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You Matter, even if you don’t think so
From: Joseph Binning Subject: Happiness Is A Choice
Dear Friend,
Happiness is something we all strive for. Nobody wants to be miserable. Yet, we oftentimes get in our own way when it comes to being happy.
Did you know there is a difference between feeling happy and being truly happy? It’s true. There are things that can make you feel happy, temporarily. An alcoholic drink, a shopping trip and so forth. But to be truly happy, you must feel it from within, without those instant gratification items.
If you are not feeling true happiness. If you’re relying on someone else to make you happy, you need to grab my book.
Inside you’ll learn:
How we make our lives hard by not choosing happiness
Techniques for being more positive
How to take responsibility for your own happiness
How to stop relying on others to make you happy
How to love without attachment
….and More!
BUY IT TODAY:
You Matter, even if you don’t think so
Simply follow the link and start the journey today!
If you are tired of being miserable and want more happiness in your life, get started right now. Just follow the link and get started living the life you were meant to live. Your new life starts today!
Our feelings, thoughts, and responses to life have a great deal to do with the conditions in which we were raised, the locations in which we grew up, the channels of knowledge we received, and the beliefs of the people who raised us.
From before you can even remember, you have been making thousands of decisions and choices, many of which you were not aware of making, but following, or doing out of habit, or by not thinking, or choosing by lack of a specific desire. Every one of your decisions—both those you were aware of making, and those you were not aware of making—come into play every day of your existence. From birth, you they indoctrinate you with decisions and choices based primarily on someone else’s direction, opinion, desire, belief, need, or pressure.
Most mammals emerge from the womb like glazed earthenware emerging from a kiln—
any attempt at remolding will only a scratch or break them.
Humans emerge from the womb like molten glass from a furnace.
Humans can be molded and shaped with surprising freedom.
Through education, politics, religion, culture, and other institutions, from childhood, they mold us into Christians or Buddhists, Capitalists or Socialists, Revolutionaries or Peace Seekers—and so on. Without realizing it, we are products of our conditioning. What we perceive to be normal or true is a product of our history and upbringing, and these perceptions influence our decisions and actions every day.
Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.
If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.
If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.
An online survey asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about someone you see for the first time, when seeing them from a distance?” The overwhelming response was, “appearance.” When asked what the second thing is, the majority answered, “the way they carried themselves and if they seemed approachable, or not, from a personal safety standpoint.”
A man entered a subway with his two children and sat staring ahead in a daze, as if lost in deep thought. His two children were running everywhere, loud, and unruly. After some time, an annoyed passenger approached the man and said, “Excuse me, could you please tend to your children? They are disturbing the other passengers.” The man looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, they just lost their mother. Cancer. They don’t know how to deal with it.”
We see people from the viewpoint of our perceptions of them, which are based on everything they have taught us, without knowing that we are not seeing them in their complete, true beingness. Most times, that which we perceive is not the reality. Based on experiences, the passenger thought the children were unruly and the man was a bad parent. They base perceived reality on the limited, incomplete, and/or false knowledge, beliefs, and data. Our perceptions of everyone and everything outside of us are all based on our reality—our learned beliefs, experiences, and expectations from them—though we believe we are being aimed to see factual reality. Our perceived reality is the frame through which we see and explain the world.
We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.
One of the biggest thoughts that block our growth, peace, and happiness is the reasoning that, “It’s always been this way, so we need not change it.”
We need to change. We need to ask ourselves: “Why?Why do I see things this way? Why do I react this way? Why do I act this way?” “Why do I say these things?”
Did you choose your profession based on your own perception of it? Was it because you thought it would provide stability, or esteem, or some quality that you believed would be necessary or valuable? Or was your decision a result of discussions with one or more parents, counselors, experts, or friends, and their perceptions of it? Did you decide based on other’s perceptions, wishes, or offers? Or did you choose it purely from your own thoughts and desires?
Did you marry or enter a relationship with someone of the same religious affiliation? If so, did you choose that person? Or were you following the family’s tradition, desires, or direction? Or was your choice not influenced by religion at all?
Are you living in a location, dwelling, city, state, or country that you chose? Or are you living in a location out of financial or other necessity? Or are you living somewhere out of someone else’s desire, influence or requirement, or to be in proximity to a person, family, or group of people? Are you living in a location for the pure and simple reason that you liked it and desired to live there?
