your friends and I will show you who you will be in five years. Like attracts like.

Your passion will define you. You will become so intertwined in it you won’t be able to tell where it starts, and you end or vice versa. you will eat, sleep, drink, and breathe your passion and life will never be the same.

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Michelangelo Quotes/quotefancy.com/accessed 01/19/2021/ https://quotefancy.com/quote/18464/Michelangelo-The-greater-danger-for-most-of-us-lies-not-in-setting-our-aim-too-high-and

The post In Order to Quench Your Thirst for Life You Must First Drink from The Well of Passion appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life

Routine. It’s both a blessing and a curse. Routine can assure us we will be in the same place at the right time and not realize we are living the same day for 75 years and call it a life. Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life.

Most of us know what routine is. Dictionary.com lists routine this way:

routine

noun

1. A customary or regular course of procedure.
2. Commonplace tasks, chores, or duties as done regularly or at specified intervals, typical or everyday activity: the routine of an office.
3. Regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.
4. An unvarying and constantly repeated formula, as of speech or action; convenient or predictable response: Don’t give me that brotherly love routine!

Pay particular attention to number 3 regular, unvarying, habitual, unimaginative, or rote procedure.

Mind numbing behavior that lulls us into a mindless stage that allows life to pass us by without us even knowing it.

I wrote an article titled Avoiding the Hole. You can access it here: AVOIDING THE HOLE

It tells of the dangers of routine. Routine in our daily lives is not bad. We just can’t live the same day, then call it good and check out.

The story is about a person who walks the same path every day (routine) and does not even know they are. They notice the birds singing and the sun shining and are blind to the dangers associated with it.

It’s a beautiful day and they are happy, or so they think (routine=comfort zone). One day a hole appears in front of them (a challenge) and they fall into the hole (struggle). What ensues next is what frightening. When we are forced out of our routines we can feel alone, scared, confused, and even fearful.

The next day when they are walking to work, things seem different. Things seem just a little off. Walking down the same street (routine) and what appears? You guessed it, the hole. In they fall and the emotions of being trapped and out of a comfort zone (routine) create anxiety, stress, and fear, again.

The next day, while walking to work, everything is different. The sun isn’t shining, and the birds are not singing. Low and behold, what do they see? The hole. This time they walk around it (change to the routine).

The next day they walk down a different street (eliminate the routine).

“You don’t drown by falling in a river but by staying submerged in it”

-Paulo Coelho

Like I said, routine can be useful. We just need to pay attention that we don’t get stuck in a pattern of living a planned and bland life. Not paying attention can cause us to struggle (falling into a hole) which leads to anxiety, which leads to stress.

Living a routine life can lead to unhappiness in one’s life because we all need excitement sometimes. We need to see unfamiliar landscapes, hear different music, dance to the beat of a different drummer. It keeps us fresh. It keeps us feeling alive inside.

So here are some helpful tips for changing the routines in your life:

1. Wake up at different times each day.
2. Change your exercise routines regularly.
3. Watch different television shows or don’t watch any some nights.
4. Read a different type of book.
5. Change your look, clothes can sometimes make the person a new person.
6. Get your coffee at a different place every day.
7. Drive or walk a different route to work each day.
8. Listen to a different radio station or choose a different play list.
9. Eat new foods, preferably healthy foods.
10. Choose a new restaurant for date night. If you don’t have a regularly scheduled date night, make one.
11. Trade turns picking out the restaurant and agree to go to different ones each time.
12. Turn off the television and play a board game.
13. Put off the chores and go outside to a park or the mountains or better yet, the beach.

Walk down a different street to avoid the hole. And while you are at it, wear something new when you do.

That’s why I say Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life.

You might also like this: CHANGE✵WHY IT’S NECESSARY ~ AND HOW TO DO IT WELL

And this one: MEDIOCRITY✵NOT THE LIFE YOU’RE HERE TO LIVE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post Don’t Live the Same Day For 75 Years and Call It A Life appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Sometimes we forget to recognize the richness in our lives. We forget that a thankful heart creates a grateful heart. This is mainly from the messages we encounter every day, telling us to focus on what we don’t have instead of the abundance we do have.

This creates a conflict in our innate nature, our inner self, our sense of gratitude. Rather than focusing on what we do not have, what we have not achieved, where we did not go, or who we do not have in our lives, we should focus on the many blessing we have that we take for granted.

“Be thinkful in order to be thankful,”

— John Maxwell author

If we take a moment and take an inventory of our blessings, I call it thinking on them, we will gain a new appreciation for how well we live, no matter our circumstances.

