Change. People fear it. It’s frightening. We can’t control it. We know it’s coming. It always comes. It’s inevitable. When the winds of change come, we have two choices. We can build a wall and hunker down and hope it passes. Or we can build a windmill to bring a newfound energy into our lives.
People gravitate to what’s familiar to them. What they know. It doesn’t matter that what they know might or could be bad or wrong or bad for them, it’s what they know. People can carry bad habits and/or mindsets for years and become comfortable with them. They get used to things a certain way in our lives. It’s familiar.
Definition of winds of change
: forces that have the power to change things — used generally to mean change is going to happen.
This is the major reason we don’t like change. Familiar has an outcome we know. Change does not. This is the principal reason people fear it.
Change means uncertainty, something unknown. Something registers in people’s brains that triggers that uncomfortable feeling of the unknown. They imagine many outcomes, and none of them are good.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
George Bernard Shaw
The problem is that the one thing in life that is certain is that it will change. We have no control of it, ever. Never have, and never will have. If you think you do, ask the rain to stop in the middle of the storm. Won’t happen. You’ll just have to wait it out like the rest of us.
We can do our best to project a positive outcome in our lives in our minds, but unless your compass has been calibrated and maintained there is a strong chance that when you set sail of that small island in the middle of nowhere you will get lost.
You have two choices when the winds of change blow:
Build a wall and wait out the winds of change.
Build a windmill and use the energy of the storm to your benefit.
When confronted with change, most people prefer to hunker down and try to wait it out. “We have never done it this way in the past.” “I just don’t like it that way.” “I won’t do it that way, so I quit.”
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy
I have a friend who faced severe health issues because of certain life choices. After being diagnosed, they were given the information of what needed to change in their lives to correct the problem along with surgery.
The person agreed to change habits in order to receive the surgery and did for a while. But it wasn’t long before the old habits crept in and they were right back where they started, only now in debt.
Rather than resist the changes needed and dictated by life, build a windmill. The windmill uses the surrounding force to convert otherwise useless energies around it into a positive energy force that can be converted into positive and useful energy.
Really, it’s all about our perspective and how we look at things in these situations. How we perceive problems is how we decide on what action to take to fix it. If what we perceive to be true is actually not true, then we are making critical decisions based on inaccurate perceptions.
As an example of this, we can be heard saying that the sun is setting over the horizon as if it is moving in a circular path around us. Yet isn’t it actually true that it is standing still while the Earth rotates around the sun?
Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.
Nikos Kazantzakis
Being open to change allows for the positive forces in our lives to manifest and work to our benefit. Remember, the winds of change will blow whether we like it, so why not use them to our advantage rather than hunker down and get our roofs blown off?
I will leave you with this thought. Change is an attitude. If you say yes to change, you are opening yourself up to a new beginning with new and exciting outcomes. If you say you can’t change, you are really saying you won’t change. And that’s another article.
When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.
That why I say When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.
Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.
Margaret Mead
I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:
The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself
The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself
We were all born to Love. It’s our destiny to give ourselves to another. To be so connected with each other, that where we begin and the other stops is hard to determine. But The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself.
You cannot give that which you do not have to another. So, in order to fully Love another, you must fully Love yourself first.
Growing up for me was hard. I didn’t feel Loved. I didn’t feel needed. I didn’t feel wanted. Fact is, I was abandoned at a very vulnerable age. So, as I grew older, I needed to be Loved. I needed someone to Love me. This differs from needing someone because you Love them.
When you need to be Loved you will allow yourself to endure things which you shouldn’t. Abusive relationships, conditional or one-way relationships, Loveless relationships, the list goes on and on.
You identify yourself with the relationship because you have no self-identity. You just don’t know who you are as a person or as an individual. There is only We because you don’t see any value in Me.
So, you base your self-esteem on the We of the relationship. You lean on the other person just a little more than you should, and they eventually see you as weak, which you are.
You surrender your power over yourself to them and if they are not the right person for you, which they usually are not, they can use you at their will. Their opinion of you is what you believe to be true since you have such a low opinion of yourself.
You give them the power to destroy your entire day by merely saying mean, nasty, or negative things about you to you and you choose to believe it. Even though the words might not be true.
I have a saying that I use often. In order to be Loved, you must be Lovable. And in order to be Loveable, you must Love yourself first.
