Published: 3 August 2020

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“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good. Praise, recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

You might also like this: DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Published: 20 July 2020

Written by Joseph Binning

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Categories: Self Image

The world is constantly changing. It moves at a rapid pace, and if you do not keep up, it leaves us behind. Understanding it is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is easy to think you don’t matter, that you have no voice, no say in things. I’m here to tell you, you are wrong. That You do Matter. Here’s why:

Like preparing for a mega-marathon, it requires more than just knowledge. You need the right equipment, and you need to know how to take care of that equipment to serve you and in case of emergency. You need the right people around you, people who are knowledgeable and willing to train you. And you need to be ready and willing to train, learn, and change. You can only learn when you are willing and ready. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Most of all, you need a reason to get to the finish line without quitting—a reason strong enough to quiet the voices in your head that make you want to give in.

In this vast world that moves so fast, we struggle to be relevant, influential, important, respected, loved, and—sometimes—just to be seen. I am the voice who shouts, “You Matter!” because you do, more than you might know. Sometimes you just need a little help to point you in the right direction.

The Tao Te Ching says, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” (emphasis added). I encourage you to be open to new ideas as you read this. I encourage you to let go of your past self and start anew.

I have a saying: “If you don’t like something, change it.” And remember, you are worth every ounce of effort and concentration that you put into yourself because You matter, even if you do not think so.

The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes.

—Marcel Proust

You are born. You grow. You mature. You become an adult. You go to work. You may have children. You may have grandchildren. You may grow old. You may retire, or you may work until you die. You die. Is that about right?

You are not dead, or you would not be reading this. Yet, how alive are you?

It is so easy to settle in, follow the rules, pay your dues, and then wait for the end in the process of this thing called life—have you become numb? Or maybe you have not noticed. When you were young, you probably had dreams and visions, and maybe a few lofty goals. If you were like most, though, as you grew into adulthood, you abandoned your dreams and lofty goals one by one. Did you do that? Or did circumstances dictate your path? Do you have a suspicion, even a tiny one, that you might have missed out on an original life?

Do people have a hard time “seeing” who you really are? Do you secretly feel as if no one knows the real you or gets who you are deep inside? Is that because you have not let them? Have you created and nourished a wonderful sense of yourself? Or have you camouflaged yourself with habits, behaviors, compromises, possessions, money, or fear- or ego-driven behaviors? Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know who you are?

Following your death, you will have a tombstone or marker, on which will appear your name, a concise epitaph written by someone, and the date of your birth and death separated by a dash. The dash between your birth and death stands for your life. The dash stands for who you were and what others will remember you for. The dash symbolizes your entire life, the mark you left on people and this world, the meaning of your existence.

Life is not merely being alive, but being well

—Marcus Valerius Latin poet/author

Be Well

If I were to ask you what your dash will stand for, beyond the loving words of your immediate family, what would you say? What significant event, purpose, effect, or deed would your lasting impression on the world represent? If you were on trial in a court of law and needed to justify your right to stay in your chosen country of residence by providing evidence of your good deeds and contributions, would you have enough evidence? Or would we find you lacking? What significance or purpose is there to your being on this earth?

You probably have a family and love your family that you love. But your family is not why you are here. Bearing children is the minimum requirement for ensuring the future existence of our species. It is not what keeps you from wondering if this is all there is, or if there is some deeper meaning in your life. Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know why you are here?

When you settled into your current job, relationship, home, marriage, routine, or lifestyle, did you gain weight? Over 60 percent of couples gain at least thirty pounds after settling into marriage and family life. Did you reason that your weight gain was from bearing children, the stress of work, the pressure of a mortgage, two car payments, dental bills, or a health condition?

Were you designed for a greater life, but are too busy to have one? Do you think greatness is only for the talented, the chosen, the lucky few? Do you sometimes wonder what if? What if I had gone to school instead of getting pregnant? What if I had married that girl? What if I had moved to that other state? What if I had started a business? What if I had traveled more before settling down? What if I had never had kids? What if I had stayed in school instead of dropping out?

