Christmas is not a season; It fills us with excitement. It can easily remind us of the joy we experienced our first memorable Christmas as a child. It fills our hearts with joy. It brings out the giving side of us. Its Christmas In Our Hearts That Puts Christmas In the Air.
The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself
The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself
The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself
We were all born to Love. It’s our destiny to give ourselves to another. To be so connected with each other, that where we begin and the other stops is hard to determine. But The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself.
You cannot give that which you do not have to another. So, in order to fully Love another, you must fully Love yourself first.
Growing up for me was hard. I didn’t feel Loved. I didn’t feel needed. I didn’t feel wanted. Fact is, I was abandoned at a very vulnerable age. So, as I grew older, I needed to be Loved. I needed someone to Love me. This differs from needing someone because you Love them.
When you need to be Loved you will allow yourself to endure things which you shouldn’t. Abusive relationships, conditional or one-way relationships, Loveless relationships, the list goes on and on.
You identify yourself with the relationship because you have no self-identity. You just don’t know who you are as a person or as an individual. There is only We because you don’t see any value in Me.
So, you base your self-esteem on the We of the relationship. You lean on the other person just a little more than you should, and they eventually see you as weak, which you are.
You surrender your power over yourself to them and if they are not the right person for you, which they usually are not, they can use you at their will. Their opinion of you is what you believe to be true since you have such a low opinion of yourself.
You give them the power to destroy your entire day by merely saying mean, nasty, or negative things about you to you and you choose to believe it. Even though the words might not be true.
I have a saying that I use often. In order to be Loved, you must be Lovable. And in order to be Loveable, you must Love yourself first.
Self-Love is more important than just Love, because if you have no reference of what is good for you, how can you provide that which is good for someone else.
Self-Love is more important than just Love
So, what is Self-Love?
Self-Love is being your own best friend and not needing any other.
Self-Love is taking care of your own needs first, then another’s.
Self-Love is not settling for less than you deserve, ever.
Self-Love is setting healthy boundaries for yourself and others.
Self-Love is allowing yourself to not be perfect, simply perfect for you.
Self-Love is only allowing healthy relationships to enter and stay in your life.
Self-Love is never settling for a life of mediocrity, only the excellence you deserve.
Self-Love is forgiving yourself for your mistakes and knowing the mistakes only make you wiser.
Self-Love is always being thankful for everything, knowing you deserve the best.
“The heart that gives thanks is happy, for we cannot feel thankful and unhappy at the same time.”
— Douglas Wood
Know that You Matter
So how do we live a life of Self-Love?
Know that You Matter. You have a voice and it deserves to be listened to, both by you and others.
Know that sometimes doors close on purpose. Life will sometimes close a door and yet open a window. Look for the window, then see what it’s showing you.
Don’t pretend to be okay when you are not. Be honest with yourself and others, always.
Live in a state of appreciation for yourself. Realize there is only one of you. You are unique on purpose.
Know that life was designed not to be a spectator sport. Life requires participation, so jump in.
Realize that nothing grows in your comfort zone, it only stays stagnant. Step outside of it and see what the world has in store for you.
Live intentionally. Stop reacting to life and be proactive. With purpose and on purpose.
Living a life of Self-Love will allow you to give yourself permission to receive what you want out of life. Getting what you want may take longer with Self-Love, but it will be worth the wait.
Life is a journey and you are the captain, you are in charge. You have the power to take it wherever you want and the ability to make it avoid wherever you don’t want to go. Set your course wisely and always remember The Type Of Love You Can Give Is Determined by The Type Of Love You Give Yourself.
Its Christmas day. Family has gathered together. We have exchanged gifts. We have created memories. It’s the one time of the year when all bad roads can be forgotten or forgiven. Because on Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.
“Blessed is the season which engages the entire world in a conspiracy of love.”
― Hamilton Wright Mabie
Christmas is a time of family. We gather possibly only once a year and exchange memories, there’s always that one Aunt who pinches your cheek even though you’re too old for that. But you let it slide because it’s Christmas.
Christmas is a time for Love. Love of family is the greatest bond known to man. We can test it, even wound it. But it always survives. Because there is no greater Love for a person than the Love, they have in their heart for another.
Christmas is a time to be safe. As we grow, we venture into the world to make our mark. Sometimes that mark leaves scars. Sometimes deep scars. Coming Home for Christmas is our sanctuary. Possibly we visit so it can remind us of times past that we associate with joy to help us heal.
Coming home for Christmas is a way to come back into the fold again.
Coming home for Christmas is a way to come back into the fold again. Knowing we always have a place to return to where those who care for us are and allow us to stay connected or to allow us to reconnect.
Coming home for Christmas adds to the healthy moments we keep locked in our minds that we can draw from when we feel isolated or disconnected with family.
“Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.”
