All That Matters Is What We Do in The End


All That Matters Is What We Do in The End

 

Selfishness, we all suffer from it, have suffered from it, or will suffer from it. We were born that way. In our early years we learn “Mine”. As adults, it’s easy to continue with that thought. But All That Matters Is What We Do in The End.

Most of us are hard-wired to be selfish in some sort. In many situations selfishness is common. We want to take care of our children first, for example. Assuring that our children are safe and well provided for is a high level of concern.

Assuring that our family members are safe and well provided for is similar. Many people sacrifice for their children and family with no complaints. Some do not.

 

 

 

“Thus, most of us are hard-wired to conform to a core morality that includes protecting our children, dealing more or less fairly with other people, and placing limits on our selfishness,”.

— Christopher R. Beha

 

 

Merriam-Webster defines selfishness as:

selfishness noun

1: the quality or state of being selfish: a concern for one’s own welfare or advantage at the expense of or in disregard of others: excessive interest in oneself[1]

Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others.

Selfishness is that attitude of being concerned with one’s own interests above the interests of others.

The Bible says “do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others,” (Philippians 2:3-4, NASB).

Buddha taught that “you” are not an integral, autonomous entity. The individual self, or what we might call the ego, is more correctly thought of as a by-product.

Confucius teaches, “What you do not want done to you, do not do to others,”.

The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 33 To know others is to be clever, to know yourself is to be enlightened.

Most of us know deep down inside when we are being self-serving and selfish. Sometimes it’s an honest mistake, sometimes it isn’t. The trick is to know when we are, and what to do about it.

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”

— Buddha

When I think of selfishness, I see a hand with its fist clenched tight, facing upwards. We try to hold on to all that we feel and believe is ours with all our might, fist clenched tightly. What we cannot see is that while clenching tightly to what we believe is ours, what we believe we are entitled to, cannot be added to.

When I think of selflessness, I see a hand opened wide, facing upwards. The symbolism of this exercise is to remind you that all we have, all we are, all we can be is not ours to keep, it is ours to share. By living life with palms extended up, more can be added.

“You only lose what you cling to.”

— Buddha

By realizing that we deserve nothing, we gain freedom. Freedom from the fear of loss. Freedom from the fear of lack. Freedom from the fear of not being good enough.

The Tao Te Ching says in chapter 46, “Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe.”

 “If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your way,”

 Nichiren Daishonin

(Gosho Zenshu, p. 1898)

Gratitude and gratefulness are the answer to selfishness.

There is a story of a woman returning home from a long trip, and they delay her flight. Frustrated and tired, she visits the gift shop. While there, she buys a magazine and a bag of cookies. She proceeds to the waiting area, finds a section of the wall she can sit against because all the seats are full, and reads her magazine.

Soon a man sits next to her. They do not exchange pleasantries but ignore each other. Soon the woman notices the man reach down and he takes a cookie from the bag on the ground between them.

She was shocked. She thought to herself, “did he really just do what I think he did?” Soon, he grabbed another one, and then another until there was only one left. With a smile, he offers her the last cookie. Upset, she grabs the last cookie and eats it.

Her plane arrives, and they finally allow her to board. Angrily, she storms off, cursing him in her mind and thinking of him as the rudest person she could have ever encountered.

As she sits down in her seat on the airplane, she reaches into her purse, only to find her bag of cookies, unopened, in her purse where she put them after buying them.

Sometimes selfishness can overtake us, especially when we are tired, in an airport, and just wanting to be home. When you find yourself sitting next to someone in the same situation as you, share your cookies. You never know when they might not be yours.

 

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“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and it will not shorten the life of the candle. Happiness never decreases by being shared.” — Buddha

 

Here is another article you might like. You can read it here:

THE EMPEROR AND THE BUILDER: HOW TO BUILD A SIGNIFICANT LIFE

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report  

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

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You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

[1] Selfishness noun/Merrian-Weber.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/selfishness

Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves

 

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Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves

 

“He Who Seeks Revenge Digs Two Graves”

— Chinese Proverb

Most people are familiar with the expression Revenge is a meal best served cold, but Before You Begin A Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves.

