The Age-Old Question; Who Are You?

There was something formless and perfect

before the universe was born.

It is serene. Empty.

Solitary. Unchanging.

Infinite. Eternally present.

It is the mother of the universe.

For lack of a better name,

I call it the Tao.

It flows through all things,

inside and outside, and returns

to the origin of all things.

The Tao is great.

The Universe is great.

The Earth is great.

Man is great.

These are the four great powers.

Man follows the earth.

Earth follows the universe.

The Universe follows the Tao.

The Tao follows only itself.

— Lao-Tzu

Verse 25, Tao Te Ching


All religions of the world agree on one thing. We start out as energy, formless, and without matter, in what some call Heaven, or the Universe, Nirvana, Paradise, or Olam Ha-Ba, to name a few.  We then come into human form for a brief time. There are various belief systems about whether, when, and where we return to formless energy. But that’s a discussion for another time. Let’s take one step at a time.


You came from spirit to experience a human reality.

You did not appear as human to experience spirituality.

— Joseph Binning


Re-read the verse.  “Man-Woman is great”—not average, not mediocre, not so-so.  Great! When you were in the womb, did you have low self-esteem?  Did you have self-doubt?  Did you feel insignificant?  Did you need to be liked, accepted, approved of, Loved?  No. You were Perfect.  You were Whole.  You were Complete.  You are perfect, whole, complete.  You ARE one of the four great powers. Nothing has changed this truth of who you were—and who you ARE.

We all originate from the same source.  We all come from spirit and become human. We all are connected in this way. We all exist to be of service to the expansion and goodness of humanity. We all are given this purpose.  We all are connected in this purpose.  We all return when we are finished with our purpose, and we all will remain connected, always.


If we all were perfect, how did we become so flawed, unworthy, wrong, incomplete, and lacking?  Why have we become required to prove our worthiness and goodness?  Why are we continually suppressing and doubting ourselves, our worthiness, our greatness?


Here’s why.  After we were born, we interfered with our state of perfection. We created dual realities, opposite realities, comparative realities: beauty versus ugliness; tall versus short; smart versus stupid; my race versus your race; my religion versus your religion; my country versus your country; my God versus your God.


Why did we begin comparing ourselves to others?  Does our station in life make us feel better than, or less valuable than someone from another station? Does our location make us better than, or not as good as another? Does our color, religion, or political affiliation make us feel better or less than?

In creating and adhering to these dual realities, we lost our sensory awareness—our knowing—of our greatness. By drifting away from our innate knowing, we lost our selves. We forgot who we are, as soon as we began identifying ourselves by our religion, our external appearance, our job or career, our children, our relationship, our friends, our educational status, our possessions, our social status, our financial status.


What most of us do for a living is only the means of income to pay our living expenses. If we identify ourselves with our jobs or business, what happens if that disappears?  What happens if, suddenly, you’re not the vice president of your company, and you have to look for a different job?  You experience one or more of these feelings: loss; humiliation; failure; confusion; anger; resentment; depression; anxiety; self-pity; vulnerability; illness; grief; lack of purpose; or loss of self.


When we focus on the outer appearances of our individual existences, it’s easy to fall prey to these feelings. So, how do we not fall prey to them?  Remember, when we were created, we were great.  We are one of the four great powers.  We came from Greatness. We are Greatness.  We are destined for Greatness—Our Greatness—not someone else’s.  We were born with it.  Our greatness does not depend on anyone’s opinion, permission, or approval.  Our greatness does not shrink or dissolve.   It only becomes less visible to us, because we are looking outside of ourselves, not seeing our true selves.


Right now, begin living by two Creeds:


  1. Live with No Regrets: Put careful thought into everything you do, think, focus on, and choose– Own all of your decisions—and all of your outcomes—because you are going to be the sole chooser and creator of your life.  Commit to your choices. Commit to your life.  Commit to YOU.


  1. Others’ opinions are none of your business: This is the most important creed to live by. You are no longer going to base your self-worth or self-Love on others’ opinions of you. The only opinion that matters is that of the person you see in the mirror each morning. And that person is Great!


Take a moment now to write ten things you do, outside of your work.  Here are a few examples: cooking; scuba diving; meditating; running; reading; volunteering, attending a Meet Up, etc.  If you are on a roll and want to write more than ten, don’t stop the flow.  Write as many as come up for you.