― Joan Mills
Coming home for Christmas is for friends. That warm connection with those who are closest to us. Close enough that we call them friend. A time to catch up and remember why you are friends.
Coming home for Christmas is not about the tree or the presents.
Coming home for Christmas is not about the tree or the presents.
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall”
― Larry Wilde
Coming home for Christmas is about sharing. Sharing memories. Sharing Love. Sharing moments.
Coming home for Christmas is about caring. Caring about each other. Caring how they are doing. Caring how they show up in the moment.
Coming home for Christmas is about sharing.
Coming home for Christmas is about giving giving of ourselves to another. Sharing our strength if they need. Sharing their burdens if needed. Sharing the Love you have for them when they need it the most.
And last, coming home for Christmas is about receiving. Receiving the Love given you by others. Receiving the blessing of being family. Receiving the gift of the Spirit of Christmas.
Coming home for Christmas is about giving giving of ourselves to another
As we greet each other and share the moment with each other, lets remember that Christmas is about family and home. Home can be wherever you are, so don’t think you need to travel many miles to return there.
Therefore I say On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.
The Greatest Gift You Can Get, Is to Love Yourself, First
The Greatest Gift You Can Give, Is to Love Yourself
We all chase the likes, shares, right swipes, and positive comments. We treat it like it’s a gift. But the greatest gift we can give is to Love ourselves.
Life conditions us, through bad teachings, that love is external. That our love for ourselves relates to the opinions of those who we revere or love in our daily lives. It might be a supervisor or boss. It might be a coach or a teacher. It could be a neighbor, friend, relative, or loved one.
We hear about social media influencers with lots of followers with no actual friends who commit suicide. We wonder why they did it? We ration that they had problems no one could see. No one looked.
Society today tells us we need to be thin, wealthy, fashionable, dating beautiful people, that we need to be seen in all the right places spending time with all the right people. Yet the best person you can spend time with is yourself, alone.
I see it everywhere today. People rushing here and there, constantly looking down at a phone. I’ve been at dinner parties and have seen others focused on someone in another place and were only interested in what they were doing somewhere else, rather than bond with someone directly in front or next to them.
I have a saying I use often, to be Loved, you must be Lovable. In order to be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.
So, what happens when I Love myself first? Here are a few examples:
I don’t get offended easily
I Love for the right reasons
I can refuse to be with anyone who doesn’t respect me
I attract those who Love themselves into my life
Other’s opinion of me cannot devastate me
Loving yourself requires you to nurture yourself. Be the adult to your inner child. Teach it how valuable it is. Most of all, you need to teach it YOUR values, not someone else’s. Only you can determine your value.
Only you can determine your value.
Many people today do not know how to learn to Love themselves, how to appreciate their own beauty, their glory.
Here are a few suggestions:
Learn to be still. We have two selves, an outer self that feeds on external stimulus and an inner self. We connect our inner self to our source and it will tell us what we need to hear. But you have to be still to hear it.
Talk less and listen more. Stop telling yourself what you need or don’t need. Be still and listen to your inner self. Connect with your source, whatever that might be.
Stop chasing people. When you chase after anything, it will repel away from you. It’s the natural order. When you stop chasing things, you allow what you need to be attracted to you.
Remind yourself you are not a god. You will make mistakes, it’s natural. This is how we learn. You were never expected to be perfect, so when you make a mistake, remember it, and learn from it.
Know You Are Enough. You are complete as you are. You do not need the perfect friend, outfit, car, or lover to be complete. These things are only an addition to what already complete. If you lose one, you won’t be devastated.
Sometimes I get down, we all do. Sometimes it seems like the sun won’t ever shine in my world. I know it won’t last because everything in life, including dark times, is temporary, but sometimes in the moment it seems like it will never end.
That’s when I remind myself of how valuable I am. I remind myself that I am so valuable that even if I were the only person on the planet, my source would have created all of this just for me. Everything I could see, touch, smell, or hear.
We need to remember that we need to be our own best friends first.
That’s why I say, The Greatest Gift You Can Give, Is to Love Yourself
We live in a world now where when something breaks; we throw it away. It becomes disposable to us, including relationships. Being in a relationship that feels broken can make you feel stuck, but the Love you share with another is worth fixing.
As someone who has had many relationships that did not work, I am an expert on what does not work in a relationship. Here are some helpful suggestions that I hope will help you.
Fix it BEFORE it is Broken
Fix it BEFORE it is Broken
Ultimately, the best time to fix something before it’s broken. There is the story that was shared with me by a mentor, of which I have had many, of two hurt people make eye contact with each other from across the room and have a relationship. What follows is no surprise, more hurt.
The best fix in any relationship starts with yourself. Take whatever amount of time you need to recover from the sadness and hurt for any past relationships which varies from person to person according to Janet Zinn, LCSW, a New York City–based couple’s therapist before you start another relationship..