Most of us, when wronged, hurt, or feel betrayed, want to avenge the wrong, to make it right in our eyes. But is revenge worth it? The desire for revenge creates pent up anger which:

  • Causes you to lose yourself and prevent you from focusing on where you are and where you need to go.
  • Causes you to live in that moment until released and prevents forward momentum.
  • Can make you physically and emotionally sick.
  • Clouds your judgement and can cause you to do something you wouldn’t normally do, say, or act like.
  • Can make you bitter.
  • Won’t make you feel better and could make you feel worse.

 

Merriam-Webster defines revenge as:

revenge verb

1: to avenge (oneself or another) usually by retaliating in kind or degree

2: to inflict injury in return for[1]

 

“Revenge… is like a rolling stone, which, when a man hath forced up a hill, will return upon him with greater violence, and break those bones whose sinews that gave it motion,”

— Jeremy Taylor, author[3]

If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.

I knew a person who disliked the fact that his girlfriend was “a big flirt”. This centered on his insecurity, but he didn’t see it that way.

One night, he and his girlfriend were at a party and she was being her social self. Annoyed with her, the man started flirting with a young woman to “get back at her” and in his mind wanted her to see how it felt.

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If we are honest with ourselves and look at the outcomes and the fallout from revenge, we must look at the possibility that it could backfire.

The woman followed him into an empty room where she enticed him into having sex with her, which he did using the excuse he was drunk to justify his terrible choice. When they finished the woman walked up to the man’s girlfriend and told her what had just happened.

The girlfriend had enticed another man from that woman in the past and she was exacting her form of payback on the girlfriend and had used the man to get it. The man and his girlfriend are no longer together.

So how do we just forgo the need to exact revenge on another? Know that your thoughts “attract” things, situations, and people into your life daily. They will either move you towards where you need to be, or away from it. The choice is yours.

When you let go the need for revenge in your life, you allow better things to take its place. Not allowing the pent-up anger to fester in the first place can satisfy you and liberate you.

 

I have a friend who once told me to that it is okay to forgive someone who did not ask for it, for my benefit, but to mark them in the back of your brain. When pressed for a definition of that he said “to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs”.

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to forgive is our nature because we ourselves are not perfect, but to allow it to happen twice goes against our nature and should be avoided at all costs

 

I wrote an article about forgiveness that might help which you can read here:

Forgiveness Not for the Other Person

Forgiving people will prevent the need for revenge. It releases you for the chains that hold and bind you, which is not how you were created to be.

Possibly you have been someone who exacted revenge on another for something. Did it help you with whatever triggered the need for revenge?

Did it make things any better for longer than a short while?

Did it make you a better person because of it?

If so, you can start over. That’s the best thing about life, each day is a new day, and we can hit restart and start over. Never be afraid to start over because each time you do you won’t be starting from scratch; you will start from experience. Use that experience and make today better than yesterday.

I wrote an article about starting over that might help, which you can read here:

YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

You Matter, even if you don't think so[1] Revenge verb/Merriam-Webster.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/revenge

[2] Sinew noun/Dictionary.com/accessed 11/05/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/sinew

[3] Jeremy Taylor Quotes/allauthor.com/accessed 11 https://allauthor.com/quotes/75994/ /

 

If It’s Broken, Fix It

We live in a world now where when something breaks; we throw it away. It becomes disposable to us, including relationships. Being in a relationship that feels broken can make you feel stuck, but the Love you share with another is worth fixing.

As someone who has had many relationships that did not work, I am an expert on what does not work in a relationship. Here are some helpful suggestions that I hope will help you.

 

Fix it BEFORE it is Broken

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Fix it BEFORE it is Broken

Ultimately, the best time to fix something before it’s broken. There is the story that was shared with me by a mentor, of which I have had many, of two hurt people make eye contact with each other from across the room and have a relationship. What follows is no surprise, more hurt.

The best fix in any relationship starts with yourself. Take whatever amount of time you need to recover from the sadness and hurt for any past relationships which varies from person to person according to Janet Zinn, LCSW, a New York City–based couple’s therapist before you start another relationship..

“It’s better to get through the breakup and learn what you can from the previous relationship, so you’ve grown,” Zinn says. Once you’ve figured out a lesson or two — what you want in your next relationship, what you don’t, etc. — go ahead and get back out there.[1]

The second-best piece of advice is to be more selective in who you choose to be with. Thinking rationally can be exceedingly difficult when the emotional mind is in charge. The emotional mind is that section of the mind that takes over our decision-making capabilities during certain circumstances. This is an example of the two hurt people making eye contact scenario I mentioned earlier.