If for example you walk in another man’s shoes, figuratively, you will gain a newfound appreciation and a true understanding of how blessed you are.

You will see:

• How easily you can feed your body.
• How easily you can feed your mind.
• How easily you can move from place to place.
• How easily you can attend to daily tasks.

For most of us we are used to walking up to a light switch, turning it on, and having light. Yet 940 million (13% of the world) do not have access to electricity. [1]

For most of us, we are used to turning on the stove and cooking dinner. Yet 3 billion (40% of the world) do not have access to clean fuels for cooking.[2]

Focusing on what we do have, and being grateful for it, brings about a spirit of thankfulness. Gratitude is the least expressed but most important virtue in any person’s life. It’s when we realize it we grow toward thankfulness.

“The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”

— Douglas Wood

There is a term called compassionate gratitude that we all should be aware of. It’s a combination of compassion and gratitude.

Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, they define it as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.[3]

Gratitude expresses appreciation for what one has. It is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth. Spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth.[4]

When we combine the two terms and understand the meaning of the combined definitions, we can come to realize our true abundance and can awaken feelings of guilt in your heart. Guilt coming from not fully appreciating how well you live verses the mixed messages you receive in your daily life.

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”

— Brené Brown

When we establish the mindset of “there will always be a place for you at our table for you and your loved ones”, we begin to fully appreciate the rich and plentiful bounty we can all have and can all share with others in our individual lives.

In this time of thanks lets all remember that A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart.

I’ve written another article you might like that addresses this topic. You can access it here:

JOY✵HOW TO FIND, AND KEEP IT.

And don’t forget life is a miracle. You just need to know where to look in order to see them. You can read about it here: MIRACLES ✵ HOW TO SEE THEM EVERY DAY

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Access to Energy/Our World Data.org/by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser/accessed 11/26/2020/https://ourworldindata.org/energy-access#:~:text=940%20million%20%2813%25%20of%20the%20world%29%20do%20not,a%20high%20health%20cost%20for%20indoor%20air%20pollution.

[2] Access to Energy/Our World Data.org/by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser/accessed 11/26/2020/https://ourworldindata.org/energy-access#:~:text=940%20million%20%2813%25%20of%20the%20world%29%20do%20not,a%20high%20health%20cost%20for%20indoor%20air%20pollution.

[3] Compassion defined/what is compassion/ Greater Good Magazine/accessed 11/26/2020/ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition

[4] Gratitude/PsycologyToday.com/accessed 11/26/2020/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gratitude

The post A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“In any relationship, the leader must convince those following him to follow him by being a leader worth following”.

−Joseph Binning

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (I’m not giving up on you so keep going).

Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your partner or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your partner or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Don’t offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared. If you don’t she will go somewhere else and that is the beginning of the end.

Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak last. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t just tell her,  show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, or big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

2. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

3. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

4. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. I’m not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

5. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

6. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The post What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

1. Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

2. Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

3. Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

4. Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

5. Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

6. Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good.  Praise,  recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

7. Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

8. Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

9. Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

10. Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

11. Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

12. Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post In Order to Love Someone Well, You Must Love Yourself, First * 12 Easy Steps to Learn How appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Like preparing for a mega-marathon, it requires more than just knowledge. You need the right equipment, and you need to know how to take care of that equipment to serve you and in case of emergency. You need the right people around you, people who are knowledgeable and willing to train you. And you need to be ready and willing to train, learn, and change. You can only learn when you are willing and ready. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Most of all, you need a reason to get to the finish line without quitting—a reason strong enough to quiet the voices in your head that make you want to give in.

In this vast world that moves so fast, we struggle to be relevant, influential, important, respected, loved, and—sometimes—just to be seen. I am the voice who shouts, “You Matter!” because you do, more than you might know. Sometimes you just need a little help to point you in the right direction.

The Tao Te Ching says, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” (emphasis added). I encourage you to be open to new ideas as you read this. I encourage you to let go of your past self and start anew.

I have a saying: “If you don’t like something, change it.” And remember, you are worth every ounce of effort and concentration that you put into yourself because You matter, even if you do not think so.

The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes. 

—Marcel Proust

You are born. You grow. You mature. You become an adult. You go to work. You may have children. You may have grandchildren. You may grow old. You may retire, or you may work until you die. You die. Is that about right?

You are not dead, or you would not be reading this. Yet, how alive are you?

It is so easy to settle in, follow the rules, pay your dues, and then wait for the end in the process of this thing called life—have you become numb? Or maybe you have not noticed. When you were young, you probably had dreams and visions, and maybe a few lofty goals. If you were like most, though, as you grew into adulthood, you abandoned your dreams and lofty goals one by one. Did you do that? Or did circumstances dictate your path? Do you have a suspicion, even a tiny one, that you might have missed out on an original life?