If you were to introduce yourself to me for the first time, you would likely tell me your name, your age, your status in your family, the number of children you have and their ages and genders, the city you live in, something about your pets or hobbies, and what you do for a living.

News flash! None of these are who you are!

Each one of us must find his peace from within, and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.

—Mahatma Gandhi leader of the Indian Independence Movement

Identifying yourself with your age, what you do for a living, or with the members of your family is a response that comes from a lack of knowing yourself. Until you know who and what you are, and why you are here, the dash on your gravestone will have no meaning beyond your job and your family status and sentiments. Your dash needs to stand for something.

So, who are you? Why are you here? Why now? Why this place? What benefit to humanity do you bring to the table and how will the world be a better place because you are in it?

Say out loud with me right now: “humanity.” Like the ripple effect of a stone skipping across a pond, it means we design the meaning of our life to create multiple waves of momentum, radiating outward from your life and into our world, making lasting change for the betterment of humanity. Unless you have no clue why you are here. Don’t feel bad. Most people have no clue either.

In the world, we place much emphasis on our station in life. What we have or possess. Where we live, what we drive, what we wear, who we associate with, where we go. The list goes on and on. It’s easy to think because we have not that we don’t matter. That our lives are insignificant. That we have wasted space. That we don’t count.

Some will or have trained you to believe that life is fair. They are wrong; life is not fair. Why would we have sickness and death? Why do we have floods? Famine? Earthquakes? If they meant it to be fair, we would have none of these. But we do.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

—Muhammad Ali Heavy Weight Champion

Take Risks

When you first learned how to walk, do you remember falling? Do you remember how many times you fell? Most likely not. What you do possibly remember was the feeling of standing strong with a newfound independence, a world opened to alternative possibilities. That was not the teaching moment. It was when you got back up. When you came close to something stable, leaned into it, and pulled yourself up. That was life teaching you how you looked at it.

The teaching moment is in the moment of pulling yourself up, time and time again, until you get what you decided on, not because you deserved it, because you earned it. In life, we deserve nothing. It does not promise us anything. Everything we receive is a gift and we need to look at it that way. When you appreciate everything in your world, it becomes beautiful.

Joy happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.

—Marianne Williamson, author/ lecturer

feel the Joy

Too many of you feel as if you are insignificant today. That you don’t matter. You have no voice that anyone listens to and possibly you don’t deserve to one. Some of you shout, possibly out of frustration, demanding to be heard. Some of you just fade into the background and don’t get back up.

Some of you feel you are not being seen. That you are not being noticed in life. That it is passing you by. You attract attention to yourself, shouting to the world “Look at me!”.

Some of you don’t feel respected and demand it from the world around you, yet the actions taken to gain respect are not respectful to others. I world will naturally give respect when you are respectful to others.

Here’s the truth. You Matter, even if you don’t think so. You Matter ESPECIALY if you don’t think so.

Take a moment and look at any sunrise. Watch as the sun gently and faithfully rises each morning. Watch as colors slowly engulf the sky, putting on a heavenly light show for you.

Watch as it sets below the horizon at night. Watch as it sets, and the moon rises. Notice the stars as they dance for you, just for you.

Notice the hummingbird as it hovers, passing pollen from place to place so life may grow.

Listen to the wind as it gently brushes against your ears, pushing the leaves from here to there.

Watch the power of the ocean as the waves crash into the shores forever, keeping it in motion.

Know that the sunrise and sunset dictate the tides and seasons perfectly and with the sole purpose to sustain you.

Now know this. Your creator, whoever you worship, believe in, pray to, meditate to, give an offering to, or hold deep in your heart, would still have created this, even if you were the only person on this planet. That’s how valuable you are. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, all of it. Just for you.

The lack of or approval of others, the lack of or acceptance of others, the lack of or respect of others, can never change that fact. When you feel alone, when you feel oppressed, when you do not feel valued, when you do not feel seen or heard, remember that fact. You Matter! You Matter to me. You Matter to us as a community. You Matter to the world. This world would not be the same without you. We need you, all of us, and we need each other, every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year.

It’s when we forget that there is only one race, humanity, that we feel alone. When we forget, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You are NOT broken; you are NOT a mistake. We cannot do this without you. You are an intricate piece of the puzzle of life we are all a part of the puzzle is incomplete without you.

That’s why I say and believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Published: 17 July 2020

Written by wolf

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Categories: Change

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You MATTER To Me

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Published: 6 July 2020

Written by Joseph Binning

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Categories: Beliefs

The Age-Old Question; Who Are You?

There was something formless and perfect

before the universe was born.

It is serene. Empty.

Solitary. Unchanging.

Infinite. Eternally present.

It is the mother of the universe.

For lack of a better name,

I call it the Tao.

It flows through all things,

inside and outside, and returns

to the origin of all things.

The Tao is great.

The Universe is great.

The Earth is great.

Man is great.

These are the four great powers.

Man follows the earth.

Earth follows the universe.

The Universe follows the Tao.

The Tao follows only itself.

— Lao-Tzu

Verse 25, Tao Te Ching

All religions of the world agree on one thing. We start out as energy, formless, and without matter, in what some call Heaven, or the Universe, Nirvana, Paradise, or Olam Ha-Ba, to name a few. We then come into human form for a brief time. There are various belief systems about whether, when, and where we return to formless energy. But that’s a discussion for another time. Let’s take one step at a time.

You came from spirit to experience a human reality.

You did not appear as human to experience spirituality.

— Joseph Binning

Re-read the verse. “Man-Woman is great”—not average, not mediocre, not so-so. Great! When you were in the womb, did you have low self-esteem? Did you have self-doubt? Did you feel insignificant? Did you need to be liked, accepted, approved of, Loved? No. You were Perfect. You were Whole. You were Complete. You are perfect, whole, complete. You ARE one of the four great powers. Nothing has changed this truth of who you were—and who you ARE.

We all originate from the same source. We all come from spirit and become human. We all are connected in this way. We all exist to be of service to the expansion and goodness of humanity. We all are given this purpose. We all are connected in this purpose. We all return when we are finished with our purpose, and we all will remain connected, always.

If we all were perfect, how did we become so flawed, unworthy, wrong, incomplete, and lacking? Why have we become required to prove our worthiness and goodness? Why are we continually suppressing and doubting ourselves, our worthiness, our greatness?

Here’s why. After we were born, we interfered with our state of perfection. We created dual realities, opposite realities, comparative realities: beauty versus ugliness; tall versus short; smart versus stupid; my race versus your race; my religion versus your religion; my country versus your country; my God versus your God.

Why did we begin comparing ourselves to others? Does our station in life make us feel better than, or less valuable than someone from another station? Does our location make us better than, or not as good as another? Does our color, religion, or political affiliation make us feel better or less than?

In creating and adhering to these dual realities, we lost our sensory awareness—our knowing—of our greatness. By drifting away from our innate knowing, we lost our selves. We forgot who we are, as soon as we began identifying ourselves by our religion, our external appearance, our job or career, our children, our relationship, our friends, our educational status, our possessions, our social status, our financial status.

What most of us do for a living is only the means of income to pay our living expenses. If we identify ourselves with our jobs or business, what happens if that disappears? What happens if, suddenly, you’re not the vice president of your company, and you have to look for a different job? You experience one or more of these feelings: loss; humiliation; failure; confusion; anger; resentment; depression; anxiety; self-pity; vulnerability; illness; grief; lack of purpose; or loss of self.

When we focus on the outer appearances of our individual existences, it’s easy to fall prey to these feelings. So, how do we not fall prey to them? Remember, when we were created, we were great. We are one of the four great powers. We came from Greatness. We are Greatness. We are destined for Greatness—Our Greatness—not someone else’s. We were born with it. Our greatness does not depend on anyone’s opinion, permission, or approval. Our greatness does not shrink or dissolve. It only becomes less visible to us, because we are looking outside of ourselves, not seeing our true selves.

Right now, begin living by two Creeds:

Live with No Regrets: Put careful thought into everything you do, think, focus on, and choose– Own all of your decisions—and all of your outcomes—because you are going to be the sole chooser and creator of your life. Commit to your choices. Commit to your life. Commit to YOU.