These scenarios may carry an emotional weight with them that triggers various responses: dread, anger, sadness, anxiety, etc. For this reason, it’s difficult to maintain an impartial, reasonable mindset when in this state.[2]

The emotional mind will tell you everything is fine, and you will want to listen to it, while the rational mind will tell you that something is wrong.

The Rational Mind bases its decisions on facts, evidence, and what worked in the past. These activities are more likely to foster a straightforward, logical kind of thinking.[3]

We cannot be certain that we won’t be able to control our emotional mind when the time comes, so the best policy is to know what you want before you need it and to seek that which you desire BEFORE you start.

 

“If you don’t like something in your life-Fix it”

— Joseph Binning

 

Here are some things to look for in the person you want to give your heart to.

They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You

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They MUST be able to Communicate with and to You

Communication is possibly the most important key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship.

Communicating is more than good morning and how was your day. Communication is “im feeling bad because….” And being able to complete the sentence without someone getting defensive. To foster good communication, you must follow a few simple rules.

  1. Always be truthful. Don’t hide how you feel. Not wanting conflict is a terrible reason to keep things bottled up inside of you. Being honest with yourself and your partner is the best way to be true to your truth, and to them. It’s not fair, or wise, to make someone guess what’s wrong.

 

  1. Don’t blast them with the truth. Your truth might differ from their truth, so keep that in mind. A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.

 

“A person who says the truth in a way that no one will hear is just a person talking to themselves.”

— Joseph Binning

 

  1. Speak honestly, but always with the other person’s best interest in mind. Discussing tough issues can be hard enough. Don’t just tell what’s on your mind so you can make yourself feel better. Relationships die from a thousand cuts, so wield your sword carefully.

Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, Is Communication here: Communication

 

There MUST be Balance in any Relationship

If It’s Broken, Fix ItWhen two people join together, there is now twice as much work required each day. While the expression “many hands make light work” is appropriate in this situation, it doesn’t always translate into actual life. Sometimes it can mean someone now has more work to do each day than before the relationship started and can leave to resentment.

Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:

  1. Make an agreement that we will not discuss any decision that only effects the individual, but we must discuss any decision that directly effects the couple first. Don’t blindside your partner on anything.
  2. Discuss the workload BEFORE you start. There is no written rule that only one person must clean or do laundry. Common chores are a joint responsibility. Discuss this in a fair and balanced way. Overloading one person is a sure way of causing resentment.
  3. Discuss your financial responsibilities and commitments weekly. Carve out a day each week to discuss what you owe, who you owe, and how you plan to pay for it. Plan for emergencies and long-term goals. Finance is NOT the responsibility of only one person and doing so leads to resentment and doubt.
  4. Take turns setting up date night. When only one person is responsible to arrange everything, it leaves room for resentment and feelings of nonappreciation. Remember, date night is essential, especially after kids.
  5. Take care of yourself, first. Keeping your own identity is the best way of keeping yourself balanced. Taking care of what you need for you, ensures that resentment for never being able to do what you need to do for you will ever come up. Carve out YOU time and honor it.

Read my article RELATIONSHIPS-Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: RELATIONSHIPS

You MUST Maintain your Connection to Each Other

If It’s Broken, Fix ItRelationships have a way of becoming “comfortable”. This is a sign that they are getting stagnant and could implode before your eyes. Maintain you Connection to each other is remembering the Why in why you are together. The reason you are together.

Getting “comfortable” in a relationship can lead to a lack of putting in the effort and phoning it in. This can lead to resentment from your partner, which if left unchecked can lead to the end of the relationship.

Here are some ground rules to follow for best results:

 

  1. Never assume. People appreciate being asked their opinion. It shows them you value it and them. The easiest way to start a fight is to assume you know how someone feels or thinks about any subject. Checking in shows you care, so check in.
  2. Tell your partner how you feel about them every day. As people, we need to hear that we are loved. Don’t assume that actions dictate to another person you love them. We NEED to hear it. It feeds our souls so say it but mean it.
  3. Always think of the other person and how your actions will affect them BEFORE it happens. The easiest way to end a relationship is to think about you and only you. The “what about me” attitude is selfish. You will get what you give.
  4. Protect them, especially from yourself. We can be our own worst enemies in a relationship, its part of being human. Be Aware of that. If you have the choice of being kind or right, be kind.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1]

13 Experts Reveal The Best Time To Date After A Breakup/ Bibi Deitz/Bustle.com/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.bustle.com/life/178909-when-is-the-best-time-to-date-after-a-breakup-13-experts-weigh-in#:~:text=Many%20times%2C%20people%20are%20ready%20to%20start%20seriously,White%2C%20an%20author%20and%20relationship%20expert%2C%20tells%20Bustle.