Have you attended a college, university, or educational institution? Whether yes, or no—is it because you chose to, or chose not to? Was the choice yours, or was it made under the request or influence of someone else, or to make someone happy?
Are you deciding based on someone else’s opinion, request, need, or demand? Or are you deciding based on your own desires, knowledge, or preferences?
Three men were building a wall at a beautiful church. When asked what he was doing, the first replied, “I’m stacking these stones.” The second man answered, “I’m building a wall.” The third man declared, “I’m helping to create a magnificent place for people to find comfort and peace.” Three different men doing the same task have three different perceptions of what they were doing. Only one knew why.
Which one is most like you? Why?
Which one is like the “You” you are becoming? In what way?
Which one is like the “You” you are becoming?
When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.
When people see more things as good, other things become bad.
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy. Joseph Binning
[1] AZ Quotes.com/Quotes/Authors/M/ Mahatma Gandhi/ https://www.azquotes.com/quote/453692
[2] Dreamflesg.com/reviews/Sapiens A Brief History of Mankind/ https://dreamflesh.com/review/book/sapiens/#:~:text=Most%20mammals%20emerge%20from%20the%20womb%20like%20glazed,much%20or%20more%20by%20culture%20as%20by%20nature.
Change. People fear it. It’s frightening. We can’t control it. We know it’s coming. It always comes. It’s inevitable. When the winds of change come, we have two choices. We can build a wall and hunker down and hope it passes. Or we can build a windmill to bring a newfound energy into our lives.
People gravitate to what’s familiar to them. What they know. It doesn’t matter that what they know might or could be bad or wrong or bad for them, it’s what they know. People can carry bad habits and/or mindsets for years and become comfortable with them. They get used to things a certain way in our lives. It’s familiar.
Definition of winds of change
: forces that have the power to change things — used generally to mean change is going to happen.
This is the major reason we don’t like change. Familiar has an outcome we know. Change does not. This is the principal reason people fear it.
Change means uncertainty, something unknown. Something registers in people’s brains that triggers that uncomfortable feeling of the unknown. They imagine many outcomes, and none of them are good.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
George Bernard Shaw
The problem is that the one thing in life that is certain is that it will change. We have no control of it, ever. Never have, and never will have. If you think you do, ask the rain to stop in the middle of the storm. Won’t happen. You’ll just have to wait it out like the rest of us.
We can do our best to project a positive outcome in our lives in our minds, but unless your compass has been calibrated and maintained there is a strong chance that when you set sail of that small island in the middle of nowhere you will get lost.
You have two choices when the winds of change blow:
Build a wall and wait out the winds of change.
Build a windmill and use the energy of the storm to your benefit.
When confronted with change, most people prefer to hunker down and try to wait it out. “We have never done it this way in the past.” “I just don’t like it that way.” “I won’t do it that way, so I quit.”
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy
I have a friend who faced severe health issues because of certain life choices. After being diagnosed, they were given the information of what needed to change in their lives to correct the problem along with surgery.
The person agreed to change habits in order to receive the surgery and did for a while. But it wasn’t long before the old habits crept in and they were right back where they started, only now in debt.
Rather than resist the changes needed and dictated by life, build a windmill. The windmill uses the surrounding force to convert otherwise useless energies around it into a positive energy force that can be converted into positive and useful energy.
Really, it’s all about our perspective and how we look at things in these situations. How we perceive problems is how we decide on what action to take to fix it. If what we perceive to be true is actually not true, then we are making critical decisions based on inaccurate perceptions.
As an example of this, we can be heard saying that the sun is setting over the horizon as if it is moving in a circular path around us. Yet isn’t it actually true that it is standing still while the Earth rotates around the sun?
Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.
Nikos Kazantzakis
Being open to change allows for the positive forces in our lives to manifest and work to our benefit. Remember, the winds of change will blow whether we like it, so why not use them to our advantage rather than hunker down and get our roofs blown off?
I will leave you with this thought. Change is an attitude. If you say yes to change, you are opening yourself up to a new beginning with new and exciting outcomes. If you say you can’t change, you are really saying you won’t change. And that’s another article.
When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.
That why I say When the Winds of Change Come, Build a Windmill.
Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.
Margaret Mead
I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:
Sometimes we forget to recognize the richness in our lives. We forget that a thankful heart creates a grateful heart. This is mainly from the messages we encounter every day, telling us to focus on what we don’t have instead of the abundance we do have.
This creates a conflict in our innate nature, our inner self, our sense of gratitude. Rather than focusing on what we do not have, what we have not achieved, where we did not go, or who we do not have in our lives, we should focus on the many blessing we have that we take for granted.
“Be thinkful in order to be thankful,”
— John Maxwell author
If we take a moment and take an inventory of our blessings, I call it thinking on them, we will gain a new appreciation for how well we live, no matter our circumstances.
If for example you walk in another man’s shoes, figuratively, you will gain a newfound appreciation and a true understanding of how blessed you are.
For most of us we are used to walking up to a light switch, turning it on, and having light. Yet 940 million (13% of the world) do not have access to electricity. [1]
For most of us, we are used to turning on the stove and cooking dinner. Yet 3 billion (40% of the world) do not have access to clean fuels for cooking.[2]
Focusing on what we do have, and being grateful for it, brings about a spirit of thankfulness. Gratitude is the least expressed but most important virtue in any person’s life. It’s when we realize it we grow toward thankfulness.
“The heart that gives thanks is a happy one, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”
— Douglas Wood
There is a term called compassionate gratitude that we all should be aware of. It’s a combination of compassion and gratitude.
Compassion literally means “to suffer together.” Among emotion researchers, they define it as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering.[3]
Gratitude expresses appreciation for what one has. It is a recognition of value independent of monetary worth. Spontaneously generated from within, it is an affirmation of goodness and warmth.[4]
The heart that gives thanks is a happy one
When we combine the two terms and understand the meaning of the combined definitions, we can come to realize our true abundance and can awaken feelings of guilt in your heart. Guilt coming from not fully appreciating how well you live verses the mixed messages you receive in your daily life.
“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness—it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”
— Brené Brown
When we establish the mindset of “there will always be a place for you at our table for you and your loved ones”, we begin to fully appreciate the rich and plentiful bounty we can all have and can all share with others in our individual lives.
In this time of thanks lets all remember that A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart.
A Thankful Heart Creates a Grateful Heart
I’ve written another article you might like that addresses this topic. You can access it here:
And don’t forget life is a miracle. You just need to know where to look in order to see them. You can read about it here: MIRACLES ✵ HOW TO SEE THEM EVERY DAY
If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.
[1] Access to Energy/Our World Data.org/by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser/accessed 11/26/2020/https://ourworldindata.org/energy-access#:~:text=940%20million%20%2813%25%20of%20the%20world%29%20do%20not,a%20high%20health%20cost%20for%20indoor%20air%20pollution.
[2] Access to Energy/Our World Data.org/by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser/accessed 11/26/2020/https://ourworldindata.org/energy-access#:~:text=940%20million%20%2813%25%20of%20the%20world%29%20do%20not,a%20high%20health%20cost%20for%20indoor%20air%20pollution.
[3] Compassion defined/what is compassion/ Greater Good Magazine/accessed 11/26/2020/ https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/compassion/definition
What the Buddha Taught Me About Fear, And How I Overcome It
What the Buddha Taught Me About Fear, And How I Overcome It
Fear is an emotional response we are all born with designed to protect ourselves from danger, be it real or imagined. Fear, if allowed, can take over a person’s life preventing them from becoming the person they were born to be and preventing your Dreams from coming true.
Here is what the Buddha taught me about Fear, and how I overcome it.
Dictionary.com defines fear as:
fear
noun
A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.[1]
What we need to focus on in this definition is the words whether the threat is real or imagined. Fear comes from the unknowing of the future outcome, thus the imagined part of the definition.
Most of us will live out our lives, never being able to see the future, so we need to take risks. Some might even call it a gamble. Many of us will refuse to take the risk out of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of looking dumb. Fear of rejection. The list goes on and on. For some of us, myself included, fear no longer stops us from taking a chance on ourselves.
Getting what you want in life will require at some point taking a risk. If you want to be with that girl, ask her out. If you want a raise, ask your boss. If you want more than what a job can provide you, take a chance on yourself, like I did, and go against the grain and start a business.