Do people have a hard time “seeing” who you really are? Do you secretly feel as if no one knows the real you or gets who you are deep inside? Is that because you have not let them? Have you created and nourished a wonderful sense of yourself? Or have you camouflaged yourself with habits, behaviors, compromises, possessions, money, or fear- or ego-driven behaviors? Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know who you are?

Following your death, you will have a tombstone or marker, on which will appear your name, a concise epitaph written by someone, and the date of your birth and death separated by a dash. The dash between your birth and death stands for your life. The dash stands for who you were and what others will remember you for. The dash symbolizes your entire life, the mark you left on people and this world, the meaning of your existence.

Life is not merely being alive, but being well

—Marcus Valerius Latin poet/author

If I were to ask you what your dash will stand for, beyond the loving words of your immediate family, what would you say? What significant event, purpose, effect, or deed would your lasting impression on the world represent? If you were on trial in a court of law and needed to justify your right to stay in your chosen country of residence by providing evidence of your good deeds and contributions, would you have enough evidence? Or would we find you lacking? What significance or purpose is there to your being on this earth?

You probably have a family and love your family that you love. But your family is not why you are here. Bearing children is the minimum requirement for ensuring the future existence of our species. It is not what keeps you from wondering if this is all there is, or if there is some deeper meaning in your life. Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know why you are here?

When you settled into your current job, relationship, home, marriage, routine, or lifestyle, did you gain weight? Over 60 percent of couples gain at least thirty pounds after settling into marriage and family life. Did you reason that your weight gain was from bearing children, the stress of work, the pressure of a mortgage, two car payments, dental bills, or a health condition?

Were you designed for a greater life, but are too busy to have one? Do you think greatness is only for the talented, the chosen, the lucky few? Do you sometimes wonder what if? What if I had gone to school instead of getting pregnant? What if I had married that girl? What if I had moved to that other state? What if I had started a business? What if I had traveled more before settling down? What if I had never had kids? What if I had stayed in school instead of dropping out?

If you were to introduce yourself to me for the first time, you would likely tell me your name, your age, your status in your family, the number of children you have and their ages and genders, the city you live in, something about your pets or hobbies, and what you do for a living.

News flash! None of these are who you are!

Each one of us must find his peace from within, and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.

—Mahatma Gandhi leader of the Indian Independence Movement

Identifying yourself with your age, what you do for a living, or with the members of your family is a response that comes from a lack of knowing yourself. Until you know who and what you are, and why you are here, the dash on your gravestone will have no meaning beyond your job and your family status and sentiments. Your dash needs to stand for something.

So, who are you? Why are you here? Why now? Why this place? What benefit to humanity do you bring to the table and how will the world be a better place because you are in it?

Say out loud with me right now: “humanity.” Like the ripple effect of a stone skipping across a pond, it means we design the meaning of our life to create multiple waves of momentum, radiating outward from your life and into our world, making lasting change for the betterment of humanity. Unless you have no clue why you are here. Don’t feel bad. Most people have no clue either.

In the world, we place much emphasis on our station in life. What we have or possess. Where we live, what we drive, what we wear, who we associate with, where we go. The list goes on and on. It’s easy to think because we have not that we don’t matter. That our lives are insignificant. That we have wasted space. That we don’t count.

Some will or have trained you to believe that life is fair. They are wrong; life is not fair. Why would we have sickness and death? Why do we have floods? Famine? Earthquakes? If they meant it to be fair, we would have none of these. But we do.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

—Muhammad Ali Heavy Weight Champion

When you first learned how to walk, do you remember falling? Do you remember how many times you fell? Most likely not. What you do possibly remember was the feeling of standing strong with a newfound independence, a world opened to alternative possibilities. That was not the teaching moment. It was when you got back up. When you came close to something stable, leaned into it, and pulled yourself up. That was life teaching you how you looked at it.

The teaching moment is in the moment of pulling yourself up, time and time again, until you get what you decided on, not because you deserved it, because you earned it. In life, we deserve nothing. It does not promise us anything. Everything we receive is a gift and we need to look at it that way. When you appreciate everything in your world, it becomes beautiful.

Joy happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.

—Marianne Williamson, author/ lecturer

Too many of you feel as if you are insignificant today. That you don’t matter. You have no voice that anyone listens to and possibly you don’t deserve to one. Some of you shout, possibly out of frustration, demanding to be heard. Some of you just fade into the background and don’t get back up.

Some of you feel you are not being seen. That you are not being noticed in life. That it is passing you by. You attract attention to yourself, shouting to the world “Look at me!”.