After completing this simple exercise, you will discover that when someone asks what you do, you’ll have quite a lot to tell them. And that might lead to helping them identify what they do, as well!


People cannot hurt you without your permission.

— Mahatma Gandhi

If you have enjoyed this article please visit me at for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.



One of the most well-known men in history, Sihartha Guatama- also known as the Buddha- transformed an entire culture, and still does today.

His teachings were rational, accessible, and most of all, simple. The simplistic nature of his teachings appeals to me as a traveler on this journey we call life.

He taught the path of enlightenment, the way of truth that anyone could discover provided they came with an open heart and an open mind. It is said he had discovered Nirvana himself while sitting underneath a Bodhi tree.

Travelling only a tiny segment of northern India, Buddha’s teachings are one of the few religions that spread through nonviolent means. Keyword; non-violent.

Instead of being converted by force as many religions have done, the simplistic way convinced millions how to show up in this life. A way with peaceful solutions to everyday problems, trials, and tribulations. Rather than react and attempt to control life’s outcome, the thought is to be one with it. To be a part of it, a minor piece of life’s puzzle, not the center, or principal part of it.

Because of its freeing nature and by adopting the teachings which translated to a way of seeing and living one’s life, it worked for people, many people. Today there are 375 million followers of the Buddhist way of life and it is the fourth largest religion after Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism.

2,600 years later, it still work’s for people. I am one of them. Although I do not claim to be a Buddhist, I align myself with many of the teachings because of the simplicity it brings to my life. To me, what I relate to the most is the simple thought, and my number one thought, Be Happy. Not be Happy when… Not be Happy if… Not be Happy because… Just, be Happy. Happiness is a choice. No external thing, person, or circumstance can make me Happy. Only I can. Happiness is, a choice, an internal choice. This was, and still is, the most liberating life decision I have ever made.

Let us be clear here, I am not advocating for Buddhism, nor am I suggesting your choice of how you live your life is wrong and mine is right. Far from that. In my studies I research all religions and all teachings from many teachers, as I suggest you do, to gain a well-rounded way of deciding what is correct for you. I do not advocate blindly following any teaching without doing the research first. Ultimately, it’s your choice and your decision. Its is your life and you need to choose what is best for you.

While Buddha rarely gave explicit advice on relationships, he gave commonsense advice on how to move through life. We can apply many of his teachings to all kinds of circumstances, including our relationships.
Here are 5 of his teachings that can make a lasting impact in how you approach your relationships.

You are Enough


“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”

This, more than any other teaching of the Buddha, means the most to me. To Love another, you must first Love yourself. The Tao Te Ching says, “everything I need, is already here”. Two complete people make a relationship work; two incomplete people create chaos. Love yourself first.

Do not fight what you cannot change


“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

Relationships will frustrate you. We design them to be that way. When we attempt to control an outcome is when we realize we are not in charge and we need to accept it. Rather than get frustrated because of someone’s behavior, accept that that is who they are in that moment, but realize that might not be who they are.

Rather than get frustrated because of any outcome, ask yourself, what was I supposed to learn here? What was life trying to teach me? What valuable lesson am I missing because of my anger? One moment of anger can change an entire life of kindness and good deeds in an instant.



Trust yourself


“It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.”

One of my biggest mistakes in past relationships was to not ask questions out of fear. Sometimes what you hear might not be what that person said. Some of the best advice I have ever received was from a pastor friend of mine. Sometimes in life you will misunderstand or be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is BEFORE you argue.

Trust your partner enough to ask for clarification first. More times than not you will find what they said verses what you heard does not align with what you thought they said and you might say something that cannot be unsaid.



You attracted your partner to you


“Our thoughts shape us; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”

Everything you think, you attract. Therefore, it stands to reason the relationships you attract are a manifestation of your thoughts. When your thoughts are pure in that relationship, your relationship can shift to a higher level.

My number one thought in my relationship is to be the best Me, for Her. To show her the Love she deserves I must show myself that Love first. I must understand it. I must nurture it myself. I must take care of my body temple. I must take care of my heart to prevent from becoming jaded. I must be Happy first without her but rejoice in the happiness with being with her. With no expectations of Her or anything in return.


Love is NOT a spectator sport


“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.”

It is said that Love conquers all. But Love alone is not enough; it needs action.

For Love to flourish, Love requires you to never stop working at it. Never go on automatic. Never assume.