It’s hard to be fearless when everyone around you is fearful. They will dampen your dreams to “protect you”, but the truth is they don’t want to see you succeed where they failed.
Here are 5 pitfalls that caused my fear:
Putting things above people
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
Buddha
One of our greatest fears is the fear of losing things. We do not own these things. They are temporary. Everything in life is temporary. When we realize we cannot lose that which we do not own, the fear of losing it disappears..
Waiting
“One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, and one life can change the world.”
Buddha
Many of us wait for “the right moment” to do something or say something. Life does not wait for us. It has its own time frame, and it is not dependent on you. We wait out of fear if we are honest with ourselves. We convince ourselves that it just wasn’t the right time for me, but that’s a lie. We were just afraid.
Settling
“I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they act; but I believe in a fate that falls on them unless they act. Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. The way is not in the sky. The way is in the heart.”
Buddha
Far too often we settle in life. We settle not for what we deserve or our destiny, but for what life gives us.
Far too often we settle in life. We settle not for what we deserve or our destiny, but for what life gives us. Life rewards the brave, and the brave do not settle. Life rewards us when we act, especially when we are afraid.
Avoiding pain
“Greater in battle than the man who would conquer a thousand-thousand men, is he who would conquer just one–himself. Better to conquer yourself than others.”
Buddha
Far too many times in life we try to avoid the pain we foresee as the outcome, so we don’t even try. Your greatest enemy is yourself. Pain teaches us. It teaches us what works, and what does not. We avoid the pain because we are afraid. Afraid of an outcome we do not know, so we never try.
Negative self-talk
“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.”
Buddha
Far too many times we listen to that voice in the back of our heads that warn us of potential doom when it’s really us just being afraid. We never “always” do anything. We do not “always” screw things up in any situation, except in our minds. This is just fear taking over us.
In the time I have been on this Earth, I have experienced everything listed above and have overcome them all.
Even though I was afraid of not having security, but I started a business. That was 12 years ago.
I feared heights, so I jumped out of a plane.
I had a message to get out but thought no one would listen, so I wrote a book and started a website.
You can train yourself to overcome your fears if you are willing.
You can train yourself to overcome your fears if you are willing.
Here are some suggestions that helped me to overcome my fears and how I stopped telling life “no”.
You are not your past
“To insist on a spiritual practice that served you in the past is to carry the raft on your back after you have crossed the river.”
Buddha
Just because you have made a mistake in the past does not mean you will automatically do it again, accept this. Far too many times we think we are our past, but we are not. Your past does not make you “who” you are, it only makes you “where” you are. Put down the raft.
Every mistake is a lesson, not a failure
“Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing. The goal is to find it.”
Buddha
Thomas Edison invented the light bulb we all now know and use. When asked in an interview how it felt to fail 10,000 times. He replied, “I did not fail 10,000 time. I found 10,000 ways it would not work”. Learn from your mistakes and do your best to not repeat them.
Life is a journey, not a destination. Enjoy it.
“In the sky, there is no distinction of east and west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true.”
Buddha
Far too many times in life we get so caught up in in the logistics, the accomplishing, the gaining, and the holding on to things and we forget to enjoy it. Life isn’t about stuff, it’s about moments. Take a minute, stop, and enjoy them.
Change your thoughts and change your trajectory
“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.”
Buddha
If you say you can, or can’t, you are correct. Embrace the mantra of “Why Not!”. Can’t really means won’t because there is nothing you can’t do if you believe you can. Start imagining your victory, however large or small BEFORE you start, then finish the job.
Use your imagination
“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”
Buddha
“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.” Buddha
Far too many times in life we get lost in the problems and cannot see the solution because we are too close to the situation. Get creative to overcome your fears. You are more resourceful than you give yourself credit for.
Stop giving yourself a pass
“There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting.”
Buddha
We need to be tougher on ourselves when we falter. We all have moments when we aren’t 100% so we slack off. This leads to feelings of failure, doubt, and allows our fears to fester. In these moments, be the adult in the situation and tell the child in you to move forward.
Eliminate all distractions
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”
Buddha
“If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” Buddha
Your journey, wherever it may take you, begins with the first step. Distractions prevent that. Eliminate any distraction, aka excuse that prevents you from accomplishing what you set out to do. Distractions can also be self sabotage. Fear of achieving can be just as strong as fear of failure.
Be your own savior
“Be a lamp unto yourself. Work out your liberation with diligence.”
Buddha
Don’t rely on others to get started on your journey. They might be just as afraid as you and might not start. Make your journey about you, and only you, regardless of the company.
Set your course
“Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back and choose the path that leads to wisdom.”
Buddha
You know where you want to end up because you’ve seen it in your mind. Failure to plan is planning to fail. Set a course to where you desire to end up and follow it. If you want to take the island, burn the boats. Make there no way to turnback.
Don’t quit
“If you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep on walking.”
Buddha
Fear will keep you from starting. It will also make you quit. Far too many times people quit right before the miracle happens. Find your why, write on your brain, and remember it. Then race for the finish. You’ll be glad you did.
The Buddha taught me about relationships as well. You can read that article here:
Selfishness, we all suffer from it, have suffered from it, or will suffer from it. We were born that way. In our early years we learn “Mine”. As adults, it’s easy to continue with that thought. But All That Matters Is What We Do in The End.
Most of us are hard-wired to be selfish in some sort. In many situations selfishness is common. We want to take care of our children first, for example. Assuring that our children are safe and well provided for is a high level of concern.
Assuring that our family members are safe and well provided for is similar. Many people sacrifice for their children and family with no complaints. Some do not.
“Thus, most of us are hard-wired to conform to a core morality that includes protecting our children, dealing more or less fairly with other people, and placing limits on our selfishness,”.
— Christopher R. Beha
Merriam-Webster defines selfishness as:
selfishness noun
1: the quality or state of being selfish: a concern for one’s own welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others: excessive interest in oneself[1]
Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others.
Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others.
The Bible says “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others,” (Philippians 2:3-4, NASB).
Buddha taught that “you” are not an integral, autonomous entity. The individual self, or what we might call the ego, is more correctly thought of as a by-product.
Confucius teaches, “What you do not want done to you, do not do to others,”.
The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 33 To know others is to be clever, to know yourself is to be enlightened.
Most of us know deep down inside when we are being self-serving and selfish. Sometimes it’s an honest mistake, sometimes it isn’t. The trick is to know when we are, and what to do about it.
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
— Buddha
When I think of selfishness, I see a hand with its fist clenched tight, facing upwards. We try to hold on to all that we feel and believe is ours with all our might, fist clenched tightly. What we cannot see is that while clenching tightly to what we believe is ours, what we believe we are entitled to, cannot be added to.
When I think of selflessness, I see a hand opened wide, facing upwards. The symbolism of this exercise is to remind you that all we have, all we are, all we can be is not ours to keep, it is ours to share. By living life with palms extended up, more can be added.
“You only lose what you cling to.”
— Buddha
By realizing that we deserve nothing, we gain freedom. Freedom from the fear of loss. Freedom from the fear of lack. Freedom from the fear of not being good enough.
The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 46, “Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.”
“If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your way,”
Nichiren Daishonin
(Gosho Zenshu, p. 1898)
Gratitude and gratefulness are the answer to selfishness.
There is a story of a woman returning home from a long trip, and they delay her flight. Frustrated and tired, she visits the gift shop. While there, she buys a magazine and a bag of cookies. She proceeds to the waiting area, finds a section of the wall she can sit against because all the seats are full, and reads her magazine.
Soon a man sits next to her. They do not exchange pleasantries but ignore each other. Soon the woman notices the man reach down and he takes a cookie from the bag on the ground between them.
She was shocked. She thought to herself, “did he really just do what I think he did?” Soon, he grabbed another one, and then another until there was only one left. With a smile, he offers her the last cookie. Upset, she grabs the last cookie and eats it.
Her plane arrives, and they finally allow her to board. Angrily, she storms off, cursing him in her mind and thinking of him as the rudest person she could have ever encountered.
As she sits down in her seat on the airplane, she reaches into her purse, only to find her bag of cookies, unopened, in her purse where she put them after buying them.
Sometimes selfishness can overtake us, especially when we are tired, in an airport, and just wanting to be home. When you find yourself sitting next to someone in the same situation as you, share your cookies. You never know when they might not be yours.
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” — Buddha
Here is another article you might like. You can read it here:
