In The End. That’s All There Is

 

The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

 

For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny.

 

I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain’t pretty what happens the next day.

 

I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons.

 

I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt.

 

The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is:

 

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

 

Arthur Ashe[1]

 

The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female.

 

It’s my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost.

 

The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome.

 

Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I.

 

The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose.

 

Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life.

 

 

Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason.

In The End. That’s All There Is The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny. I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain't pretty what happens the next day. I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons. I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt. The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is: Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance. Arthur Ashe The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female. It's my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost. The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome. Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I. The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose. Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life. Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason. It's in our daily decisions we create our lives. It's in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world's greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things. Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you. Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do. The truth is: I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been broke. I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did. But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life. John Maxwell The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It's only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it's what happens during the journey that creates the person. It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become. It's what you learn along the way that counts. Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have. Margaret Mead In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here: IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

It’s in our daily decisions we create our lives. It’s in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts.

 

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.

George Bernard Shaw[2]

 

What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world’s greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain.

 

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Leo Tolstoy[3]

 

I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things.

 

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.

Nikos Kazantzakis[4]

 

Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you.

 

Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do.

In The End. That’s All There Is The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny. I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain't pretty what happens the next day. I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons. I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt. The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is: Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance. Arthur Ashe The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female. It's my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost. The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome. Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I. The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose. Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life. Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason. It's in our daily decisions we create our lives. It's in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts. Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. George Bernard Shaw What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world's greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain. Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. Leo Tolstoy I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things. Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. Nikos Kazantzakis Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you. Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do. The truth is: I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been broke. I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did. But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no. You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life. John Maxwell The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It's only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it's what happens during the journey that creates the person. It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become. It's what you learn along the way that counts. Never believe that a few caring people can't change the world. For, indeed, that's all who ever have. Margaret Mead In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is. I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here: IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles. You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don't think so For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

The truth is:

I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice.

I’ve been homeless.

I’ve been broke.

I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did.

But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no.

 

You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life.

John Maxwell[5]

 

The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It’s only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it’s what happens during the journey that creates the person.

 

It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become.

 

It’s what you learn along the way that counts.

 

 

Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.

Margaret Mead[6]

 

In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.

 

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Joseph Binning
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning

[1] Brainy Quote/Arthur Ashe Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/arthur_ashe_119072

[2] Philosiblog/the character of a man/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://philosiblog.com/2013/11/14/progress-is-impossible-without-change-and-those-who-cannot-change-their-minds-cannot-change-anything/

[3] Brainy Quotes/Leo Tolstoy Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/leo_tolstoy_105644

[4] Brainy Quotes/Nikos Kazantzakis Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/nikos_kazantzakis_176142

[5] Optimize.me/Quotes John Maxwell/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.optimize.me/quotes/john-c-maxwell/you-will-never-change-your-life-until-you-change-something-3

[6] Brainy Quotes/Margret Mead Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/margaret_mead_101283

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.blank

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

 

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).

  • Listen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

  • Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

  • Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

  • Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

  • Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

  • Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

  • Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.

  • Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

  • Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

  • Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

  • Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

 

How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

 

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

  1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

 

  1. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

 

  1. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

 

  1. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

 

  1. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

 

  1. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

 

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

You might also like this article.

RELATIONSHIPS✵Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

 

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

Want more happiness in your life?

Learn How to Live a Happy Life & Approach Each Day with a Positive Attitude.

Pick Up This Book Now:

You Matter, even if you don’t think so

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From:
Joseph Binning
Subject: Happiness Is A Choice

Dear Friend,

Happiness is something we all strive for. Nobody wants to be miserable. Yet, we oftentimes get in our own way when it comes to being happy.

Did you know there is a difference between feeling happy and being truly happy? It’s true. There are things that can make you feel happy, temporarily. An alcoholic drink, a shopping trip and so forth. But to be truly happy, you must feel it from within, without those instant gratification items.

If you are not feeling true happiness. If you’re relying on someone else to make you happy, you need to grab my book.

Inside you’ll learn:

  •  How we make our lives hard by not choosing happiness

  •  Techniques for being more positive

  •  How to take responsibility for your own happiness

  •  How to stop relying on others to make you happy

  •  How to love without attachment

  • ….and More!

 

 

 

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You Matter, even if you don’t think so

Simply follow the link and start the journey today!

Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

If you are tired of being miserable and want more happiness in your life, get started right now. Just follow the link and get started living the life you were meant to live. Your new life starts today!