One of my greatest examples of Love in a relationship is a couple I know, who after 26 years of being in a relationship, having raised three children, still go on regular date nights. Each takes turns arranging the dates every week. Time spent just the two of them without distractions. From picnics, to dinners, to movies, to simple walks in the park. Neither neglects the relationships core value and foundation on which we build it on. Neither takes each other for granted, but values what the other brings to the relationship.



Be Kind

If It’s Broken, Fix It 

When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.”

Relationships, like life, will test you. They will push you to your limits, on purpose. We bring these moments into our life to teach us, to mold us, and yes, to reward or discipline us. In those moments when you are mad, frustrated, or just at your wits end, be kind. Allow the other person to be right. Give the other the same break you would give yourself. Think BEFORE you say, especially in moments of anger.

Last, Love with everything. Do not hold back. Give everything and expect nothing in return. Giving anything and expecting something in return was after all never a gift, only a bribe.





You might also like this:  IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO


If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Joseph Binning

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands

in moments of comfort and convenience,

but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy.

The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige,

and even his life for the welfare of others.

In dangerous valleys and hazardous pathways,

he will lift some bruised and beaten brother to a higher and more noble life.


— Martin Luther King, Jr.


Most people react to life. We make plans and line everything up, so things will go exactly right… and BAM!  Life happens.


It is frustrating when our plans go wrong. So, we make a joke and say something like, “Time for Plan B.”  Plan B comes in handy sometimes, but life is not about Plan B. Life is about witnessing your life from the back of your eyes, instead of the front.


When we witness life from the front, we are fully invested in a specific thing happening, doing our best to control the outcome. “If I wear this blouse, he’ll notice me…. If I stay late and get this report done, I might get that raise…. If I throw the ball every day, I can make the All Stars.” Are we really controlling the outcomes?  Have we ever?


If you think you are in control of your life, ask the sun to come up an hour later, so you can sleep in.


— Dr. Wayne Dyer



When we view life from the back of our eyes, as spectators, rather than manipulate, strategize, or force things, we observe what is happening from us. Before we can change our lives, or in our behaviors, we must be able to observe what and how our mind is thinking, believing, and rationalizing.  To do that, we must look deep within ourselves. We must ask ourselves the questions.  We must be a witness to ourselves.


How to Start Being a Witness to Yourself


  • Track what is going on in your mind.  What are your thoughts when something happens?  Where did those thoughts come from? Ask yourself, “Why am I thinking this way? What prompted that thought? Do I believe that thought?”  


  • Track your behaviors and actions.  What did you do before, after, and because of something happening?  Ask yourself, “Why did I do that?  Did I do that randomly, or on autopilot, or by clear intention?  If I thought about it now, would I have done the same thing?  Why, or why not?”


  • Track your verbal responses and patterns.  Ask yourself, “Why am I saying these things?  What motivated me to say that?  Do I have a pattern of these kinds of verbal responses?”  


  • Track your feelings associated with what is happening. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way? Does this feel familiar?  Is there something deeper that I am not attending to, or feeling comfortable enough to express?  Why?”


  • Take responsibility for your emotional health.
    Whether you react in a way you believe to be positive or negative, or whether you do not react at all, your emotional reaction is yours, and yours alone. Only you control how you feel. No one can make you react in a specific emotional manner, unless they are physically hurting you, or threatening to hurt you.  Ask yourself, “Why am I reacting this way? Is this typical of me?  When and/or where did I first start reacting like this?”
    Your emotions are a product of you and your experiences, beliefs, and choices. 


  • Beliefs create feelings.

          Feelings create emotion. Emotion creates action. Action creates habits. Study your emotions.  

          Know them.  Change the roots of them and own them.


  • Focus on what feels best to you or what you want to focus on and make a note of the other thoughts and areas that compete for your focus, to come back to them later.  
    You cannot think of two things at the same time and focus mentally, physically, and emotionally on both. Clear your mind and ask yourself, “What do I want to do, say, be, or experience in this moment?”


  • Be present.  
    No matter where you are, be there. You cannot observe yourself if you are not presently connected mentally, emotionally, and energetically. When you walk, look at where you are, not down or off in the distance. You never know what you might miss. If you struggle with this, ask yourself: “Why am I not here?  Why am I not listening or paying attention to where I am?  Am I uncomfortable, afraid, bored, conflicted? Am I needing to be somewhere else or take care of something else that is more important?  Why did I commit to being there instead of here?”



