Every morning I see him. Every morning, he stares back at me. Some days in wonder. Some days in disbelief.

Some days I do not recognize him. Some days he is mighty. Some days he is not. Some days he is vibrant. Some days he is old, almost ancient.

But every day he shows up. Without fail, he is there. Waiting. Waiting for me to ask him that fatal question. The one that drives him yet frightens him at the same time.

Every day I have an appointment with him, and I must ask the question. Some days he can’t wait to be asked. Some days, I would rather not ask him.

He will answer, truthfully and honestly. Even if he would rather not. Because he must. Not because he has to, because he chooses to.

I ask him, “are you the man you are supposed to be and are you doing your best to stay that way?”.

As men, we don’t like accountability. We like to be anonymous. To do things our own way. Reinventing the wheel because we have a better way. We are this way because it’s easier. Easier to hide.

We were all born like a bull in a China shop. We crash through life sometimes, not noticing the damage we do to what is around us. We were born that way, on purpose.

Bulls can be extremely dangerous. They are big, strong, and powerful creatures. Put them in a ring and place a cowboy on their back and watch what happens. The cowboy eventually sails into the air, only to have a sudden stop caused by the ground.

Yet to watch a bull in his natural environment and he seems docile, calm, almost gentle. He is the symbol of strength and prosperity. We refer a bull market to as strong with good growth potential.

He brings calm and protection to his fold. They know that as long as he is near danger will not be of concern because if it appears, he will swiftly and harshly deal with it.

His purpose is to serve, protect, and to ensure the fold increases and prospers. That is his purpose. He is a beast.

As men, we are called upon to be a beast, not a lamb.

“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.” The quote, from a novel by the author G. Michael Hopf, sums up a stunningly pervasive vision of history.

Today’s man has gone from being a beast to a lamb. We slaughter lambs. We fear beasts.
As a man, you are called to be a beast and to get the beast under control. This is not to say you are to tame the beast. Far from it.

Men no longer lead families. Mostly women do. The modern man is no longer the leader. They have become sheep. Asking permission of their wives rather than asking their opinions. Ask your friends who are married who controls the checkbook. Mostly it is the woman.

Women do not control the checkbook because they want to, mostly. They control the checkbook because they need to. Men relinquish it to them to manage. They do not want the responsibility.

The average man in America gains 30 pounds in the first five years of marriage.[1] Men have gone soft.

Men;

• No longer make decisions (just ask him where he wants to eat. His typical answer will be “wherever you want, dear”).
• Are not the protector of the family.
• Do not set a healthy example for the family.
• No longer respect themselves enough to take care of themselves.
• Do not show a positive example of self-discipline and self-denial to the family. (is it any wonder the children act up?).

The divorce rate in America is 44.6%.

the average marriage in America lasts 8.2 years.

Divorce rates go higher in professions where the man is away from the family unit longer.

The number one reason for divorce is lack of commitment, followed by infidelity, excessive conflict, married to young, and financial issues. [2]

If I asked you to fly on a plane that had a 44.6% chance of crashing, would you still fly on it?

If you thought that there was a 44.6% chance that someone else would have just as much or more input in the say of your children’s lives, would you still have one, or two, or three?

If you thought you had a 44.6% chance that the woman you love and adore would hate you in as little as five years, would you still marry her?

As men, we are called on to be a beast, not a lamb. We slaughter lambs and fear beasts.

As a beast, you must slaughter the laziness within you.

As a beast, you must drive away the selfishness you show by putting the family second, third, or even fourth.

As a beast, we must fight the animal that lives within us so we can be show those you love the gentler side of us yet still allow the beast to reign.

As a beast, you must at all times be willing to defend, protect, and provide for your families.

As a beast, you must learn to do that which you might not be good at now.

As a beast, you must realize that your families do not care about why you were away from them, and only care that you are there with them.

As a beast, you must fight the urge to “just relax for a moment”.

As a beast, you must work hard to earn your family’s respect and trust. This is done by being there. Showing them by example. Living it.

As a beast, you are called to create safety and prosperity for the family unit.

As a beast, you are called to have a daily meeting with the man in the mirror and ask him “are you the man you are supposed to be and are you doing your best to stay that way?”.

If the answer is no, slaughter the lamb and release the beast.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Livestrong.com/ Why Do People Gain Weight After Marriage? /Accessed 09/20/2021/ https://www.livestrong.com/article/130602-people-gain-weight-after-marriage/

[2] The Hive Law/ (2021 Divorce Rate in America) How Many Marriages End In Divorce Statistics/ accessed 09/20/2021/ https://www.thehivelaw.com/blog/divorce-statistics-us-divorce-rate-in-america/

The post The Man in the Mirror appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny.