Some of you don’t feel respected and demand it from the world around you, yet the actions taken to gain respect are not respectful to others. I world will naturally give respect when you are respectful to others.

Here’s the truth. You Matter, even if you don’t think so. You Matter ESPECIALY if you don’t think so.

Take a moment and look at any sunrise. Watch as the sun gently and faithfully rises each morning. Watch as colors slowly engulf the sky, putting on a heavenly light show for you.

Watch as it sets below the horizon at night. Watch as it sets, and the moon rises. Notice the stars as they dance for you, just for you.

Notice the hummingbird as it hovers, passing pollen from place to place so life may grow.

Listen to the wind as it gently brushes against your ears, pushing the leaves from here to there.

Watch the power of the ocean as the waves crash into the shores forever, keeping it in motion.

Know that the sunrise and sunset dictate the tides and seasons perfectly and with the sole purpose to sustain you.

Now know this. Your creator, whoever you worship, believe in, pray to, meditate to, give an offering to, or hold deep in your heart, would still have created this, even if you were the only person on this planet. That’s how valuable you are. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, all of it. Just for you.

The lack of or approval of others, the lack of or acceptance of others, the lack of or respect of others, can never change that fact. When you feel alone, when you feel oppressed, when you do not feel valued, when you do not feel seen or heard, remember that fact. You Matter! You Matter to me. You Matter to us as a community. You Matter to the world. This world would not be the same without you. We need you, all of us, and we need each other, every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year.

It’s when we forget that there is only one race, humanity, that we feel alone. When we forget, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You are NOT broken; you are NOT a mistake. We cannot do this without you. You are an intricate piece of the puzzle of life we are all a part of the puzzle is incomplete without you.

That’s why I say and believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post Why I Believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

Depending on who you check with, they estimate that the average human being makes between six hundred to thirty-five hundred decisions each day. From what we wear, to what and where we eat, to who we call or do not call back, to what we watch or listen to, and on and on and on.

We decide what kind of car to purchase, what college to attend, what neighborhood to live in or whether to buy the blue shirt or blouse or the gray one. We determine whom to marry, what kind of entertainment to enjoy and what to have for lunch. We decide in our life every day.

Annie Dillard said it this way, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”

When I reflected on this question before I penned this, it reminded me of the age-old question: is the zebra black with white stripes, or white with black stripes? There is only one answer it is both black and white.

People will spend their entire lives doing something because of a random suggestion by a friend, relative, or an influencer in their lives, or it was just possibly convenient. Perhaps they knew someone who would recommend them for the position. Next thing they know they wake up and it’s forty years later, and they have done nothing they had hopes and dreams of doing as a youth. Whatever notions of ambition they had as a kid were mere random scratches on the blackboard of life.

• The average person will spend one third of their life at work. Ninety thousand hours at work over a lifetime according to a report by Gettysburg College.
• As reported in a Business Insider article, according to the Deloitte’s Shift Index survey, 80% of workers are dissatisfied with their jobs.
• According to the American Journal of Family Therapy, those married to workaholics said in a study that they feel more estranged from their partners, and that they feel less control of their relationship.
• One third of managers in the UK are losing their sense of humor because of work according to the Quality of Working Life report from Chartered Management Institute and Workplace Health Connect.
• Nearly sixty percent of working people are becoming insomniacs because of their jobs according to the Quality of Working Life report from Chartered Management Institute and Workplace Health Connect.
• The average person spends over one hundred hours commuting to work in the US according to the US Census Bureau.
• One quarter of Americans say work is their number one source of stress according to The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health.

• It is estimated that stress is the fifth-biggest cause of death as reported by The Baltimore Sun.
• In Japan, hundreds of Japanese workers die every year from “karoshi,” or death by overwork. That might involve suicide or dropping dead at their desks as reported by the Associated Press.
• Nearly half of America has gained weight at their current job; 26% have gained over 10 pounds, 11% have gained over 20 according to Career Builders.
• That might not be changing for the better soon, as 40% of millennials say they “feel guilty” for using all their vacation days as reported by Randstad.
• And even when employees go on vacation, 42% of them say they feel the pressure to check in with their offices while gone, also reported by Randstad.

I have a saying that I tell people all the time, typically when they tell me about how unsatisfied they are with their work situation:

Do, what you have to do, in order to do what you want to do.

Most of you are not doing what you intended to be doing in your youth. Life happened, and WHAM, you are working a job you don’t like, that stresses you out (I’ve seen your emails at 9:00 PM because you were still working), for a company that will fire you in a minute (one oh crap will ruin one hundred Atta boy or girl’s), working with people you may or may not like but have no say so in the matter, possibly doing something you care less about, all so you can just scrape by for forty years, retire, and die. Never living up to the potential you were born for, life destined you to live.