Others’ opinions are none of your business: This is the most important creed to live by. You are no longer going to base your self-worth or self-Love on others’ opinions of you. The only opinion that matters is that of the person you see in the mirror each morning. And that person is Great!

Take a moment now to write ten things you do, outside of your work. Here are a few examples: cooking; scuba diving; meditating; running; reading; volunteering, attending a Meet Up, etc. If you are on a roll and want to write more than ten, don’t stop the flow. Write as many as come up for you.

After completing this simple exercise, you will discover that when someone asks what you do, you’ll have quite a lot to tell them. And that might lead to helping them identify what they do, as well!

People cannot hurt you without your permission.

— Mahatma Gandhi

If you have enjoyed this article please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

Published: 24 February 2020

Written by Joseph Binning

1 Comment

Categories: Joy

“YOUR opinion of ME is none of MY business!”

— Joseph Binning

Self-Image is the mental picture one has of oneself, of a kind resistant to change, that depicts, not only details available to aim investigation by others (height, weight, hair color, etc.), but also items that you have learned by the person about themselves, either from personal experiences, or by internalizing the judgments of others. — Wikipedia

Your self-image comprises four mental pictures:

Physical appearance.
Worth because of what you learned through life experiences.
Goodness, because of internalizing the judgments, thoughts, and views of others about you.
Your total self, because of personal beliefs, perceptions, and illusions you have about yourself.

So the question I’m asking you is, how do you picture yourself? How do you know if the image you see of you is the real you? One simple way to find an individual’s self-image is by asking yourself, “What do you believe other people’s opinions are of you? How do you think others see you?”

Ask yourself if what you do, where you go, what you say, or how you act is to be a part of or having a sense of belonging to something? Do you do these because they feed your soul? Do you Love because you need to be Love? Or, do you Love because you need to Love?

Is your sense of happiness, belonging, or worth only made by someone else’s attention, protection, support, or affection? Are you are seeking validation that you are lovable and worthy of loving from things and people outside of you? Do you base your feelings on fitting in or receiving attention, acceptance, approval, or praise from someone, or something outside of you? If so, you have not identified and integrated your sense of self, your self-value. News flash: you are not what you do, who you do it for, who you are with, how, when, where you fit in, or what possessions surround you. You are none of that.

How do you know you have not yet identified or integrated a strong sense of self?

If something breaks, if you don’t accomplish something, or if I make a negative comment, would you experience a sense of feeling lower, loss, anger, or even depression. Here’s an example: If I became angry and called you a name, do you think you would you take it personal? Let’s be crazy for a moment and pretend that I called you an ugly chair. Would it offend you?

What if I took it further and told you you were the most uncomfortable seat I’d ever experienced? What if I told you how weak your legs were? That your back is rickety, you’re painted an ugly color? Or that you should just put yourself out of your misery and take yourself to the dumpster? It’s crazy, I know. But I am calling you something you are not or telling you my perception of you. Did you get offended because you believed it?

Probably not. Why? Because it’s not true. You are not a chair; you are human.

You put energy and emotion and thought into others’ opinions.

When someone, whose respect, approval, attention, or Love is something you want or need, calls you foolish or ignorant, or ignores you, do you have a sense of feeling lower, angry, or depressed. Why? Because you want them to approve of you and accept you and talk well of you. Why? Because you believe what they believe of you is true!

My perception of you is none of your business.

People’s perception of you is not complete or correct. People’s opinion of you doesn’t decide your value. No one’s opinion of you determines your truth.

Your opinion of you is what determines your value and truth, and only you are in control of creating that.

Words have power only if you allow them

How can someone say something to you, you know isn’t true aka the chair example, but believe it? By not knowing who you are. When you define yourself by the words and decisions of others and don’t take the time and dedication to focus and discover the truth of who you are for yourself, you will be forever sensitive to, and weakened by the words, opinions, and actions of others. Empower yourself by knowing who you are, what you love, what you want, what you can do, and why you are here.

Take this Self-Image Assessment test

Answer the following questions True or False:

Is my glass empty?
I find I apologize for things, or say, “Sorry.”
Do I often hear myself telling myself “I should” be doing this or that?
I find I have a habit of criticizing myself.
Does what other people think about me affects the way I think about myself.
I relive or over analyze my mistakes.
Do you tell yourself I think I have let people who care about me down?
It seems I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Do I believe a partial failure equals a complete failure, and I make do it a lot?
I bend over backwards to please people.
I don’t rarely show my emotions.
I’m not sure I’ve done a good job until someone tells me whether I have.
If I don’t do as well at something as others, it’s because I have to try harder than others.
I believe if I can’t do something well, I won’t do it.

Tally your responses by giving yourself one (1) point for every statement that you answered True.

Results

0-4 You have a positive way of thinking and a positive self-image of yourself. Great job!

5-9 You struggle with negative emotions. Review your good qualities every day.

10-14 You are judgmental of yourself. Challenge yourself to change your way of thinking.

Each of you has a story.

You compose your own story of many beliefs and experiences, including the four self-images each of you has see as ourselves. Your story dictates how you see yourself. Someone was mean and never apologized, so your hurt feelings turn into resentment, which turns into a wound you carry, which causes you to act mean to others. You don’t accept the feeling of being forgiven for something you’re ashamed of, so you hold back forgiveness for others. You gave you the message you were not worthy, so you don’t expect the feeling of being worthy, and you allow others to ignore, condemn, use, or abuse you.

Your minds create negative chatter.

The problem with having a story based on false information is that the mind tells you what to believe and what to listen to. As you listen, you create your realities, based on your mind chatter, your story, and your self-image.

When you create this reality that says: My life looks like this or: or my life should look like this: or I deserve treatment such as this, you end up not liking yourselves for being mean to others, for holding back forgiveness, for allowing others to mistreat or ignore you. You mistreat yourself, hold back your own emotional nourishment, and put yourself last. You know you want to change, but don’t know how, because you’re conditioned to believe this story that dictates whether you are deserving of feeling better.

When you believe that this reality you created is how life is.

When you’re not aware that you have created this, your life becomes an illusion. Your distorted self-image has been growing for so many years it has become entwined into every part of your being, and you cannot see that it is not real, and that it is not a true reflection of who you are.

What is the ultimate and only reason we don’t have a correct, strong, and high self-image?

FEAR.

Fear keeps us frozen (see my post titled What I Learned From Being Stuck and Frozen and why you need to read this) sometimes for years—sometimes entire lifetimes. Here’s what I mean by fear.

The Fear of Disappointing Someone
Fear of Failing
The Fear of Being Alone
Fear of Being Wrong
The Fear of Dying
Fear of Making the Wrong Choice
The Fear of Being Hurt
Fear of Making a Mistake
The Fear of Feeling Not Good Enough, Smart Enough, Pretty or Handsome Enough, Strong Enough, Capable Enough, Exciting Enough
Fear of Not Being Seen
The Fear of Not Being Chosen
Fear of Being Thought Strange
The Fear of Falling

You might tell yourself that you are not afraid; you are just a caring, realistic, concerned, smart, cautious, or even an intentional person. But if any of these self-defined characteristics cause you to do things other than what you want to, they are running you. They are inward drivers dictating your behaviors.

Why are you so afraid—aka worried, thoughtful, realistic, concerned, smart, cautious?

Most of your conditioning is from birth, by everyone who has had an influence on you, causing you to believe that you are not capable, deserving, self-equipped, or powerful on your own and that you may need acceptance, protection, and to be molded and directed. This false set of beliefs has hypnotized you into a crippling amnesia that has caused you to forget who you are. (Read my post on Mediocrity * not the life you’re here for, for more.)

Despite what life may have taught you, you cannot find the truth outside of yourself, in someone else, or by applying any external remedy. You cannot solve an internal distortion with an external action. No vacation, medicine, food, job, therapy, or relationship can fix a distorted view of yourself and your reality.

How to find your true Self by sitting, with just your Self.