Here’s to Your Success,
Joseph Binning

Happiness Is A Choice

Copyright © JosephBinning.com. All Rights Reserved.

Life Happens for Us, Not to Us

Life Happens for Us, Not to Us

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.”

-Forrest Gump

played by Tom Hanks-actor

Ever feel you are just reacting to life? Like you have no say in the matter? Does it seem like your world comprises you waking up, going to work, coming home, going to sleep, and then you die?

You are not alone. Millions of people do not know why they are here. What it is you are supposed to do to make your mark on life. Beyond the thought of getting married, having children, working for forty-plus years, and waiting for that last moment when you breathe your last breath.

Life Happens for Us, Not to Us

Life happens FOR us, not to us. We just have to look at things a little differently in order to clear out the fog so we can see clearly.

Struggles in life come from our expectations of how we believe or think our lives should or should not be. But when we consider the power and wisdom of the source that created you, you can trust that something greater than us is at work and that your choices, combined with your higher source, come together to create an incomprehensible tapestry of greatness and beauty in your life.

The truth of the matter is that life is not happening to you, it is happening for you. You create your own life. You, and only you. The direction you go to directly results from choices and decisions you make for your life, not the result of what has happened to you.

“You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life results from your own making.”

-Stephen Richards, author

Changing this mindset to go from victim to victorious, from having no power to having all the power, takes courage. It requires courage to change your mindset after believing something your entire life for change to happen.

“You gotta “be” before you can “do” and you gotta “do” before you can “have”.”

-Zig Ziglar-author, speaker

Life Happens for Us, Not to Us

Courage means taking risks. Doing things differently but doing them! It means being afraid of something but not letting it stop you from achieving your goals in life. It means not listening to the voice in your head that is screaming “STOP” and doing it, anyway. There is only victory when we enter the fight.

“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.”

-Muhammad Ali-world champion fighter

It requires change for anything great to happen in your life. Most people, secretly or openly, are afraid of change. Change is uncomfortable. It makes people nervous. The voices in the back of your head might do its best to convince you “this isn’t a good idea”, or “lets do this another time or another way.” Don’t listen.

Changing the way you look at the struggles in life will actually improve your life. Rather than asking “why me”, ask yourself “what am I supposed to learn?”

Change, like eating an elephant, is best done in small steps. Easily achievable steps. Don’t attempt to change everything unless you have the willpower to follow through. Otherwise, take small consistent achievable steps, gradually increasing them once you gain momentum.

“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of success is found in your daily routine.”

-John Maxwell-author, speaker, pastor

Belief is the next step. Wanting to do something but not believing you can achieve the goal or dream is the number one killer of dreams and goals. It will keep you on the sidelines and never let you even get into the game, let alone win.

“The start is what stops most people.”

-Don Shula-football coach

Life Happens for Us, Not to Us

Belief that you can achieve the goal or dream will get you to the finish line, even if you don’t believe you have the ability, willpower, strength, or means to accomplish it. Belief, especially in yourself, is a choice. Choose to believe.

“If I have the belief, I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

Gandhi-referred to as “Father of the Nation of India,”

With each victory, no matter how great or small, you will implant in your brain that you can achieve your goal. Once you find you can do something, it is easier to repeat it. This is true with both good and bad. Each time it gets easier to win or lose, to achieve or fail.

With each victory you create a track record in your mind of what to do in that situation or circumstance so when you face it again, and you will be, repeat what you already have done. Don’t reinvent the wheel, just repeat it.

“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but the man who has practiced 1 kick 10,000 times.”

Bruce Lee-Martial Artist, Movie Starr, Author

History will always repeat itself unless you study it. With each victory or step in your journey, reflect on it. This does two things in your mind:

  1. It destroys the notion that you are powerless over your struggle.
  2. When you relive the victory in your mind, you remind yourself that you are a capable being with untapped powers you possibly forgot or did not know existed.

Reminding yourself that yes, you can do it, is the most rewarding and positive reaffirmation that you are strong, that you can do whatever you want and not fail if only you start and not quit.

Life Happens for Us, Not to Us

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing. It’s when you had everything to do, and you’ve done it.”

-Margaret Thatcher- Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

YOUR BELIEFSWhere Did They Come From and Are They Really Yours?

YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From?
YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From?

 

 

If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be,

you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be.