A recent study by The Federal Reserve Bank of New York shows that 41% of Recent Grads Work in Jobs Not Requiring a Degree.

One of my favorite authors, Jim Rohn, has written, “if you don’t design your own life plan to be a success, chances are you will fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what someone else has planned for your success? Not much.”

So how do we design our lives to reflect who we are with what we are (GREAT)? I’m glad you finally asked.

Get a DREAM.

Most of you have a dream, or at least you think you do. But it’s really a wish. My definition of a Dream is something you live, breathe, eat, sleep, that is so big it is scary. A Dream will make you lose sleep to finish up a project you are working on at night so you can say goodbye to your day job. It is something that will keep you home at night to make it happen instead of hanging out with your friends who are not going anywhere either. It will force itself upon you and make you shut off the television, force you to do things that scare the heck out of you that you do, anyway.

So how do you discover your Dream? You must know what it is.

I have an acronym for Dream:

D- Discover it

R- Realize it

E- Envision it

A-Attain it

M- Motivate others with it

Your Dream is something you cannot stop thinking about, it’s always on your mind, front and back. Life, and fear, stop you from believing that it is possible, along with life’s Nay Sayers. Those helpful influencers in your life who are trying to protect you. Truth is they just want company.

Get the right people on the bus, and the wrong ones off it.

Humans will follow the path of least resistance. Change is scary. It is hard. But it is essential to living an authentic life, following your Dream, and being true to your purpose.

“anybody can have butterflies in their stomach. The trick is to get them to fly in formation”.

Dale Carnegie

Discover it

To discover your Dream, you must select a Dream that will align with your Purpose without bending to make it fit. Your Purpose is why you are here. Your Dream is what you will do with the life it has blessed you with. For help discovering your Purpose download my Seven Days to Discovering Your Purpose here:https://www.josephbinning.com/product-category/lessons/

You already know what your Dream is, you just need to ask yourself why you have it and what am I going to do with it?

Realize it

Many are called, yet few will answer. Realize that there is more to life than working someplace for someone who does not care for, or about you. Making a product that you can care less about, with people you may or may not like, for people you do not even know.

Job stands for “Just Over Broke” which is all it will keep you. You can do better. Realize you were born for something greater than what you have accepted as normal and believe it.

Envision it

It sounds simple but seeing in your mind how you want your life to be, and the surrounding life around you, is an enormously powerful tool. Too many times we can lose sight of our vision by taking our focus off our Dream and focus on the “noise” around us. That is why in the working force only 3% do not rely on someone else for a paycheck. 97% of the working force have a wish. Only 3% have a Dream.

Attain it

Always focus on the Dream and not the person. It’s not about you, it’s about the Dream. Having a Dream is not a spectator sport, it requires participation. You can tell the size of a persons Dream, by how little it takes to take it away. Live the Dream. Understand the Dream and its larger purpose. Let the world see your Dream threw you.

Julius Caesar once said, “If you want to take the island, burn the boats”. Do whatever it takes to make your Dream possible and do not give up. Not only will you be giving up on your Dream, but you will also give up on yourself.

Motivate others with it

Make the Dream “feel” special to others. They will not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. What makes your dream different and why would people want to be a part of yours?

Is it a rite of passage, or a tribal identity?

Energize your commitment to the Dream by staying true to the purpose of the Dream.

Remember, the center of gravity is found by moving forward, not standing still.

Last, live the Dream.

Understand it, believe in it, articulate it, and sell the Dream.

The larger purpose of the dream and the specific tasks of the Dream need to fulfill the larger purpose of the Dream.

Ensure the purpose of the Dream align with your behavior, values, decisions, and language.

I have always known my life’s Purpose was to tell people all people, that You Matter. In my upcoming book You Matter, even if you do not think so I do just that. Why? Because it is my Dream to live in a world where we no longer look at skin color, station in life, or popularity. Where every voice is heard, especially those who think theirs do not because they have been told so by so many for so long. Where we all can stop and quiet the noise, be still, and see the genuine beauty around us. Where every child can know that they can be anything they will work at in life and that they are not victims, but warriors. Warriors for good.

Won’t you join me? The world needs you and your Dream. Now take a chance and jump in the water. We are all waiting for you.

I wrote another article that you might like. You can access it here:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FINISHING AND FINISHING WELL IS IN THE TIMING

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post Are YOU choosing your life, or will life choose it for you? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.