  • Create a “Feeling and Thought Observation Journal.”
    Understanding what you do and why you do it is difficult, especially if you continue to make excuses for your actions and words.  Seek to know why you do not understand, by looking at the feeling associated with each of your behaviors. We attach your feelings that prompt you to behave in a way that to something that is subconsciously protecting you, blocking you, soothing you, or no longer serving you. Take a minute to reflect on the day.  Ask yourself, “What happened? Where was I?  Who was I with?” 


  • With each circumstance that comes to mind, write what you thought.

         Why did you say or do something?  Why did you feel that way? Recall the emotions that caused you to react or make the choices you did.  Be honest.

          After a brief time, you may notice patterns. Over time, you may realize something for the first time, or remember something you had forgotten.

         Address your discoveries in small bites.  Remember that it takes three weeks of doing something new for it to become a habit, either good or bad.


  • Notice when you feel the need or desire to changeyour mind, your belief, your behavior, your desire. Notice how you are feeling, what thoughts are new, what needs, and desires are propelling you to want to do something differently.  Then follow that inspiration to make the change. Or, maybe you have already made a change, but you are realizing it after the fact, because you were not consciously aware at the time that you were changing.


  • Congratulate yourself for making the change.  

          Or, notice when you think you must make a change, but are not making it. 

         Ask yourself, “Why am I not making that change? Why am I resisting?” 

         Write all your thoughts and feelings surrounding that topic and your responses, or lack of responses, in your journal.


  • Become the observer of how well and how often you open yourself to receive.  
    Do you continually put out, give, extend, and spend your energy, time, resources, or knowledge outward or to others, but rarely allow yourself to receive?  




Here is an exercise to help you to learn to be a witness to your life:

Fold a paper lengthwise into 3 sections. 

In the first section, note how many times per day or week you have pleased, said yes, or given to others. 

In the second section, note how many times you have pleased, said yes, and given to yourself.

In the third section, note how many times you have said yes to receiving from others.

This includes, compliments, money, gifts, time, food, kindness, help, praise, nurturing, services, products, ideas, contributions, work, support, listening, and caring for.


Compare the three sections.  If you observe an imbalance, in any of the areas, think on that.  Notice how that makes you feel and that perhaps you are not feeling as good as you can.



Be patient with yourself and your process, as if you are teaching a young child.  
Connect with your inner guidance.  Observe yourself.  Listen.  Feel.  Write.  Watch the cues.  Do not put pressure or weight on yourself with limits, assessments, and judgments of yourself.  Know that you are a work in progress.  Sometimes, the only thing that is holding you back is a little more time, or the right time.  Write, “I am a work in progress.”



Reward yourself as if you are both your teacher and your student, your parent, and your child.  
Watch and celebrate each step in your progress and ability to witness each victory, great and small. 
Create a Victory Journal, or a section in your Feelings and Thoughts Observations Journal where you note each of your victories and accomplishments.  


Let your increasing awareness inspire you to continue. 

The more aware you become, through witnessing yourself, the better you will start to feel on a day-to-day basis.  The lifting of stress and suffering and the expanding happiness and light will be your ongoing reward.



Be a witness to your growth, evolution, awakening, and blossoming.  
Look back at yourself, and in your journals of your thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, feelings, observations, and victories. Feel the difference from your earlier notes to your current notes.  See how your feelings about yourself and about life have changed.  Feel your goodness.  Appreciate all the witnessing, writing questions, and self-discovery work you have done.  Feel grateful for every bit.



Sometimes, through our witnessing, we realize that we just need a little more time, or information, or experience with it, or a little more dreaming, creating, or planning, to be ready. Realize these possibilities. Life will repeat the experiences we need, giving us endless opportunities to discover and awaken and change.  We must not worry that we missed our chance or blew an opportunity.  Every day brings fresh chances. 


When we change, we can pay more attention, asking what we were ready for or needing to learn from the change.  When we witness ourselves responding to the call to change, we stop the randomness, the tailspins, the sideswipes, and the bitterness from feeling as if life is out to get us.


Life is not meant to be a sprint.


— Joseph Binning



In being a witness to your life, you will notice your pace is slower.  Slowing down to observe, notice, and feel allows you time to see things you once ignored, or viewed as less important. Minor miracles, like birds in flight, the blueness of the sky, and the vivid blossoming flowers catch our attention, because we are slowing down.  To be a witness to ourselves, we must observe ourselves.  The universe changes for one who studies and learns from there self.  They notice the minor miracles all around them, the greatest of which is their own awakening to their own greatness.


The witness is your centering device, the awareness.  It guides the work you do on yourself.

And you can cultivate that awareness in the garden of your being. 


—Ram Daas


There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.


Albert Einstein



A miraclefrom the Latin word mirari, meaning “to wonder”—is defined an event or occurrence not explainable by evidence or scientific fact alone. For this very reason, a miracle elicits excitement and wonder. It is a manifestation is beyond the ability of human action alone.  They have reported miracles as far back as recorded research. But do you realize that miracles happen every day? 


Miracles are seen as dramatic occurrences, such as cancer suddenly going into remission, sight being restored, or a missing child being inexplicably discovered and unharmed.  Miracles are quiet, unexplained circumstances. Like suddenly knowing how to navigate a challenge after praying for guidance. Meeting your future partner and knowing destiny has decided for you to be together, Or knowing exactly where to look for something lost.  Miracles may appear as blessings, random events, or luck, depending on the perceived viewpoint and beliefs.  


Not everyone believes in Miracles. Perhaps you don’t believe in miracles, blessings, luck, or randomness.  Maybe you look for scientific explanations, determined to prove occurrences based on clues, data analysis, and physical evidence.


Maybe you believe in miracles, but you’re waiting for grandiose miracles.  “If I can just get a big break, I can make everything right in my life.”  Some of you have been waiting for that miracle and feel you are at the end of your rope, barely hanging on.  My advice?  Let go.


If you stop and look at each and everything that you see and experience in your life, you will realize that miracles are in and around us everywhere, in each day, and in every moment.  A child growing inside of a mother’s belly.  The sun coming up.  The perfectly designed, still standing pyramids.  The stars suspended in the sky.  The earth turning in the galaxy.  Gravity.  Plant life.  The Internet.  Bridges.  Physics.  The central nervous system.  The development, growth, agility, and abilities of the brain and the body itself.  Each time you investigate a mirror, and each time you see another human being, you are witnessing a miracle.  Yet, you don’t see it.


In his article, “Miracle of the Human Body” on the “Walking Giant News Service” website, Deepak Chopra wrote:


“Consider that the human body comprises approximately one hundred trillion cells, about one thousand cells for every bright star in the Milky Way. It takes only fifty replications, starting with the one-celled fertilized ovum to produce those 100 thousand billion cells.  The first replication gives you two cells. The second replication gives you four. The third replication gives you sixteen cells, and so on. By the fiftieth replication, you have one hundred thousand billion cells in your body, and that’s where the replication stops.”


Living in our humanness, racing through our lives, and layered in all our conditioned beliefs and behaviors has taught us to view our physical reality from a place of blindness and deafness to the continual stream of miracles every day. How many times have you said, or heard someone say something like: “It’s Wednesday, hump day; only two more days until the weekend”  “Three more years till I can retire, and then I can relax and enjoy myself and see the world” or “One hour more and then we can go have a drink and unwind?”  We think of our lives as work or play, black or white, stress or pleasure, something to get through, until the real fun can begin. 


Modern day culture worships “Happy Hour,” weekends, parties, holidays, vacations, or retirement as the big things, the good stuff, the rewards. We get excited about seeing actors at the Academy Awards, attending a professional basketball game, touring millionaire homes, having cocktails by the pool, choosing the prettiest and latest makeup, hair and fashion, and having the most expensive toys, fastest cars, and sophisticated cell phones. 

All these can excite on some level. Yet, our holding them in such high esteem, and even worship, while the grandest, most spectacular miracles of all are what we see in the mirror and outside, creates a distorted sense of reality. 


This is the illusion that we have been conditioned to believe that our normal lives, by comparison, are mundane.  
Through this distorted view, we automatically and repeatedly create a sense of lack for ourselves, because we’re afraid of running out of those things we think we really have a need for an exciting, fun life. We end up creating addictions to those things we think we need to survive. 
We waste our energy, our vitality, and our years, wishing and waiting for that great, future moment, when we win the lottery, get that partnership, buy that new house, receive that proposal, win that vote, buy that car.  Then, when we don’t get it, we exhaust ourselves trying another strategy or hoping for a miracle that gets us out of our disappointment, our sense of failure, our financial stress.  Or, we take pills, drink wine, or cosmetically alter our faces or bodies to protect ourselves from job loss, chronic fatigue, aging, illness, depression, sleeplessness, loneliness, or fear of loss and failure. 


  • Did you realize that the sun rose this morning? 
  • Do you understand the miracle that the sun lights up the darkness every day for our entire planet?  
  • Can you even fathom how, with no effort, it rests on a perfect axis, not too close, not too far, but in perfect alignment, to sustain all living things?
  • The mysterious and glorious moon rises every night for each one of us, controls our tides and our seasons, and highlights millions of stars we gaze at and wish upon.  
  • We didn’t get out of bed this morning and fall off the edge of the planet. 
  • We get to live one more day today!


Did you know that by all laws of physics the bumblebee should not be able to fly? An engineering study on the aerodynamics of the bumblebee’s wings determined that their size cannot promote or sustain flight.  Yet they fly.


Were you aware that mothers can detect their baby’s unique scent out of a batch of newborns?  Do you realize that a baby can recognize the smell and voice of its mother immediately from birth?


In all the billions of snowflakes that have ever fallen anywhere, there are no two that are exactly the same. Do you know that snowflakes always have six sides?  Do you ever wonder why?  Did you realize that the human fingerprint also has six sides?


Most regions of the world have four seasons, perfectly timed to foster growth of the new and death of the old. In a natural order, they never change, and they’re never late.  They just are. 



Here is a small test to help you find the miracles in your life today:


Take some deep breaths and close your eyes.  Take an honest evaluation of your life. 


Write as many things as you can think of that you can’t wait to get through or finished with. 


Now, write the things you look forward to. 


Next, make a list of things you take for granted, though you may not understand that happen naturally in the world.  You can use the examples mentioned about, and you can add your own. 


Then, think of and note a recent or distant memory of when you witnessed one of those.  You may call it a coincidence, a lucky occurrence, a random event, a blessing, or maybe a miracle.


Last, think about the ways you might make slight changes in your day, week, month, year, and life that can allow you to insert some time for noticing, witnessing, watching, wondering, observing, and appreciating more of those.



  • Instead of waiting for a miracle, look around.  
  • Instead of seeking scientific proof, gaze at the miracle of life. 
  • Spend some time marveling at our miraculous internal body systems and how they run automatically and independently and efficiently. 
  • Try to grasp the human ability to expand on all that is, our endless opportunities, unlimited chances and surprises that come in each moment. 
  • When you stop racing through your day to pause and ponder the abundance and infinity of miracles happening inside of YOU and in this life in every moment, you will be a witness to even more blessings and miracles.
  •  Don’t wait until Happy Hour to allow your happiness in. 
  • Don’t wait for a party to celebrate life.  Stop waiting for the weekend to search for some magic. 
  • Never again put off noticing the beauty of the forest and streams until the next vacation. 
  • You need not retire to set out on a journey of this amazing world. 
  • This is it, right here, right now.  Your miracles are right in front of you, waiting for you to see them.


Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.    

Wayne Dyer

Regrets are like deep, dark holes.

We should avoid them at all costs.


— Joseph Binning



Regret comes from being reactive instead of proactive. Regret comes from deciding without thinking it through, acting on autopilot, copying someone else’s action or recommendation, or deciding out of fear. 


My #1 rule in life: “Live a Life with No Regrets!” 

In order to life a life with no regrets, we must first think through every decision you make before acting. Ask yourself first, “What will be the impact of your decision”? “How will it affect me later”?  “If I take this action, how will it affect the rest of my life?”  “If I make this choice, how will it affect the rest of my life?”  These are the kinds of conversations we must have with ourselves before we act on any consequential choice.


When we think before we act, we can have a stronger chance of controlling the outcome of the decision. When we act first and think second, we cannot control the outcome of our decisions and choices. Expecting a specific outcome of any decision from which we have no ability to control the outcome is a sure path to giving away our power. The power to live our lives on the terms we dictate based on the decision. Not the terms the decision will make on our lives. 


Read that again to make sure you understand it. Expecting a specific outcome of any decision from which we have no ability to control the outcome is a sure path to giving away our power. The power to live our lives on the terms we dictate based on the decision. Not the terms the decision will make on our lives.


A friend recently expressed regrets over the way his adult children had turned out. “I sure screwed them up!” he said.  He believes that their actions and decisions as adults now are his fault. He couldn’t be further from the truth. Once children reach the age of becoming accountable—the age when they know the meaning of the actions they choose and how to use them—their decisions, and their outcomes are totally, and only, their own. 


My friend is operating from an expectation that his adult children show up in life in the way he thinks they should show up.  They didn’t, and he feels as if he’s failed. His misunderstanding of choice causes him to feel this way. He has given his power away to a belief that exists only as a story in his mind. All of which is untrue.


Regret happens when we conflict with our self-identity.


Regret comes from the misconception that our mistakes are in direct connection with our self-identity, or “who” we are as people. When you make a choice that you later regret and ask, “Why didn’t I make a better choice?” you do so, because your choice conflicts with your idea of what a good choice looks like.


Nine times out of ten, you couldn’t have known what the right choice would look like, in which case there’s no way to resolve your regret.  You can’t change the choice.  Your conflict is with your self-identity, not the choice. So, the problem spins around in your mind without resolution.



In his article, “Why We Have Regret” (Zenhabits. net), Leo Babauta explains how to let go of regret.


In examining why we have regret and why it’s so hard to let go, we can see two root causes that we can address:


  1. We compare past choices to an ideal.


  1. We have an ideal identity that conflicts with the bad choice.


These root causes both revolve around ideals.  Ideals are not reality. 

They are fantasies of how we’d like reality to look. Here, these ideals are causing us anguish or regret. The practice for us then becomes letting go of false ideals and embracing reality.


You cannot change past choices because they are in the past.  


We can’t change it. In fact, there is good in the choice if we see it. Being able to make choices is a gift, as is learning from any experience. We should strive to make choices perfect for us as individuals so can see them as good enough, instead of having a goal to make perfect choices. Some choices will be great; some won’t be.  This should be the new ideal reality we hold ourselves to.


We are not always as good as we wish we were.  

In fact, our sense of self encompasses a wide range, from ideal, to not good, or somewhere in between. We make mistakes. We make good choices. We are selfish. We are considerate. We are deceitful. We are honest. We are all of it. When we consider the reality of our range of self-aspects, making a choice we later regret isn’t necessarily in conflict with other aspects of our self-identity. It’s in association with them.  Knowing this, we can embrace the entire range of choices we make and embrace the entire range of aspects of ourselves.


So, what can we do when we obsess over past choices?


  1. We can recognize that we’ve fallen into the pattern of thinking so much about the past we’re living in it and switch to looking at the past only as a reference point for what we want to do differently.


  1. We can realize that we’ve idolized or compared ourselves to an ideal that isn’t our current reality, redirect our focus back onto ourselves, and ask ourselves whether we want to shift closer to our ideal, or shift our expectation and comparison.





Here is an exercise to help you conquer your regrets:
Write at least one regret you have. 
After each regret, ask yourself these questions, then write the answer:


Why do I regret this?

Was it an impulsive decision?

Was I expecting a result I could not make happen?

Was fear controlling the results?

Do I wish I’d done something differently?


Write what comes to your mind. Be honest with yourself.



This should be a daily practice, and the more we practice it, the more we can find satisfaction in the choices we’ve made and the actions we’ve taken.  The more we practice, the more we can focus in each present moment on the choices we’re making and the actions we’re taking.


Never compare your past or present choices, decisions, and actions with those of anyone else.


Realize that you had to make a choice and that you are making the best choice you are capable of in that moment. I might have made a different choice, but I would base it on my knowledge, perspective, beliefs, and reality at the time I made it.


My choice is unique for me. My time and place of making my choice are unique to me.  Your choice, time, and place are unique to you. You might make a different choice at a different time in your life than I might. That’s what makes it yours.


I Love to run, but if I’m looking backward while I’m running, I will trip and fall, because I won’t see where I’m going or what’s ahead.  It’s okay to see what’s behind me momentarily to decide if it’s safe to cross the road or not. I just don’t want to focus there. Life is the same way. Don’t ignore the past, but don’t dwell on it either. You will miss what’s ahead.

Regrets are a part of being human, but by understanding the cause of our choice and shifting our perspective, we can find more satisfaction and compassion in our current and past choices.  The icing on the cake is that in doing this, we can better focus on the now and create happy present moments.  That is a choice we never regret.



Develop an attitude of gratitude and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward

is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than our current situation.


Brian Tracy