Life can sometimes be hard, ridiculously hard. It was designed to be. If it weren’t, we wouldn’t appreciate it when it’s not. It’s in the hard times that we develop our character. Shaped into the person who it meant us to be. How to Find Happiness in Hard Times can sometimes be a challenge unless you know where to look.
We’ve all been there. Stuck in feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. When times get hard, these feelings leave us overwhelmed, unempowered, and out of control. It can leave you unmotivated to move forward. How to Find Happiness in Hard Times is when, despite yourself, you push forward. You give it just one more try.
Too many people give up when it seems impossible, but…
“When everything seems to go against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.
When I was younger, I had the belief that some external source could make me happy. If I just had this thing, or girl, or job, it would make me happy. But it didn’t. I kept chasing after things, physical things, emotional things, spiritual things, but even though they brought about momentary happiness, it never lasted.
One day I was at a conference and overheard a group of ladies talking about the subject. One woman was the wife of a remarkably successful man and was asked by another woman, “how does your husband make you happy? The woman of the successful man shocked the other woman and myself when she answered, “oh, he can’t make me happy, only I can make me happy”.
I was at that conference looking for the answer to being happy and found it from his wife accidently.
Happiness is a choice. Happiness is an internal choice. Happiness is an internal choice with a decision to accept that choice. Once you accept that choice you will begin to feel Happiness in Hard Times and in Good Times.
In my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so, which you can purchase on Amazon here: Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so, I discuss a few topics that will help you find Happiness in Hard Times.
Forgiveness
Forgive
In my chapter Forgiveness: Not for the Other Person I explain, you need to forgive both yourself and others. Forgiveness is about you and not the other person. You must get to the place where you ask for forgiveness out loud with a sincere heart.
Forgive yourself for feeling unhappy because you were looking in the wrong place for it.
Forgive others who you burdened your happiness with, who never could have created it for you.
Take back the power you gave your past.
Take back your power
In my chapter Failure: Where You Are: Not Where You Have Been, I discuss how your past does not make you who you are. It only dictates where you have been. Only you have the power to dictate who you are. Many of us associate our happiness with our past and allow guilt or regrets to interfere with it.
Live a life of no regrets
Live a life of no regrets
In my chapter Regrets: Why They Are Harmful I discuss why we should not have any. Mistake are lessons we make so we can learn. Would we like a life with no mistakes? Can you imagine a life never learning?
Choose wisely before you act, own the decision, then move on.
Change your beliefs about yourself.
Change your beliefs about yourself
In my chapter Beliefs: Where Did They Come From? I discuss how some beliefs we have about ourselves and others can sometimes come from worthless information. If you are told for a long time you are not worthy is it no surprise you feel that way?
The truth is you are worthy. You are valuable, just as you are. You are not broken, damaged goods, or a throwaway person. Believe you are worthy, maybe for the first time, and you will see and feel happiness.
Find your Joy.
find your joy
In my chapter Joy: How to Find It—and Keep It I discuss the importance of having Joy in your life. Joy, simply stated, is that which brings you peace. It charges your batteries. It shapes your worldview, and the view of yourself.
Joy is a choice. Joy is both internal and external. Joy does not mean you will never be sad or hurt. But with joy in your life it won’t last. Joy brings about an external feeling of happiness that radiates within you, which brings internal happiness. You feel a sense of happiness. Happiness makes you feel better about yourself. When you feel better about yourself you treat others better. This is how we change the world, one person at a time.
But it starts with you.
Change starts with you
If you have enjoyed this, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.
“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.
Abraham Lincoln
Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.
Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.
But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.
Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.
I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.
Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.
The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:
Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”
Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”
It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.
When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.
When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.
Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish.You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.
Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:
Give yourself a break
Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.
Change your thoughts and change the outcome
Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.
Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors
You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.
Be kind to yourself.
We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.
Be patient with yourself
It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.
Remind yourself you are worthy
Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good. Praise, recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.
Allow others to support you
Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.
Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones
Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.
Nurture your body-temple
Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.
Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day
When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.
Enjoy yourself
Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.
Love yourself first
I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.