“It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship, so you’ve grown,” Zinn says. Once you’ve figured out a lesson or two — what you want in your next relationship, what you don’t, etc. — go ahead and get back out there.[1]
The second-best piece of advice is to be more selective in who you choose to be with. Thinking rationally can be exceedingly difficult when the emotional mind is in charge. The emotional mind is that section of the mind that takes over our decision-making capabilities during certain circumstances. This is an example of the two hurt people making eye contact scenario I mentioned earlier.
These scenarios may carry an emotional weight with them that triggers various responses: dread, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. For this reason, it’s difficult to maintain an impartial, reasonable mindset when in this state.[2]
The emotional mind will tell you everything is fine, and you will want to listen to it, while the rational mind will tell you that something is wrong.
The Rational Mind bases its decisions on facts, evidence, and what worked in the past. These activities are more likely to foster a straightforward, logical kind of thinking.[3]
We cannot be certain that we won’t be able to control our emotional mind when the time comes, so the best policy is to know what you want before you need it and to seek that which you desire BEFORE you start.
“If you don’t like something in your life-Fix it”
— Joseph Binning
Here are some things to look for in the person you want to give your heart to.
They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You
They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You
Communication is possibly the most important key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Communicating is more than good morning and how was your day. Communication is “im feeling bad because….” And being able to complete the sentence without someone getting defensive. To foster good communication, you must follow a few simple rules.
Always be truthful. Don’t hide how you feel. Not wanting conflict is a terrible reason to keep things bottled up inside of you. Being honest with yourself and your partner is the best way to be true to your truth, and to them. It’s not fair, or wise, to make someone guess what’s wrong.
Don’t blast them with the truth. Your truth might differ from their truth, so keep that in mind. A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.
“A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.”
— Joseph Binning
Speak honestly, but always with the other person’s best interest in mind. Discussing tough issues can be hard enough. Don’t just tell what’s on your mind so you can make yourself feel better. Relationships die from a thousand cuts, so wield your sword carefully.
Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication here: Communication
There MUST be Balance in any Relationship
When two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment.
Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:
Make an agreement that we will not discuss any decision that only effects the individual, but we must discuss any decision that directly effects the couple first. Don’t blindside your partner on anything.
Discuss the workload BEFORE you start. There is no written rule that only one person must clean or do laundry. Common chores are a joint responsibility. Discuss this in a fair and balanced way. Overloading one person is a sure way of causing resentment.
Discuss your financial responsibilities and commitments weekly. Carve out a day each week to discuss what you owe, who you owe, and how you plan to pay for it. Plan for emergencies and long-term goals. Finance is NOT the responsibility of only one person and doing so leads to resentment and doubt.
Take turns setting up date night. When only one person is responsible to arrange everything, it leaves room for resentment and feelings of nonappreciation. Remember, date night is essential, especially after kids.
Take care of yourself, first. Keeping your own identity is the best way of keeping yourself balanced. Taking care of what you need for you, ensures that resentment for never being able to do what you need to do for you will ever come up. Carve out YOU time and honor it.
Read my article RELATIONSHIPS-Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: RELATIONSHIPS
You MUST Maintain your Connection to Each Other
Relationships have a way of becoming “comfortable”. This is a sign that they are getting stagnant and could implode before your eyes. Maintain you Connection to each other is remembering the Why in why you are together. The reason you are together.
Getting “comfortable” in a relationship can lead to a lack of putting in the effort and phoning it in. This can lead to resentment from your partner, which if left unchecked can lead to the end of the relationship.
Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:
Never assume. People appreciate being asked their opinion. It shows them you value it and them. The easiest way to start a fight is to assume you know how someone feels or thinks about any subject. Checking in shows you care, so check in.
Tell your partner how you feel about them every day. As people, we need to hear that we are loved. Don’t assume that actions dictate to another person you love them. We NEED to hear it. It feeds our souls so say it but mean it.
Always think of the other person and how your actions will affect them BEFORE it happens. The easiest way to end a relationship is to think about you and only you. The “what about me” attitude is selfish. You will get what you give.
Protect them, especially from yourself. We can be our own worst enemies in a relationship, its part of being human. Be Aware of that. If you have the choice of being kind or right, be kind.
13 Experts Reveal The Best Time To Date After A Breakup/ Bibi Deitz/Bustle.com/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.bustle.com/life/178909-when-is-the-best-time-to-date-after-a-breakup-13-experts-weigh-in#:~:text=Many%20times%2C%20people%20are%20ready%20to%20start%20seriously,White%2C%20an%20author%20and%20relationship%20expert%2C%20tells%20Bustle.
[2] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20
[3] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20
When two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment.
Relationships have a way of becoming “comfortable”. This is a sign that they are getting stagnant and could implode before your eyes. Maintain you Connection to each other is remembering the Why in why you are together. The reason you are together.