Every New Beginning Is Born by The Death of The Past
Every New Beginning Is Born by The Death of The Past

Every New Beginning Is Born by The Death of The Past

 

“The beginning is the most important part of the work.”

– Plato

 

We are all blessed in life because no matter how bad we do, life always gives us a chance to do a do over every January 1st. But in order to create a new beginning, we must say goodbye to our past. We are not to ignore it or deny it, but we are to learn from it if we want a new beginning.

Every New Beginning Is Born by The Death of The Past

Life is a journey with many roads they ask us to travel. Some roads are good, fine, and healthy. Some roads are dark, dangerous, and harmful to us and sometimes those around us.

If we do not take the time needed to reflect on our past, it dooms us to repeat it. That’s how life is. We are here to learn. Our mistakes teach us what does not work, and our successes teach us what will.

 

Every New Beginning Is Born by The Death of The Past
If we do not take the time needed to reflect on our past, it dooms us to repeat it.

 

Every year we celebrate New Year’s eve with parties and festivities. We celebrate the hope of a new beginning. A fresh start. A chance to right the wrongs, make things right, or to just plain old do better.

What we don’t do enough is take time during these moments to reflect on the road taken. We are told to stand on our story of our life, but not stand in it. It’s perfectly fine to visit the past so you can learn from it, just don’t stay there for any length of time.

 

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365-page book. Write a good one.”

― Brad Paisley

 

Take the time to do three things. Reflect, Identify, and Learn.

Reflect:

  • Take time that you set aside and schedule for yourself to sit and be still. Turn off the phone. Eliminate the possibility of distractions by being in a space that allows you to feel safe and comfortable.
  • Identify:

Reflect on the past year. Don’t beat yourself up over the mistakes and don’t over celebrate with the victories. Just review it in your mind. Don’t relive it! Just note it. Pay close attention to what served you and what didn’t.

  • Learn:

Learning from our mistakes is the best way to prevent from making them again. If you stick your hand into the fire and didn’t learn, it will burn your chances are you will get burned again. This exercise will prevent that.

 

 

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better man.”

― Benjamin Franklin

 

Imagine someone walking down the street with ten large bags on their shoulders.

They would move slower than if they did not have them.

They could not go in some directions because of them.

When we do not learn from our past and release the hold they have on us, we prevent forward momentum in life. Some opportunities would not present themselves or not be accessible because of what we carry from the past.

With every New Year comes new opportunities. New adventures. New chances and new choices. Don’t let the past make you go down the same road repeatedly. Allow the past to be behind you and do not allow it to block your forward momentum. Allow it to die so your new life can begin.

 

Every New Beginning Is Born by The Death of The Past
With every New Year comes new opportunities. New adventures. New chances and new choices.

 

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home
On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home

 

 On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home

 

Its Christmas day. Family has gathered together. We have exchanged gifts. We have created memories. It’s the one time of the year when all bad roads can be forgotten or forgiven. Because on Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.

 

 

“Blessed is the season which engages the entire world in a conspiracy of love.”

― Hamilton Wright Mabie

 

 

Christmas is a time of family. We gather possibly only once a year and exchange memories, there’s always that one Aunt who pinches your cheek even though you’re too old for that. But you let it slide because it’s Christmas.

 

Christmas is a time for Love. Love of family is the greatest bond known to man. We can test it, even wound it. But it always survives. Because there is no greater Love for a person than the Love, they have in their heart for another.

 

Christmas is a time to be safe. As we grow, we venture into the world to make our mark. Sometimes that mark leaves scars. Sometimes deep scars. Coming Home for Christmas is our sanctuary. Possibly we visit so it can remind us of times past that we associate with joy to help us heal.

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home
Coming home for Christmas is a way to come back into the fold again.

 

Coming home for Christmas is a way to come back into the fold again. Knowing we always have a place to return to where those who care for us are and allow us to stay connected or to allow us to reconnect.