I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain’t pretty what happens the next day.

I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons.

I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt.

The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is:

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

 

Arthur Ashe[1]

The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female.

It’s my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost.

The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome.

Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I.

The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose.

Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life.

Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason.

It’s in our daily decisions we create our lives. It’s in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw[2]

What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world’s greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy[3]

I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things.

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis[4]

Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you.

Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do.

The truth is:

I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice.

I’ve been homeless.

I’ve been broke.

I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did.

But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no.

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life.

John Maxwell[5]

The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It’s only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it’s what happens during the journey that creates the person.

It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become.

It’s what you learn along the way that counts.

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

Margaret Mead[6]

In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Brainy Quote/Arthur Ashe Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/arthur_ashe_119072

[2] Philosiblog/the character of a man/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://philosiblog.com/2013/11/14/progress-is-impossible-without-change-and-those-who-cannot-change-their-minds-cannot-change-anything/

[3] Brainy Quotes/Leo Tolstoy Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/leo_tolstoy_105644

[4] Brainy Quotes/Nikos Kazantzakis Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/nikos_kazantzakis_176142

[5] Optimize.me/Quotes John Maxwell/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.optimize.me/quotes/john-c-maxwell/you-will-never-change-your-life-until-you-change-something-3

[6] Brainy Quotes/Margret Mead Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/margaret_mead_101283

The post In The End. That’s All There Is appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

• Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

• Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

• Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

• Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

• Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

• Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

• Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

• Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

• Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

• Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

• Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

2. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

3. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

4. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

5. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

6. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

You might also like this article.

RELATIONSHIPS✵Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The post What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

 

Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.

Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions.

 Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.

Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values.

Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.

— Mahatma Gandhi[1]

Our feelings, thoughts, and responses to life have a great deal to do with the conditions in which we were raised, the locations in which we grew up, the channels of knowledge we received, and the beliefs of the people who raised us.

From before you can even remember, you have been making thousands of decisions and choices, many of which you were not aware of making, but following, or doing out of habit, or by not thinking, or choosing by lack of a specific desire. Every one of your decisions—both those you were aware of making, and those you were not aware of making—come into play every day of your existence. From birth, you they indoctrinate you with decisions and choices based primarily on someone else’s direction, opinion, desire, belief, need, or pressure.

Most mammals emerge from the womb like glazed earthenware emerging from a kiln—

any attempt at remolding will only a scratch or break them.

Humans emerge from the womb like molten glass from a furnace.

Humans can be molded and shaped with surprising freedom.

 

—Yuval Harari, Author, Sapiens[2]

Through education, politics, religion, culture, and other institutions, from childhood, they mold us into Christians or Buddhists, Capitalists or Socialists, Revolutionaries or Peace Seekers—and so on. Without realizing it, we are products of our conditioning.  What we perceive to be normal or true is a product of our history and upbringing, and these perceptions influence our decisions and actions every day.

Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

— Wayne Dyer[3]

I like to rephrase Mr. Dyer’s quote:

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

An online survey asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about someone you see for the first time, when seeing them from a distance?”  The overwhelming response was, “appearance.”  When asked what the second thing is, the majority answered, “the way they carried themselves and if they seemed approachable, or not, from a personal safety standpoint.”

A man entered a subway with his two children and sat staring ahead in a daze, as if lost in deep thought. His two children were running everywhere, loud, and unruly.  After some time, an annoyed passenger approached the man and said, “Excuse me, could you please tend to your children? They are disturbing the other passengers.”  The man looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, they just lost their mother.  Cancer.  They don’t know how to deal with it.”

We see people from the viewpoint of our perceptions of them, which are based on everything they have taught us, without knowing that we are not seeing them in their complete, true beingness.  Most times, that which we perceive is not the reality. Based on experiences, the passenger thought the children were unruly and the man was a bad parent. They base perceived reality on the limited, incomplete, and/or false knowledge, beliefs, and data.  Our perceptions of everyone and everything outside of us are all based on our reality—our learned beliefs, experiences, and expectations from them—though we believe we are being aimed to see factual reality.  Our perceived reality is the frame through which we see and explain the world.

We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

― Anaïs Nin[4]

One of the biggest thoughts that block our growth, peace, and happiness is the reasoning that, “It’s always been this way, so we need not change it.”

We need to change. We need to ask ourselves: “Why?  Why do I see things this way? Why do I react this way? Why do I act this way?” “Why do I say these things?”

Here is a simple exercise to help you:

Answer as honestly as you can.