The world is constantly changing. It moves at a rapid pace, and if you do not keep up, it leaves us behind. Understanding it is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is easy to think you don’t matter, that you have no voice, no say in things. I’m here to tell you, you are wrong. That You do Matter. Here’s why:
Like preparing for a mega-marathon, it requires more than just knowledge. You need the right equipment, and you need to know how to take care of that equipment to serve you and in case of emergency. You need the right people around you, people who are knowledgeable and willing to train you. And you need to be ready and willing to train, learn, and change. You can only learn when you are willing and ready. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Most of all, you need a reason to get to the finish line without quitting—a reason strong enough to quiet the voices in your head that make you want to give in.
In this vast world that moves so fast, we struggle to be relevant, influential, important, respected, loved, and—sometimes—just to be seen. I am the voice who shouts, “You Matter!” because you do, more than you might know. Sometimes you just need a little help to point you in the right direction.
The Tao Te Ching says, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” (emphasis added). I encourage you to be open to new ideas as you read this. I encourage you to let go of your past self and start anew.
I have a saying: “If you don’t like something, change it.” And remember, you are worth every ounce of effort and concentration that you put into yourself because You matter, even if you do not think so.
The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes.
—Marcel Proust
You are born. You grow. You mature. You become an adult. You go to work. You may have children. You may have grandchildren. You may grow old. You may retire, or you may work until you die. You die. Is that about right?
You are not dead, or you would not be reading this. Yet, how alive are you?
It is so easy to settle in, follow the rules, pay your dues, and then wait for the end in the process of this thing called life—have you become numb? Or maybe you have not noticed. When you were young, you probably had dreams and visions, and maybe a few lofty goals. If you were like most, though, as you grew into adulthood, you abandoned your dreams and lofty goals one by one. Did you do that? Or did circumstances dictate your path? Do you have a suspicion, even a tiny one, that you might have missed out on an original life?
Do people have a hard time “seeing” who you really are? Do you secretly feel as if no one knows the real you or gets who you are deep inside? Is that because you have not let them? Have you created and nourished a wonderful sense of yourself? Or have you camouflaged yourself with habits, behaviors, compromises, possessions, money, or fear- or ego-driven behaviors? Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know who you are?
Following your death, you will have a tombstone or marker, on which will appear your name, a concise epitaph written by someone, and the date of your birth and death separated by a dash. The dash between your birth and death stands for your life. The dash stands for who you were and what others will remember you for. The dash symbolizes your entire life, the mark you left on people and this world, the meaning of your existence.
Life is not merely being alive, but being well
—Marcus Valerius Latin poet/author
Be Well
If I were to ask you what your dash will stand for, beyond the loving words of your immediate family, what would you say? What significant event, purpose, effect, or deed would your lasting impression on the world represent? If you were on trial in a court of law and needed to justify your right to stay in your chosen country of residence by providing evidence of your good deeds and contributions, would you have enough evidence? Or would we find you lacking? What significance or purpose is there to your being on this earth?
You probably have a family and love your family that you love. But your family is not why you are here. Bearing children is the minimum requirement for ensuring the future existence of our species. It is not what keeps you from wondering if this is all there is, or if there is some deeper meaning in your life. Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know why you are here?
When you settled into your current job, relationship, home, marriage, routine, or lifestyle, did you gain weight? Over 60 percent of couples gain at least thirty pounds after settling into marriage and family life. Did you reason that your weight gain was from bearing children, the stress of work, the pressure of a mortgage, two car payments, dental bills, or a health condition?
Were you designed for a greater life, but are too busy to have one? Do you think greatness is only for the talented, the chosen, the lucky few? Do you sometimes wonder what if? What if I had gone to school instead of getting pregnant? What if I had married that girl? What if I had moved to that other state? What if I had started a business? What if I had traveled more before settling down? What if I had never had kids? What if I had stayed in school instead of dropping out?
If you were to introduce yourself to me for the first time, you would likely tell me your name, your age, your status in your family, the number of children you have and their ages and genders, the city you live in, something about your pets or hobbies, and what you do for a living.
News flash! None of these are who you are!
Each one of us must find his peace from within, and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.
—Mahatma Gandhi leader of the Indian Independence Movement
Identifying yourself with your age, what you do for a living, or with the members of your family is a response that comes from a lack of knowing yourself. Until you know who and what you are, and why you are here, the dash on your gravestone will have no meaning beyond your job and your family status and sentiments. Your dash needs to stand for something.
So, who are you? Why are you here? Why now? Why this place? What benefit to humanity do you bring to the table and how will the world be a better place because you are in it?
Say out loud with me right now: “humanity.” Like the ripple effect of a stone skipping across a pond, it means we design the meaning of our life to create multiple waves of momentum, radiating outward from your life and into our world, making lasting change for the betterment of humanity. Unless you have no clue why you are here. Don’t feel bad. Most people have no clue either.
In the world, we place much emphasis on our station in life. What we have or possess. Where we live, what we drive, what we wear, who we associate with, where we go. The list goes on and on. It’s easy to think because we have not that we don’t matter. That our lives are insignificant. That we have wasted space. That we don’t count.
Some will or have trained you to believe that life is fair. They are wrong; life is not fair. Why would we have sickness and death? Why do we have floods? Famine? Earthquakes? If they meant it to be fair, we would have none of these. But we do.
He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.
—Muhammad Ali Heavy Weight Champion
Take Risks
When you first learned how to walk, do you remember falling? Do you remember how many times you fell? Most likely not. What you do possibly remember was the feeling of standing strong with a newfound independence, a world opened to alternative possibilities. That was not the teaching moment. It was when you got back up. When you came close to something stable, leaned into it, and pulled yourself up. That was life teaching you how you looked at it.
The teaching moment is in the moment of pulling yourself up, time and time again, until you get what you decided on, not because you deserved it, because you earned it. In life, we deserve nothing. It does not promise us anything. Everything we receive is a gift and we need to look at it that way. When you appreciate everything in your world, it becomes beautiful.
Joy happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.
—Marianne Williamson, author/ lecturer
feel the Joy
Too many of you feel as if you are insignificant today. That you don’t matter. You have no voice that anyone listens to and possibly you don’t deserve to one. Some of you shout, possibly out of frustration, demanding to be heard. Some of you just fade into the background and don’t get back up.
Some of you feel you are not being seen. That you are not being noticed in life. That it is passing you by. You attract attention to yourself, shouting to the world “Look at me!”.
Some of you don’t feel respected and demand it from the world around you, yet the actions taken to gain respect are not respectful to others. I world will naturally give respect when you are respectful to others.
Here’s the truth. You Matter, even if you don’t think so. You Matter ESPECIALY if you don’t think so.
Take a moment and look at any sunrise. Watch as the sun gently and faithfully rises each morning. Watch as colors slowly engulf the sky, putting on a heavenly light show for you.
Watch as it sets below the horizon at night. Watch as it sets, and the moon rises. Notice the stars as they dance for you, just for you.
Notice the hummingbird as it hovers, passing pollen from place to place so life may grow.
Listen to the wind as it gently brushes against your ears, pushing the leaves from here to there.
Watch the power of the ocean as the waves crash into the shores forever, keeping it in motion.
Know that the sunrise and sunset dictate the tides and seasons perfectly and with the sole purpose to sustain you.
Now know this. Your creator, whoever you worship, believe in, pray to, meditate to, give an offering to, or hold deep in your heart, would still have created this, even if you were the only person on this planet. That’s how valuable you are. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, all of it. Just for you.
The lack of or approval of others, the lack of or acceptance of others, the lack of or respect of others, can never change that fact. When you feel alone, when you feel oppressed, when you do not feel valued, when you do not feel seen or heard, remember that fact. You Matter! You Matter to me. You Matter to us as a community. You Matter to the world. This world would not be the same without you. We need you, all of us, and we need each other, every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year.
It’s when we forget that there is only one race, humanity, that we feel alone. When we forget, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You are NOT broken; you are NOT a mistake. We cannot do this without you. You are an intricate piece of the puzzle of life we are all a part of the puzzle is incomplete without you.
That’s why I say and believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so.
Once upon a time in ancient China, there was a builder who worked only for the Emperor. For several decades he designed and built many magnificent houses and majestic structures for the Emperor and the royal court and was getting ready to retire.
One day, the Emperor summoned him. “I understand you will retire soon and enjoying a well-deserved rest from the toils of working for so many years, but I have one last project for you” said the Emperor. I want you to design and build the best house you have ever created. You will oversee all work from the beginning to the end. I have already picked out the best location for the house. All you need do is buy the best materials and hire the best workers to build it. Spare no expense. It must be your best work.”