Self-Love is more important than just Love, because if you have no reference of what is good for you, how can you provide that which is good for someone else.
Self-Love is more important than just Love
So, what is Self-Love?
Self-Love is being your own best friend and not needing any other.
Self-Love is taking care of your own needs first, then another’s.
Self-Love is not settling for less than you deserve, ever.
Self-Love is setting healthy boundaries for yourself and others.
Self-Love is allowing yourself to not be perfect, simply perfect for you.
Self-Love is only allowing healthy relationships to enter and stay in your life.
Self-Love is never settling for a life of mediocrity, only the excellence you deserve.
Self-Love is forgiving yourself for your mistakes and knowing the mistakes only make you wiser.
Self-Love is always being thankful for everything, knowing you deserve the best.
“The heart that gives thanks is happy, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”
— Douglas Wood
Know that You Matter
So how do we live a life of Self-Love?
Know that You Matter. You have a voice and it deserves to be listened to, both by you and others.
Know that sometimes doors close on purpose. Life will sometimes close a door and yet open a window. Look for the window, then see what it’s showing you.
Don’t pretend to be okay when you are not. Be honest with yourself and others, always.
Live in a state of appreciation for yourself. Realize there is only one of you. You are unique on purpose.
Know that life was designed not to be a spectator sport. Life requires participation, so jump in.
Realize that nothing grows in your comfort zone, it only stays stagnant. Step outside of it and see what the world has in store for you.
Live intentionally. Stop reacting to life and be proactive. With purpose and on purpose.
Living a life of Self-Love will allow you to give yourself permission to receive what you want out of life. Getting what you want may take longer with Self-Love, but it will be worth the wait.
Life is a journey and you are the captain, you are in charge. You have the power to take it wherever you want and the ability to make it avoid wherever you don’t want to go. Set your course wisely and always remember The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself.
This writing is in memory of my Father, who—without knowing it — helped make me the man I am today.
When I was a young boy, my father seemed bigger than life, like most fathers seem to young sons. I looked at him in the same way that I imagine my son Jeremiah looked at me at that age—the Superhero—the towering giant who can fix anything, do anything, and make anything seem better than it is. We see what we want to see until we don’t. Little did I know that he would teach me an important life lesson. What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen.
Life took him away from me incredibly early in my life, so we never got to have the kinds of deep conversations that my son and I have had. We never shared a beer together. We never ran a half marathon together, never traveled the world together, never went camping, never attended baseball or football games together. My memories of him are very few, but I have one that will never fade.
I was about seven years old, and we were returning home from somewhere. We were laughing when he pulled into the driveway. He was good at making me laugh. As we got out, and I looked at him over the roof of the car, all I could see was his head. My superhero dad seemed so small, with only a head and no body. As I chuckled, I slammed the car door shut with my thumb still in the door. Screaming at the top of my lungs, crying for him to fix it, I stood frozen, unable to move. What he did next remains forever etched in my mind.
Calmly and gently, but firmly, my father said, “JOSEPH — OPEN THE DOOR.”
OPEN THE DOOR
At that point in my seven-year life, I had fallen, bumped, smashed, crashed, and broken quite a few objects and body parts. On those occasions when I’d hurt myself, I’d had seen the alarm in his eyes, sometimes panic. This time it was different. His eyes were still quiet and wise, as if he knew he was passing down an important lesson, from a father to his son.
Life guarantees things will go wrong, and we’ll get hurt. Sometimes in those moments, we freeze or panic. The lesson that my father taught me is, when those things happen, get calm, breathe—andOPEN THE DOOR. My dad reminded me I have the knowledge, the ability, and the strength to handle the situation.
So, I did, I opened the door, and I was free. Afterward, he walked me in the house, put my thumb on ice, and did what a wonderful dad does, gave me a bowl of ice cream. Then, we went to the doctor.
The thumb nail eventually fell off and, to this day, a small section on my left thumbnail doesn’t grow. That’s just fine with me. When I feel stuck, it’s my reminder to get calm, breathe, and OPEN THE DOOR.
Thanks Dad.
I was born to two people who Loved each other enough to deliver my brother and me into the world and create a family. Out of his sons, I was my father’s favorite. He and my mother discovered they weren’t right for each other and chose separate paths. It’s an awfully familiar story.