[2] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20

[3] THE 3 MINDS: EMOTIONAL, RATIONAL, AND WISE/accessed 10/27/2020/ https://www.hellopeacefulmind.com/the-3-minds-emotional-rational-and-wise/#:~:text=%20There%20are%20many%20examples%20in%20which%20the,4%20Certain%20people%2C%20places%2C%20or%20events%20More%20

 

In the End All That Matters Is What You Do

Life has a funny way about it. Sometimes were up, sometimes were down. One thing is sure, we all go through stuff, but in the end all that matters is what you do with it that counts.

 

“A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”

— Hugh Downs American TV Producer

 

I always say happiness is a choice that leads to an action. External circumstances cannot provide lasting happiness. The shiny new car will bring temporary happiness until your neighbor drives up with a newer one. That new outfit will bring temporary happiness until you see someone else wearing the same outfit. That new toy will bring about temporary happiness until it breaks.

For some, happiness can be very elusive. They just can’t seem to find it, but they keep looking everywhere and everyplace. To no avail. I was like that, always looking for something to make me happy. But it never lasted. Until I figured out the happiness is an internal choice and has nothing to do with external circumstances.

Lasting happiness will never materialize in your life until you stop looking for it. Yes, that is correct, until you stop looking for it. Something will always come up that puts a damper on it. It rains on your wedding day, and you planned it outside. That new car gets a scratch in it, ouch! The new outfit fades, etc. etc., etc.

 

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The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

One way to maintain happiness is to realize that we will all go through stuff in life, that’s guaranteed. The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

I play golf every week with a set of friends for years now. It’s our way of keeping in touch with each other and getting outside to exercise. The beauty of playing golf is typically what you talk about is how well you hit your last shot, or how badly you missed it.

This week we have a 30% chance of rain on the day we are scheduled to play. Out came the message from one guy questioning if we should play or not. He sends out a message the there is a 30% chance of rain so should we take a chance and show up or cancel the game?

Back came a reply from one guy, “yes there is a 30% chance of rain but there is also a 70% chance of sunshine”. In the end all that matters is what you do. We’re showing up to play.

 

 

Far too many times people over think things. They play the what if game over and over and over until they talk themselves out of what they were thinking about doing? While analyzing your options is a smart thing to do before you do something, over analyzing something has the opposite effect that we desire for the outcome. It stops us from ever starting.

We have a choice in life, let it beat you up and make you bitter, or accept it and not allow it to damper your happiness. The choice is ours, and only we have the power to decide what the outcome will be.

So how do we choose to be happy? Im glad you asked.

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• Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.
  • Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.

We all make mistakes in life, it’s designed that way. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, failed 10,000 times before his idea worked. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times, his response was “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” [1]Had he chosen to believe that his failures made him a failure, we would all be in the dark.

Do not allow past failures (lessons) to stand in the way from you seeking your happiness. Just because it didn’t work the last time does not mean won’t.

 

 

 

  • Live with no regrets

Failure is never final because we will always fail in one way or another throughout our lives. Never regret decisions and or their outcomes. Failures are ways that did not work on your way to finding what does. When life blesses you with a lesson, never regret it.

Regrets prevent our happiness from manifesting in our daily lives. They do the opposite of being happy; they make you bitter. Trust me, bitter does not look good on you.

  • Change your perceptions of how you see things

Edison knew that failure was part of the process and understood that. He knew, just like when he learned to walk that he would fall (fail) before he walked. A lot. Just like you did. By changing the way you look at things, you can drastically improve your life.

Stop looking for an external source for your happiness. Happiness is a choice that leads to and action, that leads to a feeling. Be happy.

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• Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy
  • Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy

Far too many times people make mistakes and hang on to them. We keep them in baggage that we carry around with us from circumstance to circumstance, never letting go. We tell ourselves that we keep them around to remind us not to do something again, but it only reminds us of what won’t work.

By carrying these memories around each day, we focus on them because they are in the front of our mind. What you focus on, you get. By addressing the issue and allowing yourself to be human, forgiving yourself for the issue is easier, and liberating.

