appreciation

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

Published: 19 October 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
1 Comment
Categories: Change

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

Boundaries, we all know what they are. As children, they teach us what a boundary is. How far we can go before we get in trouble. Where the line is that we just can’t cross. They have taught us this for our own protection. To keep us safe.

We sometimes even put up with things that annoy us, bother us, concern us, or even scare us and completely ignore the lesson of boundaries. As we grow and learn to spread our wings, we, as humans, forget the lesson of boundaries. We can be more forgiving, possibly even be more tolerant in some situations to be a good person.

According to IPFW/Parkview Student Assistance Program: “A boundary is a limit or space between you and the other person; a clear place where you begin, and the other person ends… The purpose of setting a healthy boundary is to protect and take good care of you” (n. d.).[1]

Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us

— Joseph Binning

When we don’t have a strong sense of self value or identity, it may show that we have not set proper healthy boundaries in our lives. Boundaries, what you will or will not tolerate, protect you. Words lead to actions. Actions lead to results. Results lead to consequences. Sometimes terrible consequences.

Boundaries can be emotional, physical, or mental, depending on the situation we need them for. Boundaries are self-care. You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/why-the-message-you-matter-even-if-you-dont-think-so-is-so-important-now/

Setting up healthy boundaries can have many benefits, including helping people decide based on what’s best for them, not just the people or circumstances around them.

So, what are Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

Boundaries are the separation you keep between yourself and another person or a particular circumstance for your own wellbeing. When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter. We tell ourselves the other person is more important, or worthy, than we are. We send ourselves the wrong message.

When we ignore our own wellbeing over another person’s we are telling ourselves that we don’t matter.

At work, for example, always keep your personal life separate from your work life. That means when others gossip about someone you might know, politely, but firmly, inform them you do not wish to hear such things. Will this cause you tension with co-workers, possibly.

In the workplace, people forget that we should always strive to set a professional standard. These things backfire, especially when someone finds out from someone else that someone has been gossiping about them and you are in the middle of it. If this happens you will have wished, you would have set a boundary.

In a relationship, be it friendship or romantic, always set boundaries of what you will not accept.
If for example you do not appreciate being spoken to in a loud voice, politely, yet firmly, inform the other party that that is not acceptable with you and be willing to draw a line in the sand on the issue.

You can read more on this here:https://www.josephbinning.com/relationships%e2%9c%b5are-not-about-sex-theyre-about-you/

 

People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect.

 — Joseph Binning

People will not respect you until they see what it is you respect, especially if it’s you that you respect. By communicating your boundaries to the other person, you will prevent resentment and or possibly anger from arising in either of you.

Stand firm in your boundaries. When you set a boundary with someone you do not need to over-explain the reason why you set it with them. Briefly, say why it is not acceptable to you and expect them to honor it. By drawing a line in the sand and saying to the other person “you can go this far before we have a problem” you are communicating your boundaries. This is Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

If they know where the line is that they cannot cross with you, they cannot hurt you. It’s when we fudge the line, when we erase it and draw another trying to be “flexible” that we lose sight of why we set the boundaries. We dishonor ourselves and the peace we deserve in our lives when we do not honor our boundaries. With all boundary violations must come a consequence if we are to honor ourselves.

 

“When one person is in control of another, love cannot grow deeply and fully, as there is no freedom” (Cloud & Townsend, 2002).[2]

 

As parents, we set boundaries for our children. It’s for their protection. “No Johnny, you can’t play catch on the freeway”. Sounds silly saying it, but it’s a good example of a healthy boundary. Johnny really wants to play catch, but you as a parent do not want to see the consequences of what might happen should a car speeding should hit him.

For the same reason we need to set similar boundaries for ourselves, to prevent the consequences of what might happen if there were no boundary set. When we set boundaries for ourselves, we become more secure. Secure that we are honoring ourselves, possibly for the first time in our lives, because we matter. Because we will not tolerate what we do not wish to have manifest in our lives.

“What we don’t tolerate, cannot manifest in our lives.”

— Joseph Binning

Boundaries work both ways. We need to set personal boundaries within our own lives to maintain a level of peace within ourselves. Knowing we re-think a boundary, or re-shape it, or just plain old forget it entirely negatively affects our self-esteem and our sense of self-worth. When we do not honor ourselves, first, we cannot be honorable or be worth honoring by others.

 

In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so I discuss Boundaries: What We Do Not Tolerate Cannot Hurt Us.

 

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things.

— Joseph Binning

 

 

 

You can read more about change and why you need to do it here:https://www.josephbinning.com/change%e2%9c%b5why-its-necessary-and-how-to-do-it-well-2/

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

 

Joseph Binning

[1] Nelson, D. (2016, December 8). Self-Care 101: Setting Healthy Boundaries. Retrieved from http://www.dananelsoncounseling.com/blog/self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/

[2] Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries in Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain.

Published: 15 October 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Happiness

If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain.

Into every life rain will fall, of that it guarantees us. Some will have sprinkles; some will have torrential rain. In either case, If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain. To endure the storm, we must remember that it will eventually pass. Nothing will last forever in your life. Except the memory of the rainbow at the end.

It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

Julius Caesar[1]

Pain is a reminder to us we are alive. That we can still feel. That there is still blood flowing through our veins. It tells us something went wrong. It tells us something did not work. It is our greatest enemy, yet it is our greatest teacher.

When we first learned to walk, we fell. A lot. I remember watching my son fall for the first time when he discovered that he had the ability to stand on his wobbly legs. He hung onto the coffee table, pulled himself up, turned around and looked at me, and fell. Oh, how he cried.

It hurt trying something and failing. With an assuring tone in my voice and an encouraging gesture, he tried again. And fell again. Until he didn’t. each time he cried less. Each time he learned that with each attempt he learned something new. A different way to hang on, a different way to place his feet, a different way to stand. And then he stood. Proudly. As if he had accomplished the greatest feat known to man.

A hero is an ordinary individual

who finds the strength to persevere

and endure despite overwhelming obstacles.

– Christopher Reeve[2]

 

In those first steps, life taught my son that If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain. We forget that sometimes. It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is surviving. It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is the pain. It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is……… Fill in the blank.

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It’s hard to see hope sometimes when all you can think about is surviving.

In my recently published book titled You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here  Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so I discuss If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain.

I discuss how where you are now is not based on where you have been. It’s where you choose to be now. Right now, you feel pain. Pain from a choice or decision either you made, or someone else made for you. In your pain, it’s easy to play the blame game and beat yourself up. If only I had not…… If only I did not…… If only.

Life doom’s those who do not study history to repeat it, however studying the past does not mean you park there for any length of time. You visit. You do not move in and camp on the couch. You have your own place to be and it is not in the past.

Choose to be in the present, not in the past. Read my article Avoiding the Hole here:https://www.josephbinning.com/avoiding-the-hole/

 

 

If you find something wrong with your life, fix it.

— Joseph Binning

 

In your pain, it is easy to feel like a failure. Peoples biggest fear, in every age group, is either failure, or a direct result of the feeling of failure.[3] Yet every time you failed when you learned how to stand up made you smarter, stronger, and better.

In my chapter titled Regrets: Why They Are Harmful, I go over how we should live a life with no regrets. Living a life with no regrets has great responsibility attached to it. To live a life of no regrets means that you must contemplate every action you make in your life BEFORE you commit it. You can read more about Regrets here:https://www.josephbinning.com/regrets%e2%9c%b5why-theyre-harmful/

We, as people, make rash decisions without thinking of the potential consequences until after we have decided. This is a recipe for disaster. Think first, act second. Ask yourself if your action will serve your highest good. If the answer is no, don’t do it.

If You Want To see The Rainbow, You Must Endure the Rain means that you must change your perceptions of how you look at things.

 

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see things.

— Joseph Binning

 

When you experienced the first pain of falling as you learned to walk you did not stop, you kept going. From it you learned. You became better. Lost money can be re-made. We can find love again. Just because your situation has brought you pain does not mean that it will not end. It will, in the end, make you smarter, stronger, and better.

This too shall end.

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Just because your situation has brought you pain does not mean that it will not end. It will, in the end, make you smarter, stronger, and better.

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

 

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Top 10 Endure Quotes/BrainyQoute.com/accessed 10/07/2020/ https://www.brainyquote.com/lists/topics/top-10-endure-quotes#:~:text=Top%2010%20Endure%20Quotes%201%20I%20will%20love,of%20more%20than%20you%20know.%20More%20items…%20

[2] Quotes/inspirational.com/accessed 10/05/2020/ https:// http://www.quotes-inspirational.com/quotes/endure/

[3] 70 People Reveal Their Deepest Fears/odyssey.com/accessed 10/07/2020/ https://www.theodysseyonline.com/70-people-reveal-their-deepest-fears

You Matter, even if you don’t think so book campaign

Published: 13 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Change
You Matter, even if you don't think so by Joseph Binning
You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

As we enter the year 2020, in a world moving exponentially faster, we struggle more than ever to be seen, relevant, and valuable, to quiet the voices in our heads that make us want to give in—to stay alive long enough to make it to the finish line.  Yet, we live in an unlimited Universe.  Why do we press ourselves into such small boxes?  We need a truth powerful enough to lift us up and out of our darkness.

 

YOU MATTER author Joseph Binning takes our hand, guiding us to find our path, the path within where we discover the answers.   Who am I?  Am I worthy of the kind of love I desire?  Do I have the ability to do work that fulfills and inspires me?  Is there a deeper meaning for my life?  How can I serve?  With a vision even clearer than 2020, Joseph teaches us how to step out of our past and into our truth.  Shining the light on our greatness, Joseph is the voice cheering us on to our finish line, “Don’t give up, because YOU MATTER!…even if you don’t think so.”

Buy now on Amazon

The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, Is Trust

Published: 10 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Relationships

 “I trust you” is a better compliment than “I love you” because you may not always trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust…

-Joseph Binning

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. Lasting, fulfilling Love. But to give yourself to another, fully and freely give them all of you, the most important ingredient in Love, is Trust.

Trust is one of the most crucial building blocks of becoming emotionally intimate with another person. It is fundamental for a healthy, close relationship. The building of trust takes time, patience, and work to establish it.

Merriam-Webster defines trust, the verb, as;

  1. to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of
  2. to place confidence in: rely on.

Trust means trusting yourself, your own judgments, and trusting others. Trust is the foundation for any relationship. Without it, the relationship will not last. Lack of trust is the main reason relationships fall apart.

Why?

Because, if you don’t have trust, it means you won’t feel secure with your partner. Trust means you can rely on your partner, can confide in them, and feel safe with them.

When mistrust comes in, loves goes out.

 -Irish proverb

But we must earn trust. It takes time. It’s not automatic. It is essential to a lasting love. The good news–with effort, we can build trust.  Even if there have been issues with trust in your relationship, you can change and build a trusting, secure connection. The first step is to recognizes if you have trust issues in your relationship and then work to build trust and improve your relationship.

We fill the beginning with long, laughter-filled dates and passionate first kisses. Afterwards might bring moments filled with doubt—maybe even fear—about your budding romance and where it is going might creep in. People bring all kinds of baggage with them when they enter a new relationship, and a lack of trust can weigh the union down before it even gets started.

We’re all carrying our pasts around with us: Whether we’re scarred by an unfaithful partner from a previous relationship or we’re working through a childhood trauma, learning to trust a new partner and/or moving past old trust issues can be tough. And getting your partner to trust you is no simple task.

Why Trust is vital in a relationship

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.

 -Joseph Binning

In a relationship you cannot give all of yourself to someone you cannot trust.

In a lasting relationship you place your heart in someone else’s hands, freely, without hesitation, and you give all of it. It is a scared rite of passage. Without trust, this is not possible.

Trust promotes healing

I have always said that in a relationship you will either someone will misunderstand you or you will be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is. In either case, someone stands the chance of getting hurt. Lack of trust will prevent the other person from seeking relief from the pain, either from causing the pain, or receiving the pain. If you can trust that the other person will listen to you, and receive what you said, trust will flourish.

Trust breeds hope

Hope is a powerful thing. If your partner trusts you, there is always hope that your relationship can survive the storms of life. Trust that you won’t leave. Trust that you will listen, intending to hear what you have to say. Trust that they will stand beside you.

Trust keeps your emotions in check

Healthy trust in a relationship will prevent those thoughts in your head of unfaithfulness if your partner doesn’t answer the phone. Trust will prevent the mind from racing out of control when you are not with your partner. Trust will allow you to be honest and open with your partner when you have an issue to discuss.

Trust sets you free

Trusting your partner and being trusted by your partner gives you the freedom to not need to explain your actions and decisions to your partner. It allows you to have personal space without having to worry and allows you to be fully present wherever you are.

For trust to flourish, you must first be trustable

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.

–Ernest Hemingway

 

For trust to flourish, we must consistently earn trust.

Each time you earn your partner’s trust by showing them you are trustworthy, you put reserves in your emotional savings account. We draw from this account when situations arise that might otherwise cause doubt. Earning your partner’s trust will create security in your partner, which brings trust to the relationship.

Live with a high level of integrity.

Integrity creates a high level of trust in your partner because they can come to expect how you will act or react in certain situations. When your partner knows that you will do the right thing even when no one is around creates a powerful level of trust in any relationship, but especially with your partner.

Look them in the eyes

Make eye contact. When you speak to your partner, fix your eyes on them, and them only. Avoid the distractions. Make them feel as if they were/are the only ones in the room, no matter where you are. Direct eye contact tells them they matter to you in that moment. Teaching them how important they are to you will build a powerful bond and create a powerful level of trust.

Always be honest

Be yourself always. Never try to be someone or something else, especially when you are together. If something offends you, say so. If your mad, say so lovingly. If something makes you happy, say so. Don’t hide your feeling for any reason. Allow them to trust that they know the real you.

Always show respect

Respect goes a long way. Showing someone the respect they do or don’t deserve makes you the better person and builds trust that you will always act with honor. Honor the relationship and respect the person.

TRUST IS THE OIL THAT KEEPS YOUR RELATIONSHIP BURNING

I’m not upset that you lied to me; I’m upset from now on, I can’t believe you.

–Friedrich Nietzsche

We can liken trust to oil in a lamp. Without it, the fire in your relationship won’t remain burning. And just as oil helps keep a machine working efficiently, trust helps make sure your relationship keeps on working and moving in the right direction. Trust, like oil, should be clean and free of debris. To replenish trust in your relationship, like oil, you need to keep it free from debris which leads to doubt. You can do it by choosing to trust and be trustworthy daily. As soon as you wake up, make a conscious decision to trust and not doubt. Eventually, trusting will become part of your system and one that you won’t have to force yourself into doing.

Trust is the key component of every relationship and should be an intricate part of your relationship. Value it, enjoy it, but protect it, and your relationship will be as strong as a fortress built on a hill.

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You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here: Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

You Matter, even if you don't think so

You MATTER to Me Unity T-Shirt

Published: 17 July 2020
Written by wolf
No comments
Categories: Change

Help us spread the word of appreciation of each other.

Join us as we spread the word by telling everyone

You MATTER To Me

 Cblankreated by Joseph Binning of JosephBinning.com in hopes of sharing this message of unity to the world.

This is not apparel, it is a statement, a statement to the world that we are all in this together. All sales proceeds will help further that message.

 

 

Our Offer:

Buy any item.

Send us a picture of you in it in public.

Give us permission to share it.

We will donate to the cause or charity of your choice.

No political or hate groups please.

 

BUY NOW

https://www.josephbinning.com/product/unisex-jersey-short-sleeve-tee/?preview_id=3888&preview_nonce=1265e9e1fe&_thumbnail_id=4139&preview=true

 

The Emperor and the Builder: How to Build a Significant Life

Published: 13 July 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Change

Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a builder who worked only for the Emperor. For several decades he designed and built many magnificent houses and majestic structures for the Emperor and the royal court and was getting ready to retire.