 

— Dale Carnegie

Belief:

  1. “the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case, with or without empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty;”
  2. “a mental representation of an attitude positively oriented toward the likelihood of something being true.”

YOUR BELIEFSWhere Did They Come From and Are They Really Yours?

Ancient Greek thought identifies belief as being related to: pistis, meaning trust and confidence; and doxa, meaning “orthodoxy,” referring to opinion and acceptance.  

 

In his book, What Beliefs Are Made From, author Jonathan Leicester writes: “… belief has the purpose of guiding action rather than indicating truth.”

 

Ready for some cold hard truth?   Beliefs are just thoughts, and most are not ours.

 

Beliefs are funny.  We don’t believe the sun will come up—we expect it to come up—and it does, every day.

YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come from and Are They Really Yours?
We don’t believe the sun will come up—we expect it to come up—and it does, every day.

Who chose the religion or spiritual affiliation that you identify as yours?  Was it handed down to you by your family who lives by that religion?  Or maybe your friends?  Your sorority, fraternity, or school?  Were you born into it?  Were you baptized in it?  Married into it?  Pressured into it?  Was it the religion of our community?  Your culture?  Your country?  Your history?  A movement?  A revolution? 

 

If you were raised in a certain religion, it is likely that you still follow that religion, or identify it as your roots—even if you don’t practice it, attend services, or even know all its principles. Just by its familiarity to you or your family, you identify it as yours. Yet, most likely, it was not you who intentionally, thoughtfully, actively, or passionately chose it. You just followed the familiar path.  Have you ever wondered which religion or spiritual belief you would choose if you could study and understand all the belief systems in the world?  Have you asked yourself why we even choose a religion?

 

Going astray—a common phrase used to describe what many children do as a result of being raised in religious households—has troubled parents for generations.  Dismayed, confused, or angry, the parent’s mindset is, we taught our children better. Yet, they haven’t considered that their children would eventually make religious, moral, and other decisions for themselves, based on their individual preferences, desires, and needs.

 

Who chose your political affiliation?  Did you follow your family’s affiliation?  Are your choices a result of following the party of the region you live in?  Is it the same affiliation as that of your friends?  Is it out of a desire to fit in with a majority? Is it peer pressure?  Do you find yourself choosing words, actions and lifestyles, in order to appear politically correct?  Have you done enough research to feel and know, with absolute confidence, that your affiliation is aligned with who you are inside and all you believe in? Have you asked why you choose one at all?

 

About the time I first began writing this book, America had just experienced an extremely divisive political election like never before. The world-wide-web posted a clip of a very young boy who, in a mock election at school, had voted for the candidate opposite the one his parents voted for.  Upon arriving home, his mother videotaped him being escorted out of the house with a suitcase she had packed for him and carrying a sign that said he was kicked out of the house for voting for the wrong person.  Rather than praising her child for using his personal choice and critical thinking, and even using the circumstance to create an open discussion with him, she humiliated him, further deepening his familial and social conditioning, and, quite possibly, emotionally and mentally scarring him for years, if not life.

 

A daughter asked her mother why the family meatloaf recipe that they all Loved needed to be baked in a tiny six-inch pan. It was never big enough to feed the entire family. The mother answered that the recipe was passed down from her mother, and she didn’t want to alter it in any way, even to make a larger size, for fear of changing the result.  She suggested that the daughter ask her mother (the grandmother) about it.  The grandmother gave the same answer that the girl’s mother did and suggested that her granddaughter ask her mother (the great grandmother) about it. When the girl asked her great grandmother, she was informed, “It’s the only size pan that would fit in my oven. Ovens were much smaller back then.”  Until the daughter persisted in seeking the real reason for something she perceived as illogical, the familial conditioned habit and response would have continued, creating more generations of followers, like sheep.

 

How often do we assume that our actions and beliefs are based on information that we understand and agree with?

YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From?
How often do we assume that our actions and beliefs are based on information that we understand and agree with?

 

Pause to write.

 

What are some of your beliefs that you assume are yours because you have heard them so much, or believed them for a long time?  Here are a few examples:

 

Health: “All the men in our family eventually get diabetes.”

Happiness: “No one is capable of staying truly happy.”

Relationships: “Relationships usually bring pain.”

Creativity: “Some people are creative.  I didn’t get that gene.

Success: “Success is having a house, a couple cars, recreational toys, two plus vacations a year, and a triple digit income.”

Appearance: “I’m not attractive enough for (fill in the blank).”

Intelligence: “I never score well on tests, because I don’t have a high enough IQ.”

Self-Worth: “I can’t start my own business.  I’m not skilled, experienced, gifted, or licensed in anything.”

Destiny-Fate-Karma: “My mother had a hard life, and her mother had a hard life. Women have hard lives in our family.”

 

Depending on our age and level of self-discovery, most of our beliefs are beliefs that have been handed down to us, expected of us, or programmed into us.  Are you living authentically by your personal beliefs and desires?  Or, are you living by the beliefs and desires of others? 

 

Be honest with yourself.  Write a list of five or more beliefs about the topics above, or about money, Love, God, religion, sex, power, life, family, work, happiness, freedom, or any other beliefs that come to mind.  Leave some space between each belief. In the space between each belief you listed, write your response to each of the following three questions.  Respond from a place of openness, willingness, self-inquiry, discovery, and curiosity.  Imagine that anything is possible.

 

Your Belief___________________________________________________________________

 

Where does that belief come from? (Where, or from whom, do you remember first hearing it, or continually hearing it?)

Is it real, factual, true, as far as you, know?  Or is it an expectation, or assumption, but not necessarily true?

Is it something you truly, completely, and always believe, agree with, and value?  Or was it handed down to you, or expected of you, or programmed into you (from parent, friend, teacher, mentor, religious leader, political leader, society, culture)?

YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From?
Are you living authentically by your personal beliefs and desires? Or, are you living by the beliefs and desires of others?

 

After writing your responses to each of the beliefs you wrote, look at what you wrote.  Then, write your responses to these questions:

 

How do you feel? 

What beliefs do you have that don’t feel good to you?

What beliefs do you have because someone close to you has that belief?

 

Each belief that you discovered did not come from you is not your belief, yet you have been carrying it in that sack on your back.  You do not need to carry beliefs that are not true to you.  If they are not true to you, they are defeating you, weighing you down, undermining your power to live authentically, energetically, happily, and freely.  It is time to let these go and release their weight on your thoughts.

 

Write your responses:

 

What beliefs do you have that don’t make you feel energized, empowered, joyful, healthy, strong, capable, hopeful, or excited about life?

 

Are you afraid to change any of these beliefs?  If so, which beliefs?  Why?  Write any thoughts, fears, or concerns that come to you about what might happen if you changed the belief you are hesitant to change.  If any thoughts or feelings come up for you, like failure, regret, self-identity, loyalty, letting someone down, where you’ve been, or your past, go back and review one of the previous posts that calls to you.

 

What the mouth says, the mind hears.

What the mind hears, the heart believes.

What the heart believes, the body does.

— Joseph Binning

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

YOUR BELIEFS-Where Did They Come From?
Remember to enjoy the little things in life.

 

Why You See and Choose What You Do
Why You See and Choose What You Do

 

 

 

Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words.

Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions.

 Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits.

Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values.

Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.

— Mahatma Gandhi[1]

 

 

Our feelings, thoughts, and responses to life have a great deal to do with the conditions in which we were raised, the locations in which we grew up, the channels of knowledge we received, and the beliefs of the people who raised us.

 

From before you can even remember, you have been making thousands of decisions and choices, many of which you were not aware of making, but following, or doing out of habit, or by not thinking, or choosing by lack of a specific desire. Every one of your decisions—both those you were aware of making, and those you were not aware of making—come into play every day of your existence. From birth, you they indoctrinate you with decisions and choices based primarily on someone else’s direction, opinion, desire, belief, need, or pressure.

 

 

Most mammals emerge from the womb like glazed earthenware emerging from a kiln—

any attempt at remolding will only a scratch or break them.

Humans emerge from the womb like molten glass from a furnace.

Humans can be molded and shaped with surprising freedom.

 

—Yuval Harari, Author, Sapiens[2]

 

Through education, politics, religion, culture, and other institutions, from childhood, they mold us into Christians or Buddhists, Capitalists or Socialists, Revolutionaries or Peace Seekers—and so on. Without realizing it, we are products of our conditioning.  What we perceive to be normal or true is a product of our history and upbringing, and these perceptions influence our decisions and actions every day.

 

 

Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.

— Wayne Dyer[3]

 

I like to rephrase Mr. Dyer’s quote:

 

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.
If you change the way you look at things, you will change the way you see.

 

An online survey asked, “What’s the first thing you notice about someone you see for the first time, when seeing them from a distance?”  The overwhelming response was, “appearance.”  When asked what the second thing is, the majority answered, “the way they carried themselves and if they seemed approachable, or not, from a personal safety standpoint.”

 

A man entered a subway with his two children and sat staring ahead in a daze, as if lost in deep thought. His two children were running everywhere, loud, and unruly.  After some time, an annoyed passenger approached the man and said, “Excuse me, could you please tend to your children? They are disturbing the other passengers.”  The man looked up at him and said, “I’m sorry, they just lost their mother.  Cancer.  They don’t know how to deal with it.”

 

We see people from the viewpoint of our perceptions of them, which are based on everything they have taught us, without knowing that we are not seeing them in their complete, true beingness.  Most times, that which we perceive is not the reality. Based on experiences, the passenger thought the children were unruly and the man was a bad parent. They base perceived reality on the limited, incomplete, and/or false knowledge, beliefs, and data.  Our perceptions of everyone and everything outside of us are all based on our reality—our learned beliefs, experiences, and expectations from them—though we believe we are being aimed to see factual reality.  Our perceived reality is the frame through which we see and explain the world.

 

We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.

Anaïs Nin[4]

 

One of the biggest thoughts that block our growth, peace, and happiness is the reasoning that, “It’s always been this way, so we need not change it.”

 

We need to change. We need to ask ourselves: “Why?  Why do I see things this way? Why do I react this way? Why do I act this way?” “Why do I say these things?”

 

? Why do I see things this way?
? Why do I see things this way?

Here is a simple exercise to help you:

 

Answer as honestly as you can.

 

Did you choose your profession based on your own perception of it?  Was it because you thought it would provide stability, or esteem, or some quality that you believed would be necessary or valuable?  Or was your decision a result of discussions with one or more parents, counselors, experts, or friends, and their perceptions of it?  Did you decide based on other’s perceptions, wishes, or offers?  Or did you choose it purely from your own thoughts and desires?

 

Did you marry or enter a relationship with someone of the same religious affiliation?  If so, did you choose that person?  Or were you following the family’s tradition, desires, or direction?  Or was your choice not influenced by religion at all?

 

Are you living in a location, dwelling, city, state, or country that you chose?  Or are you living in a location out of financial or other necessity?  Or are you living somewhere out of someone else’s desire, influence or requirement, or to be in proximity to a person, family, or group of people?  Are you living in a location for the pure and simple reason that you liked it and desired to live there?

 

Have you attended a college, university, or educational institution?  Whether yes, or no—is it because you chose to, or chose not to?  Was the choice yours, or was it made under the request or influence of someone else, or to make someone happy?

 

Are you deciding based on someone else’s opinion, request, need, or demand?  Or are you deciding based on your own desires, knowledge, or preferences?

 

 

Three men were building a wall at a beautiful church.  When asked what he was doing, the first replied, “I’m stacking these stones.”  The second man answered, “I’m building a wall.”  The third man declared, “I’m helping to create a magnificent place for people to find comfort and peace.”  Three different men doing the same task have three different perceptions of what they were doing.  Only one knew why.

 

Which one is most like you?  Why?

 

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming? In what way?

Which one is like the “You” you are becoming?
Which one is like the “You” you are becoming?

 

When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly.

When people see more things as good, other things become bad.

— Tao de Chang

Chapter 2 Verse 12[5]

 

 

I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:

IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

 

Joseph Binning
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning

 

 

[1] AZ Quotes.com/Quotes/Authors/M/ Mahatma Gandhi/ https://www.azquotes.com/quote/453692

[2] Dreamflesg.com/reviews/Sapiens A Brief History of Mankind/ https://dreamflesh.com/review/book/sapiens/#:~:text=Most%20mammals%20emerge%20from%20the%20womb%20like%20glazed,much%20or%20more%20by%20culture%20as%20by%20nature.

[3] BraineyQoutes.com/Wayne Dyer Quotes/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/wayne_dyer_384143

[4] www.goodreads/Quotes/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&q=We+don%27t+see+things+as+they+are%3B+we+see+them+as+we+are.++%E2%80%95+Ana%C3%AFs+Nin&commit=Search

[5] Goodreads.com/Lao Tzu > Quotes > Quotable Quote/ https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/582339-when-people-see-some-things-as-beautiful-other-things-become