The way to get to know who you really are is by taking time by yourself, getting to know your Self. Get to know the parts of the Real You that has always been—the innocent, wonder-filled, joy-seeking fresh Being that is still You, the You who believed in possibility, the You who dreamed and wished and believed, the You who explored and created and pretended. The who made imaginary houses, travels, and worlds. Your true SELF has no limits and is unstoppable.

“Humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit in a room alone.”

— Blaise Pascal, French Philosopher

The true You is still in you, and so much more.

Get to know the new parts you haven’t taken time to know yet or integrate—the parts of You-you are becoming, the parts of you that have grown, developed, clarified, and evolved into, and the parts you are visioning for yourself. How do you see your true self? By taking time alone, separating your true Self from everyone else to find out who you are contrary to the world’s opinions, illusions, and dictations. That is the path to discovering every wonderful, unique, and minute detail that makes you YOU.

You can create what you wish to believe in concerning yourself, if you Choose.

Choose in this now moment, and from this moment forward, to create a new reality for yourself. When something doesn’t end up the way you wanted it to, or thought it should, don’t say, “This always happens to me,” instead ask yourself, “How does this affect me? Who am I being with this thinking? Is this me? Am I acting like the person I want to be? How am I feeling scared, angry, controlled, hurt, wrong, not good enough? How do I want to act? What new learning am I getting from this thinking? What outcome do I want? How can I create my outcome? How can I own this now moment? Ask yourself what is a new way or idea of thinking right now? How do I want to be in this moment?”

How to free yourself from these fears that affect your actions, routine, thoughts, behavior, body, mood, emotions, freedom.

As you lay in bed at night, before you go to sleep, begin a habit of one or more of these practices to own the good in your Self:

Focus on what went right today. What went well with it? What felt good? Only good. Don’t do the “High and Low” game. Don’t focus on what went wrong. Only do the high. What did you learn or discover?
Go to a place inside of you that feels gratitude for today, but not for things. Things are fleeting. Focus on moments. Moments can stay in the mind and heart forever. Your moments belong only to you.
Create a victory journal and write your victories of the day, great and small. When you’re feeling low, re-read the victories and relive them. Remind yourself of your ability to have them.
As you lay awaiting sleep, pay close attention to what you let into your thoughts. Remember, a tire does not go flat all at once. It happens slowly. Thoughts are similar. They gather momentum, no matter which way they go. Refocus your thoughts toward the positive, appreciative, reflective, to keep them from going sour. Fall asleep with the thoughts of the good in our mind.

Remember to stand on the highest place in your story, not on the bottom.

From the moment you make the choice to create a new reality for your Self, you are no longer a victim. Begin small or big, here or there. It matters not where. Just begin. The Tao Te Ching says, “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. Take the first step, and then the next, and the next. It’s Amazing how far you will go and how fast you will grow.

From this day forward, live your life by two rules:

No Regrets. Think about everything you do, and the potential consequences good or bad, BEFORE you do them. Then own them.
Always remember my saying, “Your opinion of Me is none of MY business.”

Do not be a prisoner of other people’s opinions of you. When they say something to you you know is not true (remember the chair example) your new answer should be “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Stand tall in YOUR truth. Your NEW story.

The Universe made only one of you.

There is only one You and You are Perfect. The world needs your uniqueness, but only when you are being you, not someone else. It’s your self-image that you are creating, not a duplicate of someone else.

Life rewards the brave, bold, and clear minded. Embrace who you are, with no fear.

Be who you are boldly. Always be bold in expressing who you are.

You have boldness, bravery, and clarity in you.

Remember, you were born with it.

Now be Great!

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identity

In Order to Love Someone Well, You Must Love Yourself, First * 12 Easy Steps to Learn How

Give yourself a break

Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

Be kind to yourself.

Be patient with yourself

Remind yourself you are worthy

Allow others to support you

Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Nurture your body-temple

Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

Enjoy yourself

Love yourself first

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Why I Believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so

You MATTER to Me Unity T-Shirt

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The Age Old Question;Who Are You?

The Age-Old Question; Who Are You?

Right now, begin living by two Creeds:

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

SELF-IMAGE ✵ How to See the Real You