I remember a friend who counseled me on an issue that I was holding over my head and could not seem to forgive myself over. His advice was “you make a lousy god because only a god has that much power’. Forgiving yourself is the first step to allowing your happiness back into your life.

 

 

You can read my other article about forgiveness here: FORGIVENESS Is Not for the Other Person

It’s what you do with what life throws at you that matters.

Here is another article about Happiness that will help you: How to Find Happiness in Hard Times

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Goodreads.com/ Thomas A. Edison > Quotes/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3091287.Thomas_A_Edison#:~:text=Thomas%20A.%20Edison%20quotes%20Showing%201-30%20of%2057,it%27s%20dressed%20in%20overalls%20and%20looks%20like%20work%E2%80%9D

 

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You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

There Is No Right Way to Do the Wrong Thing

Building a bright future requires us to move on from the past. We must change our way of thinking. We must change our way of looking at things. We must change the way we react to things. Therefore, there is no right way to do the wrong thing.

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing themselves.

— Leo Tolstoy

We think thoughts don’t count; only what we do matters. But the Buddha said in the Dhammapada that our thoughts are the forerunner of our actions (Max Muller translation):

“All that we are results from what we have thought: it is founded on our thoughts; it is made up of our thoughts. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him, as the wheel follows the foot of the ox that draws the carriage. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.”[1]

Change starts with a thought, a notion, an inkling, or a feeling we get when we know something just isn’t right. Most of us are aware of it when these thoughts come to us. We were born with a fight-or-flight response embedded into our DNA.

Britannica defines fight-or-flight response as:

Fight-or-flight response, response to an acute threat to survival that is marked by physical changes, including nervous and endocrine changes, that prepare a human or an animal to react or to retreat. The functions of this response were first described in the early 1900s by American neurologist and physiologist Walter Bradford Cannon.[2]

This natural built in response lets us know when we are in danger and when we need to change. But change, lasting, meaningful, genuine change only happens when we stop expecting those around us to change for us, but when we change for us, to benefit them.

 

The forest was shrinking, but the trees kept voting for the axe. The axe was cleaver and convinced the trees he was one of them because it made its handle from wood.

— Turkish Proverb

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My statement that there is no right way to do the wrong thing, simply stated, is that when we expect others to change their behavior, lifestyles, ideologies, or way of thinking to satisfy our own sense of self superiority for our own selfish reasons we are not provoking change. We are provoking control over another by demanding them to change to accommodate us. To fit into our picture of what we believe they should look like.

For change to happen in your surroundings you must convince those who you wish to effect that your way is a better way. To do that one must “show” them, not tell them. Show them a better way by example. Do not do what you ask them not to do. Do not say what you ask them not to say. Do not act like you do not want them to act. Do not justify your actions and yet hold them accountable for the same.

“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”

— Teddy Roosevelt

blankOne of my favorite stories is of a mother and her child rushing about getting that last holiday season shopping done. After a long day of crowds, lines, rudeness, and loud noise, they had one last item to get.

After entering the store, the mother said to her child, “did you see the look that woman gave me?” The child, in all its innocence, said to the mother “she didn’t give you that look mommy, you’ve had it when you came in”.

 

Sometimes in life we think its others that are making our world unlivable, when in fact it is us who are doing so. Leave it to the innocence of a child to remind us of that life lesson.

You are the drivers of your own life. As you journey through it you have a choice of which paths to take, which actions to take, or not take. The people you meet along the way will influence your life and your decisions. Just remember that you remain in control and that there is no right way to do the wrong thing.

I wrote another article about change that you can read here: CHANGE WHY IT’S NECESSARY ~ AND HOW TO DO IT WELL

And here: YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN CHANGE THE FUTURE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

 

 

 

[1] Learn Religions/Buddhism: Origins and Developments/Barbara O’Brian/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.learnreligions.com/right-intention-450069

[2] Britannica.com/Fight-or-flight response/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.britannica.com/science/fight-or-flight-response

You Matter, even if you don't think so

With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities

 

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With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities

 

Relationships are a normal part of life. We all have them. Might be with your soulmate, might be with your cat, but With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities. that’s because while the human connection to people, places, and things appears to be innate, the ability to form healthy relationships we learn by what we experience in our early developmental years.