Some in my family have suggested my father did not have the proper tools to be a father, not in the state of mind, to be the best example for me. I’ll never know. He took the divorce extremely hard and could not see us after they separated. My last memories of him were watching him sit in his car crying outside of our house. Without my superhero father, I felt alone.
We moved every year. My mother struggled alone on a secretary’s salary to raise two boys in Los Angeles, California. Most landlords wouldn’t allow us to renew the lease, since most months we were late with rent. My brother and I never knew about that—her way of protecting us.
Being the new kid meant they bullied you
Being thenew kid meant they bullied you—unless the other kids thought you were crazy—in which case, they’d leave you alone. I learned early on to pick a fight with the biggest kid on the playground on the first day of school, even if I’d get pulverized, which was the case a fair amount of the time, and the other kids would leave you alone.
I ran away from home a few times. I thought If I could just find my dad then everything would be alright. I hadn’t yet been told that he was dead.
The cause listed on his death certificate I would later find was suicide.
Alcohol and sleeping pills were apparently somewhat common during that era. I found out three years after he died, when I was in ninth grade—again, my mother’s way of protecting us.
Although I was a decent student—passing my freshman year with a B+ average—I didn’t feel good enough, ever. When I was fifteen, my mother dropped me off at the local police station. From there, they sent me to juvenile hall and sent to live at a boy’s home for troubled youth, called at the time The Pacific Lodge Boys Home.
Woodland Hills, California, was a strange place for a boy’s home. We attended the local public high school for some sense of normal life. That worked in theory, but kids can be very cruel. We were referred to as “the Lodge Boys” by the other kids and reminded daily that we were not “normal” kids.
Friends were hard to come by, unless they were from the Lodge. So, most of us just hung out with each other, it created a bond between us. If someone from school messed with a Lodge Boy-and they usually did—we all came running. We called ourselves TheBand of Wayward Brothers.
They designed the daily schedule at the lodge around individual counseling and occasional family group counseling sessions, with the eventual goal of reuniting each boy into his family unit. I knew in the back of my mind I’d never return home, that I’d live at the Lodge until I turned eighteen, alone, with no family, no tribe, and no one to belong to—a throwaway child no one wanted.
One minute you belonged to something—be it healthy or dysfunctional, it was your tribe, your family—and the next minute, it’s taken away. You’re suddenly, unexpectedly, bewilderedly alone. After losing my dad as a child, I felt alone. Now I truly was alone and lost.
The multiple dorm residential facility had several counselors who worked and slept there during their shifts. One of my counselors, Cane, was a social worker. He was a warm, laid-back surfer guy, and was always nice, Cane genuinely cared and never judged us. I was horrible to him. We all were. We were a group of angry, hurt boys, deposited in a home for troubled youth, who felt alone in the world.
Out of the hundred, or so, kids at the Lodge that Christmas, only two of us were not going home to be with our family for the holiday. My friend Patrick and I wouldn’t be going home, which meant that our counselor Cane, whose shift was that night, had to stay at the dorm with just the two of us, instead being of home for Christmas with his family.
Out of the hundred, or so, kids at the Lodge that Christmas, only two of us were not going home to be with our family for the holiday.
Little did we know, Cane had asked, and received permission, to take Patrick and I off campus for Christmas. We didn’t know what we were getting into, but it was better than being at the Lodge for Christmas.
Cane picked us up on Christmas Eve and off we went on what he called
“Cane’s Christmas Present Run”, visiting friends of his to exchange presents and Christmas wishes. Not once did any of them make us feel awkward for being there, even though they knew where we were from. The day ended at his mother’s house with homemade Christmas dinner and all the fixings. It was a real family dinner with lots of food and lots of people, none of whom made either of us feel left out or unwelcome.
Cane and his mother gave presents to Patrick and me—no ugly sweaters or generic or cheap items—genuine gifts they put thought into selecting just for us. I had never known that kind of generosity. I didn’t understand it. I’ll never forget that day for as long as I live.
When he brought us back the next day, I asked him why he was being so nice to me. He said,
“My job, Joe, is to Love you enough, until the day comes when you can Love yourself that much.”
I have never forgotten his words, though I didn’t know what that meant.
My life changed that day. I have had my ups and my downs.
I’ve been homeless to a homeowner. Not a simple task in California.