With this last task the builder saw an opportunity. Since he would be the only one in charge, no one would know if he took a few shortcuts here and there. Since he was about to retire, this would be his last chance to make a little extra money. He was, after all, the best builder in the land and knew how to make something look good on the outside even though it was built poorly on the inside.
They granted the builder unlimited resources to build the house, of which he only spent a fraction of by buying low grade materials and using less expensive and less qualified labor and rushed the project to completion. When the builder finished, he sent word to the Emperor of the house’s completion.
The Emperor was pleased and vowed to visit the house to see what the builder had built.
When the Emperor arrived, the builder was surprised to see all the Emperor’s Ministers and Royal Court had accompanied him. They were all extremely impressed with the house and the builder was not concerned that they would discover he had taken so many shortcuts because he used all of his tricks he had learned over the years to hide them.
The Emperor gathered all his Royal Court together and made an announcement. “As you all know, the builder has worked tirelessly for me for many years and has designed and built many grand structures and now is retiring and this house will be his greatest masterpiece.
The Emperor then handed the builder the keys to the house and proclaimed “the best way for me to thank him and show him my appreciation for many years of faithful work, is to give his greatest masterpiece to him as the perfect retirement present.”
Everyone erupted in applause, but the builder stood stunned in disbelief.
This story is a metaphor for life. When you enter it, it gives you unlimited resources and opportunities to build the best life possible. It is your responsibility to direct whatever energy is required to manage it. Your mission is clear: build the best life possible and spare no expense.
Where your story gets complicated is when, like the builder, you find out that you are in charge and must assume sole responsibility of your life from beginning to the end, from birth to death. By that I mean you are free to design your life any way you desire. This freedom is a wonderful thing because, like the builder, only you are in charge. There is great liberty in knowing you, and only you, oversee your life. This freedom can also be a terrible thing because you are only accountable to yourself. There is no one watching or supervising you to make sure you make the correct decisions and choices. Only you know when you take a short cut in life.
The trap in life is when we believe because we are in charge, we only need to do the minimal to get by. Not putting in the required work needed to gain that what you deserve in life, creating a façade with no substance that would require the tedious work needed to accumulate what we need to build the best life possible. You create a false image for you and others to see.
The trap gives you momentum without knowing it; it allows you to take the effortless way out without doing the work required. But it is in doing the work required that creates the person who you need to be. It is not the destination in life that makes you the person you need to become; it is the journey that shapes you and molds you. It is the mistakes you make along the way that teaches you who you want to be.
The builder who thought he was working for someone else and took short cuts, but he only cheated himself out of a tremendous gift in the end. When you cheat, you cheat yourself. We cannot destroy a house built on a firm foundation. We can shake it. It will go through storms, but it will not fall.
Here is How to Build a Significant Life
Always be Teachable
Never stop learning and never stop being willing to allow life to teach you fresh things. It is when we feel we have arrived life is over. Remember, it is what you learn AFTER you know it all that counts.
Look in the mirror first
Every day wake up and look in the mirror. Ask the person you see if they are doing the very best they can and demand an honest answer. If the answer is no, tell them to fix it.
Do the right thing, even when no one is looking
Always do your best in everything. When you cheat and take shortcuts you cheat yourself. You are worth more than second best.
Remember you are worth it
We cheat and take short cuts because they are easy. They do not require hard work. Each time you cheat or take a short cut the next time it becomes easier. Soon, it becomes the only way you know. Know that each time you cheat or take a short cut you cheat yourself out of a victory, be it large or small. You deserve and are worth those victories.
Show the World how to live
Notice I did not say, tell the world, I said to show the world. Life is a stage and people are watching you. Your actions are teaching someone something every day if you want to or not. Teach them well.
All religions of the world agree on one thing. We start out as energy, formless, and without matter, in what some call Heaven, or the Universe, Nirvana, Paradise, or Olam Ha-Ba, to name a few. We then come into human form for a brief time. There are various belief systems about whether, when, and where we return to formless energy. But that’s a discussion for another time. Let’s take one step at a time.
You came from spirit to experience a human reality.
You did not appear as human to experience spirituality.
