You Matter, even if you don't think so by Joseph Binning
You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

As we enter the year 2020, in a world moving exponentially faster, we struggle more than ever to be seen, relevant, and valuable, to quiet the voices in our heads that make us want to give in—to stay alive long enough to make it to the finish line.  Yet, we live in an unlimited Universe.  Why do we press ourselves into such small boxes?  We need a truth powerful enough to lift us up and out of our darkness.

 

YOU MATTER author Joseph Binning takes our hand, guiding us to find our path, the path within where we discover the answers.   Who am I?  Am I worthy of the kind of love I desire?  Do I have the ability to do work that fulfills and inspires me?  Is there a deeper meaning for my life?  How can I serve?  With a vision even clearer than 2020, Joseph teaches us how to step out of our past and into our truth.  Shining the light on our greatness, Joseph is the voice cheering us on to our finish line, “Don’t give up, because YOU MATTER!…even if you don’t think so.”

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“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

 

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

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I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

JosephBinning.com

 

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

  1. Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

 

  1. Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

 

  1. Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

 

  1. Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

JosephBinning.com

  1. Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

 

 

 

  1. Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good.  Praise,  recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

 

  1. Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

 

  1. Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

 

  1. Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

 

  1. Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

JosephBinning.com

  1. Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

 

  1. Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

 

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

 

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

JosephBinning.com

 

Develop success from failures.

Discouragement and failure are two of the surest steppingstones to success.

— Dale Carnegie

 

Unless we maintain a forward-directed focus and a strong belief in our “Self”, it will always be easy to allow our failures to block our progress.

 

Failures do not identify who we are.  Failures are lessons that teach us what did not work.  

— Joseph Binning

 

Realizing that there are no mistakes in life without lessons is the first key to seeing that our mistakes, or—as you may refer to it — failure, is an opportunity to learn or experience something new. There are no mistakes without lessons.  Everything happens for a reason, for our learning.

 

You probably don’t remember learning to walk. But can you imagine what your life would be like if, after your first fall, you had said, “Well, that was a major mistake. I failed.  I guess I’m not meant to walk.  I give up.”  You’d be crawling through life.  Not a pretty picture.  Sounds ridiculous; yet, that’s exactly what you do when you call yourself a failure at something and carry that around in that expanding sack on your back. You know the one I mean. It’s the one you pull out so you can see all the examples of past failures when you tell yourself, “I just knew I’d fail. ”

 

All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me…

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.

 

— Walt Disney

 

Most of you have either been to, or heard of, Walt Disney and the famous Disneyland theme parks throughout the world. Walt Disney started as a cartoonist with a great vision. A vision so great most people of his time era couldn’t grasp the concept of. He had created a character and called him Mickey Mouse. He found great success with that character, so great most would have stopped with that accomplishment. He saw a vision he called Disneyland.
They rejected Walt Disney over three hundred times, bankers who thought his idea was absurd. The city of Anaheim rejected his original idea for his theme park, fearing it would only attract riffraff.  But Walt was a man with a strong sense of self. He realized that failure was not the end, just an opportunity to learn what didn’t work and try again. So he did, over three hundred times until he perfected the vision enough for a banker to see it.

 

In his article “Thomas Edison and Michael Jordan Were Failures” (Under30CEO.com), Scott Cowley writes:

 

“they considered Michael Jordan one of the greatest basketball players of all time, he ‘single-handedly redefined the NBA superstar’ and yet, to get there, he openly admits to failing more than most. In a famous ad campaign launched by Nike, Michael said that he has, ‘lost almost 300 games’ (that’s more games than many NBA players have court time in)’,  ‘missed over 9000 shots at goal’ (again more shots than an average NBA player even takes), missed 26 times he had the ball passed to him to take the game-winning shot.’

 

Jordan said that the reason he has succeeded boils down to his constant failure and his use of failure as motivation to shoot for success. Jordan viewed failures as stepping-stones towards success.  His shooting average was just below fifty percent.  So, to score, he would have to take two shots, one to fail and the other two score.”

 

We considered Thomas Edison the greatest inventor of his time, a man responsible for over one thousand different patents, some of which were refinements of previous inventions, but many were new ideas. Edison is famous not only for his inventions but also for his attitude toward failure. To him, failure was another stepping-stone on the road to success. Unlike Michael Jordan’s rate of one failure for every one success, Edison’s rate of success was significantly lower. Unlike most of us, Edison continued to try again. The famous story tells that Edison failed to perfect the light bulb, despite having made 9,999 attempts. Rather than accepting failure, he said, “I have not failed. I have just found 9,999 ways that do not work.”  His 10,000th attempt was successful.

  

Can we heed the learning of these two great men and others like them?  Could we use our failed attempts, not to define us or create despair, but as outcomes that showed us what didn’t work, so we could discover a different time or method that does? Can we learn from our mistakes, knowing they are just stepping stones to our successes?

I remember being 18, broke, and alone, with no job, and no place to live, no one to help me. It would have been easy to quit on life, to just give in and give up. But I didn’t. I found thick a field of bamboo that had the perfect clearing in it, just big enough for me to lie down in. Next to the field was a yard full of construction equipment. In it was a cement mixer covered in a tarp. I climbed the fence and stole the tarp and made a tent out of it in the bamboo field. This is where I lived for the next few weeks.

I found a job as a dishwasher in a local department store restaurant. The pay was three dollars per hour. Part of my pay was one meal a day. That was my only meal each day. I would show up early to work so I could wash myself in the sink in the bathroom every day. I kept to myself and didn’t socialize with my coworkers. I told myself, and remind myself to this day, that you have to do what you have to do, to do what you want to do.

Today, I am the founder and CEO of a nationally recognized company. I have traveled the world. Ive been to the top of the Swiss Alps, ate dinner in Paris in the wintertime, walked the streets of Rome, ate in a fishing village in Portugal, and relaxed on the sandy white beaches of the Caribbean, to name a few of the many places I have been. None of this would have been possible if I had listened to my critics, or myself, and decided that I was a failure, even though by many people’s standards, and many people’s eyes, I was.

I had a choice to believe them when they all said I was a failure, or to CHOOSE to not listen to them, and do what I had to do, so I could eventually do what I wanted to do. Making this choice, to not listen to the critics, allowed me to find my way forward to the place I am now. Sharing my story worldwide, to you hoping this will help you find your way forward.

Where in your life can you use your failures to find your way forward?  

I leave you with this quote I am very fond of. I hope it helps.  Now find your way forward.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.

 

― J.K. Rowling