Did you choose your profession based on your own perception of it?  Was it because you thought it would provide stability, or esteem, or some quality that you believed would be necessary or valuable?  Or was your decision a result of discussions with one or more parents, counselors, experts, or friends, and their perceptions of it?  Did you decide based on other’s perceptions, wishes, or offers?  Or did you choose it purely from your own thoughts and desires?

Did you marry or enter a relationship with someone of the same religious affiliation?  If so, did you choose that person?  Or were you following the family’s tradition, desires, or direction?  Or was your choice not influenced by religion at all?

Are you living in a location, dwelling, city, state, or country that you chose?  Or are you living in a location out of financial or other necessity?  Or are you living somewhere out of someone else’s desire, influence or requirement, or to be in proximity to a person, family, or group of people?  Are you living in a location for the pure and simple reason that you liked it and desired to live there?

Have you attended a college, university, or educational institution?  Whether yes, or no—is it because you chose to, or chose not to?  Was the choice yours, or was it made under the request or influence of someone else, or to make someone happy?

Are you deciding based on someone else’s opinion, request, need, or demand?  Or are you deciding based on your own desires, knowledge, or preferences?

Three men were building a wall at a beautiful church.  When asked what he was doing, the first replied, “I’m stacking these stones.”  The second man answered, “I’m building a wall.”  The third man declared, “I’m helping to create a magnificent place for people to find comfort and peace.”  Three different men doing the same task have three different perceptions of what they were doing.  Only one knew why.

Which one is most like you?  Why?

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming? In what way?

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.

When people see more things as good, other things become bad.

— Tao de Chang

Chapter 2 Verse 12[5]

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] AZ Quotes.com/Quotes/Authors/M/ Mahatma Gandhi/ https://www.azquotes.com/quote/453692

[2] Dreamflesg.com/reviews/Sapiens A Brief History of Mankind/ https://dreamflesh.com/review/book/sapiens/#:~:text=Most%20mammals%20emerge%20from%20the%20womb%20like%20glazed,much%20or%20more%20by%20culture%20as%20by%20nature.

[3] BraineyQoutes.com/Wayne Dyer Quotes/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/wayne_dyer_384143

[4] www.goodreads/Quotes/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=We+don%27t+see+things+as+they+are%3B+we+see+them+as+we+are.++%E2%80%95+Ana%C3%AFs+Nin&commit=Search

[5] Goodreads.com/Lao Tzu > Quotes > Quotable Quote/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/582339-when-people-see-some-things-as-beautiful-other-things-become

The post PERCEPTIONS & CHOICES Why You See and Choose What You Do appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“He Who Seeks Revenge Digs Two Graves”

— Chinese Proverb

Most people are familiar with the expression Revenge is a meal best served cold, but Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves.

Most of us, when wronged, hurt, or feel betrayed, want to avenge the wrong, to make it right in our eyes. But is revenge worth it? The desire for revenge creates pent up anger which:

• Causes you to lose yourself and prevent you from focusing on where you are and where you need to go.
• Causes you to live in that moment until released and prevents forward momentum.
• Can make you physically and emotionally sick.
• Clouds your judgement and can cause you to do something you wouldn’t normally do, say, or act like.
• Can make you bitter.
• Won’t make you feel better and could make you feel worse.

Merriam-Webster defines revenge as:

revenge verb

1: to avenge (oneself or another) usually by retaliating in kind or degree

2: to inflict injury in return for[1]

“Revenge… is like a rolling stone, which, when a man hath forced up a hill, will return upon him with greater violence, and break those bones whose sinews that gave it motion,”

— Jeremy Taylor, author[3]

If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.

I knew a person who disliked the fact that his girlfriend was “a big flirt”. This centered on his insecurity, but he didn’t see it that way.

One night, he and his girlfriend were at a party and she was being her social self. Annoyed with her, the man started flirting with a young woman to “get back at her” and in his mind wanted her to see how it felt.

The woman followed him into an empty room where she enticed him into having sex with her, which he did using the excuse he was drunk to justify his terrible choice. When they finished the woman walked up to the man’s girlfriend and told her what had just happened.

The girlfriend had enticed another man from that woman in the past and she was exacting her form of payback on the girlfriend and had used the man to get it. The man and his girlfriend are no longer together.

So how do we just forgo the need to exact revenge on another? Know that your thoughts “attract” things, situations, and people into your life daily. They will either move you towards where you need to be, or away from it. The choice is yours.

When you let go the need for revenge in your life, you allow better things to take its place. Not allowing the pent-up anger to fester in the first place can satisfy you and liberate you.