Unemployable to a nationally recognized business owner.
Poor and broke, to not having to worry about being evicted.
A 15-year-old throw away child to a sitting Board Member of the San Diego Center for Children I affectionately call The Pacific Lodge Boys Home South.
A lost boy, to world traveler, knowing now that not all those who wander are lost.
Multiple Ironman triathlon series finisher.
And now new author of a book titled “You Matter, even if you don’t think so”.
Prove Them Wrong
To the next generation of Wayward Brothers and Sisters, or anybody who thinks they are stuck and frozen, here is what I have learned along the way. I hope it helps you.
Good people make bad decisions sometimes, that doesn’t make them bad people, it just makes it a bad decision.
Forgive easily and often. Others and especially yourself. Remember, there is only one perfect, and we aren’t it.
You are not broken, and therefore do not need “fixing”. You are perfect, just the way you are.
Life rewards the brave, so be brave. Take a chance on yourself and others.
Knowledge is only potential, but action is power. Knowing what to do is only half the equation. Take that leap of faith.
Be the best for you, just for you. You deserve it.
Love yourself first with all your heart. Those around you will benefit more.
Be your own best friend first. And don’t let him or her down or cut them any slack.
Just because someone says it doesn’t mean it’s true. They have the right to an opinion, but you also may choose to not believe it.
10. Happiness is a choice, not a place, thing, moment, or a person. Only you can make you happy.
11. Everything in life is a precious gift. Treat it as such and don’t disregard it or you will lose it.
12. Everything happens for a reason, figure out why. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.
The world is constantly changing. It moves at a rapid pace, and if you do not keep up, it leaves us behind. Understanding it is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is easy to think you don’t matter, that you have no voice, no say in things. I’m here to tell you, you are wrong. That You do Matter. Here’s why:
Like preparing for a mega-marathon, it requires more than just knowledge. You need the right equipment, and you need to know how to take care of that equipment to serve you and in case of emergency. You need the right people around you, people who are knowledgeable and willing to train you. And you need to be ready and willing to train, learn, and change. You can only learn when you are willing and ready. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Most of all, you need a reason to get to the finish line without quitting—a reason strong enough to quiet the voices in your head that make you want to give in.
In this vast world that moves so fast, we struggle to be relevant, influential, important, respected, loved, and—sometimes—just to be seen. I am the voice who shouts, “You Matter!” because you do, more than you might know. Sometimes you just need a little help to point you in the right direction.
The Tao Te Ching says, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” (emphasis added). I encourage you to be open to new ideas as you read this. I encourage you to let go of your past self and start anew.
I have a saying: “If you don’t like something, change it.” And remember, you are worth every ounce of effort and concentration that you put into yourself because You matter, even if you do not think so.
The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes.
—Marcel Proust
You are born. You grow. You mature. You become an adult. You go to work. You may have children. You may have grandchildren. You may grow old. You may retire, or you may work until you die. You die. Is that about right?
You are not dead, or you would not be reading this. Yet, how alive are you?
It is so easy to settle in, follow the rules, pay your dues, and then wait for the end in the process of this thing called life—have you become numb? Or maybe you have not noticed. When you were young, you probably had dreams and visions, and maybe a few lofty goals. If you were like most, though, as you grew into adulthood, you abandoned your dreams and lofty goals one by one. Did you do that? Or did circumstances dictate your path? Do you have a suspicion, even a tiny one, that you might have missed out on an original life?
Do people have a hard time “seeing” who you really are? Do you secretly feel as if no one knows the real you or gets who you are deep inside? Is that because you have not let them? Have you created and nourished a wonderful sense of yourself? Or have you camouflaged yourself with habits, behaviors, compromises, possessions, money, or fear- or ego-driven behaviors? Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know who you are?
Following your death, you will have a tombstone or marker, on which will appear your name, a concise epitaph written by someone, and the date of your birth and death separated by a dash. The dash between your birth and death stands for your life. The dash stands for who you were and what others will remember you for. The dash symbolizes your entire life, the mark you left on people and this world, the meaning of your existence.