— Joseph Binning
Re-read the verse. “Man-Woman is great”—not average, not mediocre, not so-so. Great! When you were in the womb, did you have low self-esteem? Did you have self-doubt? Did you feel insignificant? Did you need to be liked, accepted, approved of, Loved? No. You were Perfect. You were Whole. You were Complete. You are perfect, whole, complete. You ARE one of the four great powers. Nothing has changed this truth of who you were—and who you ARE.
We all originate from the same source. We all come from spirit and become human. We all are connected in this way. We all exist to be of service to the expansion and goodness of humanity. We all are given this purpose. We all are connected in this purpose. We all return when we are finished with our purpose, and we all will remain connected, always.
If we all were perfect, how did we become so flawed, unworthy, wrong, incomplete, and lacking? Why have we become required to prove our worthiness and goodness? Why are we continually suppressing and doubting ourselves, our worthiness, our greatness?
Here’s why. After we were born, we interfered with our state of perfection. We created dual realities, opposite realities, comparative realities: beauty versus ugliness; tall versus short; smart versus stupid; my race versus your race; my religion versus your religion; my country versus your country; my God versus your God.
Why did we begin comparing ourselves to others? Does our station in life make us feel better than, or less valuable than someone from another station? Does our location make us better than, or not as good as another? Does our color, religion, or political affiliation make us feel better or less than?
In creating and adhering to these dual realities, we lost our sensory awareness—our knowing—of our greatness. By drifting away from our innate knowing, we lost our selves. We forgot who we are, as soon as we began identifying ourselves by our religion, our external appearance, our job or career, our children, our relationship, our friends, our educational status, our possessions, our social status, our financial status.
What most of us do for a living is only the means of income to pay our living expenses. If we identify ourselves with our jobs or business, what happens if that disappears? What happens if, suddenly, you’re not the vice president of your company, and you have to look for a different job? You experience one or more of these feelings: loss; humiliation; failure; confusion; anger; resentment; depression; anxiety; self-pity; vulnerability; illness; grief; lack of purpose; or loss of self.
When we focus on the outer appearances of our individual existences, it’s easy to fall prey to these feelings. So, how do we not fall prey to them? Remember, when we were created, we were great. We are one of the four great powers. We came from Greatness. We are Greatness. We are destined for Greatness—Our Greatness—not someone else’s. We were born with it. Our greatness does not depend on anyone’s opinion, permission, or approval. Our greatness does not shrink or dissolve. It only becomes less visible to us, because we are looking outside of ourselves, not seeing our true selves.
Right now, begin living by two Creeds:
Live with No Regrets: Put careful thought into everything you do, think, focus on, and choose– Own all of your decisions—and all of your outcomes—because you are going to be the sole chooser and creator of your life. Commit to your choices. Commit to your life. Commit to YOU.
Others’ opinions are none of your business: This is the most important creed to live by. You are no longer going to base your self-worth or self-Love on others’ opinions of you. The only opinion that matters is that of the person you see in the mirror each morning. And that person is Great!
Take a moment now to write ten things you do, outside of your work. Here are a few examples: cooking; scuba diving; meditating; running; reading; volunteering, attending a Meet Up, etc. If you are on a roll and want to write more than ten, don’t stop the flow. Write as many as come up for you.
After completing this simple exercise, you will discover that when someone asks what you do, you’ll have quite a lot to tell them. And that might lead to helping them identify what they do, as well!
People cannot hurt you without your permission.
— Mahatma Gandhi
If you have enjoyed this article please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.
One of the most well-known men in history, Sihartha Guatama- also known as the Buddha- transformed an entire culture, and still does today.
His teachings were rational, accessible, and most of all, simple. The simplistic nature of his teachings appeals to me as a traveler on this journey we call life.
He taught the path of enlightenment, the way of truth that anyone could discover provided they came with an open heart and an open mind. It is said he had discovered Nirvana himself while sitting underneath a Bodhi tree.
Travelling only a tiny segment of northern India, Buddha’s teachings are one of the few religions that spread through nonviolent means. Keyword; non-violent.
Instead of being converted by force as many religions have done, the simplistic way convinced millions how to show up in this life. A way with peaceful solutions to everyday problems, trials, and tribulations. Rather than react and attempt to control life’s outcome, the thought is to be one with it. To be a part of it, a minor piece of life’s puzzle, not the center, or principal part of it.
Because of its freeing nature and by adopting the teachings which translated to a way of seeing and living one’s life, it worked for people, many people. Today there are 375 million followers of the Buddhist way of life and it is the fourth largest religion after Christianity, Islam, and Hinduism.
2,600 years later, it still work’s for people. I am one of them. Although I do not claim to be a Buddhist, I align myself with many of the teachings because of the simplicity it brings to my life. To me, what I relate to the most is the simple thought, and my number one thought, Be Happy. Not be Happy when… Not be Happy if… Not be Happy because… Just, be Happy. Happiness is a choice. No external thing, person, or circumstance can make me Happy. Only I can. Happiness is, a choice, an internal choice. This was, and still is, the most liberating life decision I have ever made.
Let us be clear here, I am not advocating for Buddhism, nor am I suggesting your choice of how you live your life is wrong and mine is right. Far from that. In my studies I research all religions and all teachings from many teachers, as I suggest you do, to gain a well-rounded way of deciding what is correct for you. I do not advocate blindly following any teaching without doing the research first. Ultimately, it’s your choice and your decision. Its is your life and you need to choose what is best for you.
While Buddha rarely gave explicit advice on relationships, he gave commonsense advice on how to move through life. We can apply many of his teachings to all kinds of circumstances, including our relationships. Here are 5 of his teachings that can make a lasting impact in how you approach your relationships.
You are Enough
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.”
This, more than any other teaching of the Buddha, means the most to me. To Love another, you must first Love yourself. The Tao Te Ching says, “everything I need, is already here”. Two complete people make a relationship work; two incomplete people create chaos. Love yourself first.
Do not fight what you cannot change
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
Relationships will frustrate you. We design them to be that way. When we attempt to control an outcome is when we realize we are not in charge and we need to accept it. Rather than get frustrated because of someone’s behavior, accept that that is who they are in that moment, but realize that might not be who they are.
Rather than get frustrated because of any outcome, ask yourself, what was I supposed to learn here? What was life trying to teach me? What valuable lesson am I missing because of my anger? One moment of anger can change an entire life of kindness and good deeds in an instant.
Trust
“It is a man’s own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways.”
One of my biggest mistakes in past relationships was to not ask questions out of fear. Sometimes what you hear might not be what that person said. Some of the best advice I have ever received was from a pastor friend of mine. Sometimes in life you will misunderstand or be misunderstood. The trick is to figure out which one it is BEFORE you argue.
Trust your partner enough to ask for clarification first. More times than not you will find what they said verses what you heard does not align with what you thought they said and you might say something that cannot be unsaid.
You attracted your partner to you
“Our thoughts shape us; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”
Everything you think, you attract. Therefore, it stands to reason the relationships you attract are a manifestation of your thoughts. When your thoughts are pure in that relationship, your relationship can shift to a higher level.
My number one thought in my relationship is to be the best Me, for Her. To show her the Love she deserves I must show myself that Love first. I must understand it. I must nurture it myself. I must take care of my body temple. I must take care of my heart to prevent from becoming jaded. I must be Happy first without her but rejoice in the happiness with being with her. With no expectations of Her or anything in return.
Love is NOT a spectator sport
“An idea that is developed and put into action is more important than an idea that exists only as an idea.”
It is said that Love conquers all. But Love alone is not enough; it needs action.
For Love to flourish, Love requires you to never stop working at it. Never go on automatic. Never assume.
One of my greatest examples of Love in a relationship is a couple I know, who after 26 years of being in a relationship, having raised three children, still go on regular date nights. Each takes turns arranging the dates every week. Time spent just the two of them without distractions. From picnics, to dinners, to movies, to simple walks in the park. Neither neglects the relationships core value and foundation on which we build it on. Neither takes each other for granted, but values what the other brings to the relationship.
Be Kind
“When words are both true and kind, they can change the world.”
Relationships, like life, will test you. They will push you to your limits, on purpose. We bring these moments into our life to teach us, to mold us, and yes, to reward or discipline us. In those moments when you are mad, frustrated, or just at your wits end, be kind. Allow the other person to be right. Give the other the same break you would give yourself. Think BEFORE you say, especially in moments of anger.
Last, Love with everything. Do not hold back. Give everything and expect nothing in return. Giving anything and expecting something in return was after all never a gift, only a bribe.