I have a friend who once told me to that it is okay to forgive someone who did not ask for it, for my benefit, but to mark them in the back of your brain. When pressed for a definition of that he said “to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs”.

I wrote an article about forgiveness that might help which you can read here:

Forgiveness Not for the Other Person

Forgiving people will prevent the need for revenge. It releases you for the chains that hold and bind you, which is not how you were created to be.

Possibly you have been someone who exacted revenge on another for something. Did it help you with whatever triggered the need for revenge?

Did it make things any better for longer than a short while?

Did it make you a better person because of it?

If so, you can start over. That’s the best thing about life, each day is a new day, and we can hit restart and start over. Never be afraid to start over because each time you do you won’t be starting from scratch; you will start from experience. Use that experience and make today better than yesterday.

I wrote an article about starting over that might help, which you can read here:

YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Revenge verb/Merriam-Webster.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/revenge

[2] Sinew noun/Dictionary.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/sinew

[3] Jeremy Taylor Quotes/allauthor.com/accessed 11 https://allauthor.com/quotes/75994/ /

The post Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“In any relationship, the leader must convince those following him to follow him by being a leader worth following”.

−Joseph Binning

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (I’m not giving up on you so keep going).

Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your partner or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your partner or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Don’t offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared. If you don’t she will go somewhere else and that is the beginning of the end.

Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak last. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t just tell her,  show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, or big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

2. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

3. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

4. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. I’m not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

5. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

6. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The post What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship? appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“Far too many people are looking for the right person, instead of trying to be the right person.”–Gloria Steinem.

As humans, we all desire and seek Love. We were, in fact, created to find, fall into, and be in Love. Finding it is easier than keeping it. For Love to last and remain passionate, warm, safe, and trustworthy, intimacy is the key. Intimacy brings you close. Intimacy creates trust. Intimacy builds the bond that will keep you together when the storms of life befall you. The key to creating intimacy, in any relationship, is communication.

For men (and I know because I am one of them) the subject of intimacy is confusing. I have heard it said from a trusted friend of mine that in relationships you will either misunderstand or be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is.

When a woman tells a man, she wants an intimate relationship with him she means she wants to feel close to him, trust him, and have the relationship where she could bare her soul and share all of her secrets to and be able to trust that all will be safe.

When a man hears a woman tell him she wants an intimate relationship with him, he sees her naked, in bed.

Intimacy, as a subject, is a difficult thing to understand. Especially for men. Dictionary.com defines intimacy as “a feeling of being intimate”. (A lot of help that does to help me understand it.) “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.” There it is again, sex (at least in a man’s mind).

Last, “sexual intercourse”. And there it is in black and white.[1]

It’s no wonder that men and women struggle with intimacy in relationships. We confuse the sex with closeness, a bond, a spiritual connection. But it’s just sex. Eventually that all slows down or stops. Mix two jobs into the equation, throw in two kids, add some outside pressures from community or possibly family, and suddenly your roommates who only connect when you brush by each other in the hallway going opposite directions.

After the beginning stage of a relationship is over, lovingly nicknamed the Honeymoon Stage, and the relationship feels “familiar or comfortable”, for a woman to stay closer to her partner she needs a deep connection to them. She needs to feel safe. She needs to feel she is seen, heard, appreciated, cherished, and adored. If you give her these things, she will faithfully follow you anywhere and be supportive of you. But she will only do that with intimacy. Once that disappears, so will she.

Intimacy is not sex. Sex results from intimacy. Every woman will desire her partner passionately if you are intimate with her. It’s simple, basic chemistry. Get a woman to desire you and she won’t want to take her hands off you.

We only create intimacy with communication. Words spoken. A conversation between two people.

According to speech mastery.com, in an article titled Words Spoken, How Many Do You Use in a Day? They report that men speak on an average 10,000 words per day and women speak on an average 25,000.[2]

For men, and remember I am one, the fundamental problem is that we speak most of our words BEFORE we come home.

In my upcoming book What Every Man Needs to Know About Women, or how to have my wife WANT to have sex with me again, I speak to men on how to create intimacy with your partner. The fact is you chose her. Her, not someone else. Finding her was tough. You had countless other attempts to find “Your Person” but they didn’t cut it. She is “The One”.

To protect this blessed gift you have, and it is a gift, will require you give her what she needs to feed her soul in this relationship, otherwise she will find it somewhere else. This is not to complete her. She doesn’t need you for that since she is complete and capable without you already. Don’t believe me? Don’t give her what she needs and watch her take care of herself without you.

But if you give her what she needs, you have a life of bliss.

How to Create Intimacy with Communication

Here are some suggestions of how to create Intimacy with Communication in your relationship.

1. Make eye contact

Whenever someone speaks to me and refuses to make eye contact with it me makes me feel they are being untruthful or disrespectful. When you speak with her, look her in the eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul. You will, if you try, be able to “see” her feelings. You will know how she feels and how important to her what she is saying is to her.

2. Be Present

The easiest way of making someone feel alone in a room, and this goes for both men and women, is to be somewhere else instead of being with them. When you are with her, BE WITH HER. Work will always be there. Who scored the winning goal doesn’t matter. What your friend on the other side of the world you have never met posted to social media doesn’t matter. The moment you are in is all that matters. Time is the only resource we cannot get back. Don’t waste it.

3. Be A Good Listener

Men are rational creatures, and women are emotional creatures. That’s just how we were created. If a woman trusts that you will listen, she will come to you. Most of the time she doesn’t need your help, she just wants you to listen. Don’t confuse the two. It’s easy to say, “well just do so and so and it solves your problem”. That’s not what she needs unless she asks for a suggestion. Women talk out problems, usually with other women because men do not listen. When she comes to you, she sometimes just needs to vent. Let her. It’s not a reflection on you, it’s just how she feels. Give her that.

4. It’s Not All About You

As men, we get offended when a woman shares her feelings with us. It’s as if she is attacking us, so we go on the defense. That’s the easiest way for her to shut down, withdraw, and learn you cannot be trusted with her feelings. She needs to learn I can trust you to listen. You are not in charge of her feelings; she is.

5. Protect Her from Her Enemies

Her biggest enemy is your ego. As men we all have one, some bigger than others, and sometimes it gets in the way. When in doubt, put her first. Put her feelings first. Put her welfare first. Put her trust first. She will return the favor if we do it without expectations.

6.No Expectations

Conditional Love is the worst. I have had it, I didn’t like it, and I left it specifically for that reason. When you do something kind, gentle, loving, or as an act of Love, don’t keep a scorecard. And a gift, and we should look at these as gifts, are no longer gifts if you expect to be repaid or rewarded for them. They become bribes. When you give, and I hope you give freely and often, give out of a place of Love for that person “just because”. Not because of….

7. Choose to be Kind, Instead of Being Right

When you have a choice, and you will choose kindness. Women respond to kindness better than being informed how wrong something is. They remember it both ways.

8. You Are Responsible to Her, Not for Her

Women cannot embarrass you for their action because it is their actions. They can only embarrass themselves around you when you believe you are her parent instead of her partner. If she makes a mistake, and she will, just as you will, cut her the same slack you cut yourself. We all make mistakes. When you discuss it, speak kindly, so when the shoe is on the other foot she will remember and do in kind.

9. Make Her Feel Like She Is the Only One in The Room

When you are with her, pay attention to her. Notice her. Tell her she is Beautiful, every time. All the time. Say it looking into her eyes. Gently hold her head and kiss her on the forehead, for no reason at all, and tell her how grateful you are to have her in your life. Not only will this fill her emotional bank account, but you will feel more connected to her.

10. Appreciate Her for Who She Is

In relationships we give ourselves roles to fill, responsibilities to take, tasks we assign to ourselves. We share the duties of life. Show her you appreciate her by sharing her load. Do something without being asked. Buy or pick flowers for no reason. Write her a note telling her how much you value her and appreciate her. Any act of random kindness creates lasting appreciation and gratitude.

Last, tell her you Love her by actions and words. I’m not saying buying her Love by showering her with gifts and trips. Gifts and trips have a place in every relationship, but they are not the glue that holds them together. They are the benefits of. It’s the little things that you do every day that will mean more to her that have a lasting value to her, and ultimately you. So, do them well.

[1] Intimacy/Dictionary.com/accessed 08/17/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/intimacy

[2] Speechmastery.com/ Words Spoken How Many Do You Use in a Day? /accessed 08/17/2020/ https://www.speechmastery.com/words-spoken.html

You might also like this: A THANKFUL HEART CREATES A GRATEFUL HEART

And this one: THE GREATEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE, IS TO LOVE YOURSELF

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

The post The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication appeared first on JosephBinning.com.

“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

1. Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

2. Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

3. Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

4. Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

5. Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

6. Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good.  Praise,  recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

7. Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

8. Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

9. Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

10. Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

11. Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

12. Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

The post In Order to Love Someone Well, You Must Love Yourself, First * 12 Easy Steps to Learn How appeared first on JosephBinning.com.