Life is not merely being alive, but being well
—Marcus Valerius Latin poet/author
Be Well
If I were to ask you what your dash will stand for, beyond the loving words of your immediate family, what would you say? What significant event, purpose, effect, or deed would your lasting impression on the world represent? If you were on trial in a court of law and needed to justify your right to stay in your chosen country of residence by providing evidence of your good deeds and contributions, would you have enough evidence? Or would we find you lacking? What significance or purpose is there to your being on this earth?
You probably have a family and love your family that you love. But your family is not why you are here. Bearing children is the minimum requirement for ensuring the future existence of our species. It is not what keeps you from wondering if this is all there is, or if there is some deeper meaning in your life. Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know why you are here?
When you settled into your current job, relationship, home, marriage, routine, or lifestyle, did you gain weight? Over 60 percent of couples gain at least thirty pounds after settling into marriage and family life. Did you reason that your weight gain was from bearing children, the stress of work, the pressure of a mortgage, two car payments, dental bills, or a health condition?
Were you designed for a greater life, but are too busy to have one? Do you think greatness is only for the talented, the chosen, the lucky few? Do you sometimes wonder what if? What if I had gone to school instead of getting pregnant? What if I had married that girl? What if I had moved to that other state? What if I had started a business? What if I had traveled more before settling down? What if I had never had kids? What if I had stayed in school instead of dropping out?
If you were to introduce yourself to me for the first time, you would likely tell me your name, your age, your status in your family, the number of children you have and their ages and genders, the city you live in, something about your pets or hobbies, and what you do for a living.
News flash! None of these are who you are!
Each one of us must find his peace from within, and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.
—Mahatma Gandhi leader of the Indian Independence Movement
Identifying yourself with your age, what you do for a living, or with the members of your family is a response that comes from a lack of knowing yourself. Until you know who and what you are, and why you are here, the dash on your gravestone will have no meaning beyond your job and your family status and sentiments. Your dash needs to stand for something.
So, who are you? Why are you here? Why now? Why this place? What benefit to humanity do you bring to the table and how will the world be a better place because you are in it?
Say out loud with me right now: “humanity.” Like the ripple effect of a stone skipping across a pond, it means we design the meaning of our life to create multiple waves of momentum, radiating outward from your life and into our world, making lasting change for the betterment of humanity. Unless you have no clue why you are here. Don’t feel bad. Most people have no clue either.
In the world, we place much emphasis on our station in life. What we have or possess. Where we live, what we drive, what we wear, who we associate with, where we go. The list goes on and on. It’s easy to think because we have not that we don’t matter. That our lives are insignificant. That we have wasted space. That we don’t count.
Some will or have trained you to believe that life is fair. They are wrong; life is not fair. Why would we have sickness and death? Why do we have floods? Famine? Earthquakes? If they meant it to be fair, we would have none of these. But we do.
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
—Muhammad Ali Heavy Weight Champion
Take Risks
When you first learned how to walk, do you remember falling? Do you remember how many times you fell? Most likely not. What you do possibly remember was the feeling of standing strong with a newfound independence, a world opened to alternative possibilities. That was not the teaching moment. It was when you got back up. When you came close to something stable, leaned into it, and pulled yourself up. That was life teaching you how you looked at it.
The teaching moment is in the moment of pulling yourself up, time and time again, until you get what you decided on, not because you deserved it, because you earned it. In life, we deserve nothing. It does not promise us anything. Everything we receive is a gift and we need to look at it that way. When you appreciate everything in your world, it becomes beautiful.
Joy happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.
—Marianne Williamson, author/ lecturer
feel the Joy
Too many of you feel as if you are insignificant today. That you don’t matter. You have no voice that anyone listens to and possibly you don’t deserve to one. Some of you shout, possibly out of frustration, demanding to be heard. Some of you just fade into the background and don’t get back up.
Some of you feel you are not being seen. That you are not being noticed in life. That it is passing you by. You attract attention to yourself, shouting to the world “Look at me!”.
Some of you don’t feel respected and demand it from the world around you, yet the actions taken to gain respect are not respectful to others. I world will naturally give respect when you are respectful to others.
Here’s the truth. You Matter, even if you don’t think so. You Matter ESPECIALY if you don’t think so.
Take a moment and look at any sunrise. Watch as the sun gently and faithfully rises each morning. Watch as colors slowly engulf the sky, putting on a heavenly light show for you.
Watch as it sets below the horizon at night. Watch as it sets, and the moon rises. Notice the stars as they dance for you, just for you.