One day, the Emperor summoned him. “I understand you will retire soon and enjoying a well-deserved rest from the toils of working for so many years, but I have one last project for you” said the Emperor. I want you to design and build the best house you have ever created. You will oversee all work from the beginning to the end. I have already picked out the best location for the house. All you need do is buy the best materials and hire the best workers to build it. Spare no expense. It must be your best work.”

With this last task the builder saw an opportunity. Since he would be the only one in charge, no one would know if he took a few shortcuts here and there. Since he was about to retire, this would be his last chance to make a little extra money. He was, after all, the best builder in the land and knew how to make something look good on the outside even though it was built poorly on the inside.

They granted the builder unlimited resources to build the house, of which he only spent a fraction of by buying low grade materials and using less expensive and less qualified labor and rushed the project to completion. When the builder finished, he sent word to the Emperor of the house’s completion.

The Emperor was pleased and vowed to visit the house to see what the builder had built.

JosephBinning.com

 

When the Emperor arrived, the builder was surprised to see all the Emperor’s Ministers and Royal Court had accompanied him. They were all extremely impressed with the house and the builder was not concerned that they would discover he had taken so many shortcuts because he used all of his tricks he had learned over the years to hide them.

The Emperor gathered all his Royal Court together and made an announcement. “As you all know, the builder has worked tirelessly for me for many years and has designed and built many grand structures and now is retiring and this house will be his greatest masterpiece.

The Emperor then handed the builder the keys to the house and proclaimed “the best way for me to thank him and show him my appreciation for many years of faithful work, is to give his greatest masterpiece to him as the perfect retirement present.”

Everyone erupted in applause, but the builder stood stunned in disbelief.

 

This story is a metaphor for life. When you enter it, it gives you unlimited resources and opportunities to build the best life possible. It is your responsibility to direct whatever energy is required to manage it. Your mission is clear: build the best life possible and spare no expense.

 

Where your story gets complicated is when, like the builder, you find out that you are in charge and must assume sole responsibility of your life from beginning to the end, from birth to death. By that I mean you are free to design your life any way you desire. This freedom is a wonderful thing because, like the builder, only you are in charge. There is great liberty in knowing you, and only you, oversee your life. This freedom can also be a terrible thing because you are only accountable to yourself. There is no one watching or supervising you to make sure you make the correct decisions and choices. Only you know when you take a short cut in life.

The trap in life is when we believe because we are in charge, we only need to do the minimal to get by. Not putting in the required work needed to gain that what you deserve in life, creating a façade with no substance that would require the tedious work needed to accumulate what we need to build the best life possible. You create a false image for you and others to see.

The trap gives you momentum without knowing it; it allows you to take the effortless way out without doing the work required. But it is in doing the work required that creates the person who you need to be. It is not the destination in life that makes you the person you need to become; it is the journey that shapes you and molds you. It is the mistakes you make along the way that teaches you who you want to be.

The builder who thought he was working for someone else and took short cuts, but he only cheated himself out of a tremendous gift in the end. When you cheat, you cheat yourself. We cannot destroy a house built on a firm foundation. We can shake it. It will go through storms, but it will not fall.

JosephBinning.com

 

Here is How to Build a Significant Life

  1. Always be Teachable

Never stop learning and never stop being willing to allow life to teach you fresh things. It is when we feel we have arrived life is over. Remember, it is what you learn AFTER you know it all that counts.

  1. Look in the mirror first

Every day wake up and look in the mirror. Ask the person you see if they are doing the very best they can and demand an honest answer. If the answer is no, tell them to fix it.

  1. Do the right thing, even when no one is looking

Always do your best in everything. When you cheat and take shortcuts you cheat yourself. You are worth more than second best.

  1. Remember you are worth it

We cheat and take short cuts because they are easy. They do not require hard work. Each time you cheat or take a short cut the next time it becomes easier. Soon, it becomes the only way you know. Know that each time you cheat or take a short cut you cheat yourself out of a victory, be it large or small. You deserve and are worth those victories.

  1. Show the World how to live

Notice I did not say, tell the world, I said to show the world. Life is a stage and people are watching you. Your actions are teaching someone something every day if you want to or not. Teach them well.

JosephBinning.com

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

You Matter, even if you don't think so