We have all heard of the parent who could not outwardly express their love to their children. Never spoke an encouraging word to them. Never consoled them when they were feeling down. Never encouraged them to chase their dreams. Struggled to show public displays of affection. Never said out loud “I Love You”.

So, it’s not surprising that as we grow, we might struggle with relationships. That we might not know that With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities.

Dictionary.com lists the definition of relationship as:

Relationship

noun

  1. a connection, association, or involvement.
  2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
  3. an emotional or other connection between people:
  4. A sexual involvement; affair.[1]

They also list the definition of responsibility as:

Responsibility

noun

  1. the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management.
  2. an instance of being responsible:
  3. a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible:
  4. a person or thing for which one is responsible:
  5. reliability or dependability, especially in meeting debts or payments.[2]

 

 

“We all have the right to be in a relationship, and a responsibility to protect it,

especially from ourselves”

— Joseph Binning

 

Read my article Five Things the Buddha taught me about Relationships here: Five Things the Buddha taught me about Relationships

In any relationship, whether or not you know it, you have rights.

You Have the Right to Be Safe

When I was younger and less aware, I Loved you because I Needed you. The correct way of being in any relationship is to Need someone because you Love them. When we Love someone because we Need them, we place our well being in their hands. We give them control of how we feel about ourselves. We put ourselves second, which is last.

When we give anyone that much power over us, we allow them to hurt us mentally, and possibly physically, which no person has the right to do to another.

In non-emotional relationships, ie: friendships, employee relationships, associations, or acquaintances we also have the right to be safe and any relationship that does not honor that should not be a part of your life.

You Have the Right to Feel Validated

Validation is one way that we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. In every relationship you have a voice. You have an opinion that matters because you matter.

When we are in any relationship and our opinion, thoughts, feelings, mental health, or person are not respected, honored, considered, appreciated, or recognized we cannot feel validation. It is just not possible.

When we allow ourselves to be in any relationship where we are not recognized, respected, and validated, we place ourselves in a position to allow another person to develop an opinion of us we believe by allowing it to happen. We also tell ourselves we do not matter, when in fact we do.

Read my article The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, is Trust here: The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, is Trust

You Have the Right to Have Your Needs Met

I know what it’s like to put everyone first and place yourself last. Imagine a person standing in front of eight thin poles about shoulder high. One at a time they attempt to spin a dinner plate on each pole to have all eight plates spinning all at once.

Now imaging the plates slowing down and becoming wobbly and falling before all eight plates are spinning and the person scrambling to add another plate on to that pole. They spend the entire time adding new plates, keeping them spinning. By the time they are done, and all the plates are spinning, they all fall and break on the ground and they are exhausted.

This is what it’s like putting everyone first. I tried to make everyone happy, and I was miserable. I felt like I was always putting another plate on a stick and trying to keep it spinning, only to have them all break.

To be healthy, you MUST see to your own needs first. You must be your own best friend. Your own champion. First. If you are in any relationship that does not allow you to meet your own needs first, to take care of you first, including your relationship with your children, it’s your own fault and you must change it.

Read my article Relationship Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: Relationship Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You

 

“If you are not good to yourself, how do you expect to be good to or for anyone else?”

— Joseph Binning

You Have the Right to Feel Valued

In every relationship you, as a person, have the right to be the person who you are, not what you are. You have the right to be valued as a person. You have the right to be valued for your uniqueness. You have the right to be valued just as you are.

Lack of a positive self-image will prevent us sometimes from leaving a terrible relationship. We think this is all we deserve. That we might not get anything better. That this is the best it can get. You are wrong.

Imagine this: look around you and see the beauty surrounding you wherever you are. The beauty of a sunset. The beauty of a flower growing. The beauty of a mountain reaching up to the heavens as if it were reaching for the stars. The beauty of the full moon on a clear night surrounded by a galaxy of stars.

Know this: even if you were the only person on this Earth, the Universe would have created all of this in all its wonder, just for you. You and just you. If you are that important to your creator how important does that make you? You are the most important person in this Universe.

If you are in any relationship where you do not feel valued as a person, leave.

Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, is Communication here: The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, is Communication

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.,

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

Joseph Binning

[1] Dictonary.com/Definitions/Relationship/Accessed 10/20/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/relationship

[2] Dictonary.com/Definitions/Responsibility/Accessed 10/20/2020/ https://www.dictionary.com/browse/responsibility