Notice the hummingbird as it hovers, passing pollen from place to place so life may grow.
Listen to the wind as it gently brushes against your ears, pushing the leaves from here to there.
Watch the power of the ocean as the waves crash into the shores forever, keeping it in motion.
Know that the sunrise and sunset dictate the tides and seasons perfectly and with the sole purpose to sustain you.
Now know this. Your creator, whoever you worship, believe in, pray to, meditate to, give an offering to, or hold deep in your heart, would still have created this, even if you were the only person on this planet. That’s how valuable you are. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, all of it. Just for you.
The lack of or approval of others, the lack of or acceptance of others, the lack of or respect of others, can never change that fact. When you feel alone, when you feel oppressed, when you do not feel valued, when you do not feel seen or heard, remember that fact. You Matter! You Matter to me. You Matter to us as a community. You Matter to the world. This world would not be the same without you. We need you, all of us, and we need each other, every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year.
It’s when we forget that there is only one race, humanity, that we feel alone. When we forget, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You are NOT broken; you are NOT a mistake. We cannot do this without you. You are an intricate piece of the puzzle of life we are all a part of the puzzle is incomplete without you.
That’s why I say and believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so.
Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a builder who worked only for the Emperor. For several decades he designed and built many magnificent houses and majestic structures for the Emperor and the royal court and was getting ready to retire.
One day, the Emperor summoned him. “I understand you will retire soon and enjoying a well-deserved rest from the toils of working for so many years, but I have one last project for you” said the Emperor. I want you to design and build the best house you have ever created. You will oversee all work from the beginning to the end. I have already picked out the best location for the house. All you need do is buy the best materials and hire the best workers to build it. Spare no expense. It must be your best work.”
With this last task the builder saw an opportunity. Since he would be the only one in charge, no one would know if he took a few shortcuts here and there. Since he was about to retire, this would be his last chance to make a little extra money. He was, after all, the best builder in the land and knew how to make something look good on the outside even though it was built poorly on the inside.
They granted the builder unlimited resources to build the house, of which he only spent a fraction of by buying low grade materials and using less expensive and less qualified labor and rushed the project to completion. When the builder finished, he sent word to the Emperor of the house’s completion.
The Emperor was pleased and vowed to visit the house to see what the builder had built.
When the Emperor arrived, the builder was surprised to see all the Emperor’s Ministers and Royal Court had accompanied him. They were all extremely impressed with the house and the builder was not concerned that they would discover he had taken so many shortcuts because he used all of his tricks he had learned over the years to hide them.
The Emperor gathered all his Royal Court together and made an announcement. “As you all know, the builder has worked tirelessly for me for many years and has designed and built many grand structures and now is retiring and this house will be his greatest masterpiece.
The Emperor then handed the builder the keys to the house and proclaimed “the best way for me to thank him and show him my appreciation for many years of faithful work, is to give his greatest masterpiece to him as the perfect retirement present.”
Everyone erupted in applause, but the builder stood stunned in disbelief.
This story is a metaphor for life. When you enter it, it gives you unlimited resources and opportunities to build the best life possible. It is your responsibility to direct whatever energy is required to manage it. Your mission is clear: build the best life possible and spare no expense.
Where your story gets complicated is when, like the builder, you find out that you are in charge and must assume sole responsibility of your life from beginning to the end, from birth to death. By that I mean you are free to design your life any way you desire. This freedom is a wonderful thing because, like the builder, only you are in charge. There is great liberty in knowing you, and only you, oversee your life. This freedom can also be a terrible thing because you are only accountable to yourself. There is no one watching or supervising you to make sure you make the correct decisions and choices. Only you know when you take a short cut in life.
The trap in life is when we believe because we are in charge, we only need to do the minimal to get by. Not putting in the required work needed to gain that what you deserve in life, creating a façade with no substance that would require the tedious work needed to accumulate what we need to build the best life possible. You create a false image for you and others to see.
The trap gives you momentum without knowing it; it allows you to take the effortless way out without doing the work required. But it is in doing the work required that creates the person who you need to be. It is not the destination in life that makes you the person you need to become; it is the journey that shapes you and molds you. It is the mistakes you make along the way that teaches you who you want to be.
