Published: 23 September 2021

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Categories: Beliefs

The Man in the Mirror

Every morning I see him. Every morning, he stares back at me. Some days in wonder. Some days in disbelief.

Some days I do not recognize him. Some days he is mighty. Some days he is not. Some days he is vibrant. Some days he is old, almost ancient.

But every day he shows up. Without fail, he is there. Waiting. Waiting for me to ask him that fatal question. The one that drives him yet frightens him at the same time.

Every day I have an appointment with him, and I must ask the question. Some days he can’t wait to be asked. Some days, I would rather not ask him.

He will answer, truthfully and honestly. Even if he would rather not. Because he must. Not because he has to, because he chooses to.

I ask him, “are you the man you are supposed to be and are you doing your best to stay that way?”.

As men, we don’t like accountability. We like to be anonymous. To do things our own way. Reinventing the wheel because we have a better way. We are this way because it’s easier. Easier to hide.

We were all born like a bull in a China shop. We crash through life sometimes, not noticing the damage we do to what is around us. We were born that way, on purpose.

Bulls can be extremely dangerous. They are big, strong, and powerful creatures. Put them in a ring and place a cowboy on their back and watch what happens. The cowboy eventually sails into the air, only to have a sudden stop caused by the ground.

Yet to watch a bull in his natural environment and he seems docile, calm, almost gentle. He is the symbol of strength and prosperity. We refer a bull market to as strong with good growth potential.

He brings calm and protection to his fold. They know that as long as he is near danger will not be of concern because if it appears, he will swiftly and harshly deal with it.

His purpose is to serve, protect, and to ensure the fold increases and prospers. That is his purpose. He is a beast.

As men, we are called upon to be a beast, not a lamb.

“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.” The quote, from a novel by the author G. Michael Hopf, sums up a stunningly pervasive vision of history.

Today’s man has gone from being a beast to a lamb. We slaughter lambs. We fear beasts.
As a man, you are called to be a beast and to get the beast under control. This is not to say you are to tame the beast. Far from it.

Men no longer lead families. Mostly women do. The modern man is no longer the leader. They have become sheep. Asking permission of their wives rather than asking their opinions. Ask your friends who are married who controls the checkbook. Mostly it is the woman.

Women do not control the checkbook because they want to, mostly. They control the checkbook because they need to. Men relinquish it to them to manage. They do not want the responsibility.

The average man in America gains 30 pounds in the first five years of marriage.[1] Men have gone soft.

Men;

No longer make decisions (just ask him where he wants to eat. His typical answer will be “wherever you want, dear”).
Are not the protector of the family.
Do not set a healthy example for the family.
No longer respect themselves enough to take care of themselves.
Do not show a positive example of self-discipline and self-denial to the family. (is it any wonder the children act up?).

The divorce rate in America is 44.6%.

the average marriage in America lasts 8.2 years.

Divorce rates go higher in professions where the man is away from the family unit longer.

The number one reason for divorce is lack of commitment, followed by infidelity, excessive conflict, married to young, and financial issues. [2]

If I asked you to fly on a plane that had a 44.6% chance of crashing, would you still fly on it?

If you thought that there was a 44.6% chance that someone else would have just as much or more input in the say of your children’s lives, would you still have one, or two, or three?

If you thought you had a 44.6% chance that the woman you love and adore would hate you in as little as five years, would you still marry her?

As men, we are called on to be a beast, not a lamb. We slaughter lambs and fear beasts.

As a beast, you must slaughter the laziness within you.

As a beast, you must drive away the selfishness you show by putting the family second, third, or even fourth.

As a beast, we must fight the animal that lives within us so we can be show those you love the gentler side of us yet still allow the beast to reign.

As a beast, you must at all times be willing to defend, protect, and provide for your families.

As a beast, you must learn to do that which you might not be good at now.

As a beast, you must realize that your families do not care about why you were away from them, and only care that you are there with them.

As a beast, you must fight the urge to “just relax for a moment”.

As a beast, you must work hard to earn your family’s respect and trust. This is done by being there. Showing them by example. Living it.

As a beast, you are called to create safety and prosperity for the family unit.

As a beast, you are called to have a daily meeting with the man in the mirror and ask him “are you the man you are supposed to be and are you doing your best to stay that way?”.

If the answer is no, slaughter the lamb and release the beast.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

[1] Livestrong.com/ Why Do People Gain Weight After Marriage? /Accessed 09/20/2021/ https://www.livestrong.com/article/130602-people-gain-weight-after-marriage/

[2] The Hive Law/ (2021 Divorce Rate in America) How Many Marriages End In Divorce Statistics/ accessed 09/20/2021/ https://www.thehivelaw.com/blog/divorce-statistics-us-divorce-rate-in-america/

Published: 23 September 2021

Written by Joseph Binning

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Categories: Blog, Health

Suicide Prevention Handbook

Approximately 800,000 people die by suicide every year, one person dies every 40 seconds. The World Health Organization’s (WHO) first report on suicide prevention, Preventing Suicide: A Global Imperative, states that suicide is a global phenomenon occurring in all regions of the world. Suicide was the second leading cause of death among the 15-29 age group globally in 2016. But, behind these alarming numbers, remember that suicide is preventable! This article will hopefully help you and the family and friends around you recognize the signs of suicide and the methods that can help.

Image Source: Sandaki.com

What you need to know about suicide

Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year.

The number of attempted suicides is many times greater than the number of deaths by suicide each year.

Every year more men than women die by suicide. In wealthy countries, men die by suicide three times as often as women, and men aged 50 and older are more vulnerable.

In low- and middle-income countries, suicide rates are higher among young adults and older women than among their counterparts in high-income countries, and women over age 70 are more than twice as likely to die by suicide as women aged 15-29.

In 2016, low- and middle-income countries accounted for over 79% of global suicides.

The most common means of suicide globally are drinking pesticides, hanging, and using firearms.

Misunderstandings about suicide

1. If I ask someone around me if they have any suicidal thoughts, will it trigger them to commit suicide?

This is a very important issue and one of the biggest misconceptions the public has about suicide prevention. If you don’t have time to read this article all the way through, just remember one thing: no research proves that discussing suicide will trigger suicide. Asking the person if they have suicidal thoughts and discussing them further is one of the best things you can do to prevent suicide.

2. Some people say that suicide is just lip service and that they will not actually commit suicide.

Most people who commit suicide have hinted to a friend or loved one that they are going to kill themselves before they do so. So don’t take any sign of suicide lightly. Whether it sounds like a joke or a casual remark, it’s a sign to ask for help.

3. Suicide is a sign of cowardice and selfishness, lack of respect for life, and lack of consideration for family members.

Such an idea is a misconception about suicide at a societal level. Different people have different reasons for committing suicide, but in most cases, they can no longer bear the pain of life and believe that suicide is the only way to stop hurting at the moment.

The process of suicide torments even the most desperate and depressed people, whether to choose life or death? Sometimes it’s a matter of thought, and this tangled process provides the window for intervention. Who has not experienced a certain stage of darkness and helplessness in their lives?

4. People who want to commit suicide cannot be stopped?

An article, Why must we stop people who want to commit suicide, trended on social media. Written by a netizen who once tried to commit suicide and fortunately was prevented by his brother, who came home early.

She is 5’7” tall, has been practicing tennis for ten years, is a national-level athlete, and has a privileged and smooth life. Unfortunately, a car accident killed her boyfriend and left her with a lifelong disability in her left arm (she is left-handed), so she had to practice again to dress and eat. She was so despondent that she thought of suicide.

“The moment I drank the pesticide, I regretted it, and luckily, my brother, who had originally planned to take the train, flew home early.”

“When you want to kill yourself, no matter what way you use, at the moment you put it into action, you will regret it. It’s at that moment you understand we can solve any problem, but by then it is too late.” She uses her personal experience to tell people they must stop suicide because the moment they commit suicide, they will all regret it.

How to identify suicide signals

As we mentioned in this article, in most cases, a person who plans to commit suicide will release suicide signals before committing suicide. Then, how to recognize these suicide signals also becomes the most important step in suicide prevention.

We have summarized the following ten signs of suicide from the American Psychological Association and the Help Guide organization.

Verbal or written expressions of intent to commit suicide. For example, I wish I had never been born; I don’t want to live; I want to disappear; I want to jump from some high place, etc.

Collect or think about suicide tools, such as guns, pills, knives, etc.

A sudden personality change: for example, a calm personality suddenly becomes tyrannical, a lively one suddenly becomes silent, etc.

Stay away from family and friends and close themselves off.

Start writing their last wishes, give away their precious things, and make other arrangements for their family.

Increased self-injurious behavior. Although self-harm is not the same as suicide, increased self-harm behaviors, such as car racing, excessive alcohol consumption, and reckless and impulsive behavior without regard to risk, are sometimes signs of suicide.

Suddenly becoming unusually calm. A sudden calm after a long period of depression is sometimes a final decision to commit suicide after already struggling.

Changes in diet and sleep.

A sense of helplessness and lack of hope for the future are one of the biggest signs of suicide.

Increased loneliness on important holidays or anniversaries (death anniversary of a loved one, etc.). For example, in the United States, major holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas increase loneliness, which may trigger suicide.

How to communicate with suicidal people?

Ideally, it is most effective and reliable to seek professional help if you are suicidal. Some studies show that 70% of suicides occur at home. What is the first step we can take as friends or family members?

A reader who has experienced suicidal tendencies with a close friend or family member may have wondered: What if my judgment is wrong? Maybe I’m overthinking it and he or she may not be trying to kill himself or herself? What if he or she is angry with me if I ask? These are, of course, all very natural tangles and worries.

However, the most important rule of suicide intervention is the sooner, the better! You need to keep in mind that your concern and questioning will not lead to suicide, but is a valuable opportunity for you to show your concern and help the person. We suggest you might begin your inquiry by asking the following questions:

“I’ve been concerned about you lately. Are you okay?”

“You seem to have changed a bit lately, and I wanted to ask you how you are doing?”

“You don’t look much like yourself. Can we talk?”

Next, you can ask further questions like this:

“When did you first notice these changes in yourself?”

“Can you let me help you? Tell me, what do you need my help with?”

Some language has proven to be comforting to suicidal friends, for example:

“I’ll be there when you need me. You’re not alone!”

“I may not fully understand what you’re going through. But I care about you, and I want to help you!”

We recommend you listen more and remember that even if you have experienced no training in counseling, your concern for a person is the most helpful thing you can do. We do not recommend doing the following things:

Arguing with a suicidal person.

Not to act too surprised. Such an attitude may prevent the person from sharing further.

Not rushing to help with specific problems.

We can prevent suicide. Scientific knowledge and the right attitude are important forces in preventing suicide.

Author’s Bio: My name is Carl Lee, and I have a Master’s degree in Psychology. I have been working in the mental health field since I graduated. Our company website, www.sandaki.com, is also a platform for people to share their stories about depression and anxiety.

This article was published with the permission and cooperation of JosephBinning.com.

Carl Lee is a guest contributor to JosephBining.com.

Because we strongly believe that all life matters and is important we thought it appropriate to share this important message.

Published: 8 July 2021

Written by Joseph Binning

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Categories: Leadership, Personal Growth, Relationships

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen

This writing is in memory of my Father, who—without knowing it — helped make me the man I am today.

When I was a young boy, my father seemed bigger than life, like most fathers seem to young sons. I looked at him in the same way that I imagine my son Jeremiah looked at me at that age—the Superhero—the towering giant who can fix anything, do anything, and make anything seem better than it is. We see what we want to see until we don’t. Little did I know that he would teach me an important life lesson. What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen.

Life took him away from me incredibly early in my life, so we never got to have the kinds of deep conversations that my son and I have had. We never shared a beer together. We never ran a half marathon together, never traveled the world together, never went camping, never attended baseball or football games together. My memories of him are very few, but I have one that will never fade.

I was about seven years old, and we were returning home from somewhere. We were laughing when he pulled into the driveway. He was good at making me laugh. As we got out, and I looked at him over the roof of the car, all I could see was his head. My superhero dad seemed so small, with only a head and no body. As I chuckled, I slammed the car door shut with my thumb still in the door. Screaming at the top of my lungs, crying for him to fix it, I stood frozen, unable to move. What he did next remains forever etched in my mind.

Calmly and gently, but firmly, my father said, “JOSEPH — OPEN THE DOOR.”

At that point in my seven-year life, I had fallen, bumped, smashed, crashed, and broken quite a few objects and body parts. On those occasions when I’d hurt myself, I’d had seen the alarm in his eyes, sometimes panic. This time it was different. His eyes were still quiet and wise, as if he knew he was passing down an important lesson, from a father to his son.

Life guarantees things will go wrong, and we’ll get hurt. Sometimes in those moments, we freeze or panic. The lesson that my father taught me is, when those things happen, get calm, breathe—and OPEN THE DOOR. My dad reminded me I have the knowledge, the ability, and the strength to handle the situation.

So, I did, I opened the door, and I was free. Afterward, he walked me in the house, put my thumb on ice, and did what a wonderful dad does, gave me a bowl of ice cream. Then, we went to the doctor.

The thumb nail eventually fell off and, to this day, a small section on my left thumbnail doesn’t grow. That’s just fine with me. When I feel stuck, it’s my reminder to get calm, breathe, and OPEN THE DOOR.

Thanks Dad.

I was born to two people who Loved each other enough to deliver my brother and me into the world and create a family. Out of his sons, I was my father’s favorite. He and my mother discovered they weren’t right for each other and chose separate paths. It’s an awfully familiar story.

Some in my family have suggested my father did not have the proper tools to be a father, not in the state of mind, to be the best example for me. I’ll never know. He took the divorce extremely hard and could not see us after they separated. My last memories of him were watching him sit in his car crying outside of our house. Without my superhero father, I felt alone.

We moved every year. My mother struggled alone on a secretary’s salary to raise two boys in Los Angeles, California. Most landlords wouldn’t allow us to renew the lease, since most months we were late with rent. My brother and I never knew about that—her way of protecting us.

Being the new kid meant they bullied you—unless the other kids thought you were crazy—in which case, they’d leave you alone. I learned early on to pick a fight with the biggest kid on the playground on the first day of school, even if I’d get pulverized, which was the case a fair amount of the time, and the other kids would leave you alone.

I ran away from home a few times. I thought If I could just find my dad then everything would be alright. I hadn’t yet been told that he was dead.

The cause listed on his death certificate I would later find was suicide.

Alcohol and sleeping pills were apparently somewhat common during that era. I found out three years after he died, when I was in ninth grade—again, my mother’s way of protecting us.

Although I was a decent student—passing my freshman year with a B+ average—I didn’t feel good enough, ever. When I was fifteen, my mother dropped me off at the local police station. From there, they sent me to juvenile hall and sent to live at a boy’s home for troubled youth, called at the time The Pacific Lodge Boys Home.

Woodland Hills, California, was a strange place for a boy’s home. We attended the local public high school for some sense of normal life. That worked in theory, but kids can be very cruel. We were referred to as “the Lodge Boys” by the other kids and reminded daily that we were not “normal” kids.

Friends were hard to come by, unless they were from the Lodge. So, most of us just hung out with each other, it created a bond between us. If someone from school messed with a Lodge Boy-and they usually did—we all came running. We called ourselves The Band of Wayward Brothers.

They designed the daily schedule at the lodge around individual counseling and occasional family group counseling sessions, with the eventual goal of reuniting each boy into his family unit. I knew in the back of my mind I’d never return home, that I’d live at the Lodge until I turned eighteen, alone, with no family, no tribe, and no one to belong to—a throwaway child no one wanted.

One minute you belonged to something—be it healthy or dysfunctional, it was your tribe, your family—and the next minute, it’s taken away. You’re suddenly, unexpectedly, bewilderedly alone. After losing my dad as a child, I felt alone. Now I truly was alone and lost.

The multiple dorm residential facility had several counselors who worked and slept there during their shifts. One of my counselors, Cane, was a social worker. He was a warm, laid-back surfer guy, and was always nice, Cane genuinely cared and never judged us. I was horrible to him. We all were. We were a group of angry, hurt boys, deposited in a home for troubled youth, who felt alone in the world.

Out of the hundred, or so, kids at the Lodge that Christmas, only two of us were not going home to be with our family for the holiday. My friend Patrick and I wouldn’t be going home, which meant that our counselor Cane, whose shift was that night, had to stay at the dorm with just the two of us, instead being of home for Christmas with his family.

Little did we know, Cane had asked, and received permission, to take Patrick and I off campus for Christmas. We didn’t know what we were getting into, but it was better than being at the Lodge for Christmas.

Cane picked us up on Christmas Eve and off we went on what he called

“Cane’s Christmas Present Run”, visiting friends of his to exchange presents and Christmas wishes. Not once did any of them make us feel awkward for being there, even though they knew where we were from. The day ended at his mother’s house with homemade Christmas dinner and all the fixings. It was a real family dinner with lots of food and lots of people, none of whom made either of us feel left out or unwelcome.

Cane and his mother gave presents to Patrick and me—no ugly sweaters or generic or cheap items—genuine gifts they put thought into selecting just for us. I had never known that kind of generosity. I didn’t understand it. I’ll never forget that day for as long as I live.

When he brought us back the next day, I asked him why he was being so nice to me. He said,

“My job, Joe, is to Love you enough, until the day comes when you can Love yourself that much.”

I have never forgotten his words, though I didn’t know what that meant.

My life changed that day. I have had my ups and my downs.

I’ve been homeless to a homeowner. Not a simple task in California.

Unemployable to a nationally recognized business owner.

Poor and broke, to not having to worry about being evicted.

A 15-year-old throw away child to a sitting Board Member of the San Diego Center for Children I affectionately call The Pacific Lodge Boys Home South.

A lost boy, to world traveler, knowing now that not all those who wander are lost.

Multiple Ironman triathlon series finisher.

And now new author of a book titled “You Matter, even if you don’t think so”.

To the next generation of Wayward Brothers and Sisters, or anybody who thinks they are stuck and frozen, here is what I have learned along the way. I hope it helps you.

Good people make bad decisions sometimes, that doesn’t make them bad people, it just makes it a bad decision.
Forgive easily and often. Others and especially yourself. Remember, there is only one perfect, and we aren’t it.
You are not broken, and therefore do not need “fixing”. You are perfect, just the way you are.
Life rewards the brave, so be brave. Take a chance on yourself and others.
Knowledge is only potential, but action is power. Knowing what to do is only half the equation. Take that leap of faith.
Be the best for you, just for you. You deserve it.
Love yourself first with all your heart. Those around you will benefit more.
Be your own best friend first. And don’t let him or her down or cut them any slack.
Just because someone says it doesn’t mean it’s true. They have the right to an opinion, but you also may choose to not believe it.

10. Happiness is a choice, not a place, thing, moment, or a person. Only you can make you happy.

11. Everything in life is a precious gift. Treat it as such and don’t disregard it or you will lose it.

12. Everything happens for a reason, figure out why. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.

Last, and most importantly,

OPEN THE DOOR!

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If this helped you, spoke to you, or made you think of someone who needs to read this, please leave your comments, and share it.

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

Published: 25 December 2020

Written by Joseph Binning

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Categories: Happiness

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home

Its Christmas day. Family has gathered together. We have exchanged gifts. We have created memories. It’s the one time of the year when all bad roads can be forgotten or forgiven. Because on Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.

“Blessed is the season which engages the entire world in a conspiracy of love.”

― Hamilton Wright Mabie

Christmas is a time of family. We gather possibly only once a year and exchange memories, there’s always that one Aunt who pinches your cheek even though you’re too old for that. But you let it slide because it’s Christmas.

Christmas is a time for Love. Love of family is the greatest bond known to man. We can test it, even wound it. But it always survives. Because there is no greater Love for a person than the Love, they have in their heart for another.

Christmas is a time to be safe. As we grow, we venture into the world to make our mark. Sometimes that mark leaves scars. Sometimes deep scars. Coming Home for Christmas is our sanctuary. Possibly we visit so it can remind us of times past that we associate with joy to help us heal.

Coming home for Christmas is a way to come back into the fold again. Knowing we always have a place to return to where those who care for us are and allow us to stay connected or to allow us to reconnect.

Coming home for Christmas adds to the healthy moments we keep locked in our minds that we can draw from when we feel isolated or disconnected with family.

“Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.”

― Joan Mills

Coming home for Christmas is for friends. That warm connection with those who are closest to us. Close enough that we call them friend. A time to catch up and remember why you are friends.

Coming home for Christmas is not about the tree or the presents.

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall”

― Larry Wilde

Coming home for Christmas is about sharing. Sharing memories. Sharing Love. Sharing moments.

Coming home for Christmas is about caring. Caring about each other. Caring how they are doing. Caring how they show up in the moment.

Coming home for Christmas is about giving giving of ourselves to another. Sharing our strength if they need. Sharing their burdens if needed. Sharing the Love you have for them when they need it the most.

And last, coming home for Christmas is about receiving. Receiving the Love given you by others. Receiving the blessing of being family. Receiving the gift of the Spirit of Christmas.

As we greet each other and share the moment with each other, lets remember that Christmas is about family and home. Home can be wherever you are, so don’t think you need to travel many miles to return there.

Therefore I say On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Page 1 of 2

family

The Man in the Mirror

Suicide Prevention Handbook

Suicide Prevention Handbook

What you need to know about suicide

Misunderstandings about suicide

1. If I ask someone around me if they have any suicidal thoughts, will it trigger them to commit suicide?

2. Some people say that suicide is just lip service and that they will not actually commit suicide.

3. Suicide is a sign of cowardice and selfishness, lack of respect for life, and lack of consideration for family members.

4. People who want to commit suicide cannot be stopped?

How to identify suicide signals

How to communicate with suicidal people?

What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship?

YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From and Are They Really Yours?

What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen

What I Learned from Being Stuck and Frozen

This writing is in memory of my Father, who—without knowing it — helped make me the man I am today.

Good people make bad decisions sometimes, that doesn’t make them bad people, it just makes it a bad decision.

Forgive easily and often. Others and especially yourself. Remember, there is only one perfect, and we aren’t it.

You are not broken, and therefore do not need “fixing”. You are perfect, just the way you are.

Life rewards the brave, so be brave. Take a chance on yourself and others.

Knowledge is only potential, but action is power. Knowing what to do is only half the equation. Take that leap of faith.

Be the best for you, just for you. You deserve it.

Love yourself first with all your heart. Those around you will benefit more.

Be your own best friend first. And don’t let him or her down or cut them any slack.

Just because someone says it doesn’t mean it’s true. They have the right to an opinion, but you also may choose to not believe it.

10. Happiness is a choice, not a place, thing, moment, or a person. Only you can make you happy.

11. Everything in life is a precious gift. Treat it as such and don’t disregard it or you will lose it.

12. Everything happens for a reason, figure out why. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons.

OPEN THE DOOR!

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.