 

Coming home for Christmas adds to the healthy moments we keep locked in our minds that we can draw from when we feel isolated or disconnected with family.

 

 

“Christmas is the keeping-place for memories of our innocence.”

― Joan Mills

 

 

 Coming home for Christmas is for friends. That warm connection with those who are closest to us. Close enough that we call them friend. A time to catch up and remember why you are friends.

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home
Coming home for Christmas is not about the tree or the presents.

Coming home for Christmas is not about the tree or the presents.

 

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall”

― Larry Wilde

 

Coming home for Christmas is about sharing. Sharing memories. Sharing Love. Sharing moments.

Coming home for Christmas is about caring. Caring about each other. Caring how they are doing. Caring how they show up in the moment.

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home
Coming home for Christmas is about sharing.

Coming home for Christmas is about giving giving of ourselves to another. Sharing our strength if they need. Sharing their burdens if needed. Sharing the Love you have for them when they need it the most.

And last, coming home for Christmas is about receiving. Receiving the Love given you by others. Receiving the blessing of being family. Receiving the gift of the Spirit of Christmas.

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home
Coming home for Christmas is about giving giving of ourselves to another

As we greet each other and share the moment with each other, lets remember that Christmas is about family and home.  Home can be wherever you are, so don’t think you need to travel many miles to return there.

 

Therefore I say On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home.

On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home
On Christmas Day All Roads Lead Home

 

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

If It’s Broken, Fix It

We live in a world now where when something breaks; we throw it away. It becomes disposable to us, including relationships. Being in a relationship that feels broken can make you feel stuck, but the Love you share with another is worth fixing.

As someone who has had many relationships that did not work, I am an expert on what does not work in a relationship. Here are some helpful suggestions that I hope will help you.

 

Fix it BEFORE it is Broken

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Fix it BEFORE it is Broken

Ultimately, the best time to fix something before it’s broken. There is the story that was shared with me by a mentor, of which I have had many, of two hurt people make eye contact with each other from across the room and have a relationship. What follows is no surprise, more hurt.

The best fix in any relationship starts with yourself. Take whatever amount of time you need to recover from the sadness and hurt for any past relationships which varies from person to person according to Janet Zinn, LCSW, a New York City–based couple’s therapist before you start another relationship..

“It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship, so you’ve grown,” Zinn says. Once you’ve figured out a lesson or two — what you want in your next relationship, what you don’t, etc. — go ahead and get back out there.[1]

The second-best piece of advice is to be more selective in who you choose to be with. Thinking rationally can be exceedingly difficult when the emotional mind is in charge. The emotional mind is that section of the mind that takes over our decision-making capabilities during certain circumstances. This is an example of the two hurt people making eye contact scenario I mentioned earlier.

These scenarios may carry an emotional weight with them that triggers various responses: dread, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. For this reason, it’s difficult to maintain an impartial, reasonable mindset when in this state.[2]

The emotional mind will tell you everything is fine, and you will want to listen to it, while the rational mind will tell you that something is wrong.

The Rational Mind bases its decisions on facts, evidence, and what worked in the past. These activities are more likely to foster a straightforward, logical kind of thinking.[3]

We cannot be certain that we won’t be able to control our emotional mind when the time comes, so the best policy is to know what you want before you need it and to seek that which you desire BEFORE you start.

 

“If you don’t like something in your life-Fix it”

— Joseph Binning

 

Here are some things to look for in the person you want to give your heart to.

They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You

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They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You

Communication is possibly the most important key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Communicating is more than good morning and how was your day. Communication is “im feeling bad because….” And being able to complete the sentence without someone getting defensive. To foster good communication, you must follow a few simple rules.

  1. Always be truthful. Don’t hide how you feel. Not wanting conflict is a terrible reason to keep things bottled up inside of you. Being honest with yourself and your partner is the best way to be true to your truth, and to them. It’s not fair, or wise, to make someone guess what’s wrong.

 

  1. Don’t blast them with the truth. Your truth might differ from their truth, so keep that in mind. A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.

 

“A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.”

— Joseph Binning

 

  1. Speak honestly, but always with the other person’s best interest in mind. Discussing tough issues can be hard enough. Don’t just tell what’s on your mind so you can make yourself feel better. Relationships die from a thousand cuts, so wield your sword carefully.

Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication here: Communication

 

There MUST be Balance in any Relationship

If It’s Broken, Fix ItWhen two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment.

Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:

  1. Make an agreement that we will not discuss any decision that only effects the individual, but we must discuss any decision that directly effects the couple first. Don’t blindside your partner on anything.
  2. Discuss the workload BEFORE you start. There is no written rule that only one person must clean or do laundry. Common chores are a joint responsibility. Discuss this in a fair and balanced way. Overloading one person is a sure way of causing resentment.
  3. Discuss your financial responsibilities and commitments weekly. Carve out a day each week to discuss what you owe, who you owe, and how you plan to pay for it. Plan for emergencies and long-term goals. Finance is NOT the responsibility of only one person and doing so leads to resentment and doubt.
  4. Take turns setting up date night. When only one person is responsible to arrange everything, it leaves room for resentment and feelings of nonappreciation. Remember, date night is essential, especially after kids.
  5. Take care of yourself, first. Keeping your own identity is the best way of keeping yourself balanced. Taking care of what you need for you, ensures that resentment for never being able to do what you need to do for you will ever come up. Carve out YOU time and honor it.

Read my article RELATIONSHIPS-Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: RELATIONSHIPS

You MUST Maintain your Connection to Each Other

If It’s Broken, Fix ItRelationships have a way of becoming “comfortable”. This is a sign that they are getting stagnant and could implode before your eyes. Maintain you Connection to each other is remembering the Why in why you are together. The reason you are together.

Getting “comfortable” in a relationship can lead to a lack of putting in the effort and phoning it in. This can lead to resentment from your partner, which if left unchecked can lead to the end of the relationship.

Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:

 

  1. Never assume. People appreciate being asked their opinion. It shows them you value it and them. The easiest way to start a fight is to assume you know how someone feels or thinks about any subject. Checking in shows you care, so check in.
  2. Tell your partner how you feel about them every day. As people, we need to hear that we are loved. Don’t assume that actions dictate to another person you love them. We NEED to hear it. It feeds our souls so say it but mean it.
  3. Always think of the other person and how your actions will affect them BEFORE it happens. The easiest way to end a relationship is to think about you and only you. The “what about me” attitude is selfish. You will get what you give.
  4. Protect them, especially from yourself. We can be our own worst enemies in a relationship, its part of being human. Be Aware of that. If you have the choice of being kind or right, be kind.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1]

13 Experts Reveal The Best Time To Date After A Breakup/ Bibi Deitz/Bustle.com/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.bustle.com/life/178909-when-is-the-best-time-to-date-after-a-breakup-13-experts-weigh-in#:~:text=Many%20times%2C%20people%20are%20ready%20to%20start%20seriously,White%2C%20an%20author%20and%20relationship%20expert%2C%20tells%20Bustle.

[2] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20

[3] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20

“An inch of time is an inch of gold, but we cannot purchase an inch of time for an inch of gold.”

–Ancient Chinese Proverb

 

Timing is everything. Pull the cake out of the oven too soon and it’s ruined. Call the girl too late and she is already seeing someone else. Tell opportunity to wait a second while you get ready, and it passes you by. It’s all in the timing.

Too many people wait for the perfect or right time to do things or to make the right decisions. Far too often that causes us to miss out on some of our greatest opportunities. It’s called analysis paralysis. We wait to figure things out first, but by the time we do, it’s too late.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my life I took part in the Ironman series of triathlons, a lot. A triathlon race is of varying distances depending on the training level of the participants. For beginners there is a Sprint distance. Next would be an International or Olympic distance. Next would be a Half distance. Next would be a Full distance.

A triathlon comprises an ocean swim of varying distances, anywhere from nine hundred yards to two point four miles, a bike ride of varying distances, anywhere from nine miles to one hundred and twelve miles, followed up by a run of varying distances, anywhere from three miles to twenty-six point two miles which is a marathon distance.

You decide the different distances you take part in based on your level of training. The shorter distances are for the beginner. The longer distances are for the more experienced athlete.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

Endurance sports is all about timing. Go to hard at the wrong time and you will burn far too much energy and won’t be able to complete the race. Go to easy and you won’t finish in the time you are aiming for.

An endurance athlete trains a lot. There is a set pre-race training plan each athlete decides for themselves that will determine if they are prepared enough for the race (s) they have entered. Start training too soon, you stand the chance of over-training which leads to injury. Start too late and you possibly don’t finish your race or hurt yourself trying to force your way to the end. It’s a delicate balance between having a life and training for the sport you love. Its all in the timing.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The thing about making training as part of my lifestyle allowed me to be ready and prepared for other races that I might discover. Being ready allowed me to explore other opportunities when they arrived. If a friend asked me to run a half marathon with them because a training partner injured themselves or became sick it was easy for me to say yes to them. Since I was already in shape and had been training already, I could easily take advantage of the opportunity to join my friend and share the experience. Its all in the timing.

Life is like that. It’s a race that you are in and how you finish is actually decided by how you prepare. How well you finish is dictated by how much effort you put into it and if you have a plan or not. It’s all in the timing.

So many times, opportunity presents itself to you by knocking at your door. If you are prepared for it, you answer the door and away you go. But often, people ask opportunity to “wait just a second” while you get ready, only to answer the door and find that it has passed you by because the timing wasn’t “just right”. Its all in the timing.

The best time to plant a tree was years ago. The second-best time to plant a tree is today. It’s in the timing. Stop waiting. Stop analyzing. Stop looking for the perfect moment. Make the moment perfect by answering the door.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

Life is like a market, and you are like a farmer. What you bring to the market determines the worth of your bounty. Don’t get upset and say life isn’t fair for bringing beans to the market and not getting the price of the prime beef for it. Instead, raise the beef.

A farmer doesn’t wake up and have a bounty. They plant and groom it. They nurture it. They protect it. They sacrifice for it. They sweat over it and when the timing is right and the opportunity presents itself; they are ready, prepared, and rewarded for the effort. Its all in the timing.

Raise your standards. Train harder. Read more. Listen more and talk less. Increase your value and you increase your net worth.  Learn more and grow your value in life’s market. No one ever completed a triathlon by watching one on the television, or analyzing what equipment was perfect before they started. No one raised a crop without tilling the field, planting it, watering it regularly, nurturing it, protecting it, and then, and only then, when the timing is right, they harvest it.

Start now. Sacrifice some “free time” which is not free. Every moment you spend not developing and preparing your bounty is lessening the value of it. Like I said, it’s All in the timing. Don’t you think it’s about time? For you?

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

 

“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

 

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

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I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

JosephBinning.com

 

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

  1. Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

 

  1. Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

 

  1. Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

 

  1. Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

JosephBinning.com

  1. Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

 

 

 

  1. Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good.  Praise,  recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

 

  1. Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

 

  1. Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

 

  1. Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

 

  1. Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

JosephBinning.com

  1. Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

 

  1. Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

 

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

 

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

JosephBinning.com

 

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands

in moments of comfort and convenience,

but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy.

The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige,

and even his life for the welfare of others.

In dangerous valleys and hazardous pathways,

he will lift some bruised and beaten brother to a higher and more noble life.

 

— Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Most people react to life. We make plans and line everything up, so things will go exactly right… and BAM!  Life happens.

 

It is frustrating when our plans go wrong. So, we make a joke and say something like, “Time for Plan B.”  Plan B comes in handy sometimes, but life is not about Plan B. Life is about witnessing your life from the back of your eyes, instead of the front.

 

When we witness life from the front, we are fully invested in a specific thing happening, doing our best to control the outcome. “If I wear this blouse, he’ll notice me…. If I stay late and get this report done, I might get that raise…. If I throw the ball every day, I can make the All Stars.” Are we really controlling the outcomes?  Have we ever?

 

If you think you are in control of your life, ask the sun to come up an hour later, so you can sleep in.

 

— Dr. Wayne Dyer

 

 

When we view life from the back of our eyes, as spectators, rather than manipulate, strategize, or force things, we observe what is happening from us. Before we can change our lives, or in our behaviors, we must be able to observe what and how our mind is thinking, believing, and rationalizing.  To do that, we must look deep within ourselves. We must ask ourselves the questions.  We must be a witness to ourselves.

 

How to Start Being a Witness to Yourself

 

  • Track what is going on in your mind.  What are your thoughts when something happens?  Where did those thoughts come from? Ask yourself, “Why am I thinking this way? What prompted that thought? Do I believe that thought?”  

 

  • Track your behaviors and actions.  What did you do before, after, and because of something happening?  Ask yourself, “Why did I do that?  Did I do that randomly, or on autopilot, or by clear intention?  If I thought about it now, would I have done the same thing?  Why, or why not?”

 

  • Track your verbal responses and patterns.  Ask yourself, “Why am I saying these things?  What motivated me to say that?  Do I have a pattern of these kinds of verbal responses?”  

 

  • Track your feelings associated with what is happening. Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way? Does this feel familiar?  Is there something deeper that I am not attending to, or feeling comfortable enough to express?  Why?”

 

  • Take responsibility for your emotional health.
    Whether you react in a way you believe to be positive or negative, or whether you do not react at all, your emotional reaction is yours, and yours alone. Only you control how you feel. No one can make you react in a specific emotional manner, unless they are physically hurting you, or threatening to hurt you.  Ask yourself, “Why am I reacting this way? Is this typical of me?  When and/or where did I first start reacting like this?”
    Your emotions are a product of you and your experiences, beliefs, and choices. 

 

  • Beliefs create feelings.

          Feelings create emotion. Emotion creates action. Action creates habits. Study your emotions.  

          Know them.  Change the roots of them and own them.

 

  • Focus on what feels best to you or what you want to focus on and make a note of the other thoughts and areas that compete for your focus, to come back to them later.  
    You cannot think of two things at the same time and focus mentally, physically, and emotionally on both. Clear your mind and ask yourself, “What do I want to do, say, be, or experience in this moment?”

 

  • Be present.  
    No matter where you are, be there. You cannot observe yourself if you are not presently connected mentally, emotionally, and energetically. When you walk, look at where you are, not down or off in the distance. You never know what you might miss. If you struggle with this, ask yourself: “Why am I not here?  Why am I not listening or paying attention to where I am?  Am I uncomfortable, afraid, bored, conflicted? Am I needing to be somewhere else or take care of something else that is more important?  Why did I commit to being there instead of here?”

 

 

  • Create a “Feeling and Thought Observation Journal.”
    Understanding what you do and why you do it is difficult, especially if you continue to make excuses for your actions and words.  Seek to know why you do not understand, by looking at the feeling associated with each of your behaviors. We attach your feelings that prompt you to behave in a way that to something that is subconsciously protecting you, blocking you, soothing you, or no longer serving you. Take a minute to reflect on the day.  Ask yourself, “What happened? Where was I?  Who was I with?” 

 

  • With each circumstance that comes to mind, write what you thought.

         Why did you say or do something?  Why did you feel that way? Recall the emotions that caused you to react or make the choices you did.  Be honest.

          After a brief time, you may notice patterns. Over time, you may realize something for the first time, or remember something you had forgotten.

         Address your discoveries in small bites.  Remember that it takes three weeks of doing something new for it to become a habit, either good or bad.

 

  • Notice when you feel the need or desire to changeyour mind, your belief, your behavior, your desire. Notice how you are feeling, what thoughts are new, what needs, and desires are propelling you to want to do something differently.  Then follow that inspiration to make the change. Or, maybe you have already made a change, but you are realizing it after the fact, because you were not consciously aware at the time that you were changing.

 

  • Congratulate yourself for making the change.  

          Or, notice when you think you must make a change, but are not making it. 

         Ask yourself, “Why am I not making that change? Why am I resisting?” 

         Write all your thoughts and feelings surrounding that topic and your responses, or lack of responses, in your journal.

  

  • Become the observer of how well and how often you open yourself to receive.  
    Do you continually put out, give, extend, and spend your energy, time, resources, or knowledge outward or to others, but rarely allow yourself to receive?  

 

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Here is an exercise to help you to learn to be a witness to your life:

Fold a paper lengthwise into 3 sections. 

In the first section, note how many times per day or week you have pleased, said yes, or given to others. 

In the second section, note how many times you have pleased, said yes, and given to yourself.

 
In the third section, note how many times you have said yes to receiving from others.

 
This includes, compliments, money, gifts, time, food, kindness, help, praise, nurturing, services, products, ideas, contributions, work, support, listening, and caring for.

 

 
Compare the three sections.  If you observe an imbalance, in any of the areas, think on that.  Notice how that makes you feel and that perhaps you are not feeling as good as you can.

 

 

Be patient with yourself and your process, as if you are teaching a young child.  
Connect with your inner guidance.  Observe yourself.  Listen.  Feel.  Write.  Watch the cues.  Do not put pressure or weight on yourself with limits, assessments, and judgments of yourself.  Know that you are a work in progress.  Sometimes, the only thing that is holding you back is a little more time, or the right time.  Write, “I am a work in progress.”

 

 

Reward yourself as if you are both your teacher and your student, your parent, and your child.  
Watch and celebrate each step in your progress and ability to witness each victory, great and small. 
Create a Victory Journal, or a section in your Feelings and Thoughts Observations Journal where you note each of your victories and accomplishments.  

 

Let your increasing awareness inspire you to continue. 

The more aware you become, through witnessing yourself, the better you will start to feel on a day-to-day basis.  The lifting of stress and suffering and the expanding happiness and light will be your ongoing reward.

 

 

Be a witness to your growth, evolution, awakening, and blossoming.  
Look back at yourself, and in your journals of your thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, feelings, observations, and victories. Feel the difference from your earlier notes to your current notes.  See how your feelings about yourself and about life have changed.  Feel your goodness.  Appreciate all the witnessing, writing questions, and self-discovery work you have done.  Feel grateful for every bit.

 

 

Sometimes, through our witnessing, we realize that we just need a little more time, or information, or experience with it, or a little more dreaming, creating, or planning, to be ready. Realize these possibilities. Life will repeat the experiences we need, giving us endless opportunities to discover and awaken and change.  We must not worry that we missed our chance or blew an opportunity.  Every day brings fresh chances. 

 

When we change, we can pay more attention, asking what we were ready for or needing to learn from the change.  When we witness ourselves responding to the call to change, we stop the randomness, the tailspins, the sideswipes, and the bitterness from feeling as if life is out to get us.

 

Life is not meant to be a sprint.

 

— Joseph Binning

 

 

In being a witness to your life, you will notice your pace is slower.  Slowing down to observe, notice, and feel allows you time to see things you once ignored, or viewed as less important. Minor miracles, like birds in flight, the blueness of the sky, and the vivid blossoming flowers catch our attention, because we are slowing down.  To be a witness to ourselves, we must observe ourselves.  The universe changes for one who studies and learns from there self.  They notice the minor miracles all around them, the greatest of which is their own awakening to their own greatness.

 

The witness is your centering device, the awareness.  It guides the work you do on yourself.

And you can cultivate that awareness in the garden of your being. 

 

—Ram Daas