The builder who thought he was working for someone else and took short cuts, but he only cheated himself out of a tremendous gift in the end. When you cheat, you cheat yourself. We cannot destroy a house built on a firm foundation. We can shake it. It will go through storms, but it will not fall.
Here is How to Build a Significant Life
Always be Teachable
Never stop learning and never stop being willing to allow life to teach you fresh things. It is when we feel we have arrived life is over. Remember, it is what you learn AFTER you know it all that counts.
Look in the mirror first
Every day wake up and look in the mirror. Ask the person you see if they are doing the very best they can and demand an honest answer. If the answer is no, tell them to fix it.
Do the right thing, even when no one is looking
Always do your best in everything. When you cheat and take shortcuts you cheat yourself. You are worth more than second best.
Remember you are worth it
We cheat and take short cuts because they are easy. They do not require hard work. Each time you cheat or take a short cut the next time it becomes easier. Soon, it becomes the only way you know. Know that each time you cheat or take a short cut you cheat yourself out of a victory, be it large or small. You deserve and are worth those victories.
Show the World how to live
Notice I did not say, tell the world, I said to show the world. Life is a stage and people are watching you. Your actions are teaching someone something every day if you want to or not. Teach them well.
ARE YOU CHOOSING YOUR LIFE, OR WILL LIFE CHOOSE IT FOR YOU?
Depending on who you check with, they estimate that the average human being makes between six hundred to thirty-five hundred decisions each day. From what we wear, to what and where we eat, to who we call or do not call back, to what we watch or listen to, and on and on and on.
We decide what kind of car to purchase, what college to attend, what neighborhood to live in or whether to buy the blue shirt or blouse or the gray one. We determine whom to marry, what kind of entertainment to enjoy and what to have for lunch. We decide in our life every day.
Annie Dillard said it this way, “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.”
When I reflected on this question before I penned this, it reminded me of the age-old question: is the zebra black with white stripes, or white with black stripes? There is only one answer it is both black and white.
People will spend their entire lives doing something because of a random suggestion by a friend, relative, or an influencer in their lives, or it was just possibly convenient. Perhaps they knew someone who would recommend them for the position. Next thing they know they wake up and it’s forty years later, and they have done nothing they had hopes and dreams of doing as a youth. Whatever notions of ambition they had as a kid were mere random scratches on the blackboard of life.
The average person will spend one third of their life at work. Ninety thousand hours at work over a lifetime according to a report by Gettysburg College.
As reported in a Business Insider article, according to the Deloitte’s Shift Index survey, 80% of workers are dissatisfied with their jobs.
According to the American Journal of Family Therapy, those married to workaholics said in a study that they feel more estranged from their partners, and that they feel less control of their relationship.
One third of managers in the UK are losing their sense of humor because of work according to the Quality of Working Life report from Chartered Management Institute and Workplace Health Connect.
Nearly sixty percent of working people are becoming insomniacs because of their jobs according to the Quality of Working Life report from Chartered Management Institute and Workplace Health Connect.
The average person spends over one hundred hours commuting to work in the US according to the US Census Bureau.
One quarter of Americans say work is their number one source of stress according to The National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health.
It is estimated that stress is the fifth-biggest cause of death as reported by The Baltimore Sun.
In Japan, hundreds of Japanese workers die every year from “karoshi,” or death by overwork. That might involve suicide or dropping dead at their desks as reported by the Associated Press.
Nearly half of America has gained weight at their current job; 26% have gained over 10 pounds, 11% have gained over 20 according to Career Builders.
That might not be changing for the better soon, as 40% of millennials say they “feel guilty” for using all their vacation days as reported by Randstad.
And even when employees go on vacation, 42% of them say they feel the pressure to check in with their offices while gone, also reported by Randstad.
I have a saying that I tell people all the time, typically when they tell me about how unsatisfied they are with their work situation:
Do, what you have to do, in order to do what you want to do.
Most of you are not doing what you intended to be doing in your youth. Life happened, and WHAM, you are working a job you don’t like, that stresses you out (I’ve seen your emails at 9:00 PM because you were still working), for a company that will fire you in a minute (one oh crap will ruin one hundred Atta boy or girl’s), working with people you may or may not like but have no say so in the matter, possibly doing something you care less about, all so you can just scrape by for forty years, retire, and die. Never living up to the potential you were born for, life destined you to live.
A recent study by The Federal Reserve Bank of New York shows that 41% of Recent Grads Work in Jobs Not Requiring a Degree.
One of my favorite authors, Jim Rohn, has written, “if you don’t design your own life plan to be a success, chances are you will fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what someone else has planned for your success? Not much.”
So how do we design our lives to reflect who we are with what we are (GREAT)? I’m glad you finally asked.
Get a DREAM.
Most of you have a dream, or at least you think you do. But it’s really a wish. My definition of a Dream is something you live, breathe, eat, sleep, that is so big it is scary. A Dream will make you lose sleep to finish up a project you are working on at night so you can say goodbye to your day job. It is something that will keep you home at night to make it happen instead of hanging out with your friends who are not going anywhere either. It will force itself upon you and make you shut off the television, force you to do things that scare the heck out of you that you do, anyway.
So how do you discover your Dream? You must know what it is.
I have an acronym for Dream:
D- Discover it
R- Realize it
E- Envision it
A-Attain it
M- Motivate others with it
Your Dream is something you cannot stop thinking about, it’s always on your mind, front and back. Life, and fear, stop you from believing that it is possible, along with life’s Nay Sayers. Those helpful influencers in your life who are trying to protect you. Truth is they just want company.
Get the right people on the bus, and the wrong ones off it.
Humans will follow the path of least resistance. Change is scary. It is hard. But it is essential to living an authentic life, following your Dream, and being true to your purpose.
“anybody can have butterflies in their stomach. The trick is to get them to fly in formation”.
Dale Carnegie
Discover it
To discover your Dream, you must select a Dream that will align with your Purpose without bending to make it fit. Your Purpose is why you are here. Your Dream is what you will do with the life it has blessed you with. For help discovering your Purpose download my Seven Days to Discovering Your Purpose here:https://www.josephbinning.com/product-category/lessons/
You already know what your Dream is, you just need to ask yourself why you have it and what am I going to do with it?
Realize it
Many are called, yet few will answer. Realize that there is more to life than working someplace for someone who does not care for, or about you. Making a product that you can care less about, with people you may or may not like, for people you do not even know.
Job stands for “Just Over Broke” which is all it will keep you. You can do better. Realize you were born for something greater than what you have accepted as normal and believe it.
Envision it
It sounds simple but seeing in your mind how you want your life to be, and the surrounding life around you, is an enormously powerful tool. Too many times we can lose sight of our vision by taking our focus off our Dream and focus on the “noise” around us. That is why in the working force only 3% do not rely on someone else for a paycheck. 97% of the working force have a wish. Only 3% have a Dream.
Attain it
Always focus on the Dream and not the person. It’s not about you, it’s about the Dream. Having a Dream is not a spectator sport, it requires participation. You can tell the size of a persons Dream, by how little it takes to take it away. Live the Dream. Understand the Dream and its larger purpose. Let the world see your Dream threw you.
Julius Caesar once said, “If you want to take the island, burn the boats”. Do whatever it takes to make your Dream possible and do not give up. Not only will you be giving up on your Dream, but you will also give up on yourself.
Motivate others with it
Make the Dream “feel” special to others. They will not remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel. What makes your dream different and why would people want to be a part of yours?
Is it a rite of passage, or a tribal identity?
Energize your commitment to the Dream by staying true to the purpose of the Dream.
Remember, the center of gravity is found by moving forward, not standing still.
Last, live the Dream.
Understand it, believe in it, articulate it, and sell the Dream.
The larger purpose of the dream and the specific tasks of the Dream need to fulfill the larger purpose of the Dream.
Ensure the purpose of the Dream align with your behavior, values, decisions, and language.
I have always known my life’s Purpose was to tell people all people, that You Matter. In my upcoming book You Matter, even if you do not think so I do just that. Why? Because it is my Dream to live in a world where we no longer look at skin color, station in life, or popularity. Where every voice is heard, especially those who think theirs do not because they have been told so by so many for so long. Where we all can stop and quiet the noise, be still, and see the genuine beauty around us. Where every child can know that they can be anything they will work at in life and that they are not victims, but warriors. Warriors for good.
Won’t you join me? The world needs you and your Dream. Now take a chance and jump in the water. We are all waiting for you.
I wrote another article that you might like. You can access it here:
